Don't Go Without Me
by CJ1027
Summary: It's the start of James Potter and Lily Evan's 7th year at Hogwarts, and Lily finally sees James as something more than just an "arrogant toerag" as they finally become something more and face the world together.
1. Looking For Evans

**_A/N: __Welcome to my story! If you are reading this, I thank you very much. To clarify, I think what I'm going to do is switch off from James's POV to Lily's POV from chapter to chapter. So this one is in James's POV, and the next chapter will be in Lily's. I hope I do them justice. The story starts at Platform 9 & 3/4 at the opening of James and Lily's 7th year. Pretty, pretty please with a cherry on top and sprinkles and fudge, review? :) Enjoy!_**

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><p><strong>(JAMES'S P.O.V.)<strong>

"Looking for Evans?"

No, Sirius. I'm looking for my Aunt Gretchen.

"What an idiotic question. Don't you know me by now?"

He slapped my back. "Better than you know yourself, mate."

We stood there on the platform, and we were pretty early 'cause Mum and Dad had to go to work. I could see a few Slytherins looking all sinister as per usual. A few Ravenclaw birds (ha, get it?) were giggling and waving at Sirius and me. A Gryffindor was talking with them too. She was the only fit one. They were fifth years, so they seemed pretty easy.

"Carly Manning has the hots for you, Prongs," Sirius pointed out. Carly was the Gryffindor.

"She's nothing special," I shrugged, uninterested.

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Just because she's not Ev-"

"Sod off, Padfoot."

"-ans doesn't mean she won't be a good first-of-the-year-snog."

"So you go for her, then," I suggested.

Sirius contemplated it for a moment before he said, "Maybe later."

I nudged him. "Come on."

We started walking around more, until we got bored (which was pretty quickly) and we leaned against a wall.

Sirius and I had spent the first few weeks of the summer doing whatever we wanted, which wasn't much. We'd get drunk off Dad's firewhiskey at least once a week, but most of the time we just played Quidditch, slept and ate. Believe it or not, the pranking habit had settled down a bit. I'm really trying to improve. Whenever I'd say that to Sirius he's just say, "Being a sodding boring prat must be the only way you'll even get a chance of getting into Evans' knickers then, eh?" I mean...how else?

No, I'm really trying my hardest to improve. But it doesn't even have to do with Lily. Okay, maybe very slightly. After Lily yelling at me and rejecting me all those times I kind of realized what a prat I've been to some people who don't deserve it. (Or as Lily would put it, me being a "bullying toerag" to the innocent). But that's not the sole reason. Not entirely, really. Mum and Dad are barely ever around anymore. They don't write when I'm in school that much either. Even on Christmas holiday they're busy. Most years I just hang back at the castle, though. Anyway, Dad's an auror. Mum works as a healer for aurors injured on the job. Dad got hurt real bad this summer. He had to take a break. He's old, ya know. But of them are. I don't even know why he's even still on the bloody force. Whatever. So Mum couldn't stick around for longer than a week to help him out. She had to go back to where she actually works. The wars getting real bad. So the amount of injuries are getting worse too. So most of the rest of the summer I was helping Dad get back on his feet. Sirius wanted to help, but I didn't really want him around, in all honesty. He spent a lot of time time with Remus and Peter. Around the last week of summer Dad went back to work. Sirius and I had a huge row but we put our differences aside. But I guess it all kind of put me into a different perspective. Shit's actually happening out there. An actual war. It was time to stop acting like a prat and grow up a bit.

So I'm changing my ways. Turning over a new leaf. Becoming a new man. Quitting the random hexing cold turkey. Except Snivellus, I'll always hex him. Even though I wasn't even hexing people that much last year anyway.

Even though in 6th year I wasn't so bad. Hell, I even improved enough for Lily to finally agree to be friends with me. It took a lot of convincing, but after a while she gave in. Honestly, who can resist me? No. She's just a really stubborn bird.

It's not like we're best mates or anything. At the beginning of 6th year she'd barely even look at me. But I wasn't even that bad then! I knew a war was going on and the whole thing already just kind of freaked me out a bit, which, weirdly, relaxed my "arrogance" I guess. I still messed up my hair every once in a while and I wouldn't stop playing with the snitch. The cooling of the over-hexing for fun seemed to be enough for Evans to start talking to me. Sometimes even laugh at my jokes. Then, eventually actually have full conversations with me. She still called me a git at the end of almost every conversation or banter. It was in the first few months of 6th year where I actually stopped hexing and pranking the socially-less-fortunate as frequently, not just to get on Lily's good side. It was after one of our first real conversations.

* * *

><p><em>She was really upset about a fight she had with her sister, Petunia, via letter. She was crying in the common room (though she always denies the crying part) and no one else was there but me. And I asked her what was wrong and without thinking she just started telling me everything and I listened intently.<em>

_And when she was done I said, "I'm sorry."_

_She laughed lightly. "For?"_

_I shrugged. "I don't have any siblings, unless you count Sirius. And though he's not my brother, I feel like he is most of the time, and I love it. Sure we may bicker, but if we ever had a big row and he hated me forever, I don't know what I'd do. So, I'm sorry."_

_She nodded, thinking._

_"But can I be honest?" I asked._

_She nodded again._

_"She sounds like a real pain in the arse. And so does her new boyfriend. What kind of name is Vernon? What's he from, the 15th century?"_

_She laughed at that. Like, really laughed. I can still hear it, like an endless echo, or my favorite song on a loop._

_"He is rather dull," she admitted._

_I smiled. "And you're anything but. And if Mr. Boring and Mrs. Boring-to-be want nothing to do with you, that's their loss."_

_She grinned slightly. "But still, she's my sister. She's family."_

_"Family is just blood. Real family has nothing to do with that."_

_"Like Sirius and you," she almost whispered._

_I nodded. "Yeah."_

_We stayed silent for a few moments. Then she suddenly touched my arm, like close to my wrist. My heart picked up speed, though it was already racing like it was in the Muggle Olympics or whatever that thing is Moony told me about. "You know," she said. "When you want, you actually can be quite nice, Potter."_

_Her hand was still on my arm when I said, "I told you I'm not all that bad."_

_Then she took her hand off me. "Well, for the record, I guess you aren't such a jerk."_

_"Toerag," I corrected her._

_She chuckled. "Right. Well...thanks. For listening." She stood up and took her letter. She started to walk away when I said, "Hey, Evans?"_

_She turned around. "Yes?"_

_"So does this mean you'll go on a date with me now?"_

_She laughed. "Goodnight, Potter," and went to her dormitory._

* * *

><p>And that's when I realized that maybe I was a complete git. None of that was who I really was anyway. I'm still trying to understand why I did it so much in the first place. I mean, it started with Snivellus, and people were impressed by amazing hexing skills. Can you blame them? And then I just started doing it for fun to impress people, I guess. I had been a star on the Quidditch team since second year and Sirius joined third year. Sirius and I both hit puberty around the beginning of fourth year, him just a month or two before me. And in fifth year I was made captain of the team. And we won every game that year. That's when I had my first shag, and so did Sirius. Not the same night though. Sadly, he was ahead of me by about a week. Sirius' was with a real slag, Jenny Stem, who's in our year but in Ravenclaw. Mine was when I was really, really drunk after our win against Slytherin in the middle of fifth year. I remember most of it. It kind of sucked though. First of all, it was with Wendy Chase, who is probably one of the best looking birds in our year, and she's a Gryffindor and she's really nice, but neither of us knew what the fuck we were doing. I mean, we were fifteen for Merlin's sake. And it was in a closet. It was pretty pathetic, but she made me a man.<p>

I wasn't that drunk just because of our win. I mean, I usually get pissed after Quidditch games all the time, but this was more than usual. It was right after the game and mind you, I wasn't even using the map. I was kind of just running around the castle all excited about my second triumph as captain, not thinking. And I was running through one of the corridors to go through one of the secret passages, prepping for a butterbeer run in Hogsmeade when I happened to stumble upon Lily snogging Patrick Miles, a 6th year on the team. I happened to be wearing the cloak so they didn't know. But I ran as fast as I could away from the situation. And I didn't know what to do. Really, I thought I was going to go back in there and kill that kid. Or kill myself. Or punch a wall. I'm not really the biggest emotional bloke, but when it comes to Evans I can't help myself. There's always been something about her, since that first day in the first year on the Hogwarts Express. The way she doesn't give a damn what other people think, about how she's so bloody nice to everyone, even people who don't deserve it, how she bites her lip and taps her fingernails against the table or desk or her book when she's nervous about something, and how she only wears her hair down on the weekend for some reason, and those green eyes that just absolutely murder me...

Look at me. I'm pathetic.

Anyway, I got totally off track there. What I was trying to say was that being a git has had its perks, but after the realization of what's going on out there, and on top of all that the conversation with Lily in 6th year, I realized that I honestly didn't care anymore. Who was I trying to impress by being an idiot? Girls? All those girls were just ways to eat up my time, to be perfectly honest. And the only girl I ever really wanted anyway was Lily.

After Sirius and I stood against the wall for a little, talking about all the things he could get away with my new position of authority, suddenly Peter and Remus appeared. Sirius hugged Remus rather violently and Remus sighed. "Hey, mates."

"Moony, my favorite furry little friend," I greeted him.

"I thought I was your favorite furry little friend," Sirius hissed.

"And I'm not little," Remus replied.

"Yeah, that's Wormtail. Sheesh, Prongs. Get with it," Sirius added.

"Hey! It's not my fault my animagus is a rat," Peter said.

"Yes it is, you idiot. You choose your animagus," Sirius laughed.

Peter just crossed his arms and we all laughed. "What time is it?" I asked.

Remus looked at his watch. "10:50."

"Want to grab a good compartment on the train?" Peter asked.

"Please," Sirius responded.

"Sorry, but I have to sit in the prefects compartment for the first half of the ride," Remus sighed.

"Damn it, I forgot about that," Sirius groaned. I laughed.

Remus turned to me. "You know you have to also, don't you?"

Oh shit. "Oh shit. I completely forgot. Ugh, can I not? Don't I get like special privileges to do whatever I want?"

"No, Prongs," Remus said quite sternly. He could be so damn serious sometimes.

"That's just cruel. What's the point of being Head Boy if I can't do whatever I please?"

Remus just rolled his eyes. "Speaking of your head position, I happened to see Lily when I-"

"Where is she?" I asked, cutting him off.

"She's down there," Remus said, pointing to where a bunch of kids in our year were. "Try not to be such a prat, all right?"

"Please, Moony. I'm an expert at being a complete gentleman to Lily. I mean, come on." I quickly messed up my hair and then said, "Boys, wish me luck."

"700th time's the charm?" Sirius said, smirking. What a git.

I started to walk hastily towards where Moony had directed me. I ignored most of the people, who were about ninety percent girls, greeting me. Finally I spotted red hair, and I could feel the adrenaline inside of me increasing. I started walking towards her when I saw her talking to the Hufflepuff prefect Dave Beckon. They started dating at the end of last year and let's just say I didn't take it well. But Remus told me they broke things off in the middle of the summer but decided to "remain friends." Remain friends my arse. That never works.

I walked up to them all cool and collected. They were engaged in a conversation about who knows what. I cleared my throat with a not so subtle, "He-hem."

Mr. I'm-Dave-and-I'm-so-cool-I-went-out-with-Lily-Evans-for-only-two-months-and-she-dumped-my-sorry-arse turned to me and looked like he was ready for the kill. Dude, you're a Hufflepuff. You don't scare me. Stupid badger. "Potter," he said.

"Yes, that is my surname. Thanks for reminding me!" I said, punching his arm like he was my best mate in the world (not bloody likely).

That's when Lily turned around, and though I may be biased (that's an understatement) she looked like a fucking goddess. Like a Veela. Is she part Veela? Man, she's smoking. Okay, so she was wearing very little makeup but all her features were enhanced. And she was wearing a purple t-shirt with a decent neckline (not revealing enough, damn) and dark blue jeans and navy sneakers. And I was honestly surprised when she smiled at me. And it was a real smile. Not one of those fake ones like everyone else gives. This was real. And she was glowing.

"Hello James," she said, still smiling.

"Hey there Lily. Is this guy bothering you?"

She rolled her eyes but her smile didn't fade. "No, but you are."

"That's a lie."

"I don't lie."

"That's what a liar would say."

"You're an idiot."

"We've been speaking for barely fifteen seconds and you already insulted me. That's harsh."

"So is life."

"Pessimistic much? I never really thought of you as a cynic," I said, not being able to control the prat smile on my face. And she was still smiling too. And Dave looked about ready to jump off the astronomy tower. Be my guest, buddy ole pal.

"I'll uh, talk to you later, Lily," Dave said really awkwardly and headed in the other direction.

"What a stick in the mud," I said.

Lily didn't reply to that, instead she said, "How was your summer?"

"Oh, you know. Nothing special. I've just been wasting the days away with hard studying in preparation for N.E.W.T.s. I'm already on the end of the year's material. You know, seventh year and all. Gotta be on top of the game!"

Lily shook her head and chuckled silently. "Oh, same here. Except I've finished all the material. Twice. So you have some competition."

Damn, she was fucking adorable. "I always have Lupin to copy off of if I'm that desperate," I said.

"You're incorrigible."

"On the contrary, my dear, I disagree with that statement. Anyway, congratulations."

"Congratulations?"

"On breaking up with Beckon! Glad you took some of your inner Gryffindor courage to chuck that guy. I'm surprised you're still even communicating with him. Oh yeah, and on being Head Girl."

Lily looked bewildered. "Wait, how do you know about that? Both of those? I didn't mention them in any of my letters to you."

"You mean the two letters you sent me and the Merlin-knows-how-many I sent you?"

"_James._"

"Remus is bad at keeping secrets."

"Or you just harassed him until he told you."

"A little bit of both."

"Well, yes, you're right. Dave and I split, but we're staying friends. And yeah, I'm Head Girl, which still makes no sense."

Makes no sense? What kind of messed up potion is she taking? I shook my head. "You're impossible."

"What?"

"You're just impossible!"

"Speak for yourself."

"I am speaking for myself. No one else is here. Merlin," I said.

Lily suddenly looked frantic, and she glanced around. Then she looked at her watch. "James, we have to get on the train!" She literally pulled me onto the train. Practically like five seconds later, the train started to slowly move.

"I cannot believe I almost missed the train because of you," Lily breathed.

"I'm sorry that my dashing good looks and hysterical sense of humor distracted you."

She slapped my arm.

"Ouch?"

"That didn't hurt?"

"Not really. You know. Biceps of steel."

She shook her head and started walking. I followed her because I had no idea where this goodie-two-shoes compartment was. Ten seconds later she whipped her head around to look me in the eye and raised an eyebrow. I opened my mouth to say something but then she said, "Don't bother," and kept walking, and I kept following. She finally stopped at a compartment and opened the door to it. I saw Moony sitting there, talking to some Ravenclaw across from him, and Lily stepped in so I stepped in too. She sat down next to Lupin but there was a small space between them so I placed myself in between them. "Potter, what are you-"

"Hey, I thought we were done with the last names," I reminded her.

* * *

><p><em>The last day of 6<em>_th__ year, I was up earlier than everyone else, or at least the other Marauders. I went down to the Great Hall for breakfast and there wasn't a lot of people there, but Lily was. I sat down across from her._

"_Hello," she mumbled._

"_Where's your boyfriend?"_

"_Sleeping, I suppose," she said, taking another bite of her waffle._

"_Where's Sirius and the rest of your lot?"_

"_Asleep," I answered. "What about you? Where's Delia and June?"_

_She shrugged. "Asleep. Why are you awake?"_

"_Why are you?"_

"_I couldn't sleep last night."_

"_Why not?"_

"_Not sure," she said, taking another bite. "I guess I'm anxious about going home tomorrow."_

"_Good anxious or bad anxious?"_

_She shrugged again. "Both, I guess. More bad anxious though."_

"_Because of Petunia?" I asked._

_She nodded. "Yeah. So why are you up?"_

"_Haven't been sleeping well the past few weeks." Because I thought maybe I'd finally have a shot with you and now you're with that git._

"_Any reason?"_

"_Not that you'd be interested in," I muttered._

_She raised an eyebrow and said, "All right then…A bit hostile, but I can see you're upset."_

"_I'm not upset."_

"_C'mon, Potter, don't-"_

"_Can you stop that?"_

_She looked confused. "Stop what?"_

"_Calling me Potter. For Merlin's sake, I'm not your enemy."_

_She looked taken aback. "I…I'm sorry? I don't… I mean, you call me Evans…you-"_

"_I can't even remember the last time I called you Evans. Maybe at the beginning of the year." And I knew I was right. After the first time Lily confessed to me everything about her and Petunia, I started calling her Lily. The whole last name thing seemed too informal._

"_I…I guess you're right. I'm sorry, Po- James…You know I don't hate you."_

"_You used to."_

"_No, I didn't, just…you've matured," she stated._

_I shrugged._

"_But, you're right. I guess…I guess you've earned the right to be called by your first name, now." She smiled at me and it made me feel great and hurt at the same time. She'd never see me any other way._

"_Well, thanks. Lily," I said._

"_You're welcome, James," she said. And that made me smile. It did._

"_So do you think we have any chance at all of winning the house cup?"_

* * *

><p>"Sorry, <em>James<em>," she said. "But what are you-"

I cut her off again with a, "Sh. You'll ruin it."

"Ruin what?"

"The look on Snivellus' face when he realizes what's going on," I said, as Snape walked into the compartment. He looked over at Lily, and then looked over at Moony, and then looked over at me. And his emotionless face altered to a look of absolute anger as he sat next to the other Slytherin prefect, Bette Ross. I stifled my laughter and I looked over at Moony who I know was holding back a grin.

Lily turned to me and whispered, "What are you _doing_ in here?"

I smiled real wide. "Oh right. I forgot one small detail. I'm Head Boy."

Lily's eyes widened. She didn't say anything, which made me laugh. "I know, hard to believe, right?"

"But- but…but how? You're not…you aren't even…prefects-"

I laughed even louder. She was so cute. "Would you stop laughing? This isn't funny!" She said, still in whisper.

"Relax, would you, Lily? I'm as shocked as you are."

"But- but it doesn't make any sense!"

I shrugged. "Don't get yourself too worked up, now. I'm sure ole Dumbledore has his reasons."

"Yeah. Lunacy," Lily responded.

"Now, now, Lily. Don't go insulting our lovely Headmaster. You wouldn't want your position revoked, now would you?"

She just crossed her arms. I laughed. "That's the spirit!"

Lupin finally spoke up. "Don't worry, Lily. James has his faults, but-"

"You mean he's full of them."

"Hey-," I tried to intervene.

"But," Remus continued. "He's going to take his job as Head Boy seriously. Right, Prongs?"

"Right Moony," I said, smirking.

Professor McGonagall came in and gave us the low down, which in all honesty I was only half-conscious during. The half the time I was conscious I was just thinking about how adorable and impossible Lily is and how her green eyes were sparkling more than usual. I didn't know if it was from not seeing them for so long or if the purple shirt just made them stand out more. And the entire time I was taking in the raspberry smell of her hair. I was completely absorbed in how our legs were practically pressed against each other.

I kept glancing over at Beckon who kept looking over at Lily and I. Yeah, be jealous, git.

Snivellus looked angrier than ever. He really needs a nose job. And a new hairstyle.

I was dozing off and almost fell asleep on Lily's shoulder like, five times. Which caused her to pinch me five times. And it really bloody hurt. Well excuse me, but it's not _my_ raspberry smelling hair that relaxes me, and it's not _my_ boring speeches about responsibilities and being role models and blahblahblah yaddayadda putting everyone to sleep! Merlin.

The only thing I heard was that after the feast and after we show all the first years and all where they go, Lily and I have a meeting with Dumbledore, which should be interesting, I think.

Once McGonagall finally left, Sirius was there almost immediately, and looked like he was about to lose it. He stepped into the compartment. "God, that was long. Being alone with Wormtail is like being alone with my Gran when she's out cold- Oh, hey Evans!" Sirius shouted as he suddenly wrapped his arms tightly around Lily and pulled her into a bear hug. She laughed. "Hello, Sirius."

Sirius finally let go of her and turned to me. "Come on, I'm starving and you're the one with the cash."

"How polite, Padfoot," said Remus.

I looked over at Lily and said, "See ya later?"

She sighed and nodded. "Don't be late."

I smiled at her and then turned to Sirius. "Ready?"

"As ready as I'll ever be," Sirius said, dragging me out of the compartment to the trolley, where I bought the whole lot. Sirius grabbed my face and kissed my cheek. "I love you," he said, and then pushed me and grabbed all the sweets. What a freak.

Remus was still talking to Lily but then he finally came over to us. We went into the compartment where Peter was. Peter and Remus decided to go change into their robes, leaving Sirius and I to ourselves with all the candy in the compartment.

"So, how was the prat convention?" Sirius asked, shoving a chocolate frog into his mouth.

I had just finished chewing an every-flavored bean. "Don't know. I was spacing out."

"You mean thinking about Evans."

"That too."

"You think she'll come around this year?" He asked. And I hated that question. And my answer was always the same.

"Doubt it."

"Don't think like that, James."

Sirius wasn't the best with these things, but he tried. "Thanks," I answered, trying to smile.

I mean, I knew she thought I was cocky and over confident, but in reality, I had no confidence when it came to Lily. Sure, we were mates now, but she didn't look at me the way I looked at her. She didn't do what the rest of the girls did around me. She never blushed or played with her hair or acted any different. And I didn't know what to think of that in all honesty.

Sirius and I changed into our robes and rejoined Remus and Peter.

The train stopped and as we were walking off, who do we bump into other than Snivellus.

I accidently (I swear, it really was an accident), bumped into his left arm, and he literally jumped five stories high.

"Whoa there," I said.

"Don't. Potter," Snape hissed. He turned away and scurried off the train.

"What do you think that was about?" Sirius asked.

"Don't know," I shrugged. We walked off the train and Hagrid was standing there talking to the first years.

"Hagrid!" Sirius shouted.

Hagrid turned to us, smiled, and nodded and continued talking to the first years. Poor bastards.

"He's busy," Remus said.

Sirius sighed and we went into a carriage. I saw Snivellus walking with his little pureblood crew (though he himself is a half-blood, as much as he would hate to admit it), Mulciber and Avery. And I saw Lily walking to a carriage with Delia Greyson and June Carter, her two best friends.

"This is our last first feast of the year at Hogwarts," said Peter.

"True," Sirius said.

"That's creepy to think about," Remus shuddered.

I didn't say anything. I stayed silent most of the ride there. I just thought about nothing. No, that's a lie. I thought about everything.

Which means Lily.

The only thing that stopped me was knowing that she probably wasn't doing the same.


	2. The Way This World Works

**_A/N: Hello, there! Thank you for reading this, first of all. Secondly, this chapter is in Lily's POV, and I hope I did her justice as well! Thirdly, seriously nothing will make me happier than reviews, so if you could just take like 3 seconds to write something that would be brill. I love you for reading this. Hope you enjoy! _**

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><p><strong>(LILY'S P.O.V.)<strong>

I don't understand the way this world works. How can you be watching the sunset and it's still light outside, and then you look away for two seconds and all the sudden it's pitch black? How can you hate someone for so many years, and then suddenly not be able to stop thinking about them? Granted, there was a gap between the hate and the feelings I'm having trouble accepting at the moment, called friendship. And it was unexpected and I still don't get how it happened. But I really did enjoy last year quite immensely and as much as I hate to admit it I know a major reason is because of my newly gained friendship.

And _maybe_ this person is the reason I broke up with my now ex-boyfriend. Just maybe. He didn't even _do_ anything besides write me those bloody letters. So many goddamn letters! And I'd read them and I'd hear his voice saying the words he had written. I could imagine where his laugh was in between words and sentences. And the places he had scratched out were horribly attempted jokes, which just made me laugh even more. I don't know if it was his absence from my daily life that made these stupid feelings grow or they were always there and I just hid them away. And I think about all the times I felt that pit in my stomach or my heart racing and I just ignored it because it was stupid. How I'd realized he was the only person I had my eyes on during Quidditch matches, and how I'd feel a strange feeling if he wasn't sitting behind me in Potions, trying to copy off of me, and ditching instead. And how he used to ask me out all the time and then he just stopped, and every day, in the back of my mind, I was waiting for him to ask again. Even if it was just a joke. I _wanted_ him to. And when I realized how much emptiness I felt for Dave Beckon and how I felt so much for some one else, some idiotic prat, I made a wise decision to try to keep _away_ from him that prat. Be nice and be cordial and don't do anything stupid.

And then he came up to me on the platform and I forgot my number one rule already. Completely just out the window.

And nevertheless, while I have been given the position of Head Girl, which is the most likely the dumbest decision Dumbledore has ever made, just my luck, who else is to be Head Boy but the one person I'm trying to avoid?

James bloody Potter.

I'm going to have to go meetings with him and do rounds with him and coordinate things with him and just…why, God? What did I do to deserve this? To deserve a perfectly handsome and attractive bloke who I may or may not have slight feelings for be around me at all times when all I want to do is get away from him? I'm a good girl! I'm not a slag, I'm not a cheater; I'm a goodhearted person all around. And you put me up with _this._

I mean, really? Why?

He always seems to be there at the worst possible times. And that's when I think these unnecessary feelings started to really blossom, though, the dimwitted idiot I am, I ignored it.

James had already known about the whole Petunia situation, because for some strange reason I spilled my heart out to him about it, even before I liked him as just a mate. So right after Christmas holidays, after the whole thing with Remus, after he interrogated me like there was no tomorrow and, man, I've never seen him so worried about anything in my life, asking me a thousand times if I was okay, we kind of stayed up most of that night talking. And we ended up back on the Petunia situation. And I started telling him more about it and everything that's happened between us. And then…I mean, I don't know what came over me, but I started crying, like, really hard. Like, pretty much sobbing.

I can't help it. I'm sensitive.

So I started crying and then James wrapped his arms around me and let me cry against his jumper on the Gryffindor common room couch for who knows how long, and the last thing I remember before falling asleep was me crying and James stroking my hair and rubbing my back and holding me tight. And when I got tired of crying all I remember doing was clutching to James's jumper and closing my eyes and not thinking about anything except how James smelled really nice but I couldn't pinpoint the scent, though it was along the lines of freshly baked apple pie and cinnamon. And I don't remember feeling James move from out of me but when I woke up I had a Gryffindor blanket on me with a note that said "Didn't completely abandon you. I fell asleep too. Woke up around 5am. Thought it'd be best if I went back to my dormitory. I'm sorry. Hope you're okay. –JP." And I wasn't angry and I wasn't annoyed but I felt rather comforted and complete and cared for and I loved every bit of that feeling. And when he asked me that day if I was okay I said yes and smiled and thanked him and I kept thinking about his arms around me and his jumper and I told myself I was just thankful and it was nothing else, but I always knew I was wrong.

So now I have no choice but to be stuck with him when all I want to do is be away from him. And normally I am very good with self-control, I am, but when it comes to him I just forget everything and I don't know why I just do! I don't know why but there's something about him that's just so nice and comforting and yeah he used to be an arrogant bullying toerag but he hasn't really hexed anyone that I can remember in like, forever, and I can't help but think about him and it needs to stop. His adorably messed up hair and his hazel eyes and his smile that makes him like the most handsome bloke to ever walk this earth and the birthmark he has on his neck and how he hums to himself in class when we're doing work and…

"_Lily_," June, one of my best friends, called me.

I've been pulled out of my trance. "Hm?"

"What's on your mind that you can't pay attention to my story for five seconds?"

"Wha…what? Oh, it's nothing…nothing…" I mumbled and then looked down at my hands in my lap. Then I looked back at her. "Sorry. You were saying?"

She sighed. "Noel and I wrote to each other this summer."

First thing I thought about was James. And his bloody letters. Oh brother.

"Really? That's nice! Do you like him, or?"

"Oh, she fancies him, all right," said Delia, our other best friend. "And he fancies her. For sure."

"That's brilliant!"

"No," June said. "It's not."

"Why not?" I asked.

"Because," Delia said. "He doesn't read for fun and he doesn't have a life goal _and_ he's a Hufflepuff."

"Seriously, June? I went out with Dave and he's a Hufflepuff. It doesn't really matter."

"Yeah, and you _broke up with him_."

"Not because he was a Hufflepuff!"

"So why, then?" Delia asked.

I rolled my eyes. Psh. Like I'd tell them the whole real reason. Even if they were my best mates. "Just decided it'd be better if we were friends." And that was true.

"That's it?" Delia asked.

"I thought you really fancied him, Lil," said June.

"_He_ really fancied _me_. But can we just drop this?"

They both sighed and exchanged a look. "What?" I asked.

"Nothing, nothing," said June, putting her light blonde hair up in a ponytail.

"Lily's right. Let's get back to the matter at hand. So June won't go out with Noel Johnson because he isn't mister perfect. And she's a dumb blonde."

"Blondes are not _dumb_. You're so prejudice."

"You know, June, I think you should give up on this Prince Charming stuff. You're never going to find someone that you have absolutely nothing to not like about. That's just the fact of life," Delia said.

"Yeah, says the girl who breaks up with her boyfriend every other week," June mumbled.

Delia opened her mouth to retort but I said something before she could. "June, this isn't about Delia and her relationship problems with Michael. You wanted to talk about Noel, so we're talking about him. He could still be your so-called 'prince charming,' just don't put him on such a high standard. He's human. Even princes have flaws."

June crossed her arms and said, "Fine. _Maybe_ you're right. But still, I don't know how this whole thing is gonna turn out anyway."

"I do. By the end of the week, you guys will have already snogged at least once. In a broom cupboard."

"Delia!" I said, laughing.

"You know I'm right," she said. "June, I love you, but we all know that you're a not-so-secret slag."

"She's got a point."

"I hate you guys," June groaned.

We finally arrived at the castle and as we were walking someone tapped me on the shoulder. June and Delia continued to walk. My heartbeat picked up speed because I suspected it was Potter, but I turned around to see someone else.

"Lily," Severus whispered.

I looked at him blankly and turned back around and walked. He followed. "Lily, you have to listen to me."

"Sev, go _away_."

He grabbed my arm. "Just _listen_ for one _second_ and then you can go on pretending I don't exist," he muttered.

I looked around and said quietly, "Fine. But it better not be about how you're _sorry_ or how bloody angry you are that James Potter is Head Boy or-"

"_Lily_," he hissed. "Listen to me. I just wanted to…to warn you."

"Warn me? About what?" What was he playing at?

"Just…just stay safe. And be on extra look out for things around you that can be dangerous. Please."

I didn't know what that meant, except that Sev was risking his neck not only by telling me dangerous things are going to happen, but by him being involved in them. How else would he know?

"I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself, thank you very much," I said, and continued walking.

He continued to follow. "Please, Lily."

"Okay," I said, and walked faster, trying to catch up to my friends. And I didn't turn around.

When I caught up to them, they were walking alongside other people. And by other people, I mean their boyfriends and potential boyfriends. Michael Nodan had an arm around Delia's shoulder and she had an arm around his waist. He kept stroking her auburn colored hair and they were whispering in each other's ears and giggling. I know, gross. Don't worry, they'll probably break up by breakfast tomorrow. June was continuously playing with her hair as Noel Johnson told her some story about him and his Dad at a Quidditch match.

So, the loner I am, I walked slowly to the castle by myself. And I didn't really mind it, to be honest. It was my last time walking into Hogwarts for the first time. My last year here. And I was scared. But I had to be brave. For myself.

I didn't really think about much. I mostly just zoned out. When I got inside, James was standing there, alone as well. I tried to avoid his gaze, but his hazel eyes were staring right at me, and I couldn't help but stare right back. As I approached him, he grinned and said, "Lily."

I nodded at him and continued to walk. He followed me, as usual. As we got to the Great Hall I could see Sirius, Remus, and Peter already taking their seats at the Gryffindor table with Delia and June. Wendy Chase and Kimberly Farro, the other two Gryffindor girls in our year, were already sitting there too.

"Lily," James said again.

"James," I replied.

"What was Snape saying to you before?"

I turned around to him. "Excuse me?"

"Look, I know that you and Snivellus used to be best mates, but things have changed. It isn't a silly little game anymore. Him and his friends…they're up to something. Look, on the train, I bumped into him and-"

"I'm sure that's what happened," I said sarcastically.

"It _is._ I didn't hex him or anything, I swear! I just bumped into him and he acted like I put the Cruciatus Curse on him or something. I just want to know if he said anything to you that-"

"I don't think that's any of your business, Potter," I said.

He rolled his eyes and muttered, "Again with the last names..." He sighed. "I'm just worried about you-"

"Why doesn't anyone think I'm capable of taking care of myself?" But _he was worried about me._ And then I felt bad about attacking him like that. "Sorry," I said.

He shook his head. "No, no, you're right. You are. I'm just stupid. Don't mind me. Forget it," he said, and there was an edge in his voice. He walked to the table and sat next to Sirius who was sitting across from June, and they were talking. I sighed and placed myself in between Remus and June.

He was worried about me. Bloody hell.

I looked at him listening to Sirius and June's conversation, and it was hard to tell whether he was just uninterested in what they were saying, though I doubt that's the case because they were discussing Quidditch, or if it was that he was upset with how I responded to him worrying about me…

But what was there to be worried about? I mean…

No, he's right.

Everything.

See, we are in the midst of a war. And it's going to get worse. Lord Voldemort is rising to power quicker than ever before and those in denial are going almost as quickly as the muggleborns and blood-traitors.

And being a muggleborn is just like screaming out, HEY! I'M DIFFERENT! KILL ME BECAUSE I'M IMPURE LIKE YOU ALL MIGHTY PUREBLOODS!

Which is all utter rubbish, by the way.

And, Sev _did_ just try to warn me. But what was going on? Would they try to kill people in school? Mulciber? Avery? Rosier? Would they actually try to kill in school? Could Dumbledore stop him? Does he even know about it? Of course he knows. He's Dumbledore. Him and the Order of the Phoenix know everything. I want to join them after school. I really do. I'd rather be out fighting and making a difference than just hiding all my life. They'll find me either way. They always do.

"Exactly!" shouted Sirius. "He was rubbish anyway. We'll find a good replacement for him. Won't we, Prongs?"

"What?" James asked, dazed.

"Are you all right?" asked Sirius.

"Yeah, yeah. I'm fine," he said, glancing at me shortly. "Sorry. What were you saying?" he said as he turned back to Sirius.

"We were agreeing on the fact that Patrick Miles was a rubbish beater anyway, and we'll find a better one, I'm sure," said June.

"And _I_ have just as much say as you do in who the new beater is," Sirius added.

"And why is that? I'm the captain!" James responded.

"Because _I, _my dear James, am the star beater of the team, and I refuse to work with someone as thick as Miles was. So you need my approval," Sirius said with pride.

"No," James said.

"Why bloody not?"

"Because, you're a horrible judge of character."

"I'm _your_ best friend."

"Exactly," James said.

"What do you think, Lil?" June asked.

"About…" Even though I knew what she was asking. I just didn't really want to answer. Not with James around.

"Do you ever listen to me?" she snapped.

"Only sometimes," I reassured her.

Sirius chuckled. "About that bloke you were snogging in fifth year being rubbish at Quidditch and me clearly surpassing him in not only looks but in skills as a beater."

I rolled my eyes. "In all honesty, he wasn't so brilliant at Quidditch, I'll admit. But he was very handsome and a nice boyfriend."

"Doubtful. He was such a prat," Sirius said.

I looked over at James, who was looking rather uncomfortable, fiddling his thumbs and looking down at them.

"Well, anyway," said June. "We also need a new keeper. And it's always really bloody difficult to find a decent one."

"Thanks for the pressure, mates," James said.

"No problem, Captain!" Sirius exclaimed.

McGonagall finally started to quiet everyone down for the sorting. I don't know if it's just my nerves taking over me or if it was an actual reality, but it seemed to me that there were more Slytherins sorted than usual. Which really scared me. But every time a first year was sorted into Gryffindor we'd cheer and clap and that's always fun. When the sorting was over, Dumbledore said his classic, "Let the feast begin," and we all dug in like we were on the brink of dying from starvation.

I ate pretty quickly and didn't really talk to anyone except June and Delia a little. I glanced over from time to time to James, who was still talking to Sirius about the open Quidditch positions. Remus and Peter both tried changing the topic at least five different times and failed, which made me laugh. But on the sixth time, Remus mentioned the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, Professor Neil Jenkins. They ended up trying to figure out which way he would get fired.

"Sleeps on the job," Peter said.

"Secretly a vampire," said Sirius.

"Death Eater," said James.

"He doesn't look like one," said Peter.

James shrugged. "I stand by my decision."

Remus rolled his eyes. "Doesn't get fired. Quits."

"Why?" asked James.

"Because of us," said Sirius.

"Because of us," agreed Peter.

"Going on a mission for Voldemort," said James.

"He's not a Death Eater!" said Remus.

"We shall see, my friend. We shall see that I, the genius that I am, will be victorious as always in my completely accurate predictions," James said smugly.

I had just finished eating when Remus rolled his eyes and Sirius said, "What do you think, Evans?"

I took a good look at Professor Jenkins. He had dark hair and a scruffy beard. He was tall and lanky and was wearing all black. He had really dark eyes with barely any emotion. So I said, "I agree with James. Death Eater, for sure."

I have no clue what I was doing or thinking, but I looked over at James, who was grinning from ear to ear, and I flashed him a smile back.

"See, Moony. If Lily thinks so it must be true."

Remus looked at me and I shrugged. "You never know," I said.

Dumbledore quieted everyone down and gave the usual low down about first years following prefects and passwords and all that fun stuff. The fifth year prefects took the first years to their dormitories. I started walking with June (Delia was already snogging Michael somewhere) to our dormitory. James tapped me on the shoulder and said, "Don't we have the meeting with Dumbledore?"

I looked at my watch. "Yes, but not for another thirty minutes. I want to get settled in my room first."

"Oh, okay," James said lowly.

"I'll meet you at the entrance to Dumbledore's office then?"

"Yeah," he replied with a crooked grin.

"Brilliant. See you," I said, and kept walking with June.

June was looking at me with some weird expression. I couldn't tell if it was of confusion or of anger or of disappointment. But it made no sense. "Uh, June? What is it?"

She shook her head. "You're daft, Lily Evans," she laughed.

What in sodding hell was she talking about? Me? Daft? Psh. Says the girl who can't do a single essay without pleading for my help. "I happen to be Head Girl, Ms. Carter, and, correct me if I am mistaken, Head Girls are never anything but brilliant and perfect beings of this Earth."

"Dumbledore's just gone daft himself this year," she replied.

"You're a horrid mate."

"I'm truthful."

"So just lie to me. Or at least sparkle up the truth a bit."

"Fine," she sighed. "Lily, you are completely brilliant and no one can ever top you in anything in this life. Your…blazing red hair-"

"Blazing?"

"-symbolizes your fierceness. Your dazzling green eyes-"

"Dazzling?"

"-takes everyone's breath away. You're the top of every class-"

"Well, I wouldn't say every class-"

"Lily!" June shouted, laughing.

"What?"

"Quit interrupting!"

"Merlin, June. I wasn't asking for a Shakespearean _sonnet_-"

"A what?"

I chuckled. "I missed you," I said.

She smiled. "Yeah, I kind of missed you too. And it looks like we're both going to have to miss Delia for just a little bit longer."

"Eh, we can manage," I answered.

When we got to our dormitory, I didn't really unpack or anything, but instead I laid down on my bed and read one of my Muggle plays, _Romeo & Juliet_ by Shakespeare, which I've read, like, 4 times, but still.

After finishing Act I, it was five minutes to the meeting, so I rushed out of our room and ran to Dumbledore's office. James was already there, waiting.

"You're late," he smirked.

"No, I am not. My timing has never been more impeccable."

He simultaneously dropped his head and shook it. He licked his lips and then looked back at me, but he wasn't smiling this time. He looked kind of upset or something. I felt that rush of guilt take over and I said, "I'm really sorry."

He raised an eyebrow. "You didn't do anything."

"Yes, I did. I snapped at you before. And I shouldn't have. Your intentions were in the right place…I was just being stupid."

"You could never be stupid," he replied.

I rolled my eyes. "Please. Have you _seen_ me in Divination? Thank Merlin I'm not taking it this year," I said. "Cherry pop," I declared, and the office's entrance opened.

I walked in and James followed. When we got to his desk, he was sitting there, writing something.

"Er, Professor?" said James.

"Sit, sit," Dumbledore said softly, still writing.

James and I looked at each other. I shrugged and sat down, and so did he. We waited a few more moments and Dumbledore put down his quill and looked up at us.

"Hello, Mr. Potter. Ms. Evans. How was the feast?"

"Brilliant, as always, sir," said James.

"Fantastic," I said.

He smiled faintly. "Good, good. I just wanted to inform you of a few things before the year gets started. I am assuming you know the seriousness of what is happening in the world outside of school, correct?"

"Yes," James and I both replied simultaneously.

"Very well, then. So as you know, Lord Voldemort recruits wizards and witches to be his so-called 'Death Eaters,' and become his servants. Now, if I am not mistaken, recently, Lord Voldemort has either been or has the idea of selecting wizards who are near to or have just become of age to use magic outside of school to join him."

"So you mean students, then? Sir?" James inquired.

Dumbledore sighed. "I am afraid so, James. Though I am not quite sure whether it has already happened or is going to happen in the near future. Lord Voldemort is very aware of the fact that there are young witches and wizards who like what he is doing and are willing to join him."

"But, why? Why would they want to join him, professor?" I asked.

Dumbledore stayed silent for a moment, and before I could say anything else, he answered. "The idea of power has a very strong impact on the human mind. We strive for it, though some of us try to achieve it in different ways then others. It seems to most people that the easiest way to reach this goal is to disregard morals and do what you think is best for you. The concept of power is one of mankind's biggest weaknesses. These people, these Death Eaters…they want power, Lily. And Lord Voldemort is the one with that right now."

"But in the end Voldemort will probably just use them for whatever he needs and then finish them off! W-won't he?" I said wearily.

"In all likelihood, yes. Unless they prove themselves worthy enough. That's where the power comes into play."

James spoke up. "So you think there are students here that have already joined Voldemort?"

"Like I said, I am not completely certain, though I do have a feeling. Now, you may be wondering what this has to do with you. Am I correct?"

James and I both nodded.

"Well, James, I am assuming you have a question for me. Irrelative to the situation we were just discussing."

"Why was I chosen to be Head Boy?" James automatically asked.

"Ah, there it is. Why don't you tell me?"

"Uh…" James hesitated.

"Think of why I am asking you this after what we just spoke about."

James nodded. "Because it is my ambition to be an auror. Like my dad."

"Not entirely, but that is part of the reason why. Although, I do not know if you realize that you also have earned the position. You excel phenomenally in Defense Against the Dark Arts and Transfiguration, and you are among the top students of almost all your classes as well. However, I think you and Lily both have the intellect, courage, and hearts to do what's best and be able to watch over things that may be going on extra carefully with the responsibilities these Head positions give you. Do you understand?" asked Dumbledore.

"Yes, sir," James answered. "Thank you."

I didn't say anything. I was trying to grasp it all. Was I only Head Girl because I wanted to be an auror, while most girls in our year wanted to be everything but?

"Lily," Dumbledore said.

"Sorry, sir. Yes, I understand."

Dumbledore looked at me for a few seconds before he said, "Lily, please do not think that the reason I chose you for Head Girl was solely because of you and Mr. Potter's career ambitions. Surely you know how much of an extraordinary young lady and student you are."

I really didn't know though. I was anything but extraordinary. I was ordinary. Teachers liked me and I did well on all my work but so did a lot of others in our grade. I wasn't as pretty as Wendy Chase, and I wasn't as smart as Remus, and I wasn't as heroic as James, and I wasn't as funny as Sirius, and I wasn't as good in potions as Sev, and I was just never the best. And that's the worst feeling. You know you're good, but not good enough. That just makes you feel like the worst.

I nodded, though I could see in his old eyes that he knew I didn't mean it. He nodded back and replied, "Well, now that everything is settled, you can go back to your dorms if you wish."

James and I stood up. "Thank you," I said softly, and James nodded at Dumbledore before he picked his quill back up and continued to write. And right before the door closed, I heard Dumbledore say, "Goodnight."

James and I walked most of the way back in silence. He had his hands in the pockets of his robes and I kept seeing from the corner of my eye him glancing at me. When we reached the staircase he stopped me and said, "Lily, what's the matter?"

How does he _always_ know when I'm upset? And why? Can't he just leave me alone? Because I need yet _another_ reason to fall into his arms and let him hold me while I cry? No. I can't.

"Nothing, it's nothing," I whispered.

"Lily," he said simply.

"It's fine, it's nothing. Everything's great," I said, trying to hide my natural sarcasm, as I started walking up the stairs.

"That's bullshit, Lily. You're quite easy to read when you're upset."

"I am not-"

"Yes you _are_. And I think I have an idea of what it's about," he said.

"So, good for you. Don't ask me if you know and just let it be."

He rolled his eyes, but didn't speak until we got to the top of the steps. "Lily, you were chosen to be Head Girl because you _deserve_ to be. How do you not see that?"

"James-"

"You are the top of every class, you've almost never gotten in trouble, every single professor absolutely adores you…you're brilliant. How come you're the only one who doesn't get that?"

"But-"

"So what that you want to be an auror? That has nothing to do with why you were chosen for it. That has to do with me. If anyone should be questioning why they have a Head position, it should be _me._ Because Merlin knows that I'm far from eligible for this job."

I sighed. We got to the Portrait hole and James muttered the password "argentum gladio." We walked into the Common Room and I attempted to speak again.

"James, that's not…"

"It is. And it doesn't even bother me. Because at least I'm seen as worth _something_. You know?"

"Yeah, but everybody sees you as worth something. You're the star of the Quidditch team and you and your friends are the funniest blokes in the school and you're always there to save the day. You're the hero. I'm just the damsel in distress. Head Boy and Head Girl. It's like we're _both_ supposed to be these…these superstars of the school or something, with like, superpowers besides what we are able to do as magic folk anyway…Like, Superman and Wonder Woman. You know who they are? 'Course you do. So, like that. But I'm not good enough for that. I'm just…invisible. And Wonder Woman doesn't even have the power of invisibility," I blabbered. I had the tendency to do that.

He shook his head, snickering, at first. And then he looked at me very seriously and said, "Invisible? Well, you're all I see. Maybe you were right about me and those extra superpowers."

I grinned. I couldn't help it. I don't get how he does sweet and funny at the same time but he does. And God damn him for it.

"I'm going to go to my room. But…you underestimate yourself. You really do, Lily. You say you're invisible? Open your eyes. You're not," he said, and then he started towards the stairs towards his dormitory.

"Wait," I said.

He turned around. And I didn't know why I even said wait. Stupid mouth. Did I want him to stay? Yes. But no, I don't. I don't I don't I don't.

"Goodnight," I said. Stupid.

He smiled. "G'night, Wonder Woman," and walked up to his room.

I walked to my dormitory and heard his words replaying in my head.

_You were chosen to be Head Girl because you deserve to be…_

_You're brilliant…_

_Invisible? Well, you're all I see…_

_You underestimate yourself…_

Get out of my head, James. Get out. As if don't have enough problems already.

"Hey, Lil," June greeted me when I walked in.

"How'd the meeting go?" Delia asked.

"It was…fine. How was your snog fest?"

June laughed. Delia snorted. "It was delightful, thank you very much for your concern."

I looked around the room. "Uh, where are Wendy and Kim?"

"Probably off shagging some desperate blokes," Delia replied.

June was about to say something but I stopped her. "Don't. Neither of you have a right to talk about what other girls do with blokes."

"Hey, Noel and I haven't even snogged. We're not even together-"

"Yet," Delia finished for her, smiling. "Give it a day or two."

"Why are you so confident that it's going to happen?"

"Because I know you, June. And I know he's been dying to ask you out for ages. And we both know there's no way in hell you're going to reject him. Aren't I right, Lily?" Delia asked.

I rolled my eyes. "No comment…"

"No comment means 'yes, but I'm too nice to say anything to June's face,'" said Delia.

"No, it just means no comment," I answered.

"Okay, sure. Anyway, June. You better say yes to him anyway. I don't care about your stupid criteria for the perfect guy. Just go with it."

June looked at me for my support, but I said, "Kind of agree with Delia on this one, June…"

June groaned and put her face against her pillow. "I'm going to sleep."

"Yeah, I'm pretty tired as well," Delia said as she got under her covers.

I opened up my trunk and started unpacking tiredly. When I was finished, I laid in my bed and tried hard not to think. That didn't really work though, because no matter how hard I tried I just kept seeing his face and hearing his voice.

_Invisible? Well, you're all I see…_

Over and over and over again. What did that even mean? Does he still fancy me? Do I want him to? Of course I don't. Because I don't want to fancy him. Why can't we just be mates? I mean, the physical attraction will die down. That's probably all it is anyway.

Just…

UGH.

I eventually fell asleep after replaying our conversation a countless amount of times in my head. I woke up angry with myself because he was the first thing I thought of when I opened my eyes. Which was so utterly stupid and cliché, which made me detest it more.

When I had woken up, June and Delia were not in the dormitory. Wendy was getting dressed and Kim was still in bed. I quickly got washed up, changed, put my hair up, and left the dormitory.

I went to the Great Hall alone and at the entrance was Professor McGonagall, who handed me my schedule. I read it as I walked to the table slowly. I suddenly bumped into someone.

"Oh, I'm sorry," I said before I looked up. It was Dave. "Oh, hi."

"Hey, Lily. How was your first night back?"

"It was nice. And yours?"

He shrugged. "Nothing special."

And then came the awkward silence. The awkward silence is like the best friend of conversations between exes. They're stuck together like glue.

"So…I think Gryffindors and Hufflepuffs have Divination together today."

"I don't take Divination."

"Oh."

Yeah. Oh. What a fantastic response.

"So I guess I'll see you around?" I asked and attempted a smile.

"Uh, yeah, sure. Great. See you, Lily," he said, and walked away.

I felt kind of bad because he really was a nice guy but I really didn't see anything in him. I did fancy him a bit when we first started dating, or at least I thought I did. I fancied someone else, though I denied it, and Dave is a nice, attractive, smart boy who liked me and I thought, why not? But the answer to that was answered when I kept thinking of someone else instead of my own boyfriend.

And those bloody letters.

Which I may or may not reread from time to time…

I think I should go to the hospital wing. Or St. Mungos. I am incurably mentally ill and I need help.

I sat down at the table across from Delia and June, where Delia automatically said, "Dave still fancies you."

"I haven't noticed," I said sarcastically, filling my plate with a waffles. I started to cut it up and couldn't find the syrup. I noticed June drowning her cereal in it. "June, I know you have some strange addiction to syrup and put it on everything, but do you think you can spare some for my waffles?"

She rolled her eyes. "Only for you," she said, and handed it to me.

"Thanks, mate," I said, and started drowning my own waffles in it.

"That's enough!" June said, snatching it out of my hands. I chuckled.

"Are you going to get back together with him?" Delia asked.

"Nah," I replied, taking a bite of my waffles.

"Why not?" June asked.

Because I'm in….because I fancy…a lot…because….UGH.

"He's just not for me," I said cooly.

"Okay, sure," Delia said, seemingly annoyed.

"What?"

She didn't respond except with a smile. "What?" I asked again. Suddenly, someone took a seat on top of the table right next to my waffles.

Great.

"Hey, Lily," James said with a grin.

I breathed. "Hello," I said, and cut up another piece of my waffles.

"Good morning, June, Delia," James said, and then turned back to me. "Ooh, waffles," he said, taking my fork and picking up a piece and shoving it into his mouth.

"Hey!" I said, slapping his knee. "Get your own."

"I did get my own. Off your plate," he said proudly. Then he picked up my schedule.

"You're taking _Ancient Runes?_ Why?"

"It's interesting!" I defended the subject, trying to take my schedule back but he was holding it up too high.

"Well, that's the only subject you have that I don't. This year's going to be loads of fun," he said, taking another piece of my waffles.

I was going to kill this kid.

"Even my free periods?"

"Yep. Remember? We both aren't taking Divination."

Bloody brilliant. "Oh, right. May I have my schedule back now?"

"No need, Ms. Evans. We have the same schedule today, so there is no need for such thing, because I can direct and escort you to all of your classes."

I nicked it from his hands. "No need, Mr. Potter. I can take care of myself, thank you very much."

He rolled his eyes. "You love saying that. Get new material." He took yet another piece of my waffles and then said with a stuffed mouth, "See ya," and put my fork back down on my plate and jumped off the table.

"Git," I turned and yelled at him. He turned around, laughing. And then, stupid me, I started laughing too. And I watched him walk away. Because I'm a girl, and I do stupid things like that. Stupid stupid stupid.

When I turned back around, Delia was smiling like she was just told she won the lottery. "What?" I asked.

"Oh, nothing, nothing…."

Her and June shared a look and then looked down at their plates and continued eating.

Did they know? Did they know I liked James? Shit.

Was I that obvious? No I wasn't. Did they see the letters? Did they hear our conversation last night somehow? Could they just tell? Was it like, a best mate instinct or something?

Bloody hell.

We went to the first class of the day, which was Defense Against The Dark Arts with Ravenclaws. The Death Eater looking professor had a brilliant idea of practicing dueling first.

Professor Jenkins spoke in a very monotone voice with barely any expressions. "Welcome, class, to your first lesson of the year. We are going to duel first, just so I can see what level each of you are at. Pick a partner to duel with from either your own house or the other."

Delia was already with Michael, so June and I decided to partner up. June wasn't the best at dueling, so I might have to go easy on her. But I won't. Majority of the people picked from their own house, but a few picked from the other.

"Okay, now that we all have our partners, who would like to go first?" asked Professor Jenkins.

Suddenly, both Sirius and James jumped on the dueling platform. "Ready, Prongs?" said Sirius.

"Ready, Padfoot," James said. They shook hands first, then drew out their wands. They bowed, and walked opposite ways. I looked at Professor Jenkins, who looked rather annoyed with them already. Typical.

"On my mark," the professor said. "One, two, three-"

"Petrificus Totalus!" shouted Sirius.

"Flipendo!" shouted James.

James dodged Sirius' curse but James's curse hit Sirius, and he got completely knocked over. He stood up, licking his lips. "Levicorpus!"

Suddenly, James hung in the air by his ankle, but he was still holding his wand. He pointed it at Sirius and shouted "Stupefy!"

Sirius became stunned. James muttered a counter curse and let himself down. Then he pointed his wand at Sirius who started to back away. "Incendio!"

Flames appeared in between them. Sirius pointed his wand at the fire. "Aguamente!" he shouted, and water spurted out his wand and put out the fire. Before he could do anything else, James shouted, "Expelliarmus!" and Sirius' wand went flying across the room.

"Tosser," Sirius spat, as he went to pick up his wand.

The class clapped and cheered and James was totally loving it. I couldn't help but laugh, and I clapped myself. He looked over at me and smiled, to which I rolled my eyes but continued to laugh.

Professor Jenkins spoke. "Er, that was very good. What is your name, sir?"

"James Potter," he said.

"Well, Mr. Potter, that was quite a good, er, demonstration you and your friend made, there. Ten points to Gryffindor. What is your name?" he asked to Sirius, who was walking over.

"Sirius Black," he responded.

"Well, then. Good work, to the both of you. You make quite a team."

"We know," they answered at the same time. Sirius punched James arm as he jumped off the dueling platform. He walked over to Remus and Peter. James jumped off after, right next to where I was standing.

"Pretty good, eh?"

"Not bad," I responded. "I'm still not so fond of that Levicorpus spell."

"Hey, Sirius used it, not me."

"All the same," I said. "I still don't like it."

He shrugged. "Understandable, I guess."

"You're pretty good at guessing, then. Also, I still stand by your decision of Professor Jenkins being a Death Eater. I mean, look at him! He has no emotions what so ever. Only someone like that could work for Voldemort," I whispered.

I looked at James, whose face seemed to suddenly be full of life. "I knew you were a smart bird, Evans. Crazy, but smart too."

"Hey, hey, I thought we were done with the last names, no?"

And then he smiled, that earth shattering, heart-crushing smile. His hazel eyes lit up as a grin painted across his face. It was absolutely endearing. The kind of smile that made him look like he was the sweetest bloke alive, the kind of smile that physically took my breath away and made my stomach drop. Damn it.

"Sorry, _Lily._ My mistake," he said, and I could still imagine him grinning as he walked away.

I didn't even bother to look at June because I was nervous to see if she'd have that stupid look on her face or not like she did this morning after I conversed with dear ole James. So instead I just thought about a bunch of spells I could use to catch June off guard while dueling with her.

June and I were the fourth pair to go, and, as modestly as I could put it, I destroyed her. She was quite embarrassed and lectured me about how I should go easy on her and I told her I did which is true but…ya know. Whatever.

Anyway, Delia beat Michael (which I'm sure he let happen), Remus beat Peter (typical), Kim beat some Ravenclaw bloke (guess that's who she was snogging), and Wendy lost to some Ravenclaw mate of hers. And the other Ravenclaws…I wasn't really paying too close attention to.

Let's not discuss what I was daydreaming about. Because it's obvious and it doesn't need to be said out loud. So…hmph.

The rest of the first day back was all right, I suppose. There was Herbology, which is usually a bore but I'm pretty good at it, so that was fine. Then there was History of Magic, which is fascinating to me still, being of Muggle background, though most half and pure bloods find it a bore. Lunch was normal. Then we had Transfiguration, which is not my _best_ subject but I'm not awful at it. James is like McGonagall's pet in that class though, I swear. She'll give him as many detentions as she pleases any other time, but when it comes to Transfiguration (and Quidditch), she goes all soft on him. And McGonagall barely ever goes soft.

The last "class" of the day wasn't really a class. It was a free period, for me. And James. Just my luck! (Can you feel the sarcasm?) Because I just need a whole period free where he is free as well. Luckily, my lovely professors have all already assigned homework and essays. Marvelous! Right? Don't you love school?

So after Transfiguration, I ran off to the library with all my books and such. I had to write a short essay on the use of Mandrakes for Herbology, I had to do a sheet for Defense on counter curses, read ten pages of the textbook for History of Magic, and I had to read twenty pages for Transfiguration. Brilliant. I decided to do the Defense sheet first and get it over with. It was a piece of cake. I was almost done with my essay when I was so rudely interrupted by the exact person I wanted to be interrupted by yet didn't at the same time.

"I knew I'd find you in here," James said, taking a seat across from me.

"You're a genius," I said. "Who knew but you I come to the library?"

James rolled his eyes. "Yes, I am a genius, thanks for finally taking notice."

"Why were you looking for me anyway?"

"I wasn't looking for you, Lily. I already _knew_ where you'd be, so there was no point in _looking._"

I scoffed. "Okay, so what took you so long then? It's twenty five minutes into the period."

"I was doing work," he replied.

"James Potter was doing _work_? Is this some kind of joke?"

"Har har," he mocked. "I read the pages for Transfiguration and History of Magic. I came here because I don't understand this damn Herbology shit and I need your help."

"Still, I'm impressed you're actually working," I said.

He shrugged. "Why not. I'm Head Boy, and I have nothing better to do anyway. All my mates are in Divination. And you're here."

_And you're here. _Sodding hell. Why does he say things like that to me?

"Well, just your luck, because I'm finishing it right now," I said. "But you can't copy it."

He sighed. "Fine. Just explain it to me because I'm lost. The subject is so bloody boring."

"You're not wrong...but it's easy. Just give me five minutes. Do your Defense sheet while you're waiting. It's a breeze."

"'Course it's easy. It's Defense. And our lovely Death Eater professor has no idea what he's doing."

I snickered. "True. Do the sheet though."

So James did the Defense sheet and I finished my Herbology essay. And I couldn't help but notice his humming while doing the work and I hid my smile. And then I helped him with his essay. And I was surprised when he was actually paying really close attention to what I was saying instead of just begging me to write it for him, which he didn't do. And by the end of the free period he had written his essay and now he had all his work done and I didn't.

"Thanks, Lily," he said as he put his essay away in his rucksack.

"Don't mention it. But now I have to read the pages for History of Magic and Transfiguration."

"It won't take long. Do you want me to just tell you what it says?"

"Nah, I'll just read it myself," I answered, opening my History of Magic textbook.

"I can't believe I finished my work before you, Wonder Woman," he chuckled. I rolled my eyes.

"Yeah, me either."

I was a few pages in when I realized James was still sitting there, just watching me.

"Er, you know, they're probably out of Divination by now."

"Mhm."

"So you don't have to stay here with me while I read. I'm not very entertaining."

He shook his head. He opened his mouth to say something but the words didn't come out. I wonder what it was. After a few moments, instead he said, "What are mates for?"

Right. Mates. Bloody brilliant.

I nodded, and went back to reading. And he still sat there, watching. Once I finished History of Magic and started Transfiguration, James still sat there, which gave me this weird but nice feeling in my stomach and I still don't get why he was staying there. But eventually, Sirius barged into the library looking for him.

"James, get your arse out of here 'cause Moony and Wormtail are both doing work and I _need_ someone to do something fun with me or I'm going to _die."_

"Calm down, Sirius," I said. "It's only our first day back. A bit of work won't hurt you."

"You're right, Evans. It won't hurt me. It'll _kill_ me. Now, let's go," he said, grabbing James.

"Bye," he said, chuckling as Sirius dragged him out of the library.

I laughed along with him and waved. When they exited the library I tried to continue reading Transfiguration but it was suddenly harder without James there, which makes no sense. In girl world, wouldn't it be harder to concentrate with the bloke you fancy right in front of your face? For me, you know, I'm totally cool with that. But when he's gone, it's like I'm paralyzed.

What is wrong with me?

Well, a lot of things, but that's beside the point.

The rest of the day was more or less all right. I spent it reading most of _Romeo and Juliet_ while Delia and June constantly asked me questions about the homework we had. Too bad I couldn't help them with Divination. Ha.

I had another small encounter with James at the close of the day. It was really just a bump into each other kind of thing right before I was going to bed.

"Hey, I'm sorry for before, with Sirius," he apologized.

"It's fine," I smiled. "I was sure you were already sick of me by the time he got there."

"Nah. You're hard to get sick of," he answered.

And I didn't know what to say. So I just stood there, smiling like an idiot.

"Fancy a game of Wizard Chess?" he asked.

The idea was tempting, but I was actually quite tired. "I would, but I could really use some sleep…another time, though. Promise."

He nodded, and I could see the disappointment in his eyes. Did he actually still fancy me? Or was I imagining it?

I'm just delusional.

"I'll hold you to that promise," he said.

I smiled slightly. "Well, goodnight, James," I said, and went to my dormitory before I could look back and feel the need to stay.

I heard him say softly, "'Night…"

I'm still trying to understand how I could like James so much. Besides him being hilarious and obviously attractive and good at pretty much everything he does. He's got something about him. He can be very warm and caring sometimes, and he's a fantastic listener and actually _cares_ about me, I think, unlike most people who just pretend to. And just everything he does….the way he smiles and speaks and laughs, it just makes me mental.

Absolutely, positively, mental.


	3. The Optimism Complex

**_A/N: Hello! Sorry for the bit of the wait. First off, I added a few things in the very beginning of chapter 1 that I forgot to put in for some idiotic reason. So if you want to go back and reread the first page or so, go right ahead. If not, here's the gist in short: James's dad is an auror, his mum's a healer. His dad got hurt on the job over the summer and his mum was only able to stay at home to help for a bit, so James spent majority of his summer helping his Dad get better, which helped him mature and kind of gave him a huge wake up call. So whatever maturing started in 6th year had really kicked in after everything over the summer before 7th year.  
>Secondly, I really hope you guys like this chapter. If you're reading it, thank you very much. It means a lot. This one's in James's POV.<br>And Last but not least, IF YOU GAVE ME A REVIEW I WOULD LOVE YOU UNTIL THE LAST STAR IN THE SKY BURNT OUT. :') But no pressure. ENJOY! :D_**

* * *

><p><strong>(JAMES'S P.O.V.)<strong>

Optimism. It's complex.

People say, "look at the glass half full." Okay, so let's do that. The glass half full. Well, what's it filled with? Looks, obviously. Smarts? I guess. Humor? Not even a question. Charm? Suaveness? Yep. Good heart? Sure. But if the glass is a metaphor for life then that means my life is only half full. Which _also_ means it's half empty. Sometimes, it's impossible to avoid the inevitability of pessimism. Especially when you've been pining after a bird for so long who won't even look at you twice.

Like I said, it's complicated.

The first 2 weeks of school have been all right, I suppose. Nothing special or out of the norm, except I've really only pulled one prank with the mates and they took the blame for me. So I've been on my best behavior.

And the full moon was last week. Sirius and I only got a few scratches from that one, and Remus remembered to take his potion, and Peter did not get lost this time. So all in all it was a success.

I've already had rounds twice with Lily. They're actually not too horrible. They're actually great for me, because Lily and I actually get time to talk. We just sit or stand around spots in the castle and try to catch people being stupid. It's fairly easy, especially since I bring the map.

* * *

><p>"<em>You're going to use that thing?" she asked on our first time doing rounds together. <em>

"_This _thing_ is pure genius, Lily Evans, and instead of having to look at every corner and pace up and down like we're insane we can just look at the map."_

"_But let's say it doesn't show everybody. There must be-"_

"_Lily," I said. "The map shows everybody. The map never lies. It's always right and shows everyone and everything all the time everywhere at every second of every day."_

"_That was a heap full of 'every's."_

"_Well, except if they're in the Room of Requirement. Then they disappear off the map."_

"_Ah, a flaw in your genius, I see," she laughed._

"_Superman's one and only downfall," I replied. _

_She grinned. "Well, it's not necessarily a downfall, just a minor imperfection."_

_She was too cute. And as much as I wanted to keep the playful banter going, I wanted to impress her more with the map again. _

"_So, let me show you how accurate this thing is."_

"_Let's see, then," she said smugly, walking over to me. She stood extremely close and our bodies were practically touching. _

"_Well," I started. "See there," I pointed to the Astronomy tower. "Your mate Delia and her boyfriend Michael Nodan are practically on top of each other. Let's hope they don't get too rough and fall off."_

"_Guess they're back together then," she sighed._

"_When did they break things off?"_

"_Yesterday."_

"_Yesterday?"_

_She chuckled. "It's an ongoing thing with them," and then she looked back down at the map. "Oh my God," she said, and pointed to a broom shed on the fourth floor. I looked at it and saw her other best mate's name, June, and Noel Johnson's name, also practically on top of each other. "Finally!" she exclaimed._

"_They're together?" I asked._

"_I guess so. Thank Merlin. Poor Noel has been practically begging her for this for months."_

_Oh yeah. Poor Noel. What a shame. Months. Try years, mate. Try three bloody years of failure._

"_For someone who's so keen on following rules, your mates have a knack of breaking them," I said._

_She shrugged. "It's a Gryffindor thing, I suppose."_

_I smiled. "Yeah, look, there's Sirius snogging Carly Manning in the 7__th__ floor corridors."_

_She rolled her eyes. "Our friends are so classy," she laughed._

"_I'm not ratting out Sirius," I said._

"_I'm not ratting out June or Delia."_

_I gasped. "Miss always-follow-the-rules is going to let one, well, actually, _six _slide?"_

_She made a face and then chuckled. "Looks like Wonder Woman and Superman are both suffering from a downfall."_

* * *

><p>So Lily and I have been on pretty good terms. And she's still all I ever bloody think about.<p>

The work has been kind of annoying. All the teachers yapping on about N.E.W.T.s. I mean, I get it. We took the O.W.L.s already, so we know about the pressure and all that. Yet, they don't shut up about it.

And to top it all off, today is Quidditch tryouts.

Now, Quidditch tryouts is probably one of the most stressful things for anyone to have to deal with, especially when you're captain. First of all, there are really only a few great players on each team. But that's the thing; you want everyone to be great. But that's impossible. Though I do happen to fall under the category of one of the best players Gryffindor has ever had the privilege to have, some others, well, aren't as fantastic as me, to put it nicely.

I mean, Sirius is a pretty good beater. Even if he weren't my best mate I'd still think so. June is actually pretty brilliant at being a chaser. She usually scores the second most amount of points, after me scoring the most of all, of course. Our third chaser is pretty untalented, in all honesty. His name is Henry Thorne, a fifth year who's been dating June's little sister, Emily, a fourth year, since last year, and treats her like crap. Needless to say, June and Henry don't get along.

Our Seeker joined the team last year. Her name's Briana Robbins, a fourth year who can fly faster than almost everyone, so she's a great advantage.

Our biggest problem were the seventh years on the team last year, the keeper and the other beater. The keeper played as if he were confounded all the time and the other Beater never showed up for practice and when ever we played he wasn't even paying attention. Still beating myself up over even letting them on the team. But, we did manage to win it last year, but it was pretty lucky.

"Hey, Prongs," said Sirius, walking over to me. "Look at this turnout," he said.

"Oh yeah. It's just great. People are lining up out the door!" I said sarcastically.

"Well, look at it this way. The less people, the less time we have to waste on this."

"It's not time wasted, Padfoot. It's valuable time being used to its full value."

"We're not gonna find anyone decent."

In attempt to _try _to be optimistic, though I knew deep down Sirius was probably right, I said, "You're wrong. This year's going to be the best. I can feel it."

"Oh, great Seer Potter, so superior to even our divination teacher that you are exempt from the class, tell me what you see," Sirius mocked.

I shoved him and chuckled and then we walked to where the people trying out were waiting. There were only around six people there. One girl, five blokes. The one girl was Carly Manning, who was staring at Sirius lovingly, but he was looking at the ground.

"If you're sitting here right now, you're either here to try out for Beater or Keeper. Beaters, stand near Sirius. Keepers, stand near me."

They all got up slowly (take your time I mean we have all day!) and walked over to either me or Sirius. It was split in half. Three for Keeper, three for Beater. Carly stood right next to Sirius as he avoided her gaze. Hm.

"Okay. Keeper tryouts are first. Everyone else sit down, I guess," I said tiredly. Here we go. "Bryant, you're up first."

Wes Bryant was the first to try out for keeper. He's a sixth year. He was...very slightly above average, I guess. He saved 4 out of 6, which is good. Dylan Davis was horrid. He only saved 2, and that was because the last one I went easy on him just out of pity. The first one he caught had to be just luck. Last was Ben Gamp, who saved 3.

I dismissed them though Wes stayed to watch the Beater tryouts. Sirius had to work with them during the tryouts. I don't know whether it was he worked best with Carly or she was just really bloody good. Anyway, she was surprisingly the best one.

I thanked them and told them they'll know by tomorrow morning. Carly left looking rather angry for some reason.

"Well, I think it's pretty obvious who we're putting on the team, eh?" Sirius said to me when they left.

"Yeah. Bryant and-"

"Terrance," Sirius said.

"Terrance?" I asked. "He was rubbish!"

"No he wasn't. He was way better than the other bloke."

"But Carly was the best out of all three of them."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "You said I get say in who's beater."

"I said you can _help, _which you did. But Carly was clearly the better-"

"No she wasn't-"

"Yes she _was._ Why are you so against her joining the team? You guys are still snogging, aren't you?"

Sirius rubbed his neck. "Er...well...yeah..."

"So what's the problem?"

"I just don't want her on the team."

"Why not? Afraid she'll outshine you?"

"Piss off," Sirius said.

"What in sodding hell is up your arse this morning, sunshine?"

"You, you git," Sirius said angrily.

Sheesh. Someone's testy. "Fine. But Carly's on the team, whether you like it or not."

"Fine," Sirius spat, and stomped away.

What's up with him? He's my best mate, but I really don't get him at all sometimes. And he's been acting all shady and moody all week, which quite honestly has been pissing me off and throwing off my good moods. I wasn't in the mood to psycho-analyze Sirius's prat like behavior, so instead I just spaced out as I headed back towards the castle. Our dorm room was empty when I got there, so I threw of my Quidditch gear, took a cold shower, and passed out on the bed. I must've been out for a while because I woke up right around sunset and Remus saying my name really loudly right in my face.

"Oi," I groaned and turned the other way. "Let me sleep."

"We have a meeting. Prefects and the Head Boy and Girl. In five minutes."

"I'm not going."

"Yes you are."

"Nope."

Remus sighed. "Lily will kill you if you don't."

"Then let her."

"She'll love you if you come."

"No she won't."

"I'll slip her Amortentia."

I turned back to him. He was joking, obviously, but it was still a tempting offer. "_Fine_. But I need to get dressed."

"You can wear whatever you want."

"Brilliant," I sighed, getting out of bed. I threw on a t-shirt and pajama pants.

"That's a dashing look for you, James," said Remus, chuckling.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," I said, and I let him lead the way to this meeting. It was in our Defense classroom. I went to stand next to Lily and _not_ just because I wanted to but I sort of had to. You know, Head boy and Head girl. I'm supposed to be in charge with her, I think.

I walked over to her and she started laughing. "Pajamas? Really? It's not even six yet," she responded.

I shrugged. "It's comfortable. And it's Saturday. And I'm dead tired."

"Tired? From what?"

"Quidditch tryouts."

"Oi, how did those go?"

I shrugged again. "Not terribly. But I'd rather not talk about them."

Boy, am I daft. Lily's actually stirring a conversation with me and I'm telling her I don't want to talk. Merlin.

"Oh…okay," Lily said hesitantly. There was silence between us as we waited for the rest of the prefects to show up until she broke it. "Is something bothering you?" she asked.

"Just…Sirius. I don't know, he's acting kind of strange lately. And he won't tell me what's going on. But it's fine. He'll come around."

She gave me a small hopeful smile and said, "He will."

I knew the conversation couldn't continue 'cause everyone was waiting for us to start. Lily spoke most of the time. It was nothing important really. Just about rounds and reinforcement of the deducting points rule. The usual dose of _blah. _But when Lily was the one saying it I was able to pay a bit more attention.

When the meeting ended we all started to walk back to either our Common Rooms or the Great Hall or whatever. Lily was suddenly walking right next to me and she tapped me on the shoulder.

"Do you want to talk?"

Huh?

I didn't even have to say 'huh' out loud for her to know. "About Sirius."

Oh. I wasn't sure. I mean, I kind of did want to talk about it, but at the same time I haven't really been thinking much about it either. I've just not been thinking at all. I mean, he has been acting a bit strange lately. Something have had to happen with him and Carly that he's just not telling me about. I saw the differences between their faces at tryouts. And I know Sirius well enough to usually be able to decode all of his behavior. But I'm stumped.

"I mean, it's kind of hard to explain."

"So don't explain. Just speak. And we'll figure out how to explain it together," she smiled. God, she kills me.

"Fine. You know how Sirius is snogging Carly Manning?"

"I am aware, correct," she responded.

So I told her what happened at tryouts, and Sirius and I's conversation. And she answered, "Did he talk to her at all?"

"Very little. I think it was mostly her talking to him."

She nodded, and then said, "Give me a minute."

Okay? What does that even mean? But I gave her a minute. Not even. It was probably thirty seconds when she said, "Got it."

"Got what?"

"Either Sirius is uninterested in her now, or something happened and he's afraid of his feelings for her and that he'll end up hurting her."

What? "I don't understand?"

She laughed. "You said he barely even looked at her. Right?"

"I don't get where you're going with this Lily-"

"When is a bloke barely able to look at a girl?" she asked.

Hm. "When he's ashamed of something he did, I suppose?"

Lily nodded.

So…So Sirius did something he's ashamed of? Hm…Maybe a fight? Nah. Carly wouldn't have been so all love-dovey around him. Why was she that way around him anyway? Maybe…Maybe…

"Oh, bloody hell," I said as I figured it out.

Lily snickered. "Exactly," she smiled. "Just talk to him about it. Try to get it out of him without being too pushy. We both know Sirius can't keep things to himself for too long."

"You're amazing," I blurted out.

She actually blushed, and then she said, "Well, you're always giving me advice. I thought it was my turn to give some to you."

Impulsively, I wrapped my arms around her. After a few seconds, she hugged me back, which made everything a lot better. I let go, and saw she looked kind of embarrassed. Shit. But mates can hug, right? "Sorry," I mumbled.

"S'all right," she said and smiled.

We got to the Common Room and June and Delia were there, waiting for Lily, I supposed. June looked at me and said, "How were tryouts?"

"They were okay. You know Wes Bryant?"

"The sixth year? Blonde, pretty tall?" June asked.

"That's the one. He's our new keeper."

"Is he any good?"

"Eh, he isn't bad. Could use a bit work, but not bad." I noticed Lily walking out of the Common Room to her dormitory. Delia watched her leave but didn't say anything. I was about to say something when Delia intervened.

"What's going on with you two?" she asked.

What? With…with me and Lily? "Nothing…" I responded. I mean, it was true. Right?

"Oh, cut the rubbish," June said. "Something's up."

"Nothing's up!"

"Look, Potter," June said. "We know you've fancied her for all eternity-"

"And she hasn't exactly shown the same affection back towards you," Delia said.

"But you guys have been acting…strange around each other. What's the deal?"

What are they even talking about? Has she been talking about me or something? Bloody hell. Does she possibly fancy me now? What are they getting at? Maybe it's because we've been talking more? But I mean, that kind of started in the middle of last year.

"I really don't know what you two are talking about," I said.

June and Delia both glared at me.

"Did you not see her face when you two walked in here?" said June.

"Are you two snogging?" asked Delia.

"No-"

"Shagging?" she continued.

"No!"

"Then what?" June asked.

"Nothing," I stressed.

"We don't buy it," Delia said.

Merlin! What is it with birds being so goddamn nosey?

I sighed. "Look. First off, you two are rubbish detectives. Anyway, nothing is going on between me and Lily-"

"Do you still fancy her?" June inquired.

Obviously. Why were they making me do this? "Yes," I answered honestly. "But there's no way she feels the same way. We…we're just mates. I can't force Lily to fancy me. I've tried for long enough."

Delia shook her head. "Boys," she sighed.

"Listen, James," started June. "Delia and I aren't completely mental, despite what you may think. We know Lily, and…just give her a little more time. She'll come around. Don't just give up."

Yeah sodding right, she'll come around. Why would she? She won't. Forget optimism. There's a difference between being optimistic and realistic. And I wanted this conversation to end. As much as I think about Lily and being with her and all that, I hated talking about it. It made me realize how it'll probably never happen.

"Whatever," I sighed, and started walking away.

"The letters," Delia called out. "She reads them a lot."

_What. _"My letters?"

Delia nodded. "From the summer. She reads them like, all the time."

"And she doesn't think we notice," June almost laughed.

"But…but she barely answered any of them," I said.

"Well, she sure likes reading them," said June. "What do they say?"

"They really don't say much. It's just me, talking about the summer, stuff going on in the news…Yadda yadda. Nothing that interesting."

"She finds them interesting, apparently," said Delia.

What does she find interesting about my letters? More importantly, what in Merlin's name is she doing reading them _now?_ It's September! Did she even read them over the summer? Why didn't she write back?

I shrugged. I didn't really know what to say, so I just said, "thanks," and left.

I got into the dorm and only Pete was there, but he was doing an essay. I took out one of Lily's letters from the summer.

_James,_

_I am so, so, SO sorry I haven't responded. I've been reading your letters, I swear. I've just been extremely busy with my family. We went on a trip to the States. New York. It was quite fascinating, really. It was a nice escape from all the mental rubbish going on here at home. We spent an entire day in Times Square. You know what that is, don't you? Anyway, it was really brilliant. We saw a show and sat in parks and even went to see the Statue of Liberty! It's all so fascinating for me. When I went to Muggle school growing up I always really loved learning about the States. But I don't even like history, I just find the landmarks incredibly beautiful. I don't even like History of Magic, even though I do fine in it. My favorite subject in school was always English. I loved reading the books and talking about them. I was always on a higher level than the other children. My teacher the year before I came to Hogwarts would always give me books to read. You've probably never heard of them, anyway. _

_Anyways, I'm rambling. The Prophet keeps giving me heart attacks. Every time I pick it up I feel like I'm going to pass out. What if one day it's someone I know? One of our friends? You probably know a few of the people, don't you? With your dad being an Auror and all? _

_Before I say anything I might regret, I just want to say that something you must know about me is that I want to fight. No matter how fragile all of this makes me. Even if it tears me up inside and breaks me completely. I want to fight and help the people who can't fend for themselves. I want to join the Order next year, after school. I can do it. And so can you. And your whole lot._

_Now, to the things I might regret….I really appreciate your concern. It's endearing, really. But like I said, I can take care of myself. I'll be fine. I try to stay aware of everything. Even though I'm in the Muggle world. _

_But I don't really know what's more frightening. Being sheltered from everything, or being exposed to it. You know?_

_Anyway, I'm glad to hear you're having a good summer. Has anything changed since your last letter? How are you? And your parents? Sirius? Tell him I say hello, by the way. _

_Stay safe as well, James. I need someone to fight alongside after Hogwarts._

_With Love,_

_Lily._

I read it a few times over and then rolled it back up and stuff it in the drawer. I took out my Arithmancy homework and did it. Once I started, Sirius and Remus both returned. Remus was eyeing me questioningly, jerking his head to Sirius when he wasn't looking. I shrugged. What else could I do?

Although, I mean, we could start an intervention.

Or an uprising.

Attack him when he least expects it.

When I finished all my other work, I laid down, staring at the canopy of my bed with my curtains half closed around me. And guess what I thought about.

Take a _wild_ guess.

But seriously. Why the bleeding hell were Delia and June questioning me like that? They practically implied that Lily fancied me. Or, er, almost did anyway.

Lily does not fancy me. She doesn't. I would know. I would notice. She would be acting differently. But she isn't. All the same as last year, once we became proper mates, and all. Maybe we're a bit closer, but it's just mates. At least to her, anyway. But it murders me. Absolutely murders me. Every time she smiles….when she laughs. Fucking hell, that laugh. It never gets out of my damn head. It's always there. Always. Whenever she comes to mind (which is pretty much always), that's the first thing that sparks in my head. Her laugh. That beautiful laugh that makes my stupid, stupid heart thump against my chest like it's trying to break out. And when she looks at me with those eyes…Those damn eyes that pull you in a trance…

Stop thinking about her. Stop stop stop.

I needed air. A walk. It was eleven thirty. Remus was half asleep, Pete was out cold, and Sirius was in the shower. I grabbed the map just in case and went off.

"I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good," I declared while I started walking down the stairs. The map opened, and I glanced around it, seeing who was where and where I could get without being caught. Pretty much just as I arrived there, I noticed Lily's dot on the Common Room couch.

"Mischief managed," I whispered as the map folded back up. I put it in my pocket along with my wand.

I slowly walked from the last step into the empty Common Room. I walked towards the couch slowly. I saw her red hair, high up in a ponytail. She was sitting in the middle of the couch, alone.

"Lily?" I asked softly.

"_Bloody hell,_" she whispered. "Sorry, sorry," she said quickly and very low. I walked in front of the couch and faced her. It looked like she had just been crying. I sat down next to her on the couch. "Lily-"

"Don't," she whispered, closing her eyes. "Just. Don't."

So I didn't, whatever she meant. I just sat there for a while. She kept her eyes closed, sitting there. I examined her face and I could see the not-quite-dried-tears on her cheeks. I put my hand on hers. She didn't even flinch. In fact, she seemed to relax. She opened her eyes after a few moments.

She turned slowly to look at me. "Sorry," she said again.

"S'all right, Lily. Really," I replied, rubbing my thumb against her hand. I wondered why she hadn't pulled away yet.

"Look, I know you're sort of, er, chivalrous? Yeah, chivalrous and all and I know you're going to ask me what's wrong and try to comfort me and that's really sweet and I appreciate it but I'd rather not talk about it. But thank you in advance," she breathed.

I stared at her for a moment. I wanted to help. I wanted to. Now what could I do? Think. Think. "What?" she asked. "Oh, you weren't going to do that then?"

I chuckled. "Obviously not. I was actually just about to read off to you the list I wrote about all the horrible things about you. It's quite long though, so you might want to brace yourself." A joke, maybe.

She grinned slightly. "Probably nothing I haven't heard already."

"Oh, no. These are completely original. Copyright: James Potter. So you can't steal them. Got it?" I had an idea.

She giggled softly. "Whatever you say, boss. Go ahead."

"Hmm, lets see. Where should I start," I said. And I knew what I was about to say wasn't really a thumbs up to my mental state, but, I'm a prat. "Well, we could start with your facial expressions."

She laughed. "My what?"

"Facial expressions. They're quite…well, expressive. You always have the perfect face for any situation. Like right now! Your eyes are dangerously wide and you've got one eyebrow cocked up like it's trying to jump or something, and your mouth is slightly ajar, because you're confused at my madness-"

"James, what are you-"

"Sh. Listen, miss. There's another thing. You talk _way _too much. And you know what the worst part is? You never have anything bad to say! About anyone! Except your bloody self. I mean, really. When you're just blabbing on about how you're _'nothing special?' _Nothing special, my arse."

I paused and studied her face. She was blushing. _Blushing._

"And you're really, really emotional. In a good way. You look out for people who matter to you and you get upset when you can't help. Or they don't want your help. Or they just fail to see how brilliant you are, and miss out on everything… You're just… all out there. You don't have to pretend like you don't have feelings."

I knew I was getting ahead of myself. But I didn't stop. Yet. "And, lastly, you are way, way too kind. You never judge people. Ever. Even the ones who deserve to be judged! Hell, back in fifth year, even when you threw me those insults, you were still so _bloody _kind to me when I wasn't being a complete prat. And I never understood why. And you're probably the only Gryffindor of all eternity who tries to see good in Slytherins. And in everybody! I mean, it's mad. You're mad. Mental. Completely." I stopped for a moment, and there was something in her face that I couldn't quite catch.

I started once more. "So, there you have it; James Potter's list of reasons why Lily Evans is a horrible human being, because she's hardly even human. She's way better than all of us mere mortals. So, by default, you are just terrible. Talk about making other people feel inferior," I ended.

I looked at Lily. I couldn't tell what was going through her head at all. She looked…I don't even know. But then, quite suddenly, she jerked her hand out from under mine and threw both her arms around my neck, embracing me in a hug.

Mates hug. They do. Right? Of course they do. We hugged before. No big deal, right?

I wrapped my arms around her waist. She placed her face against my neck. I could smell her. Raspberries. I sighed and gripped her tighter.

"Thank you," she said against my neck. "That was…you are…" She stopped again. "Thank you," she repeated.

"I don't know why you're thanking me. I just told you why you're a horrible person," I muttered.

She laughed lightly. "Thank you," she repeated yet again, holding me tighter suddenly.

We sat there hugging for a few good minutes. Really. And it was nice. Incredibly nice, really. I still wondered why she was here in the first place and I wanted to know what was wrong, but I thought I was helping, at least a bit. I could feel her breathing against my neck, and I think I even felt a few tears trickle down from her face onto me. I rubbed her back gently, whispering that it was all going to be all right. Whatever it all was. After a while, I think she realized something.

That mates don't hug for this long.

Finally, she started to slowly ease out of our embrace. She wiped her eyes quickly, and then smiled at me. "I'm sorry I keep dragging you into my messes."

"You aren't," I responded automatically.

She opened her mouth to say something, but I guess she decided against it. A few moments later, she spoke again. "Why are you here?"

"I was going to go raise some havoc-"

"Alone?"

"Yes, _alone_. I don't need them. I'm the mastermind behind all of our genius anyway. They just play along," I answered.

She rolled her eyes. "Really, what are you doing here?"

I shrugged. "I needed a walk. To clear my mind. But I sort of got distracted."

"Sorr-"

"Quit apologizing, will you? Merlin. I'm adding that to the list. _Apologizes all the sodding time because she doesn't want anyone else to feel guilty._"

She laughed. "You think you're _so_ clever. Git."

"I don't think. I know."

"You should've stopped at 'I don't think.'"

"Real original, Lily," I teased.

"It is very original, correct. Copyright: Lily Evans," she said, mocking me from before.

I nudged her. "I copyright the copyright thing."

"Nope, sorry, I'm taking it from you," she said proudly, grinning at me. And I grinned back like a complete loon.

Merlin, this bird was going to be the end of me.

"We can share it. The copyright for the copyright thing can be, Copyright: James Potter and Lily Evans. Sounds good?"

"Sounds great," she said.

There was an awkward silence for a moment or two, and then I had an idea, though my logical self was saying, _okay, you helped her, now go back to your room_, like I was my own bloody mother, I, being the rebellious teen wizard that I am, went against my better (or worse) judgment and said, "You know, you still owe me a game of wizard chess."

She sighed and smiled. "I do, don't I."

"Yes."

"Well then, unless you're too knackered to play, we could play a game now?"

I grinned. There was a set on the coffee table in the common room here. I went to the other side and sat on the ground. Lily got off the couch and sat on her side on the floor. We set up the pieces.

"All right, Potter," she said. "Prepared for defeat?"

I snorted. "Not likely, Evans."

"We'll just see about that," she said rather confidently. "Pawn to E4."

The game lasted about twenty minutes until I beat Lily. I couldn't help but boast when I beat her. Obviously, she was muttering things like, "stupid, arrogant, bloody toerag" while I did my little victory jig. She took out her wand and flicked it at the chessboard. They all went back to normal.

"Rematch," she declared. "Now."

I put a hand through my hair. "If you're sure…"

"I'm sure. You first," she said.

She beat me in ten minutes flat.

I let her gloat in my face because honestly it was the most adorable thing in the world. But I was surprised she beat me that quickly.

"Two out of three," I said.

"Fine, fine, fine. I'll go first."

She beat me again. This time in eight minutes.

"How," I started. "In the name of Merlin did you _do_ that?"

She smiled proudly. "I'm very observant. I picked up on all your moves after you beat me the first time. Even though you did try to change it up this match, it was pretty obvious that you were planning to move out your queen by your third move. So I just attacked."

I rolled my eyes at her. "You're good."

"I know," she said, laughing.

"Good. Enough of this rubbish about you not being good enough," I said accidently.

She looked down at the floor. "Nah, that'll never end. I'm a _girl_," she said. "What else do you expect?"

"I don't know," I chuckled. "Some girls are a bit self-righteous, if you know what I mean."

She smirked. We both stood up from the floor. I moved closer to her. Then she spoke up again. "Did you ever talk to Sirius?"

"Nah. He wasn't really talking to any of us before. Peter hasn't said anything yet, but Remus sort of signaled his concern."

"Hmm…well, I hope you boys sort things out soon. I'm sure you will," she said, smiling.

I shrugged. "Thanks."

She shook her head, rolling her eyes and laughing. "I don't know why you're thanking me. You're always the one stopping me from crying."

"Well, I've got to. It's really terrible, Lily. The sight of you crying? It could break a poor bloke's heart."

She bit her lip. "Er, um, thanks, James. Really." Then, without warning, she stepped right in front of me and planted a small kiss on my cheek, though it was dangerously close to the corner of my mouth.

She stepped back, looking quite flushed. Before the fact that she just kissed my cheek hit me, I got a really good look at her. She was wearing a yellow jumper, blue sweatpants, and red slippers. She wasn't wearing any makeup at all. Her hair was a bit looser now in its up-do. Her eyes seemed a bit tired but they still managed to give me a bit of a heart attack.

Then, I realized what had just happened. Before it could even process through my daft head, she said, "Well, goodnight, James. Hope you learned your lesson about my wizard chess expertise. I'll see you at breakfast," and walked quickly to her dormitory.

Bloody hell.


	4. Love Someone, Hate Them

**_A/N: Hello again! So, here's another Lily chapter! Thank you for reading and if you review I will love you more than I love pizza and french fries- and that's real love. That's like, love on a James and Lily level. So yeah, review? Thank you and enjoy! :))_**

* * *

><p><strong>(LILY'S P.O.V.)<strong>

"The more you love someone, the more you hate them." I always admired that quote. Always thought it made sense, you know? When you love someone, you could get angry and upset with them for anything and can hate them just as easily. Well, hate, not in the strongest sense of the word, but you get the gist of it. This just always made sense to me. For instance, I loved Petunia, because she was my sister, which made me all the more upset and angry with her when she would deem me a freak or anything along the lines of it.

But right now, I think that saying is just complete and utter _rubbish_. Because no one informed me that it can go the other way too. No one told me I could go from despising someone to…well, whatever I'm feeling.

I mean, in all fairness, maybe I never really hated said person. Maybe during some instances, but it was never real hatred. I'm not really the hating type.

I just don't understand! I could barely stand to be around Ja- er, said person, not too much over a year, and now…I mean, it just makes no sense!

I wish I could hate him. I really, really wish I could. And I try so bloody hard, but every time he manages to get a grin or a laugh out of me, the stupid prat.

I mean, though, can you blame me? He's a great looking bloke, really. There's no denying it. And when he's not being a pompous arsehole, he is rather fun to be around. And he's extremely funny, and actually does care about me...and he's a good Head Boy, actually-

Oh, bugger. Fine. I'm talking about James.

As I was saying, James is a good Head Boy, actually. Hard to believe, I know. But he is. Really. Well, if you pull aside the fact that he and the other marauders still love to at least try to cause some chaos. I mean, he's a teenage boy! What do you want from him? He hasn't even gotten detention yet.

And we've been on pretty good terms, you know? Things were looking up for us.

At least that's what I thought less than a day ago.

And now that saying is more leaning towards the hate side than the other side, which I won't mention because that's not even a possibility.

We were supposed to have rounds together last night, and, well, not going to lie, but I was sort of excited? Not excited like, yes I'm about to go ride on a Unicorn kind of excited, but like...stupid girly butterfly kind of excited?

And the stupid toerag didn't even SHOW UP.

So, as you can imagine, the brilliant, mature, and poised girl that I am, on the way to breakfast this morning, I intend to handle it in a brilliant, mature, and poised manner.

"POTTER!" I shouted at him once I reached the spot where he and his three fellow 'marauders' were sitting.

He almost laughed. "I thought we were done with the last names, _Evans-_"

"Where the bloody hell were you last night?" I pretty much growled.

"What was last night?" He asked seriously.

"Oh my god James I swear I am going to _murder _you," I promised. Yes. PROMISED.

"Can I watch?" Sirius intervened.

"ROUNDS!" I shouted, ignoring Sirius's attempt at being funny.

"Oh, shit," he mumbled.

Man, that just set me off. "'OH SHIT' IS RIGHT. DO YOU KNOW HOW FURIOUS I AM RIGHT-"

"Lily," he tried.

"Don't _Lily _me! Oh my Merlin. First of all, doing rounds by yourself is not only terrifying but the most boring bloody thing in the world! Second of all, do you know what I had to do without the map? Alone! Do you-"

"Wait wait wait," said Sirius, putting no pause between each 'wait.' "You use the map?"

"I've never even used the map," added Remus. Then he looked at me. "We've never used the map."

"That's not a bad idea though, James," Peter said.

James just smirked. "Well, you know, Lily and I are quite the rebels-"

"Oh, shut it! I am so, so, _so_ cross with you right now James Potter I swear-"

"Okay, Lily, calm down. I'm sorry. I forgot, okay? I'll make it up to you."

I ignored his stupid apology. Pft. You call that an apology? What kind of mate is he, anyway? Does he _know_ how many people I had to break apart that were snogging _by myself_ while if James were there we could have just used the map and taken off points from them without letting them know? Wow, kind of evil of us. But then again, we're just letting them snog, or, er, shag (it's happened), and letting them pay for it.

"And what were you even doing last night that was so bloody important you couldn't bother to remember your head duties? Please enlighten me."

"Er..."

I rolled my eyes. "Oh, let me guess. The bloody idiots that call themselves the Marauders decided to go on a little late night stroll through Hogsmeade on a _Wednesday evening _because obviously they have no responsibilities whatsoever even though one is a prefect and one is Head Boy but who gives a damn right? Last year at Hogwarts; who cares if we do whatever we want?"

They all looked at each other with guilt. Oh brother. "I'm right. Aren't I?"

"Er..."

"The really sad thing is I just made that up. Wow. So whose bright idea was it?"

James's face immediately turned pale. They all looked at him simultaneously. Then Sirius said, "You know, Prongs, for a marauder, you're pretty bad at acting all innocent."

"Oh my god. You're Head Boy, James! You can't just…Oh, you are DEAD. DEAD! Do you hear me? You and your bloody lists-"

"What is she on about?" asked Sirius

"-well here's a bloody list for you! Reasons why I DESPISE James Potter. Copyright: Lily Evans-"

"What the-" tried Sirius. And James, the arse, I saw him starting to chuckle.

"One: he's IRRESPONSIBLE even when he's given a position of authority he forgets his own bloody duties and abuses his privileges! Two: he thinks he's funny and HE'S NOT. Three: HE LAUGHS WHILE I'M TRYING TO BE SERIOUS! James this is not funny!"

"Mhm," he managed to mumble over his attempt of stifling his own laughter. "You know, Lily, I never realized how much you swear."

"I do _not_. It's only because you're making me so angry! Ugh. I hate you," I interrupted, and stormed off.

"You don't hate me, Lily!" he called out after me.

Yes I did.

Okay, maybe I didn't. But it sure felt like I did in that moment. See, the saying is playing games with my mind. I need to stop reading.

But the reality of the situation was I was actually quite upset and disappointed not only because of the fact that he went off and got sloshed with his mates, but he forgot. I don't know. It just kind of stung a bit.

I sat down alone at the complete other end of the table. I don't know if I could say I was really surprised when James plopped down across from me maybe only two minutes after the whole debacle down there.

"Go. Away," I spat, shoving a huge piece of waffle into my mouth.

"Hungry there, Lily?"

I squinted my eyes and kept chewing. He only laughed.

"Now that you can't yell at me," he said. Damn it. "I really, really, am sorry, Lily. I've been good, haven't I?"

I didn't answer. Still chewing.

"You know I have. Look, I'll make it up to you. I'll do rounds tonight…or I'll do it alone next week. Whatever you want," he said seriously.

Hm. He sounded sincere. Curious. I swallowed my waffle. "You'd be willing to do more work?"

"I mean…if that's what it takes."

"If that's what _what_ takes?" I asked.

He sighed. "Blimey…for you not to think I'm just being a prat with this whole Head Boy business and not get so cross with me. Look, remember the whole thing with Sirius? So I thought going out to Hogsmeade and maybe having a few drinks would lighten him up a bit and it did. He told us what happened and we're all good and sorted now. And you were right, by the way. But we can talk about that later."

Okay, so maybe I just have a weak spot for James. And by spot, I mean spots. And by spots, I mean my entire existence. I was like putty in his arms! Like every other stupid slaggy girl in this school. Though I can happily say I am not a slag, very far from slaggy actually, thank you very much. And he's my mate. Just my mate! But I just look at his face and his _stupid_ smile that drives me up the sodding wall!

What does a girl have to do to stay cross with a bloke...

I sighed. "Well, I'm happy things are better with the lot of you now. Really. I am. Catch me up on it later. And I think it's really nice what you did. Good idea it was, really, though you didn't really have to go leave the castle for it but…still. But I'm still cross with you for doing it on the one night of the week we have rounds…so how about this. I stay cross with you for the rest of the day, insults flying wherever I please, and you can't defend yourself, and when that's all good and done, we go back to being the most magnificent Head Girl and slightly eligible Head Boy we are and pretend to forget the entire thing. And then you can tell me the story."

And my James, as he always seems to do when I want so badly to be angry with him, laughed his stupid charming out-of-a-movie laugh and said, "Slightly eligible? I get slightly eligible and you get most magnificent?"

"I _told_ you. Insults flying everywhere and you have no defense. Hmm…how can I put this in terms your thick head will understand? Oh! Quidditch! So, the, erm…bludgers? Right so the bludgers are insults, and all your…beaters?...on the team have disappeared and there are no bats or whatever you use to hit them away and the bludgers hit you _every time_ until all the bones in your body are crushed and you can't play the rest of the season."

James actually looked angry for a moment when he shouted, "The rest of the season!" But then he started roaring with laughter and said, "You said tomorrow."

"Fine, so the season ends tomorrow. Happy, Potter?"

He sighed, and opened his mouth obviously to do his classic, _I thought we were done with the last names!_ But I spoke first and said, "Right. Another rule. I only call you Potter today. All day. _ALL. DAY."_

He rolled his eyes in defeat and I resorted to putting more syrup on my waffles in celebration. Suddenly, somebody's hands snatched it from me. "Hey!" I shouted.

I turned around and it was June. "My. Syrup."

"You are so possessive, June," Delia scoffed, sitting down next to James.

"Potter," June said. "Why weren't you safeguarding the syrup for me! You should know by now. After all our Quidditch after parties! What kind of teammate _are you?_"

James laughed. "You don't _own_ the syrup, Carter."

"What are you doing with syrup at Quidditch after parties?" I inquired.

June almost spit out her pumpkin juice.

James howled with laughter. "Well, if you must know, she-"

"You know what, I'll pass," I said. "Besides, I'm not talking to you."

"Yes you are. You're insulting me, remember?"

"Insulting and ignoring. So I would like to do the ignoring part starting now. So if you would please let my mates and I eat in peace it would be gratefully appreciated."

"Why are we ignoring James?" Delia asked.

"He ditched rounds last night," June answered. "You wouldn't know because you were too busy shagging your boyfriend-"

"Piss off, June. Like you haven't been spending all your days snogging the living daylights out of Noel-"

"You know what," James said, standing up. "I think I'll go now."

"Thank Merlin," I said casually.

He made a face at me, and then leaned over the table and slammed his hands down. "Watch it, Evans," he said, trying to hide a grin.

"Ooh, you used my last name. You must _hate_ me now too. Well, anything to get you out of my hair-"

"Oh, shut it," he said, and then stormed away.

Wait. He's not supposed to storm away. That's _my_ thing. Plus, I'm the one cross with him! He can't do things like that. He can't have the last word! I won't let him.

"YOU'LL BE BEGGING FOR MY FORGIVENESS, POTTER. YOU'LL SEE!" I shouted across the hall, standing up. People looked and made faces, which is when I sat back down and buried my face in my waffles. So maybe that didn't go as smooth as it could have. And I swore I could've heard James's chuckle. The bastard. "I'm going to die a slow and painful death conducted by none other than that stupid, pompous, git."

I was waiting for a, _c'mon now, Lily, Potter isn't all that bad _from June, or a _that sounds like a good way to die_ sexual innuendo kind of thing from Delia, or even their stupid weird glare and look at me like I'm from outer space thing which they have been doing rather frequently lately whenever it came to me and James. But, none of these things happened. Nope. None. Instead, Delia and June both ignored my misery and continued fighting with each other.

"It's just snogging, Delia. I'm not ripping off my clothes every chance I get!"

"Oh cut the bullcrap, June. What about Alex Hader last year, hm?"

June rolled her eyes. "I was _drunk_."

"So that makes you any less of a slag than me? Ha! You're such a fucking hypocrite, June, I swear to Merlin-"

"Guys, calm down," I tried. But nobody ever listens to me, do they?

"_I'm_ the hypocrite? Says the girl who constantly criticizes me for maybe being a bit picky with the blokes I pine after, while you are nothing but picky with your own boyfriend! Always finding faults in him and another reason to end things! And-"

"Shut up," Delia said oddly low.

"Why should I? Why can you attack me but I can't even-"

"Just shut _up_, June," she said again, even lower.

June shut up, but looked like she was about to lose it. I said something before she could. "Delia, what's going on?"

She sighed. "I wasn't back in the dorm late last night because I was shagging Michael. Though we did shag earlier, but that's completely not the point. It was for a different reason."

"Which was?" I asked.

"Michael and I broke up last night. For good."

"For…for good?" June asked.

Delia nodded. "We had a really big fight about everything. All those small fights and breakups and all of that pathetic shit…it all just blew up last night. I don't really know why, but it did. We were yelling at each other for a good couple of hours and at one point he said 'I can't take it anymore' so I said 'so don't' and he said 'okay' and then stormed out."

Oi. Poor Delia. I could see the sadness in her eyes, though she wasn't crying. She was always tougher than the rest of us, always the strongest. Her Mum died during our third year here from a heart attack. Right after that, she changed. Not in a terribly bad way. She just grew thicker skin. She wasn't as serious about school anymore and was always looking for blokes to snog and even drink with, and she started putting up this harsh guard to everyone except me and June, though sometimes we feel like she doesn't trust us either. But she always stayed close with us. I've only seen her cry once, and it was on the first anniversary of her Mum's death. That was the first time we ever really spoke about it out loud in depth. It was also the last.

Delia continued. "So at first I didn't go after him but then I started running to him. I got to him and I told him I cared a lot about him and I didn't want to end this but I couldn't take it anymore either. We agreed it was better to be apart than to be together and be miserable. So, that's it."

"You…you were miserable?" June asked.

She shrugged. "Most of the time, yeah, I suppose. I mean, we were never right for each other."

I tried reaching for her hand, but she moved it from the table to her lap. "I'm fine," she lied. She picked up a muffin and started eating it. June and I looked at each other.

"Hey, Delia," I said gently. "If you wanna talk about it, you know June and I are always here-"

"I know," she said quickly. "Thanks. But I don't want to harp over it. Let's just not talk about it. Okay?"

I nodded and gave her a soft smile, hoping she'll get that I understood. A few moments later, June said, "Sorry. For yelling before."

"It's fine. You didn't know."

The rest of the day was odd between the three of us. Delia was unusually quiet and June and I didn't really know what to say or do. During our first class, James came over to me and when I gave him a look he was smart enough to take the hint and wait til later to start bugging me.

During defense, the class we have with Ravenclaws that day, Michael was missing from his seat that's usually next to her, so Delia seemed to lighten up a bit when we walked in. June decided to sit next to her. I took my usual seat in the second row. Suddenly, the marauders were surrounding me.

"Well, hello to the four of you," I said. "Actually, three. One of you I am not speaking with."

"Well, you are talking to us as a group, and since I am standing with this group, you are technically speaking with me as well," James commented.

"What was that? The wind?" I asked sarcastically.

James rolled his eyes. "How original."

"Copyright," I said, unintentionally smiling.

"Hey-"

"Sirius, please tell your boyfriend I would like to be left alone," I said.

"Well, where's the fun in that, Evans?" Sirius said, smirking.

"Peter, Remus. Help."

"Sorry, Lily," said Peter.

"I thought Sirius was my boyfriend," said Remus.

Sirius shrugged. "I switch off between you two."

"And every girl in this school," I added.

"What about Peter?" asked James.

"Ah, his boyfriend's his right hand-"

"Hey!" Peter said, shoving Sirius.

"Too much information," I said, practically gagging.

"Like you didn't know," said Sirius, chuckling.

"Anyway," said Remus, changing the subject. Bless his soul. "Did you read the prophet this morning?"

"Nope. Didn't get the chance," I answered. "Why?"

James tossed it at me…but it hit my face. "Ow!" I screamed. "Potter, what the bloody hell is wrong with you?"

"Well," Sirius said. "He takes way too long to shower."

"He leaves his clothes all over the damn place," said Peter.

"And his quidditch magazines," added Remus.

"Yeah, but I don't mind those," said Sirius. "It's his stupid humming all the time that makes me want to smash my head in."

"You guys are fantastic mates," James said, annoyed. "Brilliant, really. Keep going."

"Okay. Well, he also-" Sirius started, but was interrupted by James kicking him in the shin. Sirius was spewing out curses right and left.

"Anyway," said Remus. "They, er, well, there have been a few incidents…"

I opened up the Prophet and there, on the front page, was something that made me absolutely sick to my stomach.

**EIGHT MUGGLEBORNS MURDERED BY DEATH EATERS LAST NIGHT, MINISTRY YET TO CATCH THE CRIMINALS**

I was going to vomit. I was going to be sick. I was going to cry. Eight? At once? I felt the tears stinging my eyes. Don't fucking cry, Lily. Don't. I read the article quickly but I couldn't really understand the words. I gave up and shakily handed the paper back to James. I didn't say anything, I didn't look at them, I just turned back around in my seat and stared blankly at my textbook.

I mean, I really just didn't understand it. Not at all. I really just didn't understand why these bloody death eaters feel the need to hurt and kill muggleborns. People like me. All because of my blood? I'm still a witch! And quite frankly, I'm better than all of them! At magic, at life! Morals, values, personality! I mean, they're just soulless!

I couldn't think straight. I tried to keep the tears in. Everything going on with Dad lately, and now all this…It was too much to bear. Suddenly, James was sitting in the empty seat beside me, his hand on mine. I pulled away. Now was not the time for James bloody Potter to come and save the day. I was still cross with him, and just letting him be there for me while I cried again was just getting tiring. I mean, normally…No. I mean, yes but…Ugh. Now was just not the time. I wanted to be alone.

"Lily," he said, putting his hand on my shoulder. "It's okay."

I didn't look at him as I shrugged his hand off my shoulder. "No, it's not," I whispered. "It's really, really not."

"Lily, you-"

"Please leave me alone, James," I said, as Professor Jenkins walked in. But James didn't get up. He sat there, and I could feel him looking at me. Blimey, why did he have to do things like that…

I wasn't really paying close attention to the lesson. I wasn't really thinking at all. I knew most of the stuff, anyway. We were learning about patronuses, and I've known how to conjure one since fifth year. The whole article from the prophet just made me so anxious…I found myself subconsciously tapping my fingers against the desk in a not-so-rhythmic manner. I stared blankly at a paragraph in my textbook that was clearly opened to the wrong page because it said something about being under the Imperius but I didn't bother to go to the right page. I just stared at that paragraph. About ten minutes into the lesson, James slipped a note onto my book.

**Are you okay? –J**

_Sure. –L_

**You're lying.**

_Who said I needed to tell you the truth?_

**Me.**

_Well, you lost that right when you forgot about rounds._

**I'm sorry! I told you why. Was it not a valid reason?**

_Good or bad reason, I'm still cross. And I'm pretty sure we agreed I have the right to be._

**Only for today, though.**

_Whatever helps you sleep at night._

**Lily.**

_Potter._

**Ugh.**

_Yes. Ugh._

**But really, are you okay?**

_I don't know._

**We didn't mean to make you upset. We just thought you should know.**

_I know._

**I'm sorry.**

_I know._

**You're going to be fine.**

_Doubtful._

**Well, if you keep doubting yourself, then, yeah, it is doubtful.**

_Oh, ha, ha. You're so clever._

**I was being serious.**

_Oh. Well. Thanks?_

**You're welcome. Now would you stop tapping your fingernails against the desk? It's driving me mad.**

_Um, no?_

**What are you so nervous about?**

_What are you talking about?_

**You always do that when you're anxious.**

_How did you know that?_

**Because you do it all the sodding time.**

_Well, you always hum when you're doing work!_

**How did you know that?**

_Because you do it all the sodding time as well!_

**Well, it relaxes me!**

_So tapping my fingers relaxes me!_

**You're impossible.**

_Stop smiling like a prat._

**No.**

_I hate you._

**You do not.**

_Git. Now stop passing me notes and pay attention!_

**Ha, no. I could do the stuff he's "teaching" in my sleep.**

_Good to know. Well, now that we had this little exchange, I am ending this whole note passing business and going back to ignoring you. And hating you. And insulting you. Tosser. _

**Nah, you're not.**

…

**Okay, maybe you are.**

**You're so stubborn.**

**ANSWER ME.**

**Fine. I hate you too. We're even.**

Needles to say, I was feeling a bit better after the whole note-passing thing with James. But, I don't know, just everything felt off. Towards the last ten minutes of class, Jenkins told us to try to cast our patronuses. Everyone did them at once, so it was a bit hectic.

I tried to think of a happy thought to do it. I thought of that day with Dad when they let him out of the hospital to spend Christmas with the family outside of his Hospital room. Petunia and I put our differences aside and got along. We spent the day inside, drinking cocoa by the fire, listening to Dad's old records, laughing, exchanging presents, being with each other. It was the best I'd seen him in ages. I felt truly happy that day. Dad always made me happy.

I closed my eyes and recreated the day strong and bright in my head. I focused on Dad's smile when I said, "Expecto Patronum!"

My signature silver doe came out from my wand, standing elegantly in the air. Then, suddenly, a stag passed by it gracefully. My doe started to follow it, and they started interacting with each other.

A stag. The doe's mate for life. It was cute. I turned to see whose stag it was.

Then I realized just how thick I was. Really, I was a complete fool. A FOOL. He _told_ me about his animagus form last year. He explained to me what Prongs meant. And I just can't put the bloody pieces together and notice that it's also his damn patronus?

Suddenly, I felt as if I were about to faint. I mean…what are the sodding odds that _his_ patronus and _my _patronus would just happen to be bloody made for each other! Oh man, this was bad. This was really, really bad. Down the drain kind of bad. So far down the drain that even Moaning Myrtle can't reach it. Oh buggering hell, I'm doomed. Doomed. This is my end. I'm dying.

Dying!

Look, I see the light…

"Lily, _hello?_"

"God? Is that you?" I said without realizing that I was speaking.

"Well, I _guess_ you can call me that," said the same voice. "Most of the birds in this school do."

Then I came back to reality. "Potter…"

I didn't know what to say. Really. Because I wanted to insult him. I wanted to insult him so bad. I wanted to rip him to shreds! But there was a slight problem.

I couldn't. Nope. No I could not because my eyes were averted back to our bloody patronuses getting all cozy with one another. NO OTHER PATRONUSES WERE DOING SO, BY THE WAY.

Jenkins dismissed us, so I grabbed my textbook and shoved it in my rucksack and muttered, "Have-to-go-bye!" really quickly and ran out of there before James could catch up.

"Lily!" I heard June calling after me.

I turned around, and was able to see James eyeing me strangely not too far behind June and Delia. "I'll-see-you-guys-later-bye!" I said, still rushing to the library.

And you know, I consider myself a pretty logical person. Usually. But going to the library was just plain stupid of me. Like, seriously. He _knows_ I go there during my frees! I should've gone to the girls' loo. Or just went to my room. But _no_, I just had to go to the library! Because three minutes later, guess who showed up.

"Why were you running out of defense to get to here?" he interrogated me as he took a seat across from me.

I rolled my eyes. "Pish, posh. I wasn't _running._ I was merely walking faster than the average student. I mean, seriously, you would think people are like snails around here. No one moves faster than my Nana here!"

He chuckled. "Okay, but you seemed to be walking a bit faster than being faster than the average student."

"Well, I wanted to get to my seat before anyone else took it."

"Rubbish," he said, leaning back in his chair.

"I am very possessive of this seat! I have always sat here at this table ever since first year! I'm emotionally attached to this seat!"

James's grin lit up his face, and my heart started to beat a lot faster. Shoot. I needed to stop this. Wasn't I cross with him? I'm cross with him!

"Well, I-"

"Wait. I'm cross with you. Leave."

"You weren't cross with me when we were passing notes in Defense," he reminded me.

"Yes I was. Momentary lapse of not being so cross. But I'm angry now. Yeah, real angry. Gr. Get lost, Potter," I said, trying to sound serious. But he merely laughed. "Stop laughing you evil, rounds forgetting, irresponsible, arrogant, toerag!"

"Arrogant toerag, eh?" he said, suddenly not laughing as much. Oops. Maybe I shouldn't have digressed to my fifth year I-hate-James-Potter insults. "I thought we were done with that."

"My loathing of you? Not a chance in hell, Potter," I said, hoping he caught my I'm-only-kidding tone. "Now, can I do my work please?"

"What work? No teachers assigned us work today. All our assignments are due tomorrow, and I'm sure you didn't leave anything for last minute."

"How do you know?" I asked. "I'm rather the rebel, really!"

"Ha. I like that. 'Lily Evans, rather the rebel, really'. Has a nice ring to it. But you really got to live up to it," James laughed.

"I already live up to it, you ponce."

"Oh really? What was the last rebellious act you did?"

"Um…Well, the other night, I came in after curfew!"

James raised an eyebrow, clearly amused. "Oh yeah? How long after curfew? Three minutes?"

"Seven minutes, actually, thank you!" I defended.

"Yeah, okay, big deal. And how many detentions have you gotten in your life? None, right?"

"Not true!" I shouted automatically. "I had one once in fifth year!"

"Wow, once. You should get a blue ribbon."

"But my wall for blue ribbons specifically is already filled up," I sighed sarcastically.

"What about-"

"Wait," I said, after realizing I was having too much fun with this conversation. "I'm cross with you. Stop distracting me from being angry!"

"Fine, fine. Just tell me this, why did you get that detention?" he smirked.

Ha. Funny one, James! Like I was going to tell the bloke I fancy that the one detention I got was for being caught snogging Patrick.

"Er, um, none of your business?" I stammered.

He rolled his eyes. "Just tell me!"

"Ask Sirius. I'm pretty sure he was there for that one. He didn't tell you about it?"

He shrugged. "I don't remember."

"What's with you and forgetting things, hm?"

"Oi, you're never going to let this rounds thing go, are you?"

"Tomorrow," I said. "Now, shoo, before I change my mind!"

"But I have nowhere to _go_," he almost whined. Psh. What a child.

I let out a hollow laugh. "I'm sure you have plenty of places to go. This is a castle! And since I'm sure _you_ haven't finished your assignments due tomorrow, so why don't you go to do that? In your room?"

James sighed, scratching his head. "Fine. But just tell me this-"

"You already said that before!"

"Well, since you never answered, I'm picking something else for you to tell me!"

"Ugh," I groaned. "All right. Go on."

"Why did you run out of Defense?"

I sighed. "I told you-"

"No, the real reason."

Oh shit. I wasn't going to tell him that. "Well, er…"

"If it was about the article," he said seriously. "I'm really sorry, again. I didn't mean to make you so upset."

Oh. He thought that was why. Poor, naïve James. So innocent. Ha wait what am I saying. James Potter is far from innocent. But that stupid look on his face is all like, _I'm an innocent little heartthrob and you know you fancy me!_ Well, James's face, I advise you to stop this at once because it is not helping my predicament!

In any event, I was going to go along with this little, er, theory as to why I sprinted out of there as if my life depended on it. "Oh, uh, yeah. It's fine, I told you. Don't worry about it."

"And why did you randomly get completely out of it after we casted our patronuses?"

James, my dear, you said one question, one answer! There are no follow-ups!

"Um…" was all I could manage.

"You're quite good at it, by the way," he said casually.

Who goes around randomly complimenting people's patronus casting skills? Yet, I still get that stupid feeling in my stomach. Stupid James. He should write a book. _How the Worst Pick-up Lines and Compliments Will Have Girls Drooling Over You Within a Matter of Seconds; _a guideline by James Potter.

"Um, thanks," I said, trying to ignore the fact that I felt a blush creeping up on my cheeks. And then, my stupid, idiotic mouth goes and says without my brain's permission, "I never knew your patronus was a stag."

"I knew yours was a doe," he said quietly. A bit too quietly for him. "I remember from last year, when we all tried doing it and only you, Sirius, Remus, me, and that Ravenclaw bloke could pull it off."

"Oh, yeah," I said, vaguely remembering now. And then it was silent, so I opened up my book.

"Hey, Lily," he said in a calm but serious voice.

"What now?" I said maybe a bit too harsh.

"Why were you so upset the other night?" he asked out of the blue. "Before we played chess?"

A lump in my throat suddenly appeared and I felt like I was about to choke. I looked down at my lap and started playing with my hands. "It was nothing. Forget it."

"But-"

"Just drop it," I snapped.

"Lily, I…" he tried and then paused. He took a deep breath. "You know I'm always here, if you ever need to talk about anything."

"You wouldn't understand," I heard myself say coldly.

"I never said I would," he said softly. "But I could try," he offered.

"It wouldn't make a difference."

I didn't have the courage to look up at his face because I knew I would instantly feel guilty and I don't need to feel that way. I don't need to be worried about offending James, as much as I didn't want to offend him at all. All I could worry about was my Dad.

"You don't know that, Lily. Sometimes just talking it out could make you feel better. You're such an upbeat, positive person…I hate seeing you get so upset without me being able to help-"

"I don't need anyone's pity about whatever's going on in my life! I don't need to drone on and on about it, expecting them to make me feel better! I hate doing that, and when I do it I regret it after," I said angrily, even though I knew part of me was lying because whenever I spoke to James about my problems he always made me feel better. But my Dad…I couldn't talk about. To anyone. I mean, sure, June and Delia kind of knew about it, but nothing more than the little I am ever willing to tell them. "Why does it even matter to you, anyway?"

I looked up at him at this point. I saw his face tense up. He looked angry, and I felt my stomach drop. "Because I fucking care about you, Lily. Isn't that enough?"

I bit my lip. "You just don't get it," I whispered.

I let my eyes wander from my lap to James's face, and I couldn't quite make out what he was feeling. But just then, he stood up and said, "Fine. I don't get it. Sorry to be such a pain in the arse. I won't ask in the future. I won't even bother to help," and then he got up and left without looking back.

I knew he didn't mean it. I knew he was just angry. But the second those doors closed my tears came out uncontrollably, sliding down my cheeks onto my book.

But I didn't want to think about it. Nope. I couldn't. Because I knew I was the one who was wrong here.

So I did what I always do in these situations; I studied.

I stayed in the library until dinner, and then I walked alone to the Great Hall. No one was there yet, and I was kind of happy about that, because truthfully, I wanted to be alone right now.

I was halfway done with my silent and lonely meal when someone sat across from me.

It was Sirius.

"Hi," I said meekly.

"We need to talk," he said.

_But I'm not really in a talking mood._ "Okay."

"What the hell did you _do?_"

_I hurt James's feelings, I know._ "What are you talking about?"

"Why was James in our dorm room sulking like the world was ending?"

_Because I'm a terrible person._ "I don't know, ask him."

"I don't need to ask him, Evans," Sirius said, rolling his eyes. "He only gets like this when it has to do with you."

_I know._ "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Lily," he sighed. "Look, I know James. And I know you. So stop lying and just tell me what happened."

I sighed. "Sirius…"

He just glared at me.

I grunted. "I may or may not have lashed out at him in the library. He was just pestering me on and on and I really didn't want to talk about what he was asking about. And I got angry, and I said something stupid, and he got angry and left. That's it."

Sirius ran a hand through his hair. "Lily."

"Yes?"

He sighed. "Listen…I know you fancy James."

What did he just say? "What did you just say?"

"I know you fancy James. Don't act like an idiot."

Well, that was a little harsh. "You know, Sirius, insulting me isn't going to convince me to spill my feelings about whomever to you."

"So there are feelings for James, then?" he asked, smirking.

"Er, um…no?" I lied.

He scoffed. "You're a brilliant liar."

"Thank you. I take pride in my lying abilities," I said.

"Lily," he said. "You're not going to tell me, are you?"

"There's nothing to tell," I lied again.

"Fine," he said. "But just promise me something."

"Depends."

"Don't hurt him."

_Don't hurt him._ At first, that made me really angry. Don't hurt him? Who does he think I am? Some slag just trying to toy with his emotions? Obviously not! That's the whole bloody reason I'm trying to stay away from him! So I don't hurt him! Even though, I guess, maybe, being closed off will just hurt him more…

So instead of yelling at Sirius, which I really didn't want to do, because, let's face it, I really did genuinely like the guy, he was a good mate, I said, "I wasn't planning on it," in all sincerity.

"Good," he responded.

I started to eat again and Sirius brought up a new topic. Well, not entirely new, really, because I knew what he was trying to imply. And by what, I mean who.

"So," he said, mischievous "Our last first Hogsmeade trip is a few weeks away."

"Mhm," I replied.

"Has anyone asked you?"

"Er, don't you think it's a little too early for that? It's like, three weeks away!"

"So?" Sirius laughed. "Since when did that stop anyone?"

I shrugged. "I just think it's a bit early."

"But are you considering someone?"

"Sirius," I sighed.

"Fine, fine, I get it," Sirius said, taking a drink of his pumpkin juice. "You're waiting for him to ask you."

"I don't know who this _him_ is of which you are speaking of, but I'm not _waiting_ on anyone," I said.

"Sure, Evans," he said, shaking his head. He glanced over to his right, further down at the table. I was able to see for a second that he was taking a glimpse at Carly Manning.

"Are _you_ asking anybody?" I asked, raising my eyebrow.

"Me?" he scoffed. "Please, Lily. I don't need to ask anybody. The birds in this school come crawling on their knees, pleading for me to choose them. I don't have to do a thing to get a date."

I snorted. "How sweet."

"Yes, I am pretty sweet, aren't I."

"Absolutely charming and classy."

He frowned. "If that was sarcasm-"

"So _you're_ waiting on someone then, yeah?"

He seemed shocked for an instant, and then he grimaced. "You know."

"Know what?" I said, trying to hide my smile.

"I am going to murder your boyfriend."

"I have no idea who or what you are talking about, but I think I made it pretty clear that I do not have a boyfriend."

"Okay, yeah, sure, whatever," he said, stuffing a spoonful of rice in his mouth, looking to his right again.

I smirked and started standing up. "All right, I'll leave you be to look at your girlfriend while I go finish my work."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "She's my girlfriend if James is your-"

"Bye!" I said, running away laughing. I slowed down and turned around to see Sirius laughing as well. I stuck my tongue out and then proceeded walking. I got to the entrance, well, the exit in my case, of the Great Hall when I bumped into Remus, Peter, June and Delia.

"Hey, Lil," June greeted me.

"Hey guys," I said. "Hey, um, Peter, Remus, is James still up in your dorm?"

I saw Delia and June exchange a look but I chose to (try to) ignore it.

"Yeah. And he seemed pretty upset, but he wouldn't tell us why," said Peter.

Remus was giving me a knowing glare. I guess he knew it had something to do with me too. "Yeah…I'm sure he'll be down soon for dinner, though."

"Oh, okay," I said quietly. "Thanks."

"Anytime, Lily," replied Remus, and he and Peter started walking to their seats.

"How are you doing, Delia?" I asked.

Delia and June were still looking at each other with those smirks on their faces. Okay, I guess it's safe to say that they know. I guess I'm just going to have to murder them tonight.

But anyway, I wasn't going to admit anything to them yet.

"Fine," she finally responded, though I knew she wasn't. "Just really hungry. Are you eating with us?"

"Sorry," I muttered. "Already ate. I have to go finish up some work anyway. I'll see you guys later."

"Everything okay, Lil?" June asked.

"Yeah…just busy," I said, which was half true, I guess. "I'll see you guys later."

"Sure thing," Delia responded as I strode past them.

Mission: apologize to James; commence.

I walked rather quickly up to the Gryffindor Tower. I muttered the password and entered the empty Common Room. I guess everyone was at dinner. But Remus said he'll be down soon, right? I mean, James really wasn't one to pass up a meal anyway. I kept glancing towards the staircase to the boys' dormitory. I had a rather strong desire to just go up there now and say something to him. Because, I mean, technically, I wouldn't be violating any school rules. Because, I mean, technically, girls are allowed in the boys' dormitory. Hence, the amount of shags people have gotten away with in this school. Not that I'm going up there to shag! Or anything sexual related! Just apologize! And maybe talk or whatever…

Anyways, I went with my better judgment and decided to just wait on the common room couch. So I waited.

I was sitting there all alone for a solid fifteen, maybe twenty minutes before I dozed off temporarily. It was that kind of sleep when you're not really asleep. When you're like, half there, half not. I was suddenly woken up by what sounded like a stampede but was really just James taking far too forceful footsteps down the stairs.

I immediately jumped off the couch, pulling at my clothes. "James, hi," I said hastily.

He paused for a moment, looked at me, and nodded. "Lily." He continued walking.

"James, wait," I said, walking over behind him.

He paused and turned on his heels. "What do you have to lecture me about now?"

Okay, ouch. Maybe I deserved that. "N-nothing. I just wanted to…um…well…"

He raised an eyebrow, putting his hands in his pockets. He looked so cute. Focus, Lily, focus. Apologizing. Right.

"I am the most horrendous human being to ever walk the face of the Earth and I don't know why you even bother to put up with me," I blurted out.

He sighed. "No you're not-"

"No, I am. Really, I am. I am terrible. Look, I just…" I took a deep breath. "I just have something going on and I, uh, well…I don't really like talking about it particularly and it's really nice how you're always trying to help and all but this is the one thing I just have trouble talking about and, er, I'm sorry for snapping at you because it's not like you knew or anything and I'm just rambling now but um yeah so thank you for being concerned, I suppose."

I am the world's biggest goon. Ever.

One of the hands residing in his pocket flew to his hair, and he swayed from heel to toe before he took a step closer to me. What the bloody hell was he doing.

"Er, were you waiting for me down here?"

"Um, y-yeah, I was."

His face lit up with a grin as he dropped his hand from his hair and said, "All right. I guess I forgive you."

"All because I _waited_ for you?" I asked amused, and then he was pulling me in for a hug with his free hand and then he took out the other from his pocket and wrapped his arms a bit tight around my waist, tight enough that I thought he was going to suffocate the butterflies causing havoc in my stomach. I hugged him back subconsciously, taking in his apple scent. Goddamn it he smelled so _good._

"Nah," he responded, still holding onto me.

"So why?" I asked, as he pulled away.

He shrugged with a crooked grin. "Because."

"Great reasoning."

"Because. You're hard to stay cross with."

Okay this bloke really needed to stop doing things like this to my head. I needed to run. Flee. Get out ASAP. I couldn't keep doing this to myself. I couldn't keep letting myself get lost in his stupid hazel eyes and fall for his stupid charm. I can't be like all of those other girls. He would probably drop me in two days if we ever even tried being together. Realize how boring and not worth it I am.

But I also couldn't keep doing this to James.

_Don't hurt him._

I gave Sirius my word. And I intend on keeping that word.

I gave a nervous, shaky laugh. "Oh, well, thank you." I didn't know what else to say.

"Also, you called me James despite your stupid rule on calling me Potter all day," he said, smiling.

Oh right. Mental glitch. Forgot about that one. Damn it. I couldn't help but smile at him though, and he smiled even wider back. It was quite funny how happy he was just because I used his first name.

No, wait, Lily, you're trying to get _away_ from him, remember? Bloody hell. I need someone to keep me in check here.

"I-I have to go and finish up these point sheets for Dumbledore, but, I-I'll see you later?"

James gave me a curious look. "You're not eating dinner?"

"Already did."

"Oh," he responded lightly. "Yeah, okay. See you later."

I nodded and gave him a weary smile and started walking towards the staircase as he started walking closer to the portrait hole.

Suddenly, I heard him stop walking and he said, "Wizard chess tonight?"

I know I just went on a whole rant about how I had to keep away from James because I'm just hurting the both of us, but I was instantly turning around and blurting out, "Well, obviously," as I gave him a playful smile. "Be prepared for me to kick your arse," I said.

"Ah, that would be my pleasure," he said, wiggling his eyebrows.

"Oh, har, har, Mister I-Turn-Everything-Into-A-Sexual-Innuendo," I said rolling my eyes, turning back around.

"I've been practicing!" he shouted back. "With Sirius! And I've been winning by landslides."

"Sexual innuendos? Or chess?"

"Both!"

I laughed. "I'm still going to win," I said in a sing-songy tone.

I heard him chuckle sweetly, which caused me to turn around again and look at him. My heart was beating against my chest a mile a minute. All because of that stupid laugh. And maybe the lingering smell of apples.

"At sexual innuendos, or chess?" he finally asked.

I laughed and then rolled my eyes, turning back around. "I hate you," I said loud enough for him to hear.

"Oh, no you don't," he said, and I could hear the charm in his damn voice. Then I heard the portrait close, and I turned around to just stare at the space where James had just been.

Look at me. I'm like a pathetic school girl.

This whole love-hate or fancy-hate or whatever this thing is really is a bit too complicated for my liking.

Stupid James, just casually ruining my life with his perfection.

...

..

Sh, pretend I never said that.

* * *

><p><strong><em>AN: so, I just wanted to let you know, that I know not too much has been going on, but the next chapter is when something big in particular happens...the more you review the quicker I update. So maybe this is bribery...but oh well. :D_**


	5. Intoxicating

**_A/N: So this is probably the fastest I'll ever update. This chapter is pretty short and while I apologize for that, I kept my promise and the big thing happens this chapter! I can't wait for you to read it. Thank you to anyone who has reviewed! And if you haven't, I would love you more than I love summer rain if you did!- and I LOVE summer rain. :) Thank you for reading and enjoy! _**

* * *

><p><strong>(James's P.O.V.)<strong>

Lily Evans is intoxicating. She's like the fresh touch of firewhiskey on my tongue. She's like the smell of spring. It's like everything she does is in slow motion, but it goes by too fast. It's the way she taps her fingers when she's nervous. It's the way her laugh is louder than anyone I know, and I wish I could hear it all day. It's the way her eyes literally suck you in and there's nothing more beautiful in the world, except maybe her smile. It's the way she always eats waffles in the morning. It's the way that every now and then she smells like raspberries. It's the way she looks you right in the eyes when you're talking to her and when she's talking to you. It's the way she beats me in chess every game, and always takes pride in it. It's the way she works harder than anyone I know. It's the way she's an amazing mate, to not only me but to all her other friends. It's the way she never judges anyone. It's the way she has this intuition about everything. It's the way she's never really angry, no matter how hard she tries. It's how forgiving she is. It's the way she looks at you like you're the most important person in the world.

Like I said. Intoxicating.

"Prongs!" I heard someone shout.

"What?" I asked, looking away from Lily laughing with Delia and June.

"Would you stop drooling over Evans and listen?" Sirius asked with a smirk on his face.

"I am listening," I lied. "And I'm not _drooling_ either."

"So you know the plan?" Remus asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Plan for what?" I asked.

"He wasn't listening," Peter sighed.

"We need to go to a Lily-free zone for him to pay attention," Sirius said, taking a bite of his lunch.

"I am paying attention!" I defended, though I obviously wasn't.

Remus rolled his eyes. "Our plan of sneaking out to Hogsmeade today."

"Wait," I said. "Did we not just do that last week?"

"So?" asked Sirius. "I'm in need for a break."

"You don't even do any work," Peter said.

"Wait, Remus, why are you even on board with this?" I asked him. "You're supposed to be the one telling us a once a month is enough."

"Well, technically," Sirius intervened. "Our last trip was September. And now it's October. Hence, the once a month rule."

"Moony," I whined.

"It's the new moon in a few days. I'm stressed out. Sue me."

"We still have left over firewhiskey from last time. It's in my drawer," I reminded them. "And it's a Saturday, anyway. Can't we just get sloshed in the room?"

They looked at each other. "What's up with you, James?" asked Sirius. "Lily getting to your head?"

Ugh. Here we go again.

"No. I mean…maybe. But I'm Head Boy. I'm not supposed to be promoting these things!"

"Yet you're promoting getting pissed in our dorm room," said Peter.

"Well, I think that's better than sneaking out again when we can just do it here. I'm still one for getting buzzed."

"Fine. I'm with James on this one," said Remus.

Sirius groaned. "Since when did you two become so boring?"

"Moony was always boring," I said.

"I was unaware that being a werewolf classified me as boring, but thanks, I appreciate that," Remus said.

"Fair enough, but_ I_ am not boring," I defended myself. "Pete is."

"I am not," Peter murmured.

"Ugh, fine, fine. We'll just stay in our room like a bunch of losers. Woop-dee-doo," Sirius said, rolling his eyes. "Why am I friends with you guys again?"

"Because no one else would take you in," Remus said. "And we were ever so kind to do so. So complaining is just completely unnecessary."

Sirius frowned. "I resent that."

"No, you don't," Remus replied.

"How do you know what I resent and what I don't?"

"Would you two stop fighting like an old married couple? It's getting old," I said.

"You just wish it was you and Lily fighting like an old married couple instead of us," Sirius said.

Why did this always turn to me fancying Lily? "You're a git, Padfoot."

"Right back at you, brother," he said, taking a chicken wing out of my plate.

"Hey-"

Someone cleared their throat behind me but I didn't bother turning around. Sirius dropped the wing on his plate, wiped his hands on his napkin quickly and said, "Well, my men, later will be greater," hopped literally _over_ the table to my side, slapped my back, and hopped off the bench.

I turned around to see Carly waiting right there with a sly smile on her face, and right then Sirius put his arm around her shoulders, saluted us, and proudly strutted away with his shag buddy.

"Where do you think they're off to do it this time?" I asked.

"Probably a broom closet," Remus said, rolling his eyes. "You know Sirius. The bloke has _exceptional_ class."

"So does Carly, apparently," I responded.

"So _what_ are they now, exactly?" Peter asked.

"Mates with benefits, I suppose?" I suggested.

"But Carly wants to be in a _relationship_," said Remus.

Peter chuckled. "And Sirius just wants a good shag."

"Yeah, but he likes Carly," I added. "He just doesn't like admitting it."

"He likes to drone on and on about it when he's drunk, though," said Peter.

"Well," Remus said, looking at Peter. "It's not as bad as Prongs over here when he's drunk babbling about-"

"Hey, Remus, I need your help!" someone shouted. I turned around to see Delia walking over with Lily not too far behind her. I subconsciously straightened myself up, running a hand through my hair. I saw Lily rolling her eyes, biting her lip, trying to prevent a smile from crossing her gentle face. I realized she noticed the automatic hand-to-hair thing, so I dropped it quickly, and that's when her face broke out in a grin.

"Sure, what is it?" Remus asked Delia as she plopped down beside him.

"Defense," she whined, pointing to the page in the textbook. "I don't know what in bleeding hell I'm supposed to write about dementors because it does not say a damned thing in here…."

"Hi," Lily said to me, still standing, as Remus helped Delia and Peter watched them.

"Hey," I said coolly. She looked beautiful today, but when didn't she? She seemed awake, so her eyes looked less tired but I could catch a glimpse of sadness hidden beneath them, but I didn't dare to ask again. "Where's June?"

She sighed as she sat down beside me, dropping her rucksack on the floor. "She just went off with Noel somewhere." She looked around. "Sirius?"

"With Carly," I told her.

"Ah," she said, nodding her head. "You never even told me the whole story of what's going on with them. But you four are back on track, I assume?"

I smiled. "Yeah, we're sorted. Sirius could just be stubborn sometimes."

"Oh really? I haven't noticed," Lily said sarcastically.

"Aren't we all?"

"Yeah, I suppose," she laughed light-heartedly. I wanted to hear her laugh again. "So, was my theory correct?"

I nodded. "Dead on. Sirius fancies her, for sure. But he doesn't want to be 'tied down,' and somehow he convinced Carly that she doesn't want to be either. So for now they're just…"

"Friends with benefits?"

"Exactly," I said. "Which has not really been so pleasant for any of us besides them at Quidditch practice. Should have never paired those two together."

She chuckled again, making my heart pang against my chest so loud I could almost hear it. "Better hand in your resignation now, captain."

I grinned. "You're right. Not only that, but your dear mate Miss Carter constantly trying to murder Thorne isn't exactly an easy situation for me to try and tame."

"Hey, she's just protective over Emily. It's understandable. Wouldn't you do the same if you had a sister?"

Why did she always have to be so logical? "Well, yes, but I don't have a sister, so there's no issue."

She rolled her eyes. "You're lucky for that."

I almost asked why, but I stopped myself, remembering the things she's told me about her and her sister Petunia's relationship. So I shrugged and muttered, "Maybe."

I think she got that I was trying not to play the save-the-day-guy right now, so she gave me a curt smile.

"God bless your soul, Remus Lupin," Delia practically shouted, scribbling quickly her last few sentences.

I picked up Lily's bag for her and her cheeks turned a faint pink. Why was she blushing at such a simple gesture I've done for her over the years so many times? "Oh, you didn't have to do that. I can do things my-"

"-self, yes, I know," I finished for her, flashing a grin, holding out the bag, raising my eyebrows.

She shook her head, smiling in submission, snatching her rucksack from my hands. "Thanks." She stood up, throwing it over her shoulder. "Don't forget rounds tonight. Or you'll find yourself waking up six feet under."

"Death threats? You've been giving me a lot of those lately."

"I never said you'd be _dead_," she replied, smirking. "I just said you'd wake up six feet under. You'll have enough oxygen to last you enough time to figure out how to get out. Unless you don't wake up in time."

"That'll be easy to get out of," I said. "I could just-"

"I've stolen your wand before I've buried you."

"Let's say I wake up when you're doing all of this?"

"You won't," she answered confidently. "I have it all planned out. And I'm not telling you anything else about it."

"I'm glad you spend your free time thinking of ways to put me in misery."

"It's what I do best. I am Head Girl, after all. I need creative ways to try to enforce the rules. Maybe you could learn something from me."

I smiled, rolling my eyes. So I promised, "I'll be there."

"You better," she said, before turning on her heels and walking to Delia, who was shoving her book and parchment into her own rucksack. I watched as Lily said bye to my two friends and left with Delia merrily.

"Prongs," Remus said. "You're staring again."

I averted my eyes away from her fading image and looked at Remus and noticed Peter was suddenly chatting with a sixth year. I turned to face Remus. I sighed. "Yeah, yeah I know…"

"She likes you, James. I know you don't think so, but-"

"Remus, she used to _hate_ me. She doesn't fancy me now. We're just mates. She's made that pretty clear."

"How so?"

"After the thousands of times she's rejected me?" I reminded him.

"And how many times was that this year? Or even towards the end of last year?"

I frowned. "Okay, but last year she had a boyfriend."

"For the last few weeks of the term, that was it!"

"Well…"

"And she's been single all this year so far. And you know you're not the only one who fancies her, James. Why don't you just try?"

I rolled my eyes. "I have tried…in the past. I'm honestly just happy with us being mates. She doesn't…she doesn't look at me the way I look at her."

Remus sighed. "Prongs, just-"

"Can we drop it?" I asked, trying not to sound irritated.

"All right," Remus said. And we finished eating in silence.

* * *

><p>For some reason, tonight I really only had one sip of firewhiskey, and that was it. Maybe it was because I knew I had to go meet Lily soon for rounds, or maybe it was just because I wasn't in the mood, or maybe it was both.<p>

The thing about the Marauders, is we were all completely different types of drunks. When Padfoot gets drunk, he's just a more exaggerated version of himself; he's louder, he's crazier, he swears three times as much, and he doesn't hold anything back. When Wormtail's drunk, that's when the little bit of fun comes out in him. He'll usually find some bird a year or two younger and snog them for a bit, and if he's just with us he's just more lively. Moony is relatively the same when he's drunk from when he's not drunk, except when he is drunk he loses his intelligence just a bit and he's way less uptight. And, well, me, when I get drunk, I get all loopy. I have no clue what's going on and I just laugh at everything and I act ridiculously immature (not that I don't on a regular basis act immature…but I'm getting better! Aren't I?).

Anyway, when we're drunk, we all end up having the strangest, most pointless, idiotic conversations ever. I mean, they're wildly amusing, but still, pretty uh, not on par with our regular intellect.

So them three were all relaxed, no worries, and I was just sitting here thinking about Lily and what Remus said and what Delia and June said and just what would happen if maybe possibly something…

My thoughts were interrupted when Sirius said, "Hey, Prongs, why the long face?"

"His face is more circular than oval shaped…actually…no, no, it's more oval like," Remus said.

"What are you on about?" Peter asked.

"Well," said Remus. "Ovals are long, circles aren't. Hence, James's face being the shape of an oval."

"What," I simply said. It wasn't even a question.

"Ovals, circles, triangles, hexagons…" Sirius said. "Who needs 'em?"

Remus literally face palmed. "Yeah, who needs 'em when you've got a shag mate to bend and twist into any shape you'd like!"

"Exactly!" Sirius agreed happily, taking another sip (okay, gulp) out of the bottle.

Remus rolled his eyes. "I was being sarcastic."

"You're always sarcastic, Moony," said Peter, chuckling.

"I wouldn't say _always_," he responded.

"We didn't get to why Prongs's face is long," said Peter.

"Yes we did," said Sirius. "Because his face is shaped like an oval."

"You dolt," Remus laughed. "When you asked why the long face you meant why does he look upset."

"I did?"

"Yes," both Remus and Peter said.

"That's a stupid way to ask someone if they're upset," Sirius said.

"You're the one who said it!" said Peter.

"I don't think when I speak!" Sirius defended himself.

"Oh yeah, and that's news to us," said Remus, snickering.

"Says the bloke who's not _always_ sarcastic."

"I am not always sarcastic! Right James?" he asked.

"Well-"

"Wait, James, you never answered why you were upset!" Sirius shouted.

I rolled my eyes. "I'm not upset. And you all were too busy bickering over shapes and being sarcastic. I got side tracked in the entertainment."

"Did you even drink?" Sirius asked.

"Yeah, a bit," I said.

Sirius grabbed the bottle from Peter during a mid-sip, causing it to spill on Peter, causing Remus to howl with laughter, and Sirius crawled over to me, shoving the bottle in my face. "C'mon, Prongs, get sloshed with us," he slurred.

"Padfoot-"

"Don't go all Head Boy on me now, James. I miss my best friend."

"I'm right here!" I said.

He shook his head violently. "Nuh-uh," he said. "You're all boring and pansy-like now…it's horrific. My worst fears come to life."

"I am not," I said. "I drank!"

"Remus is more drunk than you are!" Sirius said. "You aren't even drunk at _all_," he said, prolonging the word 'all.' "Not even tipsy."

"So? What's the big deal?"

Sirius gasped dramatically. "What's the big _deal?_ When Merlin was named the greatest wizard of all time, did he say what's the big deal? When Ireland won the World Cup three years in a row did they say what's the big deal? When-"

"What does any of that have to do with me being drunk or not?"

"It has everything to do with it!" he shouted.

I rolled my eyes and looked at my watch. "I have to go-"

"Noooooo," Sirius whined, pulling on my arm. "You can't leeeeave."

"Sirius," I said, pushing him off me. "I'll see you later."

I took my wizard chess board, my wand, the map, and the cloak and threw it in my rucksack.

"Hey," Sirius called out as I was about to head out the door. "If y-you're gonna ditch us for Evans y-you might as well get a good shag in, yeah?" he slurred.

"Sure, Sirius, whatever you say," I laughed, leaving the room.

* * *

><p>"Knight to B7," she said proudly. Damn it she was good. She laughed as her knight smashed my bishop to pieces. "Check!"<p>

"You're good," I said, scratching my head, trying to figure out how to protect my king.

"I know," she smiled, taking a bite of a cookie.

"Well, aren't you modest."

"Why, yes. Yes I am."

I rolled my eyes, smiling, looking at her instead of the board. We were sitting on the floor of the corridors, playing chess and eating snacks. The map was out next to us, and every now and then we'd lean over to see if anything was going on.

Her beautiful eyes caught mine, so I looked back down at the board, feeling my face heat up. I looked down at the pieces but wasn't really thinking about what I should do regarding the chess game.

"Well, take all day, why don't you," she said.

I made a face at her and then said, "Rook to B7."

"Oh, hell," she said, as my rook smashed her knight. "Didn't see that."

"Someone's slipping on their skills."

"Psh. No. I'm just going easy on you."

"Mhm."

"I _am_."

"Whatever you say."

"You're so irritating!"

"Ditto."

She groaned, taking a bite of a cookie angrily. I laughed. She stared at the board with intense concentration.

"Take all day, why don't you," I teased.

"Oh, hush, you git."

"Can't take what you dish out, eh, Evans?"

Suddenly, she had a sly smile on her face. She cracked her knuckles and then declared, "Queen to C5!"

"Shit," I murmured.

"Check!"

"You're a monster."

"I'm going to win," she sang.

"Yeah, yeah, we'll see," I smiled, trying to take my eyes off her glowing smile and look back down at the board.

I was contemplating on where to move my king when suddenly Lily spoke. "Hey, James."

"Sh!"

"No, wait, James. Look," she said. I looked up at her and she was pointing to the map. I leaned over and saw what she was pointing at. Mulciber, Avery, and Snape were not too far down the corner of the corridor, right outside of Jenkin's classroom.

I looked at her. "Should we…"

She grabbed my rucksack and took out the cloak. "Grab the map," she ordered as she stood up.

I obliged, taking the map and standing up as well.

"Come here," she said.

I raised an eyebrow and walked over to her. She pulled me close to her, causing my heart rate to speed up, throwing the cloak over the both of us. We looked at the map and started walking quietly towards them. We stayed at the corner so we were close enough to see and hear them.

"It's stronger than ever," Snape hissed.

"And it hurts like a fucker," said Mulciber, pulling on his left sleeve.

"He wants us to do something," said Snape again.

"I'm thinking it has to do with Mudbloods," said Avery. I looked at Lily, who was grimacing. "I mean, that seems to be what he's doing mostly now."

"Kill off the weak ones and then move on to the blood traitors," said Mulciber.

"So what's the plan?" asked Snivellus.

"Not sure yet," Avery said. "We're thinking something along the lines of Imperius-"

"Unforgivable curses? In school?" asked Snape.

"Have a problem with that?" asked Avery.

"No, I just…don't you think Dumbledore will catch us?"

"Ha! He's so daft he won't even catch on," said Mulciber.

"Mulciber, you're underestimating Dumbledore, I think," Snape said slowly.

They both glared at him, and then laughed. "You're an idiot, Severus," said Avery.

"Excuse me?"

"Dumbledore won't know a thing. We've got Jenkins on our side-"

Lily and I snapped our heads towards each other. So Jenkins _was_ a Death Eater!

"-and if anything, we can just get him to put Dumbledore under the Imperius too. It won't be a problem."

What the fuck was wrong with these people? Anger was boiling inside me.

"So when are we actually going to formulate a proper plan?" Snape asked.

"Not sure. Whenever the Dark Lord tells Jenkins what he really wants," Mulciber said.

"Though," Avery started. "We could start with just using some curses or poisons on the Mudbloods in this damned school anyway. No harm, really. I'd love to get my hands on that Evans…sorry Snape, I know she was your girlfriend and all-"

"That Mudblood was never my _girlfriend_," Snape hissed.

"Still, don't know why you ever associated yourself with her. She's a fucking worthless-"

Lily was suddenly holding my hand tightly, and dragging me as she ran towards them. She punched Avery right in the face. He fell to the floor and cried out in pain.

"What the devil-" Mulciber started to say, when Lily kicked him in the bullocks. "Bloody fuck!"

I had to contain my laughter, and I looked at her face and she was holding it in too. She looked at me, raised her eyebrow, and motioned her head in Snape's direction.

We walked over to him. He was standing there, looking more baffled than ever.

We stood behind him and I took my wand out, letting it go under the cloak just for an instant so no one could see it. "One, two…" Lily mouthed.

And I did a nonverbal spell to make his pants fall to his ankles. I quickly put my wand back under the cloak and Lily and I were both covering our mouths to prevent ourselves from erupting with laughter when Snape turned around to see no one there, his face absolutely filled with mortification.

Snape cried out, pulling them back up quickly. Mulciber and Avery both got up and they all ran in the complete opposite direction. Lily and I, still hand in hand, ran back to where we were before. We watched the map and when they were completely gone and weren't able to hear us, we bursted into laughter. I threw the cloak off of us and we fell to the floor, hysterically laughing.

"The look on Snivellus's face!" I shouted, tears forming in my eyes from the laughter.

"Oh my god, that was _priceless!_" she laughed, gripping on my arm. "When I kicked Mulciber, oh man that was brilliant!"

"And you gave Avery a bloody nose!"

"He deserved it!" she shouted, still laughing. "I'm finally getting why you got so much enjoyment out of hexing those gits."

"So you approve now?"

"No!" she said, laughing more. "This was just a one time thing, but really, that was brilliant!"

I laughed with her, and the look on her face made my stomach turn over. Her hand fell from my arm to my hand. I was trying to catch my breath as I looked into her glossy green eyes. And all the sudden, all the words I've been hearing the past month were being replayed in my head.

_You won't know if you don't tried._

_You're not just mates._

_She fancies you._

And I didn't know if what they were saying was true. Really, I didn't know. But looking at her now, I saw what I've always seen, but I truly saw it. The girl of my dreams, no matter how cliché it is. Lily Evans truly was intoxicating, and it wasn't the sip of alcohol I had before seeing her. It was the high she put me on. The way she looked, spoke, moved…She was so perfectly imperfect and everything I could have ever wished for. Funny and sweet and caring and stubborn and smart and genuine and full of life and unique and extraordinary and wonderful and more beautiful than anything I've ever seen.

I wasn't thinking logically. I was just thinking about how much I felt about this girl, that in that moment, logic did not matter at all. My hand already on hers, she was looking back at me with that breath-taking smile. Sitting on the floor, facing each other.

So I put my other hand on her cheek, closed my eyes, and kissed her.

Yeah.

At first, as I expected, she didn't react. I pressed my lips against hers, caressing her face, squeezing her hand, but she just sat there, still as stone. Once I realized that was it, I started to pull away. Right before my lips had the chance to leave hers, suddenly, she pulled on my collar and stopped the separation, crushing her lips against mine.

She kissed me back.

I responded back enthusiastically, taking my other hand off of hers and putting it to her other cheek. She continued pulling at my collar until she threw her arms around my neck. After a minute or so, tongues got involved. Her hands were moving through my hair, and then she placed them against my chest. I kept mine on her face and in her hair, keeping her as close to me as possible. It was hot and wet and sweet and slow and a million times more brilliant than I ever imagined all these years.

We must have been snogging for about five minutes when a few thoughts entered my brain really strongly. Why was she kissing me back? What was going on? _Did_ she fancy me? I think she did. I could feel it in the kiss. I mean, she was Lily Evans. And she was snogging _me. _And as much as I wanted to keep kissing her…hell, I would snog the living daylights out of her forever if I could…I felt like I had to pull away and figure out what was going on here.

Because for once, I wanted this to really _mean_ something, and I needed to know it did.

I slowly pulled away, almost regretting it the second I did. I dropped my hands from her face and a moment later she dropped her hands from my chest. I looked at her. Really looked at her. And she was looking back at me. Right in the eyes.

I had to tell her how I feel. I just _had _to.

"Lily," I said breathlessly. She looked down now, her face bright pink. "I…I need to tell you something."

"James-"

"It's important."

"I-I need to tell you something too…first," she said, looking up but avoiding looking at me right in the eyes.

"O-okay."

She took a deep breath. "I…you…We…That…"

I smiled at her hesitation.

We were silent for a few moments, and then she took another breath. "J-James, I…I'm sorry," she said, and then stumbled up and started rushing away.

"Lily!" I shouted, standing up. "Lily, wait!"

She ran out of sight. I wanted to run after her, but I physically couldn't. Maybe I was afraid of what she was going to say. But she had to feel something for me if she was snogging me like that.

Didn't she?

* * *

><p><strong><em>AN: AHHHH. Are you feeling as uregfuycvbewu as I did while writing this? EEEK. OK, so the thing is the next month I'm gonna have a LOT going on with school ending and all, and this update was like, ridiculously fast, so don't get used to it :) - but I'm REALLY going to try to write the next one in a reasonable amount of time. I have big plans for the next chapter- so again, the more you review, the faster it'll come your way! :) I'm evil, aren't I? x_**


	6. A Chance

_**A/N: Here it is. Chapter 6. I've been waiting to write this chapter for a while. I'm really excited about it. Please, PLEASEEEE review so I know what you think and I really hope you love it as much as I do. Enjoy :)**_

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><p><strong>(LILY'S P.O.V.)<strong>

The bloke didn't even give me a chance to realize what he was doing. Honestly, none whatsoever. No signals, no gestures. Nothing. Or maybe I was just lost in the hazel of his eyes, the olive green and golden brown meshed together, I was drowning in them. People talked about my eyes? James Potter has eyes that could put mine to shame.

As I was staring at the ring of green around his pupils, wondering why I couldn't tear my eyes away from his like I usually had the willpower to, his hand was suddenly on my cheek, and before I could register the fact that he was touching my face, he leaned in and kissed me.

Yeah.

At first, I didn't move. His lips were really soft, that was the first thing I noticed. And they were pushed up against mine with the perfect amount of force. Not too hard, not to gentle. The next thing I noticed was that his hand was still on my face, caressing me lightly. His hands were a bit rough, but I loved the way they felt against my cheek. I also noticed his other hand was squeezing mine, not so tight that it hurt but tight enough for me to feel protected. It was all really quick, I'm sure. Suddenly, he started pulling away slowly. Slowly enough for me to realize he was going to remove his lips from mine.

I'm not sure what it was. Impulse maybe. Maybe it was the feel of his lips against mine, and how I didn't like the feeling that they were escaping. Maybe it was because I wanted him to be kissing me. Maybe it was because _I _wanted to be kissing _him_. Maybe it was because I felt like my heart was going to burst out of my chest, but in a good way, and I loved how it felt.

It seemed like a perfectly good idea at the time, so, I used my free hand and pulled on his collar, not only keeping his lips on mine much more securely but…

I kissed him back.

I mean, _really_ kissed him back. He took his hand off mine and put it on my other cheek, my heart fluttering more than ever. I took my now free hand and used it with my other hand to continue pulling on his collar, making sure his face was as close to me as it could be. When his lips left mine for a millisecond to catch a breath and then nibble on my lower lip, I threw my arms around his neck, and he leaned in closer again. I scratched the back of his neck lightly with my finger nails, and then, I'm not really quite certain how this part happened, but I opened my mouth ever so slightly and let James's tongue slide in, meeting my own. I reacted back, and they danced with one another as I let my fingers search through James's hair like I've watched his rough hands do so many times before. I loved the feel of my fingers buried in his shaggy hair. I could tell both of us felt like we needed to be closer to each other. It was odd though, because we were sitting on the floor, so instead we just kept making the kiss deeper. I placed my hands on his chest, feeling his heavy breathing and his rapid heart beat.

James's hands only stayed on my face or in my hair.

What a gentleman. Who knew?

Anyway, it was a really, really great snog. Not just because James was a great snogger, though, hell, he _really_ was. But because…I really fancied the boy I was snogging. More than anyone I've ever snogged. And while I was kissing him, I wasn't thinking about all the complications and things wrong with it, but I just kept thinking of ways to try to get him closer to me every time we disconnected to readjust our heads or to catch a bit of oxygen. I just kept thinking of how wonderful the whole thing was. That's all that mattered. I was kissing this wonderful boy who made me feel wonderful and I didn't want it to end.

But all good things must end.

But, like I said, I wasn't really thinking of ways to end it. Someone else, apparently, was.

Honestly, we were probably only snogging for around five minutes. It could not have been so long, though I've memorized every second of it that it feels like it could have been ages. Suddenly, James's tongue left mine, and he slowly lifted his lips from mine, and I, being an idiot, didn't even realize that it was ending even when his hands left my face. I just slowly let my hands drop from his chest and opened my eyes and looked into his, waiting for him to connect his mouth back to mine. But he never did.

"Lily," he finally said softly, sounding very out of breath. And that's when everything registered. I had just snogged James Potter. Willingly! And I enjoyed every bloody second of it. Was that right? Did I? Of course I did. I wanted to stop him from whatever he was about to say and kiss him again. Okay, that was the slaggy part of me. But the logical, sensible, in-her-right-mind part of me was very, very confused. James just kissed me. I liked it. I liked him. I really, really liked him. Didn't I loathe the bloke for years? Wasn't he supposed to be just my mate? Wasn't I supposed to be avoiding situations where things could end up like they just had?

I took my eyes off his, feeling my face turn even more pink than it already was, and looked down.

"I… I need to tell you something," he said quietly.

Uh oh. I knew where this was going. About how he fancied me still. I didn't want to hear it. Once I heard it, it was real. Then it would be real that he still fancied me, not just something all our friends would say. I didn't know what to say, but I knew I wanted to stop whatever he was about to. Or did I? Did I want to end what could possibly be what I truly wanted, before it even started?

"James-"

"It's important," he interrupted.

I had to say something to get him to listen to me instead. "I-I need to tell you something too…first," I said, finally looking up, but refusing to look him right in the eyes.

"O-Okay," he stammered.

It worked! Wait. What was I going to say though? What did I even want to say? I had no idea. But…but I needed to tell him what was going through my head. I needed to tell him how I felt. And I needed to tell him it wouldn't work. Because…because, it wouldn't, right? He would get bored of me. He would realize I'm not the perfect girl he's envisioned in his head all these years. He would realize how dull and average and not worth it I am. And if that didn't happen…I don't know. Why did I have this feeling it just wouldn't work out?

I took a deep breath, but proper sentences wouldn't come out. "I…" _I fancy you. A lot._ "You…" _You're too good for me_. "We…" _We wouldn't work, but_… "That…" _That…that was so heart wrenching and wonderful that I wish we would. But…_

But…

I saw him smile at me trying to find the words to say out loud without making a complete fool of myself. Why did he always have to do things like that? Smile at such idiotic things I did? He smiled at _every goddamn thing I did_! Why did he fancy me so much? Not too long ago I would have said he didn't deserve me, but the truth is, I don't deserve him. Sure, he could be a bit arrogant at times…but in reality, he is so selfless and caring and thoughtful and loving and courageous and noble and…and he deserves better than plain ole me.

And now I really didn't know what to say. And I didn't want to look like more of a dolt than I already did. And I didn't want him to say anything and just ruin it. Because he would probably convince me otherwise, and truth is…I was scared. Terrified, honestly. I was afraid of being hurt but even more so, just afraid of facing my true feelings and actually being with the bloke.

So I did the only logical thing my brain came up with at the moment.

"J-James, I…I'm sorry," I said, and then, without looking at him for another second, I stumbled up from the floor, and started running away.

Yeah.

I _ran away._

That wasn't logical, I know. I'm a complete idiot. I know! But what was I supposed to do?

Okay, I probably could have done a lot of better things instead of running away. Like, I could have just snogged him again! Okay, maybe that wouldn't have been the greatest idea either.

Anyway, I started running down the corridor to the stairs to Gryffindor Tower. Which, you could say, wasn't even so smart, because James lives there too, and knows how to get there, has a bloody map of the entire school and everyone in it, and could easily catch up to me if he wanted to. I wasn't even running that fast. I was more like…scampering, I think.

"Lily!" I heard him shout only a few seconds after I started to run. "Lily, wait!"

But that didn't stop me. But once I turned down the corner, it did make me slow down, hoping I would hear his heavy footsteps following behind me, catching up to me, stopping me before I could get any further, turning me around, throwing his hands around my waist, pulling me close to him and kissing me and telling me it will all work out with a happily-ever-after ending.

But he never followed. So I just kept going.

And that's when I started to cry.

I made it up to my room with tears still falling. I walked in and took a sigh of relief because Wendy and Kim were not there.

June spoke first. "Oh, hey, Lil, you got a letter from Marlene! We put it on your-"

"Lily?" Delia asked as I ran to my bed, plopping down on it face first. "What happened? What's wrong?"

I shook my head against my pillow, letting out a sob.

"Lily!" June shouted, sitting down next to me on the bed. Delia sat on the other side. "What's the matter?"

"I want to die!" I said. Okay, a bit dramatic.

Delia slapped my arm. Maybe I deserved that. "Shut the bloody hell up with your dramatics and tell us what happened!"

I turned over, wiping my eyes. Breathe, Lily. Breathe. "You'll laugh. Or tell me you told me so, even though you never really told me so though I know what you're both always thinking!"

"Heh?" June asked.

"Ugh!" I groaned. How was I going to do this? Gah. I had to suck it up. "IfancyJamesPotter," I mumbled, barely audible.

"What?"

"I FANCY JAMES POTTER!" Okay. That may have been too loud.

Oh man, you should have _seen_ the looks on their faces! They both smiled like I just told them all three of us won the lottery and were going to Hawaii.

"We know," started June. "But why are you-"

"There's more," I said.

"Go on," they said.

I took a deep breath. "."

Their eyes widened. "Come again?" said Delia.

"I may," I said, pausing. "Or may not," another pause. "Have just," oh God here it goes. "Snogged him."

"WHAT?"

"Sh!"

"LILY EVANS, _YOU_ SNOGGED JAMES POTTER? YOU?" shouted June. Sheesh!

"I said or may not have!"

"SHUT UP AND SPILL YOU LITTLE SLAG!"

"I am not a slag, miss I-can't-keep-my-lips-away-from-my-boyfriend's-for-more-than-three-seconds!"

"Bad choice of words," said Delia to June, excitedly. "Now TELL us! Was he as good as everyone says?"

"How far did you guys go?" asked June.

"Where was it?"

"Guys-" I tried.

"How did it happen?"

"Are you guys together now?"

"Who initiated it?"

"How long did it last?"

"Why aren't you still snogging him right now?"

"Wait, wait, wait, WHY are you crying again?"

I took a deep breath. "Because I ran away like an idiot and he didn't follow me and I ruined everything like I always do."

"Okay, start from the beginning."

So I told them the whole story. They listened intently like good mates should, and got rather cheerful once I got up to the snogging part, which they practically forced me to tell in more detail than I wanted to though I still kept some to myself. When it was all said and done, Delia was the first to speak.

"Lily, you know I love you, but you are the planet's biggest prat right now, it's unbelievable."

I sighed, picked up a pillow, and shoved it into my face. "I know," I whined into it.

"So go get him!" said June.

"No, that would be completely counter-productive!"

"You make no sense."

"I make perfect sense!" I replied. "Why should I go get him? I ran away. That means I have to stay away, too. Avoid him at all costs. Duh."

"Lily," Delia said. "Go. Get. Him."

"But."

"Go!"

"No."

"Yes!" they shouted.

"No, I…I can't. I…need some time to myself. To think about things. Yeah. I'm going to go do that. Right now. Bye."

I hopped off my bed, picked up a jumper from the floor and put it on.

"Lily, wait! But it's after hours! Aren't you worried you'll get into trouble?"

"What kind of Gryffindor do you think I am, June? Now, if you would excuse me, I'll see you whenever I feel like coming back!"

And I stormed off.

Ha. Shows them!

Now, where to?

I started walking down the steps when I bumped into non other than Carly Manning, the really pretty 5th year that's doing whatever she's doing with Sirius lately. "Oi, Evans, can you and your mates shut your gobs? It's really bloody late!"

Did she hear us? Psh. No. She couldn't have. She probably just heard muffled shouts. I went with that and said, "Uh, yeah, sorry Carly, I'm going for a walk anyway."

She shrugged. "Suit yourself. G'night," and she went back into her dorm.

Okay. Works for me.

So I started walking down and through the Common Room and out the portrait hole and down the stairs, all the while thinking about James, reimagining his hands on my face and in my hair and the feel of his lips on mine and his tongue wrapped up with mine and the way he tasted kind of like my cookies with a dash of firewhiskey (was he drinking before?) and how I could still smell his classic apple smell and I almost lost my balance on the stairs because I was day dreaming so intensely I almost forgot what I was doing. But I was having one of those fairytale moments, you know, where you're daydreaming and then you fall and then the handsome bloke you were dreaming about comes and catches you and says something sweet and then you kiss and as soon as your lips touch someone snaps you out of it, except the last step snapped me out of it rather than a person.

I am so clumsy.

I got up from the ground and walked as quietly as I could outside. Where should I go? There weren't many great places. I could go near the green houses, but there are too many trees there. I want to be able to see the stars.

I decided on the Quidditch Pitch. I walked onto the field, and agreed with myself that it would be a nice and relaxing place to think. Cool breeze, ability to see the stars…just a good thinking spot.

I'll call it my haven of thoughts.

Yes. I quite like that.

So, while walking upon my haven of thoughts, if you will, I spotted a nice patch of grass that seemed like a great area to do my thinking at. As I reached it and plopped down onto the ground, cradled my knees to my chest and looked around, that, my dear friends, is when I realized what a COMPLETE idiot I am. Seriously. I have my certification and everything now. Lily Evans: Certified Idiot. It's framed and hanging above my bed. Because, really, WHO ELSE would use the bloody Quidditch pitch as THEIR haven of thoughts?

He was staring at me, and I decided to ignore him. I just looked up at the stars, my heart rate increasing by the second, waiting for him to come over. Why wasn't I running away? Did I WANT him to come over? It wasn't as soon as I thought but I was right. After around five minutes, I heard him making his way over. He sat down beside me,

"Lily," he almost whispered. "Look, I…I know I probably just really fucked things up…but…But I need you to just...just hear me out."

No. No. No. I couldn't. Sorry, James. Nope. Too soon.

I just need time to think.

"James, I…I can't. I need to think everything over before I listen to you charm me into…" What in bleeding hell was I saying? "Whatever. I just need time to think."

Then, randomly, he asked quietly, "How did you know I was here?"

"I-I didn't."

He looked at me curiously for a moment and then sighed. "Lily, _please_ just-"

I stood up immediately. "I'm sorry, James. I just…Please just understand," I said and started to walk away. I didn't run this time. I walked. And I, being a certified idiot, as you know, looked behind me to see if he started to follow. He didn't. He was still sitting there. I was able to catch his expression. It was really…sad. He just looked sad. And that made me feel worse. He was staring at me, one hand in his hair, the other playing with the grass.

He wasn't coming after me this time either.

I turned my head back and kept walking, tears falling again. Why was I so stupid? Why wouldn't I just let my guard down for the one person who would never hurt me? Why was I so resistant?

I slowly made my way back to the castle, replaying what had just happened in my head, and what had happened before during rounds. I got back to the room and both Delia and June were sleeping. Kim and Wendy had just gotten back, I assume, because they were taking out things to wear to bed.

"Where were _you_ after hours?" Kim asked.

I ignored her because I wasn't in the mood for her rubbish. I washed up and brushed my teeth and went into my bed and closed the curtains and read the letter from Marlene that June left me on my bed.

_Lily Evans! (HI!)_

_How are you, dear? I miss you terribly! I know we saw each other this summer, but that was a few months ago. And something crazy may have happened since I last saw you. You have to promise you won't get angry with me that you weren't there. Just remember I love you more than I love 99% of the rest of the world._

_That little 1% is, as you know, Garrett. And, er, well, we may or may not have eloped last week. Yes, you read right. Eloped! Has your jaw dropped right about now? I don't blame you. It was only me, Garrett, the minister, Mary, and Garrett's brother Caleb. You know Caleb, right? Mary was crying the whole time. She's so obsessed with fairytales and weddings and all that, she was a mess. Kind of like June, right? Anyway, those were the only people there and it was wonderful and we just got back from our honeymoon and I couldn't be happier._

_Silly Lily, you must be thinking by now how foolish Garrett and I are and we're too young and all your usual hogwash, but let's face it darling, there's no better time to do it. With all the insanity going on all over the news…we're both training to become Aurors, and Dumbledore has even met with us before the wedding in person about the you know what (in person because we've got to be careful with Owl post these days). Anyway, we just thought, what the hell! We love each other and I don't want to spend a second away from him with all the madness going on. He's asleep right now. Long night last night. He's so adorable. Gahhhh. Okay, anyway dear, I best be off, because he'll most likely wake up soon (it's the morning right now) and quite frankly, I could really go for a good morning snog (or shag, depending on how tired he still is. Did I just gross you out? Ha. Too bad) and then breakfast with my HUSBAND. AHHH._

_How is everything by you? Classes all right? How are Delia and June? How is everything? Please update me, because your last letter was quite uninformative! Merlin, I miss Hogwarts, even though it's only been a few months since my graduation. Anyway, I love you and miss you tons!_

_Much, much love,_

_Marlene MCKINNON (Can you BELIEVE that's my last name now? EEEK!)_

Wow. Marlene was married. MARRIED. I can't believe it. Marlene has been one of my closest friends since fourth year. I met her at a Slug Club event. She was a year a head of me, but in Gryffindor house. I had seen her around before with her best friend Mary, but I didn't really know her until then. Marlene and Garrett McKinnon, a boy in her year also in Gryffindor, had been dating since her fourth year. He "claimed," she said, that he had the flu, though she thought he really just wanted to get out of this Slug party. So she was alone that time, since most members of the Slug Club are in Slytherin, and we got to talking and ended up becoming extremely close. I remember Severus looking rather annoyed by me talking to someone else instead of him the whole night. And he didn't exactly approve of my newfound friendship, but I didn't really care. I ended up spending a lot of my free time with her and her friend Mary from then on, and then June and Delia would join. Of course, I still had to make time for Severus, but once I broke off our friendship that wasn't really an issue any more. Marlene and Mary both graduated at the end of last year. Mary went into law at the Ministry, while Marlene started to train to be an auror with Garrett. I always admired her and Garrett together. They were quite adorable, really, and they really loved each other. They barely ever bickered, and they both knew how to balance their time between friends and each other. Though I must admit, the amount of times I've seen them snogging or worse in front of my face is not a good number and I am still apologizing to my eyes for having to see such things.

I smiled at the letter and made a mental note to write back to her before the end of the week. I put it under my pillow with my letter from Mom. I lied in bed but couldn't really sleep. I just kept thinking about James.

James. James. James.

How did my life come to this?

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><p>The next few days were really annoying and hard to deal with. I literally tried avoiding James at all costs. If I would pass by him or was even 100 feet near him he'd try to get me to talk to him. It was bad. I pretty much just ignored him. What I had realized was that I wasn't really doing such a good job at the thinking thing. I was avoiding thinking about it as much as I was avoiding James himself.<p>

But, the weird thing was, every night, I would go to my haven of thoughts, hoping he was there. Really, I make no sense. But I did it anyway. Because that was the only place I didn't reject the nice thoughts I had about James and I actually being together. Why had I runaway that night we were both there?

When James sat next to me today in Defense, I didn't know what to do. I froze. Only three minutes into the lecture, I got a piece of parchment from James.

**Could you please stop avoiding me? –JP**

_I'm not avoiding you. –LE_

**Yes you are. You won't look at me, you won't talk to me, you're always running away from me, you can't even stand to be in the same room as me. You're not being particularly fair to me. **

_I really don't know what you're talking about._

**Merlin, Lily! I don't even know what I'm supposed to do anymore! One minute you're happy and nice and act like you actually enjoy being with me, the next you're running away from me for no reason. And now all because of what happened the other night you won't even bother to give me the time of day! You said you needed to think. I think I've given you enough time.**

_Can't you just respect the fact that I need some time to think it over without you hacking me every five seconds?_

I didn't get anything back for a few minutes this time. Once, I did, it was long.

**All I've ever done is respect you, Lily. You don't respect me. God damn it, you **_**know**_** how I feel about you. I'm not HACKING you. I just want you to listen to what I have to say! Is that really too much to ask? And quite honestly, I don't think you need time to "think." I know you. All you ever goddamn do is think. And this time, you refuse to think, because you're scared of what's really in your heart! You fancy me too, Lily. I KNOW you do. You know you do. I've been chasing you all these years, and now you might actually want me to catch you. And that scares you. But you know what…I'm so, so tired, Lily. I'm tired of running after you all the damn time. That's why I didn't chase after you after we snogged, or after we met on the Quidditch Pitch. Because I'm so tired of feeling like I'm the only one trying. That doesn't mean I'm giving up on you, though. I'm just done waiting for you to "think" everything through when I think the answer is quite obvious. You kissed me back. What are you so afraid of?**

I didn't know how to respond, because the truth is, he was right. And I just didn't know how to handle anything. James, my feelings, my head and my heart…

So I thought and thought about what I should write. In the end, there was only a minute left of class when I wrote back:

_I don't know._

And it was true. I didn't know. What _was_ I so afraid of?

I felt like I was about to cry. The second we were dismissed I got up and walked out as quickly as I could and made my way to my seat in the library. I put my head in my arms and tried not to let the tears fall. I was crying over nothing. I could just go be with James and be happy. But my fear was keeping me back.

I heard someone sit down. "James, please-"

"It's not James," said a familiar voice. I lifted my head and saw Sirius sitting across from me, smirking slightly. "Hey, Evans."

"Oh. Hi. Don't you have Divination right now?"

He shrugged. "I'm skiving off. Head girl going to take points from me?"

I rolled my eyes. "No," I admitted. "But I still think you should get to class."

"We're mates, right?" he asked, ignoring what I had said.

"Uh, yes…"

"So, I need you to do me a favor, as my mate," he said.

"What's the favor?" I asked.

"You're going to sit there and not get up. You're going to listen to what I have to say, all of it. You will not interrupt and you will seriously think over everything I tell you. Can you do that for me?"

I sighed. "If you're only doing this because Ja-"

"James didn't tell me to talk to you. He hasn't been talking at all to any of us, really. He's been really to himself, which is not like him at all. You really fucked him up."

"I didn't mean to-"

"Yeah, yeah, I know," he said.

"So he hasn't told you anything?" I asked.

"No," he answered. Then he smiled. "But I know anyway."

And his smile was so devious that I knew he really did know. "How?"

"Apparently," he said, starting to chuckle. "You and your mates like to shout things rather loud for my mate-with-benefits to hear in her own dorm room."

My eyes widened. So Carly DID hear us. Oh shit.

"How much do you know?"

"I know that you admitted to fancying my dear best friend," he said. "_And _I know that the two of you snogged. But I don't know any more than that."

_And I know that the two of you snogged._

Oh. Merlin.

"Er…right…about that…"

"I'm not going to question you about it," he said. "And Carly's the only one who heard and she only told me. So don't worry. I just need to say what I need to say, all coming from me. Got it?"

I took a deep breath. "All right, I suppose."

His smile wore off a bit and he cleared his throat. "Look, Lily," he started. "There is…no one, not a single person in this world, who cares about you more than James does. I mean that. Well, besides your parents, I suppose. But you know what I mean. Sometimes I wish you could see it from where I do. The way he looks at you, the way he talks about you, the way he has this prat smile on his face when he's thinking about you, which is by the way, pretty much all the time, the way he would literally do anything in the world for you…I wish you could see it how I see it. I know you've started to see how great of a bloke he really is….and I think that scares you, because if you really, really let him in…he would probably be the best thing that ever happened to you. And I think you know that. And that scares you shitless. You're scared that he'll hurt you? Get bored of you? See you differently? You're wrong…because every day, he falls harder for you. Every goddamn day. You can't start to let him in and then slam the door in his face. Did you ever realize that you're hurting him? I know you don't mean it, but you are. You're killing him. And I see it Lily. I see you falling for him too. I've seen the way you've looked at him all these years compared to the way you look at him now. I see how you talk to him. How you laugh at little things he says. How you're there for him. How you really do care about him. I know you're afraid. Whether it's because of what's going on in the Wizarding world or what's going on in your head or what's going on in your heart… Let him in, Lily. Let yourself fall for him. He'll catch you. I swear."

I didn't know what was more surprising. The fact that Sirius was able to read me like a book, or the fact that he sounded like such a romantic.

I just sat there for a few moments, taking in everything he was saying, trying not to be stupid and start to cry. He was right. He was _so _right. I had nothing to be scared of. James cared about me. He always has. And even more so now that we're actually mates. And I care about him too. More than I ever thought I would. What was I running from? Something that could potentially make me happier than I've ever been? Really, what was the whole point of me running away from him and not being with him and avoiding him?

Answer: There was no point. I'm just an idiot. Hence, the certification.

I liked James. I really, really liked James. And yes, I was scared. But….

He's worth it.

"I think I finally actually just thought things over," I said, smiling a little.

He raised an eyebrow, looking confused.

"I've been telling James since the…er…thing that happened a few nights ago that I'll think things over, but I haven't really been doing a good job of that, until now. You helped me come to a realization."

Sirius smiled widely, leaning back in his chair, putting his feet up on the desk. "I'm good, aren't I."

"Oh, so this was just some evil scheme of yours?"

"Nah," he said, yawning. "I had no idea what I was even going to say. I just wanted to talk to you about it. I hate seeing James like this."

I frowned. "Yeah. Me too. So, thanks."

"Any time, Evans," he said, smiling.

"I still need a bit more time to sort things out with myself, though. Think it over a bit more."

"I understand," said Sirius.

"Just…don't say anything to him. All right?" I asked.

He bit his lip. "Fine. Deal. You owe me."

"Indeed," I said, pushing his feet off the desk. "Can I work now?"

"Why work when you can spend time with your fun loving, gorgeous, hilarious mate?"

"You have _class_, Sirius."

"Divination isn't a _class_, Lily," he said. "I think Carly's free now. I'll go find her."

"How are things with her anyway?" I asked as he got up.

He wiggled his eyebrows. "Brill."

"But you're not in a relationship."

"Nope. Well, at least not right now."

"And she doesn't care?"

"Nah," he said. "She's not like James with you, all needy and wanting to actually be in a relationship."

I grimaced. "You say that like it's a bad thing."

"Different strokes for different folks," he smirked. "Though it seems as you like my style a bit more than James's, hm? Miss snog-then-run?"

He started to walk away, chuckling. "I would smack you right now if I weren't sitting and you weren't leaving!" I said.

"Love you too, Lils," he said, and left the library.

Obviously, though, it took me a lot longer than it should have to do my homework because I was so distracted. I just kept replaying the other night in my head. I missed James's touch, I missed his lips on mine, I missed his hands on my face and in my hair…I missed him. How did that even make sense? I see him all the time!

I went to eat dinner early and undisturbed and then went to my room to finish up work. The night passed quickly than I expected, mostly because I spent all of it lying in bed thinking about James. I mean, how pathetic, right? But I guess that just meant how much I really did want to be with him.

So I made up my mind.

I decided to go to my haven of thoughts for one last thinking session. I went pretty late too. I ignored Delia and June's questioning, put on a jumper and went outside. I reached the Quidditch pitch and hoped he was there, but he wasn't. I sat on the grass, hugging my knees.

I wanted James to be there. I wanted to finally talk. But I was nervous. What if he got here and I changed my mind? Or backed out?

After a while of me going back and forth in my head about the whole thing, I heard a howl. A werewolf howl. My head jerked up to the sky. It was a full moon. They must have been out here. At the Whomping Willow. What time was it even?

I heard a dog barking at one point. It must have been Sirius. Could they understand each other in their animagus form?

I must have been sitting out there for an hour when suddenly I heard someone coming. A thing, really. I caught a glimpse of James in stag form for a second before he transformed to his normal self. There must have been a few yards in between us. I stood up, but I wasn't planning on going anywhere. I just looked at him. I didn't know what to say.

But all I knew was that my mind was made up.

"Why are you out here?" he asked, with a hint of anger in his voice. "Go back to the castle, Lily."

"James, I-"

"Just go. I don't want you getting hurt," he said, and started to turn around.

"James," I barely said. He paused. I walked over to him and slowly put my hand on his arm. What was I doing?

He turned around and I kept my grip on his arm. I looked in his eyes. He looked so…sad. Hopeless. Hurt.

"I…" I started to say. But then instead, instinctively, I stood up on my toes and kissed him right on the mouth.

Yeah. That's really, really what I did.

It was a short, nice, sweet kiss. He kissed me back, which made my stomach turn. When I pulled away, I looked at him. He looked confused, but I saw a small smile behind his eyes.

"What…" he murmured. "What was that for?"

What was that _for_? Boy, this bloke really is a piece of work.

"I…" I took a deep breath. "I want to be with you, James."

His eyes widened and so did his smile. "What?"

"I want to be with you. I'm sorry it took me so long to realize," I said, feeling my cheeks burn up. "But I really do. I…I care a lot about you. I was just…I was just scared of getting hurt."

"Lily," he said, putting his forehead against mine. Oh god. My heart jumped up to my throat. "I would never, ever hurt you."

"I-I know," I managed to answer. I could hardly breathe. "I'm sorry."

"Quit apologizing," he said, and before I could say anymore, he brought his lips back to mine, and this time, I more than happily responded back almost immediately. He pulled away too quickly for my liking and then sat down on the ground, pulling me with him. "Just promise me something," he whispered against my cheek before giving it a peck.

"O-Okay."

"Trust me."

_Trust me._ It was such a simple request. But I knew why he was saying it. He wanted me to trust him and not have to go off and run away and think things over for days about every little thing. He was right when he said it. I wasn't being fair to him before.

"I will. I do. I promise," I said, and then I leaned in and kissed him. Really, really kissed him. I literally lost myself in the process. I missed the feel of his lips on mine so much. We both ended up lying down on our sides facing each other on the grass, pressed against each other, feet tangled together, lips and tongues synchronized in perfect harmony, both of our hands roaming. Starting off simple, his on my cheeks, mine around his neck, his hands on my waist, then mine into his hair, his hands into my hair, his hands on my back, my hands on the outside of his shirt...his hands on my thigh, mine undoing his buttons slowly, his on my bum, mine on his bare chest.

It didn't get any more than that. And it was all nice and slow as well. Really, it was probably over a thirty…forty minute span. It was so perfect and wonderful and I have never felt so many feelings in a snog before, like, wow. And James really knew what he was doing. Like, wow. Wow.

It was all pretty wow-worthy.

Eventually, I came to my senses and pulled away. James started to lean in again. I didn't want to end it, really, I didn't, but someone had to. "James," I barely whispered.

"Mmm?"

"I think…well, er, it's a bit late."

"It's fine," he whispered, kissing me again.

I laughed and pulled away. "You should go back. They're probably wondering where you are."

He thought about it for a moment, and then said, "They'll be fine," and kissed me again.

I giggled, pushing him off me. "Go back to them," I said. He rolled his eyes, ignoring me, kissing my neck. Oh boy. He was too good at this. I started to roll away and he groaned, pulling me back to him.

"One more minute," he pleaded, kissing my nose.

I couldn't resist. The boy was too damn adorable. "Fine. One minute. I'm timing you."

"Sure you are," he chuckled, leaning in happily and snogging me senseless for maybe a bit over a minute…

Sue me. What was I _supposed_ to do? Honestly. Psh. Like anyone could resist this.

When I finally came back to my senses, I pulled away, earning another groan from James. "Go," I told him.

"I can't get up," he said, holding me close. "And neither can you. I guess we're stuck here. Oh well."

"Shut up," I said, leaning in and giving him a short kiss before breaking free of his hold and getting up.

I held out my hand. "C'mon. Get up."

He smirked mischievously and grabbed my hand, trying to pull me down, but I was able to stay standing, though I did stumble a lot. "Up!" I shouted. He laughed and started getting up. I heard a dog barking again.

"Sirius is calling you," I said, smiling as his face was finally in level with mine.

"I see him enough," he said, putting his hand on my face. "He can-"

"No," I said, physically taking his hand off of me. "You have to."

He sighed, putting a hand through his hair. "Yeah, I-I know. Could I at least walk you back to the castle?"

It was a tempting offer, but I had to decline. I had kept him away from them long enough. "Sorry, but no. I'll be fine. I'm a big girl. I can-"

"-_take care of myself_," he mimicked me. "I told you, you need new material."

I rolled my eyes. "It's true, though. Don't worry. Go back to your mates. I'll see you in the morning."

"You're sure you'll see me?" he asked, his tone suddenly a bit different.

"What does that mean?"

"You're not going to keep avoiding me?" he asked, and I heard the worry in his voice.

This time, I put my hand on his cheek. "No. I won't. I trust you now, remember?" I smiled. "I'm trusting you with myself, because Merlin knows I'm a mess. So maybe you can help me out a bit."

He smiled back at me. "Thank you," he whispered, grabbing my hand and holding it.

"For what?"

"For giving me a chance," he answered in the sweetest, softest voice. "You have no idea how…how I feel about you."

He had this puppy-dog look on his face and it literally tore my heart out. I suddenly felt like crying again, but in a good way. I bit my lip.

"I…" I tried. "Thank you for not giving up on me."

He leaned in and kissed me one last time, soft and heart aching and perfect.

He pulled away and said, "G'night," and, unfortunately, started to let go of me and walk away…backwards. Literally, he walked away backwards. For a solid, like, twenty seconds. Not tearing his eyes away from mine.

Dear Lord. This boy.

Then he turned around and started to run and I saw him transform back into a stag, running back to the Whomping Willow.

I lied back down on the grass for a little, in a daze, wondering what had just happened.

I couldn't help but smile. I was smiling like an idiot. A happy idiot. I felt genuinely _happy_. I can't remember feeling like this ever. So I stayed there for a few more minutes and then stood back up and skipped happily back to the castle and back to my room.

I really wanted to tell Delia and June but they were both asleep. Wendy was asleep too but Kim was still awake. She asked, "Why is there grass in your hair?"

I raised my eyebrows and then looked in the mirror, and started dying of laughter.

"Uh, what's so funny?" she asked.

"Nothing, nothing…"

I went into the loo to brush my teeth and I decided I'd rather shower in the morning. I had the smell of the grass and James lingering on me and I wanted to stay that way for a little longer. I jumped into bed in the clothes I was wearing and closed my curtains, smiling like a complete goon.

* * *

><p>I woke up with a smile on my face. Maybe it was because it was Saturday. Maybe it was because all my dreams were just replaying every second of James's and my rendezvous. Maybe it was because the sun was shining through the window through my curtains. But I woke up and it suddenly hit me.<p>

I was dating James Potter.

James Potter was my boyfriend.

I was his girlfriend.

What has the world come to?

I opened my curtains and looked around and realized no one else was there. Damn it, I overslept. Everyone was probably half way through breakfast now. Why hadn't anyone woken me up? I went into the loo and washed up and took a nice hot shower, singing as loud as I pleased because no one was there to yell at me. I got out and put my hair in a braid to the side and threw on a red jumper and some old worn out jeans. As I walked out the door I realized I was about to see my new _boyfriend_ and I looked like a total mess, with no makeup on.

Oh well. He's just going to have to deal with it.

I walked down happily to the Great Hall and walked to where we all usually sit at the table. He was standing up, talking to Sirius, looking worried. I walked over to him and he turned to me and smiled widely. "Hey," he said.

"Hi," I responded. "See. I showed up."

"Finally," he smiled.

"Yeah, sorry. I overslept."

"Sleep well?"

"Very well actually," I said. "I had a lovely dream."

"Oh really?"

"Yeah. You were there, actually! Wanna hear it?"

"Of course."

"Well," I started. "You were bothering me, as usual, and we were near the Lake, and then suddenly, the Giant Squid appeared and drowned you, and then me and the Squid ran away together and lived happily ever after."

He gave me a look and rolled his eyes. "Oh really."

"Yes, oh really. Did you get any sleep? How's Remus?"

"He's fine, and very little. Hence, my big breakfast. I need the food energy."

"Breakfast is the most important meal of the day."

"So I've heard."

"Glad you've learned something after seventeen years," I joked. Then I suddenly noticed he was wearing his Quidditch uniform. Wow, I'm slow. I looked at Sirius and so was he, and looked at the table and so was June. "You have _practice_ this morning?" I asked. And then whispered, "_After a full moon?"_

That's when Sirius chimed in. "He's mental."

"So I've noticed," I said, smiling at Sirius. I took a mental note to thank him later.

"Hey, the match is in a week, and we need practice whenever we can!"

"Well, I'm sure you'll win anyway. Who is it against?"

He frowned. "Slytherin."

"Oh."

"Yeah. Oh."

"I'm sure you'll still win," I said. "When is practice over?"

"Late," he sighed, putting one of my hands in his. Oh, bummer. I frowned. I wanted to spend the day with him. First day as an official couple, I mean, I want to spend it with my man!

"Oh."

"I'll meet up with you after?" he said, moving a piece of my hair that wasn't in my braid behind my ear. I felt my cheeks flushing at his touch.

"O-okay," I responded quietly.

I guess he noticed that he caught me off guard, because in that moment he leaned in and kissed me quickly.

Yes.

Kissed me.

In the Great Hall.

IN FRONT OF EVERYONE.

Not that everyone was watching, obviously. But people did see! Not to mention my best mates were right there and I haven't even told them yet because I hadn't gotten the chance!

My whole body shivered, and I felt my cheeks getting redder by the second. "James," I scowled, trying to hide my embarrassment. "You can't do stuff like that in front of everyone."

"Why not?" he asked, smirking.

"Be-Because…you just…I…"

He chuckled, and then, get this… KISSED ME AGAIN.

I was going to murder this boy.

I pushed him away from me. "Leave. Before I kill you."

"Bye," he said, squeezing my hand and then running off with Sirius. He was half way down the hall when I sat down and refused to meet June and Delia's faces. I took a waffle and put it on my plate. I heard James call from down the hall, "Hey, Carter, come on!"

"ONE MINUTE!" June screamed on the top of her lungs that almost everyone looked at her.

I still didn't look at them when I said, "Can someone pass the syrup?"

"Are you seriously asking me that right now?" June exclaimed.

"I said someone. Not you, specifically."

"EXCUSE ME!" She shouted. "WHAT. IN GOD'S NAME. WAS. THAT."

I finally lifted my head to them and saw their expressions. Oh Merlin. "Uh, June, you really need to learn to lower your voice. It carries."

"WHAT IS GOING ON?' She shouted. "Delia, say something!"

"So this morning," she started. "I was eating my breakfast when suddenly I caught the sight of Lily Evans snogging James Potter right before my eyes."

"We weren't _snogging_," I whispered. "_He _kissed me. And it was just a little kiss. That happened twice. Whatever."

"Whatever?" June asked loudly. "Lily Evans, I will never speak to you again if you don't explain right now."

"James and I are dating," I blurted out. Oh boy.

"YOU'RE WHAT? SINCE WHEN?"

"Oh my goodness, June, _lower your voice_," Delia said.

"Since last night. You guys were asleep."

"You should have woken us up!" she shouted. "How…what…"

Suddenly, Sirius had returned. "Sorry to interrupt, but if you don't come now, June, James is going to kill you."

"MERLIN. I'm coming, I'm coming," she said, standing up. Then she pointed at me. "Do NOT tell Delia anything before I know. Got it?"

"Fine."

"Hey, that's not fair!" Delia said.

"Life's not fair," June said, and then left with Sirius. I laughed when I heard her shout to him, "_DID YOU KNOW ABOUT THIS?"_

Delia smiled at me. "Well, looks like my little Lily finally faced the music."

"Yeah, I guess I did."

"I'm really happy for you," she said. "June is too. She's just in shock."

I laughed. "I'll tell you everything tonight."

"Just tell me now, she'll never know."

"Nah, that's not exactly fair," I said.

"Ugh. Fine. So what's today's agenda? Before you go off snogging James later, I mean."

I gave her a look and stuck out my tongue. "Homework. Writing letters. OH MY GOD. I almost forgot to tell you! Marlene and Garrett are _married._"

"Wow, this is a day of surprising news."

"I know," I sighed. "Anyway, they eloped!"

"Wow. Well, I loved them together anyway. They were always so happy."

"Yeah," I said, thinking back to when they were here. I really did miss them. I decided I'd write to Garrett as well.

And then my thoughts drifted to eloping with a particular person after graduation and I slammed my head against the table because I'm an idiot for even thinking about it because we've only been dating for like, eight hours or something.

Merlin.

* * *

><p><strong><em>AN: AHHHHH. They're finally together! Thank Merlin, it only took 125 pages. But, they are! Important note: Just because they're together now does NOT mean I am done writing this story. I wanted the story to be about them being TOGETHER. So that's what it will be about. I have a lot of ideas for where they are headed. I hope you liked this chapter. PLEASE review, and again, the more reviews, the quicker the update. :) Thank you!_**


	7. Dating Lily Evans

**_A/N: Hello there! So here's the new chapter. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASEEEEE review and I'll love you more than summer vacation (which has still not arrived for me. Goddamn finals.) Enjoy! :)_**

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><p><strong>(James's P.O.V.)<strong>

Dating Lily Evans is probably the most brilliant thing that has ever happened to me. Though we haven't been on an actual date yet, though, but you know what I mean…whatever, technicalities. But really, it is. You know, I've never been this happy in my entire life. I've never felt this alive.

I learned a few new things about her too. Little things. I knew most of them, which she was surprised about, but I mean, let's face it, I paid very close attention to her all these years I just picked up on a few things. But some things I didn't.

But now, I learned them.

Like how her favorite color is blue (especially sky blue, which is the color of her room back home). Or how her favorite flowers are in fact lilies ("Are you kidding?" "It's cliché, I know, but I can't help it! Wouldn't you love a flower if it were named after you?" "Wait, wait. The _flower_ was named after _you_?" "Well, of course. What, you thought it was the other way around?"). Or how she has a fear of heights (hence, why she would never try Quidditch. But I promised her I'd get her up on a broom and she'd come down in one piece. She thinks it won't happen. Too bad. It's going to happen!).

Of course, the rumors have been flying around like mad. Not that we expected anything less. There was one that I slipped her Amortentia. There was one that we shagged on the first night, and another that we've been shagging since fifth year (in my dreams). My personal favorite was the one where Lily begged and begged for me to date her until I finally said yes out of pity. Lily's favorite, however, was the one where Lily and Sirius have been shagging for years and he broke things off, so Lily is using me as a rebound. I don't like that one. At all. Sirius seemed to get a good kick out of it, though. Lily and I have been good at laughing most of them off, though.

And we've been spending a lot of time together, which is extremely nice. We spend most of it out on the Quidditch Pitch, or as Lily explained it to me, her "haven of thoughts" (she's mental, that one), or the Common Room once everyone's upstairs. We spend a lot of time talking and joking and laughing, and we still play our chess games, but we also spend a very (very) reasonable amount of time snogging, which, you know, is completely fine by me (very fine, actually. She's one hell of a snogger). And I really enjoy every single moment of it. I always imagined what it'd be like with Lily. But the way we are is so much better than I ever imagined. I feel like she's my best friend, who also happens to be really fit and I could snog her whenever I please.

Anyway, we're at the first prefects meeting since we started dating, and the looks on everyone's faces are pretty priceless. Lily and I both exchanged a look when we first walked in, trying to hide our smirks. The meeting went fine as normal, and everyone left whispering amongst themselves. When the last person left the room, Lily was standing at the desk, organizing papers. I put my arms around her waist from behind her and started to kiss her neck.

"James," she said. "Not here. Not now. Later."

I sighed and stopped kissing her, and I just laid my chin on her shoulder. "Lily, come on. I know you already did all your work because we did it during our free instead of snogging. So let's just use now-"

"And you have to go to McGonagall for your meeting," she sighed, holding one of my hands that was around her, squeezing it. "We'll spend time together after."

"You know," I said, pecking her shoulder. "I could just, you know, not show up. Or go late."

"No, James," she said, but she wasn't letting go of me.

"What's ten…fifteen…twenty minutes late going to do? McGonagall won't care. She adores me."

"Yeah, who doesn't."

"That better not be sarcasm," I said, kissing her cheek gently.

She finally turned around, my hands still around her waist. She put her hands on my shoulders and smiled. "Of course it's not." She leaned in and gave me a short (too short of a) kiss on the lips. "I'll see you after, okay? Common Room?"

"The Common Room is too crowded on Friday nights."

"So the pitch, then?"

"Deal. And wear your hair down. The weekend has officially begun," I said.

"Deal," she smiled.

"Do you need help with those?" I asked her, motioning my head to the papers.

"Nah, I'm almost done. Go to McGonagall, okay? I'll see you soon."

"Fine," I groaned, and then leaned in and kissed her for a few more brilliant moments. Every time her lips touched mine I still felt that electric spark and my stomach still tied itself into all these knots and every time it was just as perfect if not better than every previous one. We parted and she smiled at me as she let go. I said bye and left the room with a grin plastered on my face.

I walked down the corridor a bit and at the corner Snivellus was standing there, wand out, looking more bitter than ever. He was standing in my way.

"May I help you?" I asked, trying to control my temper as my smile faded.

"What the hell do you think you're doing, Potter?" he snarled.

"Um…going to McGonagall's office?"

"I meant with Lily, dimwit," he spat.

What the bloody hell was this git's problem? "I really don't think that's any of your business, Snivellus."

"I think it is."

"Look, Snape. You and Lily aren't mates any more. She's not your concern."

He pointed his wand at my chest. "Don't think I don't know what you're playing at, Potter. I see the way you look at her. Like she's a piece of meat."

"EXCUSE ME?"

"And you don't deserve her," he continued.

"Oh, and you do?" I snapped back. "We all know you've had a pathetic crush on her since first year-"

"Oh, look who's talking!" he shouted.

"Yeah, and guess who's with her now, huh?" I asked as I slowly drew my wand out from my pocket in case he decided to curse me.

I saw anger flicker in his eyes. He started to murmur under his breath, "Sectum-"

"Expelliarmus!" I shouted before he could finish, sending his wand across the corridor, and pointing mine against him now.

I looked at Snape and suddenly he was looking over my shoulder, his face gone even more still than his usual expression. I turned my head around to see Lily standing not too far behind, her arms crossed. I couldn't catch her expression. But I did hear the shakiness in her voice when she said, "How could you?"

Oh bloody fucking shit. I took my wand off of Snivellus as fast as I could and put it in my pocket. I walked over to her. "Lily, it's not what it-"

"I just _saw_ you disarm him and point your wand at him, and you're going to lie to me?"

"I didn't do it for no reason!"

I heard Snape start running away quickly. He was a bloody coward!

"Oh yeah, and I'm supposed to believe that, right?" she asked, tears starting to fall rapidly from her eyes.

"Oh, God, Lily, don't cry. I swear to Merlin I didn't do it for no reason! You have to believe me. Look, I was walking-"

"Save your breath," she said, turning around and walking away.

I ran right behind her and caught her arm. "Lily, just listen!"

"I never should have thought you would change," she whispered.

"Wha…what?"

"You didn't change," she said, louder, shaking her arm out of my grip. "And you never will. God, how could I be so stupid?"

"How could you even say that? I have changed and you know it! And so have you! You think I've just been putting on an act?" I shouted.

She ignored me, looking down. "Just leave me alone. Go to your meeting."

"Just listen to me, please," I said, trying to speak softer and less angry, trying to take her hand. "You told me you'd trust me. Just trust me, Lily. Can't you do that?"

She pushed it away. "Just go," she whispered, and then went off her own way, running again.

Oh Merlin. Our first fight. We've only been together for a week and now we were having rows in the middle of the corridor. I couldn't let this end. This has been the best week of my life, literally. I couldn't let her slip right out of my fingers all because of Snape.

I made my way to McGonagall's, thinking about Lily and how I could fix this. I knew I was a few minutes late, but I didn't care. I entered and she was writing something.

"Oh, Mr. Potter, you're here," she said, putting down her quill. "Take a seat, boy."

I took a seat across from her at her desk. "Good evening, Professor."

"Now, tomorrow's the Quidditch match," she said. "How is the team doing?"

I shrugged. "Quite well. I don't know if we'll be good enough to beat Slytherin, but I sure as hell hope so."

"The Slytherin team is a mess this year since they don't have their star chaser anymore," she explained.

"Ah. Right. Kaplan. He wasn't too bad a bloke, for a Slytherin, I mean."

"Well, yes, I suppose," she said. "I hope you do not disappoint tomorrow, Mr. Potter. I'm really hoping we take home the Cup again, especially with your last year of being captain."

"I hope we perform at our best, Professor," I answered.

"You're being unusually monotone, Mr. Potter. Is there something you'd like to talk about?"

Ha. Like I was going to talk about Lily to _McGonagall._ "No, I'm fine," I lied.

She raised an eyebrow. "If you're sure," she said.

"I'm sure. Thank you."

"I also wanted to meet with you to discuss your ambitions for when you graduate Hogwarts. You want to be an auror, correct?"

"Yes, I would."

"Well, you would have to apply to a few training schools that only lasts four months. You can go to one where you can just apparate back and forth from your home. But because of its brevity it's one of the most prestigious and hardest to get into. I am sure Professor Dumbledore will ask you and your friends to join the order once you graduate, so if you go to the school I am suggesting you will still be able to attend Order meetings," she said.

"Sounds brilliant," I said. That all did sound rather great. I'm sure the lads would do it too, and probably even Lily also. The thought of going out and finally being able to fight made me excited for a moment.

"Wonderful. I'll let Professor Dumbledore now and I'll give you the application to fill out some time next week."

"Thank you, Professor," I said, standing up. "I'll see you tomorrow at the game?"

"Of course. Best of luck," she said as I waved and left.

I went immediately to the Quidditch Pitch, hoping Lily was there. She wasn't. I didn't have the map on me so I couldn't check anyway. I sat out there for a while, hoping Lily would give me a chance and listen to what happened before chucking me.

I went back to my dorm later that night. Remus and Peter weren't there, but I was surprised to see Sirius there.

"Not out with Carly?"

"She wants sleep for the game, apparently," he sighed. "Why aren't you with Lily? You usually stay out later than this together. It's only ten forty five."

"We had a fight. A few hours ago. She won't even let me talk to her."

"Oi, Prongs, what did you do now? Do you know how hard I worked to convince Lily to be with you?"

"Hey, you're not the only reason we're together, you know," I said.

"Believe what you will, James, but Lily can't just throw away all of my hard work because of something stupid you did!" Sirius shouted.

"She's not _throwing it away. _We didn't break up…At least, I don't think we did. Yet," I said, sighing, lying down on my bed.

"What did you _do?_"

"Nothing! Snivellus came up to me and started bothering me about being with Lily and pointing his wand at me and he was muttering the Sectumsempra curse under his breath so Lily obviously couldn't hear him but then I shouted Expelliarmus to disarm him and then I just pointed my wand at him to protect myself and that was it I was going to get up and walk away and leave to McGonagall's but Lily saw me and thought I was just doing it to start up with him."

"This kind of stuff only happens to you, Prongs," Sirius said, laughing.

"It's really not funny."

"I know, sorry," he said. He reached into his drawer. "Want to get sloshed?"

"Not really," I answered.

"Why the hell not? I think this is a pretty good reason to!"

"Because I don't want to be hungover tomorrow for the game, git."

"Oh. Right."

"And we'll probably be drinking after the game when we win," I added.

"And you'll actually get drunk with me?" Sirius asked.

I chuckled. "Sure, Padfoot. We'll get pissed together."

"Don't you think that will make Lily more cross?"

I shrugged. "I guess we'll find out."

* * *

><p>The whole team had just lined up at the entrance to the field, waiting for the game to start. It probably won't for another few minutes. All that's on my mind though is Lily. I got up early for breakfast and her friends came in as I was leaving, but she didn't. I just wanted to hug her and kiss her and explain what happened and have her forgive me and have everything go back to normal. But now it was time to think about Quidditch. But I couldn't.<p>

Our team was being very talkative, as usual. I looked around and all of the sudden, I saw her. Talking to Sirius. She looked extremely upset, on the verge of tears. They were speaking in whispers. Lily crossed her arms and listened to whatever Sirius was saying. I had to get over there. I had to talk to her.

I walked over and she was mid sentence but she saw me and stopped talking, causing Sirius to turn around and look at me. He nodded and then gave Lily a look, and then walked away to stand next to Carly, putting his arm around her shoulders.

"Uh, hi," she said, softly.

"Lily, I have to go out there in-"

"I know," she said, interrupting me. "I know. I just…I just wanted to, er, wish you good luck. We'll talk about what happened later."

I felt a wave of relief wash over me. She wasn't so cross. She was willing to hear me out. I hadn't completely destroyed everything. "Well, thank you," I said, moving closer to her. She bit her lip and then gave me a strong hug. I hugged her back closely. When we parted a bit but not entirely, she leaned in and gave me a forceful kiss right on the mouth. When her lips left mine I could feel the prat like smile on my face spreading wider.

"…THE GRYFFINDOR QUIDDITCH TEAM!" The student announcer shouted.

"Go get 'em," she said, smiling and letting go.

I smiled widely at her and waved shortly, and then ran on the field with the team.

* * *

><p>"Just let me find Lily," I told him.<p>

"_Noooooo,_" he whined, pulling on my arm.

"Are you drunk already?" I laughed.

"Nah. But YOU CAN'T FIND LILY BECAUSE FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE RIGHT NOW IS NOT ABOUT LILY. IT'S ABOUT THE TEAM AND OUR VICTORY AGAINST THE BLOODY SLYTHERINS! Right, team?"

"He can go find Lily!" June shouted at Sirius, slapping him. "We have all night to party!"

"Yeah, let him go, Sirius," Carly said.

"Ugh. _Fine._ You get ten minutes. Then we start the party!"

"We can't start until first, second and third years are in their dorms," Carly reminded him.

He groaned. "Well, then, take all day if I care!" he shouted, sitting down on the couch.

"Oh sure," I said. "You listen to _her_ but not to your _best mate_?"

"You're one to talk," he said. "Now go!"

"Good luck!" June added.

I walked through the very crowded Gryffindor Common Room. Everyone was shouting, and as I passed people they all slapped me on the back or slapped me five, congratulated me, and screamed either "GRYFFINDOR!" or "SLYTHERIN SUCKS BULLOCKS" or something along those lines. I finally reached her near a more relaxed corner. She smiled wearily at me once I got to her.

"Can we go somewhere a bit more, er, private?"

"Sure," I said nervously. I started walking to the staircase to the boys' dormitories. I stopped once we got there and looked at her. She raised an eyebrow and then sighed.

"Fine, fine. I can't get in trouble for it, right?"

I laughed. "No. Besides, the only people here that can us in trouble are ourselves. And Remus. But it's actually perfectly allowed."

"O-okay," she said. She followed me on the stairs to my dorm.

We walked in and I picked a few things off the floor and threw it on Sirius's bed. Lily sat on my bed. "How'd you know that's mine?"

She smiled slightly. "The Gryffindor blanket."

"Oh, right," I said, sitting down next to her.

There was silence for a moment and then I took her hand. She flinched but didn't move it away.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I shouldn't have…I shouldn't have said what I said. I didn't mean it. You have changed. I just…I don't know. I saw what was going on and jumped the gun because I'm still scared, I guess…though I shouldn't be, I know. And this past week has…has really been so wonderful, and I…I was just running for no reason like I always do and I'm so sorry. I want to listen. I should have. I'm sorry, James."

She looked up at me with teary eyes. My heart physically hurt at the sight. "I shouldn't have yelled at you. I'm sorry."

"No, you were right to," she said, squeezing my hand. "I shouldn't have shut you out like that. But I want to listen."

I sighed and told her the story. Once I told her Snape brought her up her gaze left mine and she just looked down for the rest of the story. When I finished, she finally looked back up at me.

"I'm sorry, James. I should have known he would start up with you about this eventually. He always hated the fact that you fancied me," she said softly. "You were just defending yourself. Really, I'm so sorry."

"It's fine, Lily. I forgive you," I said, rubbing her hand with my thumb. "I just…I asked you to trust me. And-"

"I know," she interrupted me. "I…I know. And I do, I promise. I just…I was just being stupid. I thought about it last night and felt awful because you deserve to be trusted. I shouldn't have acted like that. It won't happen again. I'm sorry. I trust you. I swear."

"It's okay," I told her, trying desperately to believe her.

She smiled at me. "You were brilliant out there, by the way."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," she said. "And you looked brilliant too. Couldn't take my eyes off you."

I smirked, wiggling my eyebrows at her and leaned in closer to her. "Oh, really?"

She swallowed. "Mhm."

I put my free hand on her face and kissed her, causing my stomach to do flips. She kissed me back passionately, putting her hand through my hair. Things got heated pretty quickly, and the bed was a lot more comfortable than the Gryffindor common room couch or the grass on the Quidditch Pitch. I lied down on top of her as we snogged and both our hands wandered each other's bodies. I was two seconds away from attempting to take off her shirt when I heard the door open.

Why me, God? Why?

"Oi, get a bloody room!" Sirius said.

I took my lips off of Lily's for three seconds and said, "We _did_, genius! Leave!" and then I brought them back to hers, and I was surprised when she didn't fight me even though Sirius was right there, but instead she kissed me back just as much as she was before we were so rudely interrupted. It was a bit strange, because she usually wasn't one for snogging in front of other people, but you know, I was totally fine with it.

"But we need you," I heard June's voice say. June was with him? I felt Lily stop kissing me at the sound of her voice. Nooo, keep kissing me.

"Yeah, but we can't tell you what for because Lily is here and she'll stop us."

She parted from me and I frowned at her. "What are you lot up to?" Lily asked, trying to get me off of her.

"Can't it wait until later?" I asked, trying to lean back into Lily. "We're kind of busy, here."

"No, wait. Why can't I know about it?" she asked them, getting out from under me. I was going to murder them.

"Well, for one thing, you're Head Girl, and you'll stop us," June said.

"James is Head Boy!"

"Yeah, but he participates in these kinds of things, not stops them," said Sirius.

"I won't stop you," she said.

June and Sirius looked at each other. "Should we take her word for it?" Sirius asked.

"Nah, she's just saying that so we'll tell her."

"No, I'm not!" she shouted, standing up and walking over to them. "Tell me! Please!"

"James, control your woman!" Sirius said. Lily slapped his arm. "Bloody hell! Okay, sorry, I take that back?"

"Just tell us. Lily won't stop us," I said.

"Fine," June sighed. "We're going to prank the Slytherin team. And we need your help."

"Oh, no you are not!" Lily said. "They already lost! Why do you need to-"

"Lily, you said you wouldn't stop us!" June shouted. "Pretend you didn't hear about it. James, let's go."

"But-" she tried.

"No buts, missy," said Sirius, patting her head. I got up. "C'mon, Prongs, let's get the show on the road!"

I turned to Lily and gave her a quick kiss. "Be back soon."

"Kay," she said. "Please try not to get into too much trouble, all right?"

"Trouble?" I said, laughing. "I'm Head Boy, for Godric's sake, Lily. Do you really think I'd risk getting in trouble?"

She rolled her eyes and pushed me. "Go before I change my mind!"

* * *

><p>"Prongs, pull yourself t-together, m-mate!" Sirius said, hysterical laughing.<p>

"It's just r-really b-bloody funny!" I said, watching the sight. "R-Remus snogging Delia! Who would have ever thought?"

"This is not going to be good," Lily said, sighing.

"Lighten up, L-Lily, love," I said, looking at her. "Maybe they'll date now. We can double next week at Hogsmeade!"

"They're not going to _date_," she said. "Delia's just still really upset about Michael."

"So Moony's the rebound!" Sirius shouted, laughing. "That's r-rich."

"No it's not!" said Lily. "I always thought Remus fancied her."

"Not f-fancy," I told her. "Maybe thought she was fit, but-"

"James!"

"He's right, Lils," said Sirius.

"Yeah, he won't mind. He's probably enjoying it. He hasn't snogged a girl in… in… well, in a really long time," I said.

"'Sides, they're both piss drunk. I bet ya none of them will remember it by morning," said Sirius. "Right, Prongs?"

"Right, Padfoot," I said.

"You're both piss drunk," Lily said in an annoyed tone.

"It's a celebration, Evans! Let loose!" Sirius shouted, shaking her.

"I'm the only sober one out of all our mates! That isn't right!"

"Yeah, that isn't right," I said, looking at Sirius.

"That means you've got to get drunk now too so you're not left out!" Sirius shouted.

"Um, no thank you," said Lily.

"Prongs, you know what to do to loosen her up, don't you?"

"What the hell is he talking about?" she asked me.

"Nothing, Lily," I said, putting my arm around her. Then I turned to him. "Why don't you go shag Carly, yeah?"

"Yeah, why don't you?" someone said behind us. Then she walked over to Sirius.

"Hey, Carls!" I said. "Great first game, mate. You were way better than Padfoot."

"Padfoot?" Carly asked, sitting on Sirius's lap.

"Don't ask," Lily said.

"So," Carly said to Sirius. "About that shag…"

"The bedroom awaits!" Sirius shouted, pushing Carly off him and then taking her hand and stumbling with zero balance whatsoever to the stairs. "Good luck, mate!" he shouted to me.

I turned to Lily. "Soooooo," I said slowly in a deep, seductive voice, leaning in.

She burst into laughter. "Um, nice try, mate," she said, pushing me away from her.

I moved her hand away from my chest. "Oh, c'mon, we were so rudely interrupted before, and the bedroom is _occupado_, so let's just snog r-right here."

"James," she said, laughing still. Oh, that laugh. "You're drunk."

"Drunk, sober, tipsy, _dead_, I'd still want to snog you," I told her, leaning in again. She was about to say something but I caught her mouth with my own, and not-so-gentleman-like stuck my tongue in her mouth. I was drunk. Sue me. So maybe I wasn't up to par with my snogging skills. But I really wanted my girlfriend, so I had the right to snog how ever sloppily I pleased!

She didn't pull away right at that instant, she let me do what I wanted for a minute or so, but then she pulled away, grimaced, and said, "You taste really disgusting."

"Firewhiskey tastes _good_, Lil. That's the point."

"Not to me," she said. "Go brush your teeth or something."

"Uh, no," I said, and kissed her again. She started giggling _while I was kissing her._ But I didn't pull away, because that would mean she was winning. But really, in a way, she was winning, because she was snogging me, James Potter, Captain of the Gryffindor Quidditch team, Head Boy, marvelously handsome and quite a catch, if I do say so myself.

She pulled away though, causing me to groan. "Lily," I whined.

"People are around us," she said, her face a bit pink. Merlin, she looked so cute. I kissed her again quickly. I couldn't resist. "James."

"Lily, no one's watching. Everyone else is snogging too! Who cares?"

"I care!"

"So let's go somewhere else."

"You tried walking before…that didn't exactly work out."

"What happened?"

"You fell after four seconds."

"Oh. Right. Carry me?"

"No."

"Levitate me!"

"James."

"Get the invisibility cloak and we'll just do stuff under there and no one will notice! Unless, ya know, they sit on us, but…it could still work!"

Lily laughed, and then she leaned in and kissed me, and I happily responded. She pulled away and then reached into her pocket. "Here," she said, putting something in my hand.

"What's this?"

"Gum."

"What's gum?"

"I'm pretty sure they have gum in the Wizarding World, James."

"They probably do. But my mind is blanking. Damn alcohol."

"Just put it in your mouth and chew it. Don't swallow."

"What happens if I swallow it?"

"You die."

"What?"

"I'm kidding!"

"It wasn't funny."

"I thought it was. Now chew!"

So I put it in my mouth and chewed. It was minty. It was okay, I guess. "Why am I chewing this again?"

"So you don't taste so horrendous."

"Gee, thanks."

"Of course. Just chew it for a little more and then we'll see what we'll do. "

So I chewed it a little more and then I started getting tired, and then I lied down and rested my head on Lily's lap and she started playing with my hair, and then at some point or another I took out the gum and threw it in the pale near by, and all I really remember after that is closing my eyes and finding one of Lily's hands and holding it and having her lean down and give me a light kiss on the lips and her lips were so soft and I could smell the raspberry scent all around and she was still playing with my hair and holding my hand when I was thinking about how badly I wanted to kiss her again…

And I guess that's when I fell asleep, really, really happy.

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN: Okay, a few things. To answer questions I'm assuming people may be thinking: Why the fight already, and why the makeup so quickly? Well, I kind of had this little fight in mind for a while and I always thought it should become in the beginning of the relationship- giving Lily reason with her illogical thoughts of why she should be 'running' from James...but the fight was supposed to make Lily realize she has to stop doubting him and, like he wants, just TRUST him to make the relationship really work. Hence, why they made up so quickly- she realized she was being stupid!Lily. Don't worry, fighting definitely will not be a usual thing. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the chapter! i know it was short, but James's chapters usually are- so the next chapter will most likely be a good amount longer. So yay! Thanks for reading and again, please review! The more reviews, the quicker the next chapter comes! :)**_


	8. Dating James Potter

**_A/N: So, this is the longest chapter written so far. I worked really hard on it and I hope you all enjoy it. Please, please, PLEASE review and let me know what you think. Thanks and enjoy :)_**

* * *

><p><strong>(Lily's P.O.V.)<strong>

Dating James Potter is not what most girls in this school would think it is. It isn't all about physical activity (though we do have our share of physical activity…not what you're thinking! Merlin, it's only been two weeks. I'm not that big of a slag). He's really the best. I still feel like a wicked old hag for getting so upset with him last week when I was just being too quick to judge. But really, being with him…it's one of the best choices I've ever made.

One of my favorite things about this whole relationship business is that James is great to vent to. Seriously, he just sits there and listens whole-heartedly. Which is what he did yesterday ever so sweetly after I received this goddamn letter.

_Lily,_

_Mum said I had to be the one to write this, not her, so here it is. Vernon proposed three days ago. I accepted. We plan to wed in the spring, sometime around your Easter Holiday off. The engagement party should be around Christmas time. Mum says you could bring a guest, but I'd rather you did not. One freak is enough. If you do, however, please don't cause any funny business. I plan on telling Vernon about your…condition, I'm just not quite certain when I will yet. _

_So, that's that. See you at Christmas._

_-Petunia_

Oh Merlin, I was fuming. James and I were alone in the Common Room when I let him read it. And then he let me yell about it.

* * *

><p>"<em>Who the hell does she think she is? 'One freak is enough?' 'Your CONDITION?' She treats me like such rubbish and I'm so sick of it! All I ever do is try to be nice and civil and try to act like we used to when we were kids and she just can never put our differences aside for one goddamn second!"<em>

"_I know you're upset, and you have the right to be…but just…maybe you should try to be happy for her? She is getting married, after all."_

"_I am happy for her…a little. I would be a lot happier for her if she was nice about it to me and actually cared about me! She treats me like I'm vermin!"_

"_She's just jealous, Lily."_

"_I know, I know…But I just miss the way it used to be with her, you know? She used to be like my best friend! And now she acts like we're enemies! We're sisters, for God's sake! It's like we don't even know each other anymore…Ugh, I am so ANGRY! I really just…why are you looking at me like that?"_

"_You're cute when you're angry."_

"_James, this is not the time for your stupid compliments!"_

"_You asked."_

"_You shouldn't have answered."_

"_Glad to know you like my compliments, by the way."_

"_Oh will you hush! Ugh, I am so infuriated with her!"_

"_What can I do to help? Since, you know, my compliments are useless."_

"_Shut up, you know I didn't mean it."_

"_You drive me mental, Evans."_

"_Same to you, Potter."_

"_So, what can I do for you?"_

"_I don't know. Snog me?"_

"_Your wish is my command, your majesty."_

* * *

><p>I can't help it, all right. Snogging James Potter is literally the best medicine in the world for any problem. Soon enough, my anger had subsided and Petunia was the last thing on my mind. And then when we finally stopped (does it really matter how long we were going for?) we just talked and laughed and joked. And that also made it all a lot better. So when I went to bed instead of being angry out of my mind, I was happy. Which was, you know, really nice.<p>

And then I woke up this morning, and the realization hit me.

Today was our first trip to Hogsmeade.

Today, ladies and gentleman, was my first real date with James.

Kim and Wendy weren't in the room when the catastrophe began. "Good morning, sunshine," June said, sitting on my bed. "Ready for today?"

"No. I'm never leaving this bed. Ever," I said, and put the blankets back over my head.

"Fine, so we'll just tell James you decided to keep your date in your bedroom and he'll be right up."

"Boys can't get up the staircase!"

"He'll find a way," said Delia.

"No, he will most certainly not!"

"Okay, calm yourself, ginger," Delia said and then began brushing her teeth.

"I am calm! I'm calm. Real calm. Cool as a cucumber. Yeah, yeah, I'm great. Brilliant really. Date day, yaaay."

"Uh, Lil-"

"I mean, it's not like it's any different from us being together in school, right? I mean, no of course not. It's no different at all. Right. Yes. Maybe I should get ready. Where's the nearest emergency exit?"

"Lily!" June shouted at me.

"I'm going to muck everything up! I'm going to act like a complete fool and James is never going to want to see me again and is just going to find some easy fifth or sixth year to shag with in a broom closet and it's going to be because I'm a wretched date! Wretched!"

"Oh, Merlin," June said. "It took James all these years to _finally_ get you to agree to go on a date with him to Hogsmeade, and you're going to back down and break the poor bloke's heart?"

"No, but I'm just-"

"And you know James would never think of you as anything less than the best he could ever ask for. So stop being so worried over nothing and get dressed! And do something about your hair, maybe," she said.

What was wrong with my hair? Oh my god, what was I going to wear? Oh shit oh hell oh bloody bleeding hell. I'm DOOMED.

I looked at June, who was wearing her tightest jeans and a black long sleeved shirt. Her hair was straighter than usual and she was at the mirror finishing up her makeup.

"Are you excited for _your_ date?" I asked June.

"Hell yeah I am," she said. "Noel said he's got it all planned out. I'm so excited! Ahh!"

Delia came back and said, "Yeah, and I know the plan."

"REALLY? TELL ME, WOMAN!"

"Snog, snog, more snog, shag, some food, repeat," she said.

"That isn't funny," June said.

"I thought it was," I said.

"Oh hush you," she said to me. And then she turned to Delia. "What about you? What are your plans this Hogsmeade trip?"

"I'm going with Darren Tanner."

"What?" both June and I shouted.

"What?"

"Darren Tanner," said June.

"Yes," Delia responded.

"Seventh year Ravenclaw."

"Correct."

"Best friends with Michael Nodan."

"I believe so."

"_Wow."_

"It's really not a big deal," Delia said, starting to change.

"How is this not a big deal?" June asked. "You're going on a date with your ex's best mate! How did that even happen?"

She shrugged. "He asked me. I said yes. It's not like we're dating or anything. I told him I'm not ready to really date yet. We'll probably just snog a lot and I don't know what else."

I frowned at her. "Delia, I love you, but don't you think that's a little…I don't know, unfair to Michael?"

"Michael's going with Wendy."

"That bitch," June hissed.

"June, Wendy isn't a bitch," I said. "She's fairly nice when she wants to be."

"Oh, really, Lily?" June said to me, smiling maliciously. "Remember in fifth year when Wendy and James sha-"

"That bitch," I said, making June smile, but I suddenly felt like I was going to vomit. I remembered that night, Wendy returning to our dorm room with a triumphant glow, and yapping about it to Kim, not caring that we heard, and that by the next morning so did the entire school. All anyone could talk about was how James Potter and Wendy Chase shagged. Obviously, I didn't care then. I was still on the '_I hate Potter'_ wagon and Patrick had asked me out that night, so the whole situation was very unimportant to me. Now I was ready to _Avada Kedavra _her arse.

No, Wendy actually isn't that bad. Kim is, though. Wendy just gets around more, I guess.

"It's fine, I don't really care," Delia sighed. "I'm just saying, if he's going on a date with my dorm mate, I can go out with his. Really, it's nothing. Now, can I get ready? And, er, Lily, you should, er, fix your hair."

WHAT WAS WRONG WITH MY HAIR?

June started to laugh, obviously catching my angry-slash-worried-slash-depressed expression as I jumped out of bed and looked in the mirror.

There was nothing wrong with my hair. Nothing at all.

Those horrid, horrid mates of mine.

"I hate the both of you," I said. They were both hysterically laughing.

"You love us," said June.

"Not when you both try to make me a nervous wreck! You know how I get about my hair!"

"That's going to be a problem once you and James start shagging, because, well, you know, sex-hair and all," said Delia.

"Delia…"

"Aw, look, she's blushing," said June, patting my head.

"I am not," I lied. I was totally blushing. My face was on fire. I went into the loo and just stared at myself in the mirror. I was still uncomfortable talking about this. We've only been together for two weeks! I know Delia doesn't go by my wait-for-love standards, and neither does June really, and I know in the past James hasn't either but…James isn't stupid. He wouldn't go out with me if he thought I would…you know…so quickly. Would he? No, of course he wouldn't. I mean, it's not like it's out of the question or anything, just…I mean…

Stop thinking about it, Lily. Stop it, stop it, stop it.

It's not important.

Not important at all.

….

OKAY NEW TOPIC.

Um…um…um…

Fuck.

Unicorns. Rainbows. Waffles.

Yes waffles. I want my waffles. Thus, I must get ready for my date now so I can go downstairs and eat my waffles. With James.

Right. James. I'm going on a date with James. My boyfriend. Who has no intention of taking advantage of me in any way because he cares about me too much. Yes. Of course.

Okay. I'm calm. I'm cool.

I'm going to have a great day. I'm going to have a wonderful, beautiful date with James and everything is going to be good and fine and perfect because I'll be with him and that's all that really matters.

I breathed, feeling a lot better. I didn't need to think about any of that stuff. It wasn't important right now. It'll happen when it happens, right? Right. And James is completely and totally respectful towards me, though he still makes bold moves here and there, not that I really mind, and you know, maybe I encourage them now and again… I mean, I'm not a total prig. But I'm not a slag, either. And I'll be ready when I'm ready and I am not ready right now and James knows that and I shouldn't let Delia and June freak me out about it. James wouldn't pressure me, so I shouldn't pressure myself.

I was happy where I was with James.

I wanted to go be with him. Right now.

So I washed up and then came out of the loo and ignored June and Delia and I guess they realized I was annoyed with them since I didn't respond to a single thing they said to me. Hmph. They deserved it. I wasn't going to let them make me all nervous for no reason right before my date.

I decided to wear my nicest jeans, which doesn't say much, but, oh well, a green long sleeved shirt that hugged my body in a not-too-tight but not-too-loose kind of way, and my black flats. I wore these nice diamond stud earrings my Mum got me for my fifteenth birthday, and I left my hair down, just for James, and brushed it for the millionth time. I tried not to overdo the makeup, but I put on mascara, a little eyeliner, some blush, and a darkish nude colored lipstick, because I hate lipgloss. Damn lipgloss never stays on for more than three minutes.

Okay. Breathe. This is nothing. No big deal. It's going to be great.

I was about to leave the room when June said, "Wait, Lil."

I turned around and just stared blankly at the both of them.

"Delia's sorry for her rude remark," she said.

"Shut up, you partook in it," Delia said.

"Fine, we're both sorry," June said.

"We really are. We were just kidding around," Delia added. "We didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable."

"Just as long as you tell us when it happens," June said.

"June!" shouted Delia.

"What? You were thinking it too-"

"It's fine," I interrupted her. "Forget it. I'll see you guys downstairs."

"Lil, we really are sorry," said Delia.

I smiled slightly and said, "It's really okay. I'll see you," and then left the room. I didn't want to think about it anymore so I wasn't going to. I was overreacting anyway, probably.

I skipped down the steps, singing to myself, trying to ignore the nervous thoughts in my head telling me to _RUN WHILE YOU CAN LILY _because I am done with my running days. Psh. They are long, long gone. Now I only run to things, or, er, into things (which I do a little more often than average), but not away from things.

Once I got to the Great Hall, I straightened myself out and walked with as much poise as possible to the Gryffindor table, though my legs were shaking uncontrollably and I was going to fall down any second now. It was Remus I spotted first, who did not look too cheery. He was standing up, talking to some Ravenclaw girl I couldn't see because her back was faced to me, but she had blonde hair. He looked highly uninterested and seemed to be staring off into space rather than actually looking at her. He spotted me too finally and gave me a worried smile, one of the classic Remus, _You gotta help me, here, Lily,_ looks and I laughed and waved, to which the girl turned around with a nasty look on her face because someone who was obviously not as of upmost importance as her was being paid attention to, but her expression seemed to relax when she saw it was me because I was already taken by a Marauder and Remus was as free as a werewolf frolicking in the Forbidden Forest.

I finally realized the girl was Tess Collins, a sixth year Ravenclaw prefect who was smart but very self centered and always had a crush on dear Remus. Remus, however, never particularly fancied her, but was never anything but a sweet, kind gentleman to her. Was he going with her to Hogsmeade? Hmm. Interesting.

I passed them and then saw James's back sitting next to Peter, and across from them was Sirius, eating away like a madman.

I tapped James on the shoulder but didn't say anything because, well, words weren't coming out.

He automatically sat up straighter and then turned his head, and then his eyes widened, and then I got nervous because I wasn't sure if that was a good or a bad thing.

And then he smiled a lopsided smile, which made my stomach do flips and my heart started pounding rather hard against my chest. He got up from his seat and stood up.

He gave me a once over, and I stood there awkwardly blushing for a moment, but then I decided I could give him one too.

Now, the thing about James, is that he will literally do anything to drive me mad, in a good way. So the first thing he does, obviously, is wears a goddamn sky blue button down collared shirt. Now, let me tell you something. Not only is sky blue my favorite color, but on blokes, especially this particular bloke, I literally swoon and melt and die. Like, it is my weakness. Not only that, but the sleeves were rolled up to the elbows and, damn it, he looked really bloody good like that. Okay anyway, he was also wearing some nice beige pants and what looked like nicer and cleaner sneakers, and his hair was just the perfect amount of messy where it looked just perfect.

And I wanted nothing more than to kiss him right there on the spot. But, unlike some people, eh-hem, I have more class than that.

I looked back at James's face, who was grinning ridiculously wide at me, but in a shyer way than usual, and his hand immediately flew up to his hair, so I knew he was nervous too. "You…you look r-really great, Lily," he stammered.

I smiled back at him. "You don't look too bad yourself."

He bit his lip, and I was very proud of him because I knew he was holding back his urge to kiss me, which was good, because I wanted this to be a good and proper first date and you don't snog the moment it starts, especially in public.

Though I was struggling almost as much as he was.

But he did, however, take my hand and intertwine it with his own, which was enough to make the butterflies in my stomach go berserk. And then he kissed it, like a goddamn prince. Where the bloody hell was he taught these things? Charm school? Why was I not notified of this? I'm going to look like a complete fool while he keeps pulling stunts like that, the bloody bastard.

We sat down together, and there, right in front of me, was a plate.

A plate of waffles.

With the exact amount of syrup I put on it.

Not only that, but there was also a hot chocolate with chocolate whipped cream on it.

And that's when I lost it. "Are you trying to make me look like an idiot or something?"

"Wh…what?"

"Here you are, with your stupid sky blue shirt and your stupid hand kissing and then you already have my entire dream breakfast set out right in front of me and I don't have anything to top you! Goddamn it, James," I said, and then dug into my waffles, mostly because I was trying as hard as I possibly could to not just snog him right there in front of the whole bloody school.

James, Sirius, and Peter all started laughing rather loudly, and it really wasn't funny, because now they were just making me look like an even bigger idiot.

"It isn't funny," I mumbled before I swallowed some of my waffle.

Then, James, my prat prince, put his arm around my waist and pulled me closer to him. "You're beautiful," he whispered against my ear, and then kissed my cheek, causing my stomach to do flips like you wouldn't believe. "Don't you know I love how you look when you're angry?"

Psh. And he tells _me_ to get new material. "I'm not angry," I said, feeling my face heat up. "I'm ashamed."

"Fine. You're adorable when you're ashamed too," he said, and then released me from his grasp. "And you don't have to do anything to 'top'me."

"Lily doesn't really seem like a _top_ kind of bird, are you, Evans?" Sirius asked, chuckling.

"Har, har," I said, making a face, taking a sip of my hot chocolate. "What about Carly, Sirius? Is she a _top_ kind of bird?"

"Well, it depends-"

"I was kidding!" I shouted. James sniggered and I elbowed him in his side.

Remus finally joined us with a deep sigh, sitting down next to Sirius, putting his head down on the table.

"Er…you all right, mate?" asked Peter.

"No," said Remus. "Someone kill me now."

"Not looking forward to your date, then?" asked James.

"Oh, so you're going with Tess?" I asked.

"Unfortunately," Remus sighed, picking his head up.

"Oh, c'mon now, Moony!" Sirius exclaimed, slapping him on the back. "She's fit, probably an easy snog, has enough brains for you, what's the problem? It's just one day at Hogsmeade."

"I don't fancy her, though. I don't even like her as a person," Remus explained.

"So what do you like her as?" asked Peter.

"Nothing."

"Look, mate," Sirius said. "Just because you didn't have enough nerve to ask De-"

"WHAT!" I shouted, almost spitting out my hot chocolate.

"You're a git," Remus muttered, putting his head back down.

"Wait, wait, wait!" I shouted. "Remus, you fancy-"

"Oh, hey June, Delia, how's it going?" Sirius suddenly asked really loudly. I turned to see they were almost at the table. I guess Sirius was giving us a good heads up.

Remus fancied Delia? But…But James and Sirius told me he just thought she was fit! What had changed?

I looked at James, who mouthed, "later," obviously understanding that he would need to give me an explanation or I'd smack him.

And not the good kind of smacking (ha).

"It's going terrible," June said, plopping down next to me. "I already caught Emily and _Henry_ snogging down the corridor! And now I'm going to have to see them all day in Hogsmeade snogging away and I really do not need to see such things!"

"June, you're making it a bigger deal than it is," Delia said, sitting down next to Remus, whose head shot up the second she started speaking.

Wow. Is he really that obvious about it? Has he always fancied her? I NEED TO KNOW OH MAN IT'S KILLING ME.

"I am not," June defended herself. "She's not even fifteen yet! And she's snogging!"

"Like you were doing any differently at her age?" Sirius chimed in, wiggling his eyebrows.

Oh, right. Sirius and June snogged in the beginning of fourth year. In the Quidditch locker rooms. It was June's first snog. June was complaining to Sirius about how Delia was bothering her (and me) about never having snogged, and then Sirius just right then snogged her, and June didn't stop him because, well, she didn't fancy him but, most birds in this school knew then and still know now that if you get the opportunity to snog a Marauder (as long as both you and they are single, obviously) you should not pass it up. June had told me when it was over, Sirius smirked and said, "Now you can tell her to shut up."

And that was that.

"Oh shut it, you. You're _shagging_ a fifteen year old. So you can't really take part in this conversation."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Her birthday's next week, so then she'll be sixteen. Is that any better?"

"No, not really," she answered.

"June," I said. "This isn't really about, er, Sirius's sex life choices."

"Thank you, Lily," Sirius said.

"Of course."

"Well, in June's defense," James chimed in. "Thorne really is an arse."

"Yeah, amen to that," said Sirius.

"Thank you. But tell that to Emily!" June shouted, exasperated.

"Like she'd listen," said Peter.

"To James she would, one hundred percent. What fourth year doesn't have a crush on him?"

"Oh, Lils, looks like you've got some competition," Delia teased.

"Ooh, I'm scared," I said.

"And they don't have a crush on me?" asked Sirius in a slightly offended tone.

"Jealous, are you, Padfoot?" asked James, suddenly taking my hand again and interlacing my fingers with his.

Goddamn it, those bloody butterflies have made their great return after such short time gone.

"Only a little," he said, taking a sip of his pumpkin juice.

"No, they do, but more so James," June stated.

They continued their little discussion and I chimed in here and there, but I couldn't help but notice (okay so I was watching them adamantly) that when Delia and Remus weren't paying attention to what we were saying, they were engaged in their own private conversation.

WHEN DID THIS EVEN START? Has my head just been so far up my arse all this time that I haven't noticed?

Oh, Merlin.

Eventually, we finished our breakfast and people started heading out. June left with Noel, Sirius and Carly went on their way, Delia went to Darren, Peter went with some Hufflepuff girl I don't know (aww, he got a date!), and Remus waited until Tess came and dragged him away. James and I were the last to leave from our lot, lingering at the table, hands still intertwined, his thumb occasionally rubbing against the back of my hand.

Once everyone cleared out, and most of the Great Hall was empty, James leaned in and gave me a quick soft kiss on the lips, and then almost whispered, "You really are beautiful."

It was things like that which drove me absolutely mental. Something he said a while ago, he felt the need to repeat now, and was waiting to say it this whole time?

You know, it was really unfair as a girl, because I couldn't say things like that to make him feel all special and warm and crazy. I wouldn't even know what to say, anyway.

"I…I'm really not," I stammered, putting my forehead against his.

"Of course you are," he said, squeezing my hand. "You're Wonder Woman, remember?"

I felt myself blush. How the bloody hell was he able to do this? Ugh. "You know, we never copyrighted that."

He laughed, and then kissed me quickly once more. "I think somebody else already did that, love."

"So let's steal it from them. I think we suit the titles better, don't you?"

"Most definitely."

I smiled at him as we both stood up from the table, James taking a small rucksack he had with him, and started to slowly walk to the exit to Hogsmeade. Everyone had just started to move, and we lagged behind. At first we walked in a pleasant silence, keeping our sides close to each other. Eventually, James released my hand from his and then put his arm around my shoulder, pulling me closer to him. I put my arm around his waist and we walked like that.

He kissed my head and then said, "So, Evans, after all my pestering you, why have you finally decided to agree to join me on this lovely October day in Hogsmeade Village for a- dare I say it- date?"

"Well," I started. "After giving it much thought and consideration, I decided, hey, why not just say yes and get the bloke's hopes up and then at the end of the day just crush his dreams so he'll leave me alone for good? Woops, I think I just told you my secret plan. Well, it feels better that it's all out in the open now and everything."

"Well, what you didn't know is that I was onto your secret plan all along and came up with my own secret plan to throw you off."

"Oh really?" I asked, looking up at him, smiling. He was grinning too. He looked down at me.

"Yeah," he answered.

I waited a few moments before I said, "Well?"

"What? Oh, you thought I was going to tell you?" he asked, and then laughed. "You're cute."

"Hey, I told you my plan!"

"That was your mistake."

"You're the worst."

"I know. That's why you're my girlfriend."

"Because I only go for the worst?"

"Precisely. You only go for someone on the same level as yourself."

I rolled my eyes. "You're a git."

"Keep insulting me, why don't you."

"Okay, you-"

"I was kidding."

"I wasn't."

"Mhm."

"Be quiet, you," I demanded.

We kept walking and continued our playful banter as we made our way to the main part of the village. It was adorable seeing the looks on the third years' faces. We saw June and Noel snogging behind a tree (how subtle) and Delia with Darren looking completely uninterested in whatever he was talking about while they walked into the Three Broomsticks with most of our year.

"So, where to?" I asked. "Three Broomsticks? I could really go for a-"

"No."

"No?"

"No."

"Oh…?"

"It's too crowded. Everyone goes there first. And last time I checked, you and I, aren't everyone. So we're doing things different. Got it?"

I smiled. "Sounds good to me."

"Good."

"So, where to then?"

"Honeydukes."

I laughed, finally letting myself out of James's grasp. "Honeydukes? Seriously, James? This early?"

"Yes, seriously. Don't you know me by now? And I know you, and you've got a whole mouth filled with sweet teeth and I know you're really craving some chocolate right now."

I sighed. "You know me too well."

He grinned. "Let's go!"

He grabbed my hand and then we started running, yes, RUNNING, towards Honeydukes.

"Why are we running again?" I asked, giggling as we ran.

"We've got to get there before all the third years beat us!"

Oh, god. He was such a child. Not in the, _Merlin, James you're so immature_ kind of child way but in the, _please stay this spirited forever _kind of way.

I loved it.

Once we made it there, James let go of my hand and said, "Pick as many things as you'd like. It's all on me."

"James, you don't-"

"Don't worry about it," he said, pulling my face towards him and kissing my forehead. "But here's the catch."

"Okay. Shoot."

"You don't know most of the candy here, right?"

"Not really. I'm still not so familiar with the muggle versus wizard food…and I just don't come in here too often."

"Brill. Okay, you can only pick out things you've never had before, never heard of before, never seen before. They have to be completely foreign to you. Got it? And I'll go pick out the good stuff, and in three minutes we'll meet at the front and I'll chuck all the rubbish you picked up thinking it was actually good. Got it?"

He was mental. Mad. A maniac. "Uh…sure. Why are we doing this, though? And why only three minutes?"

"I can't ruin my whole plan, Lils. And three minutes because I _told_ you we have to get what we can before the third and fourth years come and clean everything out! Ready?"

"Sure, I guess?" I laughed.

"Okay, go!" he shouted, and then disappeared somewhere down the aisles.

I chuckled to myself as I walked through the opposite aisle, looking through the many different assorted sweets. I picked up almost anything chocolate, a few things raspberry flavored, and something that was every flavored but I had no clue what it was.

When I met James two minutes and fifty seconds after we parted, he was waiting for me with a grin. "Well, let's see what you picked."

I put it all out on the counter. He raised his eyebrows, nodding his head. "Not bad, for an amateur. You didn't even pick that much." He reached into his pocket and took out a little bag, filled with money, I presume.

He paid the bloke at the front and, as if right on cue, a literal herd of third years and some fourth years came bursting into the place, with wide eyes and bright faces, ready to explore the world of Wizarding candy.

We shoved all the candy in his rucksack and we continued on, laughing as we walked out of the shop.

"Told ya," he said.

"So, are we going to eat them?"

"No."

"No?"

"Not yet. Saving it for later," he said.

"Okay. So now what?"

"Hm…give me a minute," he said, pacing.

"Don't you have a plan?"

"Er, right, about that. The plan is me making things up as I go along."

I laughed, because that is so something he would do. "I should have known."

"Let's just walk around for a bit."

So we did, but instead of for a bit, we walked around aimlessly for a while, hand in hand, talking about who even knows what, laughing, mocking each other, and towards the end a very little bit of snogging, and I didn't even mind that people could probably see us even though it wasn't like we were standing right in the middle of the road because we were actually hiding behind one of the shops but goddamn it he looked so good and he was just being such an adorable goofball that I couldn't not snog him just a little by now! But I guess we were both smart enough to come to our senses and stop it while we could still control ourselves. We decided it would be better if we went to the Three Broomsticks now since it was most likely less full now.

We walked in and, yes, it was less full, but there were still loads of kids, including the younger years. We were looking for a table when we passed Remus and Tess's table.

"Oh, hello James. Lily," she greeted us.

"Hi, Tess," I said. "Hey, Remus."

Remus smiled slightly.

James and I stood there awkwardly for a moment, until James said, "Well, we'll see you later-"

"Why don't you join us?" Remus suddenly asked.

James and I looked at each other. I could tell that he was thinking the same thing as I was. It wasn't Remus we didn't want to be with, it was Tess. But then I saw the look on Remus's face and it was screaming out _HELP ME PLEASE I'M DYING _andI suddenly found myself saying, "Sure, of course."

James elbowed me not so subtly. "Yeah, sure…Hey, er, Lil, come with me to get drinks, yeah?"

"We'll be right back," I told them before James dragged me to the counter.

"What did I ever do to you for you to hate me _this_ much?" he asked.

"Excuse me?"

"It's fine, it's fine. We just got to think of an escape plan. Uh…what could we use, what could we use…Of course! Head Duties. Ha! Okay, we'll sit here for, give or take two to three minutes, and then you'll say, 'Hey, James, love, I think McGonagall wanted us back early to do-' and then I'll interrupt you and say, 'Oh right Lily, darling, that _thing_' and then we'll run off and be free. Ha. I'm a genius."

"James," I sighed, though I wanted to follow his plan. "We can't abuse our title."

"And why not?"

"Because it's immoral!" I shouted. "And look at Remus, he looks as if he's suffering!"

"He doesn't have to share the pain," he muttered.

I rolled my eyes and then whispered, "You'll turn into an illegal animagus and spend every full moon running around the forest with him when he's in pain, but you can't just sit down with him for thirty minutes with his date, no matter how awful she is."

"Yeah, sounds about right."

I gave him a look.

Then he sighed, "Fine, fine…five minutes."

"Twenty."

"Ten."

"Fifteen," I compromised.

"Fine, fifteen. No more. If after fifteen minutes we can't take it anymore, we leave. Immediately. Deal?" James asked.

"All right, I guess," I sighed. "You know, you're not being a great friend."

"I am a fantastic friend," he said. "Now go entertain those two while I get us some butterbeer, eh?"

"I hate you," I said, and went to sit with Remus and Tess at their table.

I put on my least fake yet fake smile and sat down across from Remus.

"Where's James?" asked Tess.

"He'll be back in a second," I told her. "So, er, how is your day going? Remus?"

"Just peachy," said Tess, obviously seeming annoyed by my presence. Well, well, Miss Tess, I'm not so fond of you either! Hmph!

"It's nice," said Remus, unconvincingly. Poor guy. I noticed he kept looking in the corner, and that's when I turned my head and saw Delia snogging Darren.

Oh, Merlin. This was not good. Not good at all.

Not in the slightest.

You could see it on his face. He was trying to hide it, obviously, but he was not happy. You could tell by his eyes. He seemed sad, or upset, or disappointed…something along those lines. I guess he really did fancy her. But I still didn't get how this all even started? I had to ask James later.

We sat there in an awkward silence for a few moments, and then I said, "So, er, Tess, did you do well on your O.W.L.s?"

"Yes, I did, thanks for asking," she said in a not so appreciative tone, but more of a boastful tone. "I got all Es and Os."

"Well that's fantastic. Good job," I said as polite as I could.

"Yeah, I'm hoping to get Head Girl next year," she said, perking up a bit.

"After my job, are you, now?"

She gave a quite obvious fake laugh. Ugh, cut the rubbish.

"I'm sure you have a great chance," I told her.

"Well, thank you. It'd be great if I did because I want to get a job at the Ministry in the Magical Law department and getting Head Girl would really help my chances," she said as James slipped in next to me, handing me my butterbeer. I took a sip as she continued, though not really paying attention to anything she said because James took my hand under the table and those goddamn butterflies came back and I still don't understand why they do that EVERY SINGLE TIME HE DOES IT but they do like mad. She continued on as I noticed Remus still looking in the corner where Delia and Darren were, fidgeting in his seat awkwardly. Poor kid. I don't even know how long Tess was talking for, but eventually James and I somehow ended up having a thumb war under the table, both of us trying to hold back our laughter. I won, and then James pinched my leg really hard out of anger for _always_ losing to me at everything. I held back a yelp of pain and continued drinking my butterbeer as James sniggered to himself and Tess was, amazingly, still talking.

Eventually, she stopped, and James took an obvious sigh of relief, that dolt. Either she didn't notice or just didn't care. She smiled and then turned to Remus and smiled at him, who in return gave a weak smile back. I turned as subtly as I possibly could to see if Delia and Darren were still going at it, which they were.

"Well, that's all, er, very fascinating. I'm sure all your hard work will pay off and you'll make it into the program," James said, which I was highly confused about because I wasn't paying attention at all and neither was he so how did he know what the sodding hell she was talking about?

It suddenly made more sense how James was able to not pay attention in class yet still know what was going on.

He had to teach me how to do that.

"Well, thank you, James," she said, rather flustered. Oh, sheesh. You have your own marauder right beside you, don't go macking on mine!

"Well, anyway, James and I, we, er, must be on our way. Professor McGonagall wanted us back at the castle early for a meeting," I heard myself say.

It had not been fifteen minutes.

I saw James try to hold back a grin as he said, "Yeah, sorry mate, but we gotta run. We'll see you around," and then he stood up and took my hand as I stood up as well, and we waved goodbye to them and walked out.

The second we stepped out, James started to howl with laughter.

"What?" I asked, laughing too.

"That was maybe seven minutes. You completely have less patience than me!"

"I…I do not!"

"I was even able to last. And listen! Well, partially."

"I can't help it! She just drones on and on and on and on _and on_ about herself, acting like no one else matters, just, _blah_," I said, laughing as James suddenly put his arms around my waist and pulled me against him. I reached up and gave him a light kiss. "So, what's next on our agenda?"

"We're going back to the castle."

"Wait, we are? I thought that was just a ploy."

"Well, it was," he said, letting go of me. "But now it's part of the day's plan."

"All right, whatever you say, I suppose," I said.

So we started to walk back when James took out some of the candy from his rucksack. "Okay," he said, opening a bag. "Every flavor licorice wands. You take first."

I closed my eyes and reluctantly took one out of the bag. They were all the same color so there was no way of knowing the difference. I took a bite and chewed, and then I realized it tasted like spinach.

I must have been grimacing because James started laughing. "What'd you get?"

"Spinach," I said, chewing it anyway. "Not very fond of it. Blach. Now you take one."

"Oh, that's nothing," he said, chuckling. He took one from the bag. He took a bite of it and made a very pensive face, trying to see what it was. "Hmm, I got coffee. Not too shabby."

"That's not fair!" I laughed.

"Jealous?" he asked, sticking it in my face.

"Er, no, I'm good with my spinach, thanks."

He shrugged, grinned, and then took another bite.

"James," I said.

"Yes?"

"Can you tell me what's going on with Remus and Delia now?" I asked, and then took another bite of my licorice wand.

He looked at me as he finished his own licorice wand, contemplating it. "Well, I don't know anything going through Delia's mind but…"

"Just please tell me. I don't know if you saw but Delia and Darren Tanner were snogging in the booth in the corner at the Three Broomsticks, and Remus kept looking at them. I felt so bad."

"Yeah, I saw," he said, throwing the licorice wands back in his rucksack and taking out some chocolate candy bars, handing one to me. "All right, but just, do me a favor and don't say any of this to Delia."

"You have my word," I promised.

"Okay. So, you know how we told you Remus only ever thought Delia was fit and just a mate? We weren't lying. He never fancied her, or at least none of us thought he did, including himself. A few nights before the Quidditch match, Peter, Sirius, Remus and I were hanging out in our dorm and Sirius may have done a bit too much of teasing Remus for haven't snogging a girl since last term sometime in like January."

"So?"

"So, at the after-party, I guess Delia was telling Remus what happened with Nodan, and since she was single now, and, like I said, he thought she was fit, and he was a bit drunk, mind you, he snogged her and I guess she didn't really mind and snogged him back," he said.

"Delia never really minds a snog," I told him. "From anyone."

"Yeah, well, anyway," he continued, after nibbling on his candy bar. "I guess after they snogged he decided he fancied her, and he was going to confront her about it but, er, well, he kind of overheard Darren ask her and Delia say yes, so he never did. The end."

"So, just because they snogged, he fancies her now?"

He shrugged. "Nah, I think it's that after snogging he realized he had a really good mate who was a really good snog who could be a really good girlfriend, if Moony wasn't so afraid of commitment. He thinks snogging her just made him realized he did actually fancy her."

"Why is he afraid of commitment?" I asked, taking a bite of my chocolate.

James sighed. "Why do you think?"

"I don't know, that's why I'm asking you?"

He rolled his eyes. "The whole, er, werewolf thing. He doesn't want anybody to get hurt, or get hurt himself, like if someone found out and then thought of him as a…"

"A monster," I finished for him.

"Yeah," he replied.

"But he's not. I didn't think that when I found out."

"I know. And that's because, well, you're you," he said, taking my hand.

"What does that mean?"

"You're just nice. You don't see people the way everyone else does. You only see the good. Well, except with me. You only see the arrogant bullying toerag I am," he said, grinning slightly, and I couldn't tell if he was just kidding or he was remembering the times I 'hated' him and feeling bad, but I had a feeling it was the latter.

I rubbed his hand with my thumb. "Yeah, well, _now_ I only see the good in you, because there's nothing _but_ good to see."

"Rubbish," he said.

"No really! You're so sweet, and caring, and bold, and loyal-"

"Nah-"

"And funny, and smart, and brave, and enthusiastic, and you have the biggest heart-"

"No I-"

"And you're always there for me, and your mates," I said, smiling. "And, you know, you're a pretty handsome looking chap, if you must know."

He squeezed my hand, grinning mischievously now. "Oh, yeah?"

"Dashing, really," I said as he stopped walking, making me stop with him.

"And how are my snogging skills?" he asked, wiggling his eyebrows, leaning in.

I rolled my eyes, leaning away. "Now you're just fishing for compliments."

"I know. So go on."

"How about no."

"How about _yes_."

"My mouth is busy with this chocolate bar at the moment, thank you very much," I teased, taking a bite of what was left of it, and then started walking again, dragging James with me.

"How about you keep complimenting me."

"You know what, James, mate, I'm starting to remember the bad in you."

"I thought there was no such thing," he reminded me.

"No, no. I don't know I was thinking," I said as we entered the castle. We started walking up the marble staircase. "You're stubborn, and a bit too persistent, and you jump into everything head first without a single thought, and you still mess up your hair, not that I'm really complaining about how it looks but it's a bit childish, and you're immature, and you still play with that snitch like it's your security blanket."

We made it into the Common Room and I continued on. "And you drive me mental on purpose, and you forget very important things like rounds-"

"That was once!" he shouted in defense as we got to the boys staircase.

"We're going to your room?" I asked, suddenly ridiculously nervous. The conversation with Delia and June popped back into my mind. Not that he was going to do anything, but…I mean… I mean we've only been in there once and who knows how far he would've tried to go if we weren't interrupted…not like in the moment I minded or anything.

"Do you not want to?" he asked, not seeming to mind if I said I didn't.

But I did want to. But I was nervous. I shouldn't be, but I was. "N-No, I do," I answered, trying to hide the shakiness in my voice. Breathe, Lily. Nothing is going to happen that you don't want to happen.

"You all right?" he asked, as we started to ascend.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine… So er, where was I?"

"My forgetfulness when it comes to my responsibilities," he said.

"Oh, right. And you're horrible at Wizard's chess. And thumb wrestling," I said once we finally got up there.

"Mhm," he answered, chuckling as he closed the door.

"And you can never admit defeat."

"That isn't completely true."

"Oh, rubbish. And you're a showoff."

He lied down on his bed and stretched. I made the decision to sit down next to him as he kicked off his shoes. I slipped mine off as well and sat like a pretzel on his bed as he continued to lie there.

"So, you still hate me, then?" James asked.

"Yes, very much so," I told him.

"I can see that," he said, bending over, reaching something from under his bed.

"I'm glad."

Then suddenly, he handed me a single lily. Yes, the flower. My favorite kind of flower, as terrible cliché as it is that it's my favorite.

"Nicked it from the Green Houses," he said as I took it, then running a hand through his hair. He sat up, facing me. "It's corny, but, you know, it's your favorite, so…"

I looked at the flower, and then back at James, and then back at the flower. It was beautiful, and it looked new and young and fresh, and I knew as soon as I got back to my room I would have to put it in some water next to my bed.

"Still hate me?" he asked with a shy smile as I stared at my flower. My heart melted every time I looked backed at James. It was the sweetest thing. Goosebumps were all over my body and I felt like crying, which was stupid, but I can't help that I'm an over emotional hormonal teenaged girl.

I put the flower down on his bedside table in front of a picture I didn't really get a good look at, and then, to put it gently, I mauled him.

And that's putting it gently.

He started laughing a second after I attacked, my lips crushing his and now both of us lying down, me half on top of him, and then he kissed me back passionately, putting his arms around my waist while mine were on his face.

And none of my previous thoughts were floating around but they were safely buried in the back, relaxed and not acting up or making me nervous. I forgot all about it and embraced the fact that I was (sort of) on top of James Potter and snogging him very happily.

We stayed like this for a few minutes, until eventually James grabbed me tight and turned us over as I laughed against his fluttering kisses against my lips, and then he was slightly on top of me, and I took advantage of the situation and (to much of James's [and my] liking) started moving my hands around James's body, admiring his perfect physique. Blood Quidditch blokes, always the fittest. James started doing the same to me, not that I really minded so much. And after along while, he started kissing my jawline and my neck, causing me to release a few involuntary, er, noises…making James grin a bit too wide, if you'd ask me. And that all just encouraged him. And we kept kissing as I started to slowly unbutton his shirt, though, I must say, I really did love how that shirt looked on him. But, I _really_ loved his upper body exposed as much as possible, really. Can't put that sort of sight to waste and cover it up so constantly. James's hands started going under my jumper onto my bare skin, moving higher and higher up, until reaching my chest and, er, well, fondling it, I guess? Is that the word? Well, anyway, I finally finished unbuttoning those ruddy buttons and finally broke my lips apart from James's, breathing heavily as I helped him out of his shirt, and I took it and threw it somewhere on the bed, causing James to chuckle before I brought my lips back to his forcefully. We kept kissing for another minute or so while my hands happily explored the muscles and such all around his arms and chest and back. Merlin, he was fit. And then James's hands went to the hemline of my shirt, tugging it slightly. I sat up with him as his lips left mine and he pulled it off over me. He took a few good moments to let his eyes wander with his mouth slightly open, which made me feel just the slightest bit uncomfortable and self conscious because I didn't have too much to even look at up there, if you get me, and my bra was still on and I intended to keep it that way. But he finally just smiled his goofy git grin and went back to kissing me, and we returned to our lying down position.

We continued snogging and hand-wondering for quite some time, and I have no idea how long it was, but eventually we finally parted, both of us practically out of breath and very flustered to say the least. James lied down beside me and I cuddled up against him while he put a relaxed arm around my body, kissing my hair.

We stayed like that in silence for a while until I said, "Yeah, I still hate you."

I felt him chuckle, and he took my hand and intertwined it with his. "You have a funny way of showing it."

"I spend all my days snogging the blokes I hate the most."

"So you've snogged Mulciber? And Avery?"

"Oh, yeah. _Loads_ of times. They're not nearly as good as you, though."

"Oh, I can imagine," he said.

"I'm a honestly more than worried that you're imaging what kind of snogger Mulciber or Avery are-"

"I didn't mean it like that!" he shouted.

I laughed. "Okay, sure, love."

I suddenly noticed a moving picture that was on James's bedside table behind my flower. He was a lot younger. His dad was in it too. They were both on brooms, James's looked new, and James was laughing and his father was chasing him. At one point they both waved to the camera, and then James zoomed right in front of the lens and made a face, crossing his eyes and sticking out his tongue, and then the picture started over again.

"When was that?" I asked, motioning to it.

I looked up at him. He smiled slightly. "It was right before second year. Mum and Dad got me a broomstick to tryout with and use for Quidditch."

"You were cute," I said.

"Yeah, you didn't think so back then, if I remember correctly," he said.

I rolled my eyes. "I meant you and your dad. Though you were," I added.

"Oh, yeah," he said quietly.

"You okay?" I asked, suddenly worried at his tone.

"Er, yeah, I'm fine," he said, loosening his grip on me.

"What is it?" I asked sitting up.

He ran a hand through his hair and sat up as well. "It's nothing…it's just…you know how I told you about what happened with my Dad this summer?"

"Yeah, but he's better, right?"

"Yeah...just… you know, Mum and Dad barely ever write over the school year. They're both always 'too busy,' which is rubbish… anyway, I've only gotten one letter from each of them so far, and Mum's came the other day…and she said he isn't doing so well, though he thinks he is, and she's worried about him…and Dad acts like everything's fine in his letter and…I don't know, I just wish I was around to help more, that's all."

My heart dropped. I felt horrible. I knew how James felt. _Exactly_ how he felt. And he didn't even know that because I never told him anything about my Dad and… Now I just felt like a terrible person. I wanted to tell him, I wanted to help, I just…I still couldn't tell him everything. I hated talking about it, and with him…I know I'd lose it, and James doesn't deserve that when he has his own problems.

So I just said the best I could. "I'm sorry, James. Don't be so worried. Your father's been an auror for years, he knows what his limitations are. And your Mum's there to help when she can. They're capable of handling things on their own, as hard as it seems. I promise."

"I…I guess you're right," he sighed.

I pulled him in and hugged him tight and close, and he relaxed his head on my shoulder. After a while, he kissed it and muttered, "Thanks."

"Of course, James," I said, letting go and then kissing his lips ever so lightly. "Any time."

"What about your family?" he suddenly asked.

Er…what?

Um. No.

"What do you mean?" I asked nervously.

"You just never really talk about them," he answered.

I looked down at my lap. "What's there to say?"

"I don't know. You just never really mention them, that's all. Only when you're upset with Petunia, but…"

"Are you decent?" I heard Sirius shout before opening the door.

Suddenly, James was hovering over me, and I realized he was only doing this so that Sirius didn't see me as exposed as I was.

"You could have waited for an answer, git!" James shouted.

"Sorry, it's urgent," he answered, rushing to his bedside table, taking out some kind of potion. Then he turned his head to me. "Hey, Lils," he greeted me.

"Quit looking at her or I'll kill you," James said.

"Okay, okay, sheesh," Sirius said, chuckling. "You know, we have curtains around our beds for a _reason_, Prongs."

"Sod off," James said, getting off me and pulling the curtain on one side so that Sirius couldn't see anymore. I searched the bed.

"Er, James, where's my shirt?"

Sirius howled with laughter. I rolled my eyes but laughed as well.

"Just take mine," James said, handing me his.

I took his and put my arms through the sleeves and then buttoned up most of the buttons.

James smiled at me.

"What?" I asked.

But before he could answer, Sirius was at the foot of the bed where the curtains weren't covering us.

"Well, I'm off. Carly's waiting for me. Had to drink the potion, you know. Anyway," he said, bending down. "Here's your jumper, Lils," and threw my shirt at me. "Don't have too much fun, kids."

And then he left, and James and I both ended up laughing. Then James stopped laughing and just kept looking at me and smiling. "What?" I asked again.

"I like how you look in my shirt," he told me, leaning in close.

"Well, I like how you look out of your shirt," I heard myself say.

Wait. Did I seriously just say that?

Oh my god what is wrong with me.

James, on the other hand, chuckled lightly and moved some hair out of my face and placed it behind my ear. "Yeah, I like _you_ that way too…"

"But I like me in your shirt," I answered. "So case closed."

"Damn," he smiled, and then leaned in and kissed me.

We kissed for a few more minutes until we finally parted and I yawned.

"Tired?" he asked, kissing me again.

"Just a little," I answered.

"Want to lay down?"

"Mhm," I responded.

James lied down and I once again cuddled up beside him, his arm around me. I closed my eyes and felt James running his hand through my hair, and then I fell asleep.

* * *

><p>I don't know how long I was out for. Probably a bit too long. But I woke up to voices. I didn't open my eyes.<p>

"We're not gonna wake her up," said Peter.

"It's late," Remus pointed out.

"Yeah, I know," James said. "But she's tired. She'll get up when she gets up."

"Well, I'm starving," Sirius said. "And I don't know about you mamby pambies, but I'm going down to dinner and I ain't waiting for nobody."

"You wouldn't be so hungry if you didn't spend your whole afternoon shagging C-"

"You're just jealous, Moony," Sirius replied, "That you did nothing with your totally fit date because De-"

"Don't start with me, Sirius," Remus said in a tired voice.

"I think we should go down now, hm?" said Peter, trying to end the tension.

"Yeah, let's do that," Sirius said. "See you, Prongs."

"Bye, James," said both Remus and Peter.

I heard their footsteps fade and the door close, and I started to hug James tight. He kissed my forehead. "I'm awake," I whispered.

He sniggered. "I figured once you started suffocating me. When did you wake up?"

"Nearly a minute ago."

"Sorry about them," he apologized. "I told them to lower their voices-"

"It's okay," I told him, finally opening my eyes. I was still in his shirt and his chest was still bare, just the way I liked it. "How long have I been asleep for?"

"A couple of hours."

"What?" I shouted. "And you've just been laying here awake?"

"No, I fell asleep a few minutes after you did," he told me. "I only woke up a few minutes ago when they came barging in here."

"Oh," I said, relieved that I didn't leave James here helpless while I slept away against him. I looked up at him. "Well, did you sleep well?"

"Yes," he said, kissing my lips gently. "Did you?"

"Yeah. You're quite comfortable," I told him, snuggling my head into the crook of his neck.

"Glad to know," he laughed. "Do you want to go down to dinner?"

"Hm…not yet," I said. "Let's lie here a little more. I'm too tired to walk."

"Sounds good," he said, holding me close.

We lied there for a few more minutes. It was really nice and I didn't want to get up, I didn't want our first date to end ever, and I wanted to stay with him like this forever.

But then my stomach growled. Really loud.

"Uh…I think I'm hungry," I said as James laughed loudly.

"Yeah, me too," he said, letting go of me. "Can I have my shirt?"

"Oh, right," I said. "Can't I just wear it?"

"And what am I gonna wear?"

"Er, another shirt?"

He rolled his eyes. "Lily."

"Fine, fine. Hand me my shirt," I said.

He did. And then he just sat there.

"Um, look away," I said.

"Why?"

"Because I'm changing."

"So?"

"So, I don't want you to watch!"

"I saw you not too long ago without a shirt on for quite some time. What's the difference now?"

"Because we're not in the moment anymore!" I said, laughing.

"So let's get back in it."

"Um, no. Now look away. Or leave."

He sighed. "Fine. I have to use the loo anyway," he said, leaning in and kissing me again.

He got up and went into his bathroom as I took off his shirt and threw on my own. I sat near the bedside table, looking at the picture again, picking up my flower and twirling it in my hand. Then I opened his drawers.

"Snooping?" he shouted as he opened the bathroom door.

"Yes," I answered, and he chuckled.

There was one draw with just two single envelopes with James's name on both of them…in my handwriting.

My letters?

I picked up one of them and took the letter out of the envelope.

_Dear James,_

_I'm so sorry I haven't responded so often. I've been quite busy…A lot's going on here with my sister and my parents and all…but that's no excuse. I should have replied sooner._

_I am so incredibly sorry about your father. He knows what the risks are of his job, like you and I both know but we still want to pursue it, no? I hope it doesn't discourage you. Your father seems like a brilliant man who knows his strengths, and I'm sure he'll let himself rest and he'll get better soon. Your mother's a Healer? I never knew that. Well, I'm sure she's doing the best she can to help him heal. And I'm sure you're doing the best you can, as well. Your family is lucky to have a son like you, James. I know you're probably doing everything you can to help. _

_You don't need to write back if you don't have time. I completely understand. You're a good bloke, James. I hope everything gets better with your father. I'm sure it will._

_All the best,_

_Lily._

"Uh, Lily…"

"You…you kept my letters?" I asked, turning around and looking at him.

"Uh…yeah…" He muttered, rubbing his neck.

Oh my goodness. I could cry.

"Lily, I-"

"Wait here one second," I said, kissing him, and then getting up with my flower and running out of the room.

"Where are you going?" he shouted after me, but I continued on.

I ran from the boys staircase to the girls and into my room where, thankfully, no one was there, and I ran to my bedside table, put down my flower, and opened up my drawer and took out five envelopes that said my name on it and ran back to the his dormitory.

I reentered and James was finishing buttoning his shirt, looking quite confused by my disappearance and reappearance.

"Lily, what-"

I held up the envelopes and that made him quiet. "I…I kept yours too."

He took them from me, shuffling through them. "But…why?"

I breathed. I can't believe I was going to tell him this. "Because…well…getting your letters is what… it's what made me realize I really did fancy you. Every time I would get one from you I'd get butterflies and everything… and when I got a letter from someone else I was disappointed it wasn't from you. And I just kept thinking about you from the moment we got home and then even more once I got your first letter… and then I realized I had to break up with Dave because…well…I fancied you…And you were so sweet in them and you-"

James interrupted me with his lips crushing against mine, and he literally lifted me off my feet, not breaking the kiss. I kissed him back and he kept me like that, up in the air, for what must have been a solid minute while we snogged passionately. Eventually, though, he set me down and we parted.

He didn't even say anything. He just smiled at me…my prat prince smiling his prat smile, making my stomach flip over about a dozen times. And then he put his forehead against mine and said, "Thank you."

"I didn't do anything," I whispered.

"You're always doing something…" he muttered quietly. "Always doing something to just drive me mental for you."

He kissed me again, soft and quick. "Well, you're welcome," I said, grabbing his hand and squeezing it. "I really had a…a wonderful time today."

"Me too," he said.

"Well, dinner?" I asked.

He smiled. "Sure."

I leaned in and gave him another kiss. We both slipped on our shoes and took each other's hand again and walked downstairs. I ran up to my room to put my letters back, and then we went together to the Great Hall.

The whole dinner we were rather distracted with one another, causing many eye rolls from both of our mates, but we didn't really care.

What I did care about, however, was the rapidly growing feelings I had towards this stupid boy, a boy who I never thought I could feel this way about, and how much it frightened me.

And boy, did it frighten me.

* * *

><p><strong><em>AN: Ah, so there you have it. Their first official date. James's chapter won't nearly be as long as this one- so sorry about that! Anyway, the more reviews, the faster the update (and reviews would be extra extra nice considering the length of the chapter) ! :) Thank you._**


	9. Halloween

**_**_A/N: I hope you enjoy this chapter and pretty pretty please PLEASE review okay yayyy._**_**

* * *

><p><strong>(JAMES'S P.O.V.)<strong>

"Now, boys, as you know, today is Halloween," said Sirius.

"Really?" said Remus dryly. "I thought it was Easter."

"Now is not the time for your sarcasm, Moony," he retorted.

"Isn't it always, though?"

"Not when I'm trying to explain to you my brilliant plans!"

"Brilliant?" said Peter. "No offense, mate, but-"

"Don't finish that sentence, Wormy," said Sirius. "Only praise, Pete. We've been over this. Only praise."

"Who are you, his master?" asked Remus.

"Well, I am the leader of this group, after all," he answered.

"I thought that was James," said Peter.

"Well, if Prongs ever decides to join our conversation instead of staring at the entrance, then maybe he can regain his position as co-leader," Sirius replied.

I kept looking at the entrance.

"Anyway," continued Sirius. "As I was saying, today is Halloween. And I've got our annual Halloween prank all planned out."

"Oh, Merlin," sighed Remus.

"Don't _Oh, Merlin_ me, Lupin! This is our last year at Hogwarts, therefore our last Halloween prank! Now, pay attention. Take notes or whatever the smart one does."

"I'm the smart one?"

"Well, obviously. And I'm the handsome one."

"What am I?" asked Peter.

"The clueless one," he responded.

"I am not clueless!"

"And James?" asked Remus.

"Well, I guess he's the too-tied-down-to-have-fun-anymore one. I mean, look at him! Hey, James. Can you pay attention?"

"I am paying attention," I lied, still staring at the entrance.

"Lily will come eventually," Sirius told me. "Relax."

"I am relaxed," I answered. "I'm just worried about her."

"Well, stop worrying and listen!"

"I _am_ listening."

Remus sighed. "I'll fill him in later, Padfoot. Now, continue."

"Thank you, fellow comrade. Now, as I was saying, this one has to be good. So here's the plan. Moony, you're going to find that spell that helps us spell stuff out with fireworks. Pete, during the feast you're going to shut off all the lights. James and I will cast the actual spell outside on our brooms, so all anyone will see is the night sky on the enchanted ceiling- the message James and I put out there."

"Which will be?"

"I can't tell you in _here_, but it's not just a message. It's all sorts of stuff. And it's going to be good."

"We're going to get in trouble," said Peter.

"No we will not," said Sirius. "It's our last year here, what can they do?"

"Expel us," said Remus.

"I hate that you actually like following the rules sometimes."

"Yeah, me too."

"We're still doing it though. I know Dumbledore, and he won't let anything too bad but a few detentions happen."

"I guess you're right," Remus said. "Fine, I'm in."

"Brilliant! Peter?" said Sirius.

"Of course," said Peter.

"James?"

I was actually listening to the Sirius's plan. And knowing him, it was going to be good. And it was our last Halloween prank, so how could I say no? I shook his hand. "I'm in."

"Excellent! Oh man this is going to be brilliant. I can feel it."

"You're in an awfully good mood," Peter pointed out.

"Well, yesterday was Carly's birthday, and, well, let's just say I got as good of a present as she did," Sirius said, smirking, reaching out a hand for me to high five, which I did, chuckling. Remus rolled his eyes and Peter laughed.

"You disgust me," said Remus.

"You're just jealous because-"

"I know what you're going to say and I'd rather you not."

"Why don't you just ask her out?" asked Sirius.

"Because, she doesn't like me that way, all right? Would you stop bringing it up? Not to mention she's only a few seats down, prat."

"Sorry," Sirius said with a mouth filled with a muffin.

"I know," said Remus.

We finished up breakfast and I was still wondering nervously where Lily was. She always came down for breakfast. She was usually the first one of our lot down here. We were together last night after rounds in the common room and everything was great.

I got up with the lads to go to Transfiguration with the Hufflepuffs, but before I left the hall I asked June and Delia where Lily was.

"She was up in the dorm, reading, I think," said June. "She'll be down for class."

"Okay, thanks," I said.

"Don't be so worried," said Delia.

"I'm not," I said. But I was still worried.

I caught up with the guys and we made our way to class. To make things worse, when I walked in, Dave Beckon tapped me on the shoulder.

"Er, Potter, can I ask you something?"

Ugh. No. "Sure."

"Do you know where Lily is? I need a word with her."

About what, wanker? "Er, I don't actually. She'll be in class, I'm sure. Catch her whenever."

"O-Okay, then. Thanks, I guess."

"You're welcome, I guess," I replied.

I left the dolt standing there as I went to sit at my seat, Lily's seat empty beside me. Two minutes to class. Where was she?

I took out my books and my quill and sat there and waited. Lily rushed in probably seven seconds before McGonagall came, and sat in her seat beside me. A wave of relief rushed over me at her presence, but I looked at her and suddenly I was nervous again. Her hair was up as usual, but there were bags under her eyes, and her robes and clothes weren't as neat and tucked as usual, and her eyes were red and she was as pale as a ghost.

"Lily-" I tried, but McGonagall started to speak and start the lesson.

I took out some parchment and wrote with my quill a note to her.

**Hey. Are you all right? –JP**

_Fine. –LE_

**Are you sure? You don't look fine.**

_Sure._

**Why didn't you come down to breakfast?**

_Busy._

**I appreciate the one-word answers.**

_Okay._

**Lily, what's wrong?**

She didn't answer, though. She read the note, and then just passed it back to me blank. Was she cross with me? What did I even do?

**Are you cross with me?**

_No. I promise. Sorry._

Well, it was more than one word. I'll take what I can get. She wasn't angry with me, which was good. But something was bothering her. Something was bothering her enough to not even talk to me, when she usually vents to me about everything.

The period dragged on and once we were dismissed, Lily shot up and left. I ran after her.

"Lily, wait up!" I called after her.

She stopped walking and once I caught up to her she wouldn't look me right in the eyes.

"Lily, what's wrong?"

She didn't answer, she just crossed her arms uncomfortably.

"Lily, you know you can tell me anything, right?"

"I know," she responded quietly.

"So what's the matter?"

"I…" she started, but then stopped.

"Do you want to skip class and go talk about it?"

"No," she responded. "I don't…I don't want to talk about it."

"Lily, talking about it will help."

"I don't _want_ to. Just respect that, James. Please. I just need some time to myself. I'll be fine soon. I am fine. Okay?"

No, it wasn't okay. I couldn't stand seeing her like this. It made me feel sick. But I didn't want to push her. "Okay. But, I'm here if you need me, you know."

"Yeah, I…I know."

I reached for her hand but she pulled away. And it hurt. I just wanted to comfort her. But I guess the best I could do was leave her alone.

I was about to try to muster one last thing up to say to make her feel better, when someone interrupted us.

"Hey, um, Lily? You're going to Runes now, right?"

Dave bloody Beckon.

"Uh, yeah."

"Do you mind if I have a word with you on the way?" he asked.

"Yeah, no problem," she said.

My blood was starting to boil. Jealousy was not a great side of me. But this prat just pissed me off big time. Well, anyone who was once Lily's boyfriend pisses me off big time. But that's not the point. I wanted to try to make Lily feel better, and if leaving her alone was the solution to that, then fine. But not to leave her alone with Dave Bloody Beckon.

"I'll see you later, James," she said to me quietly, and then started walking down the opposite corridor with Beckon.

I just stood there like a git for a few moments, and then I walked in the opposite direction to Arithmancy.

I felt useless.

"Oi, James, wait up!" called Sirius.

I didn't wait up, though. I kept walking, but they caught up to me.

"What's up?" Sirius asked.

"You look ticked," said Peter.

"I am."

"Why?" asked Remus.

"Lily's upset about something and she won't talk to me and now she's chatting away with Beckon about who knows what on the way to Runes."

"Beckon isn't that bad of a guy," said Remus.

I glared at him.

"I mean…he's a pompous prat?"

"He is," said Sirius. "He's taken off points from me loads of times for the dumbest things. He's an idiot."

See, this is why Sirius was my best mate.

"For what?" asked Peter.

"Snogging in broom closets, being in the kitchens with James after hours when we forgot the cloak or it just wasn't on, swearing too much, copying off homework, dumb stuff," Sirius answered.

"Sirius, those are all things against school rules. He's supposed to take points off. It's his job," said Remus.

"_You_ never take points off of us. Neither does James," Sirius pointed out.

"Well, you're my mates."

"Now, now, Moony. Playing favorites is against _the rules,_" I said, feeling a bit better. "I'm going to have to take off some points for that."

Peter and Sirius laughed. Remus just rolled his eyes. "You've never taken points off of any Gryffindor in your two months here."

"And how would you know that?"

"We do rounds together!"

"Oh, right."

"Like you take any off from Gryffindor," said Peter.

"Oh, he does," I told him. "The Gryffindors that are younger than us."

"C'mon, Moony, don't you want us to win the House Cup?" asked Sirius.

"Of course I do!" he answered. "But…you know…sometimes I feel guilty for not fulfilling all my prefect duties."

"Remus," I said. "You're a Marauder. And when you're a marauder, you're _supposed_ to break rules, blow off responsibilities…I mean, not _all_ of them, obviously, but-"

"Oh, look who's talking," said Sirius. "Ever since this whole head boy business you've been just like Moony!"

"You say that like it's a bad thing," scoffed Remus.

"Well, it's not _bad_, per say, but, you know, I liked the care-free James a lot better."

"I am still care free!" I said. "I'm doing the prank tomorrow night, aren't I?"

"Yes, well," said Sirius. "It's only because of my brilliant planning and convincing."

"You weren't that convincing," said Peter.

"I second that," said Remus.

"Then why did you agree? Hm?" asked Sirius.

Remus sighed as we entered the Arithmancy classroom.

"C'mon, answer the question," Sirius said.

"No," said Remus, as we took our seats.

"Just admit that I am superior and I own you and everything you do."

"You, Sirius Black, are superior and own me and everything I do," Remus repeated.

"Goddamn right, I am," said Sirius.

"Guess we know who wears the pants in their relationship," said Peter.

"Wasn't it obvious?" I said.

"Shut up," Remus spat.

"It's okay, Remus. We don't have to hide it anymore," Sirius chuckled, rubbing Remus's shoulders.

"Gerroff me," shouted Remus.

As class went by, I was totally zoned out. I kept worrying about Lily. About twenty minutes into the lesson, Sirius and I started playing hangman on some spare parchment. I won 6 out of 7 games. Sirius claimed I was "cheating," but I don't really see how that's possible. Do I look like I know Legillimency? Even if I did, I wouldn't want to know what was going through Sirius's mind.

The bell finally rang and we left class for a free period that all 7th years all had. Sirius, Peter, and Remus decided to go visit Hagrid. I told them I wanted to try to catch Lily and maybe talk to her, if she let me. We exchanged goodbyes and I walked up to the Gryffindor Tower.

Most people during this free period go down to the Great Hall, because the elves usually provide muffins and donuts during this hour. I walked through the portrait hole and it was practically empty…except, three 7th year girls were sitting near the fire.

"Four months, at most?" I heard June whisper as I walked in. "Oh, Lil…"

Four months? Four months of what? Until what? Since what? And why did June sound so upset for Lily?

Delia and Lily were sitting on the couch and June was on the floor. All three of their heads turned as I took a few steps in.

"Er, hey ladies, sorry to disturb. I'll just leave and catch up with-"

"Don't be an idiot, Potter," said June, waving me over. "Come join us."

"You're sure?"

"Of course," said Delia, who I noticed as I walked over was holding Lily's hand. "You are our favorite Marauder, after all."

"Well, at least Lily's," said June.

I laughed because I knew she was trying to say Delia favored Remus. Delia gave June a threatening look and she mumbled "sorry."

June had told me this week at practice that Delia was on the fence about her feelings for Remus, but she definitely did fancy him most out of our lot. I didn't really tell her anything going on in Remus's mind except that he was "on the fence" as well.

Though he wasn't "on the fence." He was over the fence completely. And had fallen into a thorn bush.

"Right, because yours is Sirius, obviously," I said, making the cautious decision to sit next to June on the floor, across from Lily. I smiled weakly at her.

"Hey, you _used_ to be," she said. "Until that time in fifth year when you 'meant' to hit Snape with that spell to make his hair green, and instead it hit me and all you did was laugh and it didn't go away for 36 hours!"

Oh, right. That was hilarious. "Oh, Carter, I'm sure no one even remembers it."

"Oh, we do," Delia chimed in. "It was brilliant."

"Why thank you, I take pride in my wandwork," I replied, smirking.

I looked over at Lily, who was still silent, and staring into the fire.

"So where is your lot anyway?" Delia inquired.

"Hagrid's."

"Tea party?" June asked.

"Probably. You know how Peter fancies a cup of tea almost as much as we fancy a broom ride. We all get a good kick out of it. "

"Poor Peter," said Delia, sniggering.

It was silent for a moment or so after our laughter faded, and quite suddenly, Lily spoke in a hushed tone but loud enough for us to hear. "Do you mind if I…er, well, if James and I had a moment or two alone? Sorry, I just need to talk-"

"Yeah, of course, Lil," said June, getting up. Delia squeezed Lily's hand and got up with June.

"We'll be in the Great Hall," said Delia as they left.

"Bye," I called after them.

The portrait closed shut, and I stood up to sit on the opposite side of Lily. I didn't want her to feel like I was suffocating her. She wanted space, right? What did she want to talk about? Was she going to tell me what was wrong?

"Hi," she said.

"Hi," I answered.

"So, er, I just wanted to tell you first that, um, well, you don't have to be jealous of Dave. Because, well, I sort of told him off on our way to Runes. He was blaming you for 'breaking us up', and I yelled at him that he was an idiot. So, that's that," she said.

I felt half bad and half amused. Dave was bothering Lily about this when she obviously didn't need it right now, but I started smiling, imagining his idiot face when Lily started yelling at him.

"Well, thank you," I said, still smiling.

She smiled lightly for just an instant, and then it got lost again behind her melancholy expression.

"Um, also," she started again after a moment of her looking down at her lap. "I, er, well, Mum wrote me and she wanted to know…well…I mean, I hope you kinda knew or assumed or whatever that I wanted you to come with me…but I never actually asked you straight out so, um, well, would you like to go with me to Petunia's engagement party over winter holiday?"

And then she started talking really fast in a nervous voice. "Because, I mean, I know that's probably not the way you'd want to spend one of your days on holiday at a stupid Muggle party, I mean, I sure don't, especially with my ruddy sister and her idiot fiancé and his whole disgusting family…but, if you'd like to, I mean, well, I'd really like you to come. I won't be as frustrated with you there and we could always sneak out if it's really that horrible and…Yeah. So, it's the 28th of December. If you can, of course. I know it's a couple of months away, but I wanted to ask you now, or at least my Mum wanted an answer now."

"Of course I'll come," I responded immediately, a smile spreading across my face. She was adorable.

She smiled a bit. Then she moved over from her side of the couch to right next to me, sat down, and gave me a hug. I felt her lay her head on my shoulder, breathing against the side of my neck. I held her closely and neither of us let go. It felt good to hold her. It felt good to have her hold me.

"Is that what you're upset about? Petunia?" I asked.

"No," she almost whispered.

"Then what?" I asked, trying not to sound pushy.

She sighed. "Can we just not talk about it?" she asked, finally loosening her grip on me and ending the hug.

"Is it the same thing?"

"Huh?"

"Since the beginning of the term, there have just been some nights where you cry, and you'd never tell me why but you'd always let me try to cheer you up. Is it the same thing making you upset from the start?"

Lily looked at me and bit her lip, and then nodded.

"Are you ever going to tell me? I understand it's private or you don't like talking about it or whatever, but, Lily, you can't hold it in forever. I tell you _everything._ And I just don't like seeing you so distraught and I don't even know what it's about or what to do or say to make it better. Especially when you act like you don't even want to speak to me when I just want to help!"

I felt like someone punched me in the chest when I saw Lily's tear-filled eyes.

"Shit, Lily, I'm sorry, I didn't mean-"

"No, no, it's okay," she said, half laughing, wiping her eyes. "I'm just grateful for how much you care about me…" She took a deep breath. "I will tell you. Eventually. I'm just not ready, now. But I will tell you. Thank you for caring so much."

"You don't have to thank me," I said to her, feeling relieved as she took my hand.

"Yeah, I do," she said. "I'm stubborn and stupid and you're too good for me."

"Never thought I'd see the day where Lily Evans said that I was too good for her," I laughed. "So I've been upgraded from toerag, then, I presume?"

"You're still a toerag," she said, really smiling now, making the uneasy feeling I had dissolve. "But you're the nicest toerag of them all."

"What a compliment. Your admiration for me shines like the sun."

"Well, obviously," she said, laughing and sniffling a little, wiping one of her eyes.

I squeezed her hand and then started rubbing it with my thumb. After a few moments, she leaned over again and we embraced tightly. I breathed her in, happy that she was letting me actually be with her and talk to her and laugh with her.

She lifted her head from my shoulder and kissed me softly on the lips. And we sat there kissing for a few minutes, gentle, kind kisses. Sadly, she eventually parted away from me, ending it and pulling me out of my trance.

"I have to go to the Owlery before class starts," she said, standing up. "I'll see you in Potions?"

"Sure," I said, standing up as well. "I'll go find the others downstairs."

"Okay," she answered. I leaned down and kissed her again. She smiled when I pulled away. "Thank you. For everything, James."

"I really didn't do anything, love," I said, putting my hand on her cheek.

She sighed, hugged me on more time and gave me one last kiss. "Bye," she said softly, and then she walked away and out of the common room.

The rest of the day went pretty well. I was in a much cheerier mood and Lily was still upset but she was coping better and didn't look like she had just gotten run over by a truck. Sirius was working on our Halloween prank before the feast. He told me what to do, and I agreed. I spent the rest of the time before the feast with Lily in my dorm. We didn't do much of anything, though. We just lied down and I held her. And we did snog every now and then for a little but not as much as usual, seeing that Lily was more in a cuddle mood than in a snog mood, which was really fine. I played with her hair and soaked in her scent.

When it was time for the feast, we went downstairs and sat at the Gryffindor table. All of our mates were there except for Sirius, who was probably waiting to give me the signal to come and commence the prank.

All the professors were there except one- Professor Dumbledore. He had gone away a few days ago, though none of us knew the reason why. We suspected Order business. The Slytherins looked rather pleased about his absence, though.

He was supposed to be back by now, though, seeing that he never misses the feasts.

Peeves was working his hardest trying to scare all of us. He scared a bunch of first and second year Gryffindors. He attacked Hufflepuffs the most, and when he made his way to the Slytherin table, the Bloody Baron appeared, and Peeves quickly turned away to the Ravenclaws.

Lily wasn't very talkative, but she looked a lot better compared to earlier today. We all tried our best to cheer her up, making her laugh every once in a while. The feast was more than halfway through, and Sirius still had not shown up.

"Where is Sirius?" I asked.

Remus snorted. "Probably shagging Carly."

"She's right over there though," Peter pointed out, and she was indeed there, only a few seats away.

"Well, I don't know what he's waiting for, then," Remus said, taking a bite of his mashed potatoes.

Suddenly, as if on cue, Sirius came in, walking towards us quickly, with a serious look on his face.

"Where've you been? I thought we were going to do the prank ages ago."

"Prank's off," he said, sounding out of breath.

"Why?"

"We can't do it. Not now. It wouldn't be right," he answered.

"What, you've finally got some sense of obedience knocked into you?" asked Remus.

"No," said Sirius. "Dumbledore's hurt."

"What?" we all chorused.

"You know how he was gone?" continued Sirius. "He went on some mission thing…order business. Anyway, a Death Eater attacked him while he was busy comforting a Muggle child who's Mum was just killed."

"What the fuck is wrong with these people?" said June.

"I know," Sirius said, angrily. "Anyway, he's all right, I suppose. He's got a burn on his arm and a few cuts on his face, but I'm sure he'll be fine soon. I just don't feel right causing any trouble right now, no matter how bad I want to."

"Proud of you, Sirius," said Lily in an upset voice, which I assumed was now over Dumbledore and the poor boy.

"How many were killed?" I asked Sirius as I took Lily's hand under the table.

"Muggles? Seven. Muggle-Borns, six. Death Eaters, only two."

"Blimey," Remus sighed and I felt Lily shutter.

"How do you know all of this?" asked Peter.

"Well, I was on my way down and I happened to bump into Dumbledore walking towards his office. He asked me if I were getting myself into any trouble. I told him the night was still young and he laughed. Then he told me he wanted to talk to me, so I joined him in his office and we spoke about Reg for a bit-"

"Regulus?" I interrupted. "Why?"

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Dumbledore may be off his rocker, but he still knows what's going on. He knows what Reg is trying to become…he was being awfully complimentary of me, saying how proud he was I haven't followed my family's ways…Anyway," he continued. "After that little tid-bit, I asked him where he had been and why he had scratches on his face. He told me he had heard that Voldemort was going to attack this primarily Muggle town in Cardiff and that they had just killed a handful of Muggleborns before heading off…so he followed and then he told me the story with the boy."

"Merlin," Delia whispered.

Lily was squeezing my hand rather tight now, and I looked at her and she was looking at me with sad eyes. She suddenly rested her head on my shoulder, and I let go of her hand and put my arm around her waist, keeping her close to me.

"Is he coming down to the Feast at all?" asked Peter.

"Yeah, I think so," answered Sirius, finally sitting beside me. "He's still got time."

We all looked at each other awkwardly, and then Delia asked, "So what was the prank anyway?"

Sirius went on to explain about how the ceiling in the great hall would be enchanted as if it were the sky above the quidditch pitch and we were going to make huge fireworks in the sky of dragons, trolls, and all sorts of frightening creatures and become animated and start acting real and even fighting with one another. Once he was done, we all continued to eat. Sirius tried lightening the mood, and succeeded partially, by looking around the room and rating the girls in the school on how fit they are.

"You have a girlfriend," Lily reminded him after he gave Wendy a 9 out of 10 and Kim an 8.2.

"How many times do I have to tell you, Evans," he sighed. "We're. Not. Dating."

"Sure. You're. Not," she responded.

"We aren't! Tell her, Prongs!"

"They aren't," I told her.

"So what are they? Still just this 'mates with benefits' rubbish?"

"It's not rubbish," said Sirius. "It's the best deal I've got. And yes, that's still what we are. Why does it matter? I'm not shagging anyone else."

"Exactly!" said Lily. "So if you're exclusive, why not just call yourselves what you really are? Each other's-"

"Because, Lils," Sirius interrupted her, obviously avoiding the terms she wanted to use. "We like it this way. It's like what that Shake bloke said-"

"Shakespeare?"

"Right. Something about what's in a name? So same thing. What's in a title? Nothing. Now leave us be."

"I'm surprised you even know any of that," said Lily, sounding just slightly impressed.

"James's Mum," said Sirius. "Loves that stuff. Read it all summer a year ago."

"Really?" asked Lily, sounding more upbeat. "Your mother reads Muggle literature?"

"I s'pose so," I said. "She's big on romance stuff…"

"I can't believe you never told me," she said. "Fascinating stuff, Shakespeare's plays. Your mother sounds lovely."

"Only because she reads those plays?" I asked.

"No, she always sounded lovely," she corrected herself. "But now even more so."

"Mhm."

"I'm serious!" she said.

"No, I'm Sirius," Sirius said. "And you're _Lily_."

"Wow, how hilarious," Lily said sarcastically.

The feast ended with Professor Dumbledore finally coming into the Great Hall, and he got up and spoke about who knows what really for a little. He said something towards the end about "Head boy and girl staying while the feast clears out to speak about further duties" or something or other, though I had a feeling it wasn't about that.

Everyone left except Lily and me. Dumbledore walked over to us and suggested we went into his office. We followed. I noticed Lily looking quite worried, so I tried smiling at her, but it didn't help much.

Once we got settled in, he told us to sit and we did. Then he stared to speak. "I presume your friend Sirius has already informed you about recent events I was present at?"

Lily and I both nodded.

"It's quite all right," he said. "I just wanted to inform you that I am fine, and so is every member of the Order. Unfortunately, an auror from the Ministry was seriously injured and has been sent to St. Mungos. Other than that, most of us fighting came out practically unscathed."

Being sent to St. Mungos is unscathed? All those muggle-borns and muggles dying… _unscathed_? I felt my body heating up with anger. Sometimes, Dumbledore just made no sense.

"But all those Muggles," said Lily, voice quivering. "Why-"

"Ah, Miss Evans, there is never really an answer to the question of 'why,' and there is no point in pondering it. People like that have no reason, they do it simply just because it's what they've been told to do. Right or wrong, they do not care."

"So why did you want to speak with us?" I asked and only realized I may have sounded just a bit bitter when I saw from the corner of my eye Lily looking at me strangely.

"I just wanted to ask the both of you," Dumbledore said softly, "that if you think anything is going on in this school that connects with Lord Voldemort, I want you to just tell me, and I will further investigate it myself."

Lily and I looked at each other. We could tell him about Mulciber. Avery. Snape. Professor Jenkins.

"Er," I tried. "Well, um, certain students…well, we _think_ certain students…Slytherin students, that is, are up to something…working for Voldemort… not quite sure what, and I don't got any proof, but…just, er, thought you should know."

Dumbledore nodded. "Thank you, James," he said. "I'm sorry to keep the both of you. You may go back to your Common Room now, if you wish."

"Thank you, Professor," Lily murmured, and we both got up and left the room.

"Should we have told him about Jenkins?" I asked.

Lily shrugged, looking at the ground so I was unable to see her expression. "Maybe. I don't know."

"Me neither," I responded. Lily continued to look at her feet as we walked. I reached out for her hand and put it in my own, and after a few moments she intertwined her fingers with mine. I sighed.

Lily then looked at me and spoke. "I'm scared."

"I know," I said. "So am I. But we're going to be fine. I promise."

"You can't promise something like that," she almost whispered.

"I can," I replied. "Because I know I'm right. We're all going to be fine. Please believe that."

Lily just looked at me with watery eyes and nodded. She suddenly stopped and faced me, looking into my eyes, searching for something, I'm not sure what. I'm not sure if she found it, either. But she reached up and covered my mouth with hers forcefully. I responded back immediately, running one of my hands through her hair and releasing her hand from mine so I could use it to pull her closer to me by her waist, her tongue entering my mouth.

We stood there in the corridor snogging for quite some time. I'm not really sure how long. It was deserted though, so we weren't interrupted or anything, which was lucky. And this kiss was different from almost all of our others. It was a lot more urgent and forceful and had a lot of feeling of need behind it rather than want. When we finally broke apart, we were both breathless, and Lily had a teardrop rolling down her face. I kissed it away, and then I proceeded to kissing her jaw and her neck and then I brought my lips back to her cheek again and kissed another tear away, and then back to her lips again, kissing her softly. I parted but very little and whispered, "Please don't cry," and I pressed against her lips with my own again. And we snogged for another minute or two until we mutually parted for the need to breathe. I tried a smile at her and she managed a small one back.

And then I had a moment…a scary moment. Well, scary for me. Lily took my hand and we started walking back to the Common Room but all I could do was fret over it.

I heard the words in my head but I did not say them. Those…those three ruddy words, playing over and over in a hushed and nervous tone of my own. And they were on the tip of my tongue. And I knew there was no way in hell I could say them…at least not now. I mean, I've called her 'love,' before but…you know, that's just like a pet name- a term of endearment. But this was totally different.

Was I even right? Was that it? Was this it?

Oh merlin, I was in trouble.


	10. Acting Odd

**_A/N: Well, here it is- chapter ten. I hope you like it. PLEEASEEEEE REVIEWWWW please it would mean so much to me. Thank you and happy reading! :)_**

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><p><strong>(Lily's P.O.V.)<strong>

James has been acting odd recently. And by recently, I mean over the past month…since Halloween. Don't get me wrong, things are going swimmingly between us. Rather swimmingly, really. James is perfect and the butterflies haven't stopped flapping away. Our talks are as profound as ever and our laughs are as meaningful as ever and our snogs are as remember-able as ever as well. Every kiss, every touch…everything. It's great and gets better every day. Honestly. It's like I'm flying.

About three or four weeks ago, we had our "one month anniversary" which makes absolutely no sense because an anniversary is celebrating a year so the "one month anniversary" concept makes no sense, but you know what I mean. It was the day after the full moon so he was quite restless. We spent most of the day lounging about by the lake with some food from the kitchens and we just did nothing, really. Though we did snog a bit down there and eventually made our way up to his dorm room and continued there until I decided it was enough and we were testing both of our self-control o-meters and he did put up a good fight but eventually I won because I always win against James. I have him totally whipped.

But back to the acting strange thing. It's not like, something huge, nothing like drastic. I just happened to pick up on something recently. A lot of times, we'll be having a really passionate or intense moment and he just looks at me in the eyes with his own filled of so many emotions, and he looks like he's about to say something very important like he's hiding something from me, but he usually just starts snogging me or says something ridiculously trivial. But other than that, he's been completely normal.

And as our "two month anniversary" drawers nearer, the weather is getting colder and James has been preoccupied getting ready for Gryffindor's second match of the season against Hufflepuff. Another Hogsmeade trip is in order soon and I am quite excited, but all James can think about is the bloody Quidditch match or trying to have his hands wander my body a little further down than I permit him. Slimy bastard.

Remus has officially given up on Delia. They snogged again. They were both drunk. Remus confessed his feelings. She told him it was sweet of him, but she still loved Michael. Then she went to the loo to vomit.

Ouch. I know.

Remus is a bit beaten up over it, but he's dealing. Delia feels awful, and she doesn't know whether to talk to him and try to be mates like normal or to distance herself from him so he gets over her. Neither plan is having a good outcome, though.

June and Noel had their first fight two weeks ago. They broke up for about five minutes, until June ran after him and then they went off to shag somewhere. Now their love-sick puppies once more. And they were giving Sirius and Carly a run for their money on how many times a day or week they go at it.

Anyway, James and I were in a, er, compromising position the other night in James's bed while Remus and Peter were occupied in the common room, when Sirius came barging in, interrupting us with only a smirk that appeared at a quick glance at us and then faded a bit too quickly. He muttered something about us never using the curtains and James covered me with them while I searched the bed and around it for the articles of clothing that were not on my person at the time (no, not _everything_ was off, I am still a proper lady, thank you very much). James didn't bother to find his shirt or his pants, he just stood up in his boxers, walking over to Sirius, knowing immediately something had to be wrong.

"Mate, what is it?"

"I'm a git."

"Well, you didn't have to tell me that."

"No, Prongs, I'm the biggest idiot this world has ever produced," Sirius said in a very serious voice.

"What happened?"

"I can't tell you."

"What?"

"I mean…I can, just not with _her_ in the room," Sirius said.

I had slipped back on everything that had been off, so I pulled the curtains away (quite dramatically) and said, "Excuse me?"

"I don't want you gloating about how right you were," he mumbled.

"Well, that helps us understand what you're talking about," I said sarcastically. "There are too many things I've been right about. Narrow it down, shall we?"

He sighed. "Ugh… just…" He breathed. "You were right about Carly."

Oh. Makes more sense.

Well of course I was right, dimwit! But I wasn't going to say that to him, because he had a distraught look on his face and I felt my heart sink for him.

"What do you mean?" asked James.

Oh, my James. So clueless.

"She, uh, well, wants to be in a relationship," he murmured.

"Oh," was all James said at first.

"Yeah, oh."

"And what did you tell her?" I asked.

He went onto his bed and lied down. "I told her, well, I had to think about it. And now she's pissed at me. Woohoo."

"Have you thought about it?" James asked, sitting beside me.

"Yeah," he answered slowly. "I just spent the past hour walking around thinking about it."

"And?"

"I haven't got a conclusion," he replied.

"Oh, Sirius," I sighed. "Just tell her you love her and have a good shag and finally call yourselves what you've been all along- a couple."

James suddenly tensed up which was odd but all right.

"But I don't know if that's what I want! To be in a relationship…I just…it doesn't feel right."

"What's _wrong_ about it, Sirius? Look, does Carly mean anything to you?" I asked.

"Yes." The response was immediate.

"And do you think it's really worth losing her over something like this?"

"No."

"Well, there's your answer," James chimed in. "Just try it out, mate. Relationships aren't too bad."

"Except when you're in it with this one," I said, jerking my head in James's direction.

"But Carly's cool," said James, wrapping an arm around me. "I think you should go for it."

"Yeah?" asked Sirius, sitting up and scratching his head.

"_Yes," _I stressed to the best of my ability. "And if you regret it, blame me."

"Fine. Sounds like a good plan."

"That's it?" James asked. "You've made your mind up?"

"Yeah," said Sirius, getting up. "You guys make it sound so easy. I guess I'll give it a shot."

So Sirius went on his way to find Carly, while James and I regretfully did not go back to what we had been doing and instead went downstairs to find everyone else.

So Sirius and Carly are officially a couple now. They don't act too differently than they already had been, though, but they seem to be enduring in sexual activity more frequently once they've claimed their title, which is only unfortunate for James and I because it's now a race to the dorm room of who gets it for the night (not that James and I ever or have ever…I mean, of course not. It's way, way too early. Still not even considering it yet. Sorry, James. But, you know, we have our fair share of physicality, he-hem.). And it's only a race because I really don't like snogging for too long anywhere else, and it's much less likely we'll get caught. But really, broom closets and empty classrooms are not really my style, thank you very much, I have a lot more class than some people.

The week passed by and December had begun. James had added on even more practices for the Quidditch team, earning a lot of shouting matches about how "it's our last year and we can't afford to blow it" between James and the rest of the team, including June and Sirius. One, which occurred in the common room after their practice on the morning right before the full moon, which was also the day before our "two month." The next day would be the team's day off from practice, but they started the argument anyway.

"It's Hufflepuff, Potter," said Henry Thorne. "Don't stress out so much."

"Hate to agree with git of the century over there," said June, "but he's right, James. Six times a week? It's ridiculous!"

"Lighten up a little, mate," said Sirius to James in an obviously annoyed tone.

"What's the big bloody deal?" James shouted. "You all love Quidditch, don't you? So, you have to wake up a little earlier. So what? It's good exercise and a good way to wake yourself up in the morning! And we have to keep the practices up so we'll sweep the floor with Hufflepuff!"

"Wormtail could sweep the floor with Hufflepuff!" shouted Sirius. "Anyone could! Chill out a bit, yeah?"

"Fine," James said angrily. "I'll _chill out_. Sorry to bother you all," he said in a very not apologetic way and stomped upstairs without so much as a goodbye to me.

Sirius eyed me once James was gone, and I was about to speak when he said, "Don't you dare."

"I wasn't going to yell at you," I said, shutting my book and standing up, hugging it to my chest.

"Well, I don't want a _'you shouldn't be so hard on him'_ lecture either," he snarled, putting an arm around Carly's shoulder. "He's being hard on _us_."

"I know," I admitted. "But…"

Sirius snorted. "Save it, Lil. Sorry."

I rolled my eyes as Sirius and Carly left the Common Room, and June marched up to our dorm, and I looked over at Remus and Peter on the other side of the room who were playing wizard's chess but now seemed a bit distracted. I decided to go upstairs to his room to see if I could calm him down.

I knocked on the door but he didn't answer, so I opened the door to see James changing out of his Quidditch uniform into school robes, wearing nothing now but his pants, muttering to himself under his breath as he searched around for his clothes.

Then he said, "Would you leave me the bloody hell-" he looked up and saw it was me at the doorway. "Oh. Sorry. Thought you were Sirius."

I was a bit distracted looking at James with no shirt on, looking all bothered and frustrated…

What has _happened_ to me?

Anyway, I tried to ignore the fact that he looked incredible handsome as I put my book down on his nightstand and said, "Nope. Just me."

He just nodded and looked at me without actually looking me in the eyes.

"Look, James," I started. "I understand you're upset and-"

"No offense, but I really don't need a lecture from you right now," James suddenly snapped at me, looking around aimlessly again.

"I wasn't going to give you a bloody lecture," I snapped back. Both him and Sirius said that. "I was just going to try and help."

"Well, I don't need your help."

"What the hell is up your arse this morning?" I asked.

"What's up yours every morning?" he shouted at me.

What in Merlin's name was his problem today! Was this really all about bloody Quidditch?

"Why are you attacking me?" I yelled. "I'm not the one giving you a hard time!"

"You're always giving me a hard time! Like just yesterday you would not stop badgering me about slacking off on bloody potions homework. Who gives a shit?"

Okay, now I was getting mad. "You're seriously trying to start a fight with me now over the dumbest thing in the world that happened yesterday when I came up here trying to make you _feel _better?"

"Well, look how well of a job you did at that," he spat.

I felt my eyes start to water. I tried to keep my voice strong. "You didn't even give me a chance to!"

"Because I just don't want to talk about it, all right? Now could you leave?"

I felt a lump in my throat and I was on the verge of crying. "I…I just wanted to help," I said in almost a whisper this time.

I turned around and opened the door to leave when James said, "Lily."

I didn't turn around. I just stood there.

"Your book," he finally said.

That pissed me off. I turned around, tears blurring my vision and I was about to start screaming that he's a horrible prat when he suddenly started swearing. "Fuck, bloody hell, Lily, I'm a damn tosser and I didn't mean to shout at you like that…I'm just so bloody angry right now! I didn't mean a word of it, honest, I just took it out on you, I'm sorry. Look…Okay. I guess…I guess I'm just stressed out. Being Head Boy and having to be responsible and all of that…looking in the Prophet every day to see more deaths, Mulciber and Avery up my arse every second, it was bad enough last year with Rosier and Lestrange around… my Dad and my Mum… trying to actually get work done because the teachers give us a shitload, really, and all I really want to do is just spend every second of every day with you and just push out the rest of the world and…and then there's Quidditch which is supposed to be _fun_ and they make think I'm not making it fun but I like practicing every morning and feeling that rush, you know? And all they do is complain and it's our last year and I want to win the Quidditch Cup and the House Cup and I know I'm putting too much pressure on myself and them but I can't help it and I feel like the world is spinning way too fast!"

He finally finished, exasperated, falling backwards onto his bed. I just stood there, unsure of what to say. I knew I was still feeling a bit upset for him snapping at me, but I didn't want to be angry with him, because I wanted to help. I decided to sit next to him on the bed where he was lying. He immediately sat up and spoke again. "Lily, I'm sorry. I didn't mean anything I said, I'm just frustrated and everyone else is cross with me right now, you're the last person I want to be cross with me. I need you to keep me sane, honestly," he said, with a small crooked smile.

"I forgive you," I said weakly. I didn't want to be cross with him either.

"Thanks," he said. "I really am sorry. I just don't know what to do anymore."

"Just try to relax. Full moon's tonight. You don't want to waste all your energy on silly things. Everything will work out. You'll win the match and just let them complain about the practices but in the end you'll know they'll pay off and so will they and they'll be happy about it. Your dad is fine and your mum is helping him. Mulciber and Avery and all of them are prats and will get what's coming to them in the end. I'm upset about all those deaths as well…Crouch seems to be on it, though. And I'm always here to help with Head duties and homework and all that fun stuff I know you just love," I told him.

"Yeah, it's a blast," he said sarcastically, smiling at me.

"Maybe you just need to approach it differently," I said. "Then you actually would find it fun."

"Since when did work equal fun?" he asked.

"Well, if you were, say, a professional Quidditch player, wouldn't that be fun?"

"That isn't _work._ That's _play._"

"But you get paid for it."

"Those people just have all the luck," he said.

I shrugged, "Maybe. But so are you. I mean, you have me, so you must have some lucky stars as well."

"Thanks, Lily," he suddenly said.

"You're welcome," I said.

He put a freshly coarse hand from playing Quidditch onto my face, caressing me gently, and then leaned in and gave me a nice sweet kiss on my lips, moving his hand to the back of my head and pulling me in closer as his tongue entered my mouth. I couldn't help but kiss him back. Kissing him was addictive. Honestly. He pulled me with him to the center of the bed and we lied down, me on top of him, and I was suddenly very aware again of the fact that he was not wearing a shirt as I let my hands roam his chest and arms and I was suddenly broken out of my trance when I realized what time it must be. The Quidditch team had eaten breakfast while most of us were still asleep, and I had finished breakfast early along with Peter and Remus so we all returned to the common room waiting for the team to be done with practice. Delia, on the other hand, was still asleep, but I was sure June had woken her up by now. But whilst this was all going on, so was breakfast for the rest of the world, or rather, the very end of it, and class was going to begin soon.

I reluctantly pulled away from James's captivating kiss. "We have to go," I told him.

"No, we don't," he said.

"We do. Class starts soon."

"We still have time," he said and then groaned as I got off of him and sat next to him instead.

He pulled my arm and I was suddenly lying down now next to him. He was now hovering over me, kissing me again. I talked against his lips. "James, c'mon."

"Can't we just skive off? Please?"

"We can't, J-"

He cut me off with another breathtaking kiss, and then pulled away and said, "Please, Lily. I told you how stressed I am…I just need a break…and it's Binns…can't we just skive off this once?"

I really strongly considered it, looking at his tired and worn out eyes that still twinkled as he looked into mine, but I decided we better not. "We have a free today, James. Let's just go to class and use our free to lounge about."

He sighed, resting his head against mine. "I just…"

"I know," I reassured him. "I know how you feel, I do."

He looked into my eyes and picked my chin up and kissed me gently for a few moments before parting from me and then getting off me, sighing heavily, and going into his drawers to get a shirt on and his robes.

I watched him change (he did not protest soooo) and helped him put on his tie (gosh we're so adorable). He got his rucksack and I took my book and we went to the common room, picked up my own rucksack and headed for History of Magic.

The rest of the day was all right. James seemed a little more relaxed even though Sirius, June, and the rest of the team still seemed cross with him. I tried distracting him, especially in History of Magic, where we drew pictures and had to guess what the other one drew. Delia was no where to be found, and June said she wasn't in the dorm before class started. Hm.

I told James he should sort out this stupidity with Sirius before the full moon so they can just enjoy the night. They talked it out after Defense and seem all good now, so I'm proud of myself for pushing him in the right direction. I'm such a great girlfriend.

Anyway, as I promised, James and I took our free to relax (and snog). James promised he'd do his homework eventually since it wasn't due for another week anyway (I don't believe him though).

We all had dinner together, except Delia, who was still missing in action. Where could she be? Remus looked slightly worried when Peter raised the question, but June told him not to worry because Delia does things like this from time to time.

After dinner, they decided to head out to the Whomping Willow. James gave me a lingering kiss goodbye and left with his mates, excited for the night's adventures.

I returned to the Common Room while almost everyone was still at dinner. June went off somewhere with Noel. I entered and Delia was on the couch, sitting alone.

"Uh, Delia?"

She didn't respond. I walked over to her and faced her and saw he had a black eye.

"Delia! What…what happened? Wha…who did that to you?"

"Regulus," she muttered.

"Why in Merlin's name…what…"

"It was last night," she said. "I was arguing with Michael…and Regulus showed up with a few of his friends, you know, little Rosier, and then there was the usual Mulciber and Avery and Snape…Michael's muggleborn, you know, so they started up with him and I threatened to hex them so Regulus thought it would be funny to punch me in the face…Michael got them the rest while I kicked Regulus in the bullocks and watched him cry like a baby as his friends dragged him away."

"Is that why you weren't in class today?" I asked.

"Er, partially…"

Oh no. "Why else…"

She sighed. "Let me finish the story and it'll explain everything. So after that I kind of just muttered a 'thanks' to Michael and ran off. He followed after me though, insisting I go to the Hospital Wing but I just wanted to get away from him. I got up a little after you did to go to breakfast when Michael was waiting for me and tried to physically drag me to Pomfrey. I refused and instead he wanted to heal it for me but I wouldn't let him. And then…somehow we ended up, er, shagging in an empty classroom."

Of course, she did. This was so like Delia. She always ran back to Michael. I mean, this was the longest they've actually been apart, but we always knew she'd run back to him. Michael wasn't a bad bloke, he just wasn't right for her. "Look, De-"

"We're not back together, if you're wondering," she muttered.

"Oh."

Nevermind, then.

"We spent the rest of the day together, though," she admitted. "Snogging a lot. We snuck off to Hogsmeade. We only shagged one more time. We talked a lot, too. Drank a little. We caught each other up on everything, apologized for certain things…But we decided to stay apart romantically wise and just try to be friends. It's obvious that neither of us can retain a stable relationship, at least with one another."

I looked at her and I noticed the sadness written all over her face. She still loved him.

"And your eye?"

"Oh, right," she said. "Michael conjured something up for me to fix it," she told me, holding up some small flask. "I just haven't used it yet."

I felt bad. I wanted to try to get her to say what she was really feeling. But I knew it was a long shot. "Delia, I-"

"Can we not talk about it?"

I sighed. Of course. "O-okay."

"How's James?"

"Good. We had a small row this morning but we're all sorted now," I told her.

At that moment, June came bursting in. "Noel Johnson is a down right tosser!"

So June came and told us about her row with Noel, which was the dumbest argument I have ever heard (it was over who started liking who first…like, seriously?). I may have been half listening and half thinking about James and how I really wished I was kissing him and talking to him about nothing and laughing with him but I still did enjoy being with my mates. We spent the rest of the night chatting and laughing and went to bed later than usual. It was the first time in a while that we really had a 'girls' night' so it was quite nice and I enjoyed the time with them immensely.

The next day, however, was for James and me. I woke up for breakfast and practically skipped the Great Hall, awaiting the day's adventures. I arrived at our table and only Kim and Wendy were there, talking to some sixth year girls and blokes. I ate some waffles and drank a whole mug of hot cocoa and the only people that came down were Delia and June. I had finished eating my waffles and I was starting to get worried so I started eating scone. Finally, James, Sirius, and Peter came down, looking rather exhausted.

"Where's Remus?" asked Delia.

Sirius raised an eyebrow at her and said, "Why do you care?"

"Padfoot," sighed James, sitting down next to me. He turned his head to Delia. "He's at his Mum's."

James then turned his head to me, whispered "Hi," and gave me a quick peck on the lips before turning his head back and filling up his plate with food.

I stared at the side of his face, which had a nasty scratch on it right near his ear. The side of his neck had a huge black and blue, and I looked down to notice one of his hands was clutching his left knee. He turned his head to me again and smiled, but I didn't smile back. He noticed and took his hand off his knee and instead put it around my waist, pulling me closer to him and kissing the top of my head. Ugh. This boy.

"You look exhausted," June announced, directing her announcement towards the boys.

"We are," murmured Peter.

"What were you guys up to?"

"Well, mischief, of course," said Sirius smugly.

"Oh, the usual," said Delia.

"Well, not the usual," said James. "We aren't so fond of consistency in our mischief. We like to spice it up a bit, don't you think?"

"Absolutely," said Peter.

"There ain't no other way to do it, my mates."

Just then, Carly shouted "SIRIUS BLACK!" and came storming over. Sirius rolled his eyes and then put on a smile as his girlfriend strode over. "Well, hello there, sweetheart, what is it that you are calling me for?"

"Don't sass me, Sirius."

"I wasn't," he lied.

"I need to speak with you. Right now. In private, if you don't mind," she said, grabbing him by his collar and dragging him away.

"Wonder what that was about," James mused.

"He's doomed," said Peter.

"It's been, what, a week and a half?" asked Delia.

"Yes, I'm going to win the bet!" June shouted.

"Bet?" I asked. "What bet?"

They all glared at June, and June looked like she wanted to smack herself for saying something she shouldn't have. "I mean, um, what bet?" June said.

I rolled my eyes. "The bet you just shouted about?"

"I didn't say anything about a bet," said June.

"You just-"

"So, anyway," June said, trying to stray away from the matter at hand. "Have you lot finished that essay for Slughorn?"

"Wait, wait, wait," I said. "What's this bet? On Sirius's relationship?"

They all looked at each other nervously.

"Yeah," Delia confessed.

"Oi, you idiot, why'd you tell her!" James yelled.

I gave him a scathing look, though I was taken aback when he turned his head to me and I got a good look at how tired and worn out he was. "Uh, I mean, she would have found at anyway?"

"I would have," I said, staring sadly at his pale and burned out face. He took notice I think of the way I was looking at him and nervously turned back to face the lot. "But anyway, I don't think it's very nice to put a bet on such a thing. Have a little faith in Sirius! He might surprise us."

Everyone laughed except for me. "I bet two weeks or less," said June.

"I bet a month," said Delia.

"I bet a day," said Peter. "And Remus bet two months."

James remained silent, not revealing his bet. "Well?" I asked him.

He opened his mouth to answer when June answered _for_ him. "He bet four months. Longest one out of all of us."

Aw, James has the most faith in Sirius. I mean, of course he does, but I expected him to make a bet more like Peter's or June's.

"He seems to really like her," James shrugged, finishing up his waffle.

"I didn't know Sirius had the capability to actually fancy a person other than for their, er, assets," said Delia.

At that moment, Sirius came back to his seat, Carly no where to be seen, and he plopped down next to June.

"What happened?" asked Peter.

Sirius rolled his eyes. "I stood her up accidentally. I told her we'd spend the night together last night without realizing it was a…" He paused, realizing Delia and June were there. "Er, it was a blokes night, so she got a bit angry with me, to say the least."

"Did you break up?" asked June, it what sounded almost like a hopeful tone.

"Nah," he said.

"So what happened?" asked James.

"I snogged her a bit. Shut her up for enough time to not be so cross with me. I promised I'd make it up to her. That's it."

"Why isn't my relationship that easy," sighed June.

"That's really it?" asked James.

"Yep. A good snog is just as good as an apology. You should try it on Lily sometime, Prongs," Sirius said, pealing a banana.

"Excuse me, Sirius, I happen to be right here," I chimed in.

"I am aware," he responded, reaching out and pinching my cheek before taking a bite of his banana. "So now you have the heads up that James will try it out sooner than later."

"Like hell he will," I said, rolling my eyes, feeling James tighten his grip on my waist.

Can't tell whether that was a protective move or a move kind of move, if you know what I mean.

Either way, I'm not sure I minded so much. In fact, I scooted closer to him.

He didn't seem to mind either. I continued to look at his face though, worrying.

A minute or two later though, James whispered in my ear, "Can we go for a walk?"

"Sure," I answered, and we both got up from the table, said goodbye to the lot, and left. James automatically took my hand and we walked out of the Great Hall. We had around ten minutes until class started anyway. James and I walked down the corridors until we found an empty one.

Once we reached one, I said, "You're going to attempt Sirius's suggestion, aren't you?"

He laughed, "No, I'm not."

"Not that I would care so much," I heard myself say. Wow, I'm a dunce. "But since I'm not really angry with you at the moment, I don't think it would really work. But you could try."

"I really just wanted to talk," he said gently.

James Potter passing up a snog? Something was up.

"Okay then," I said slowly. "What's up?"

"It's just…well…I wanted to ask you to please stop looking at me like that," he said in almost a whisper.

"What do you mean?"

"Like I've just been attacked or severely hurt or something. You always look at me the day after the full moon like that. You even did it before we were dating and you knew, but now it's even worse," he said. "And I'm really fine."

I sighed. I guess I was doing it subconsciously now. I can't help it that I'm worried about him. It's just a natural reaction. "I'm sorry," I whispered.

"I'm safe, you know. I always am. I know what I'm doing, and so does Sirius and Peter. Don't be scared, Lily."

Almost like it was out of nowhere, I felt tears forming in my eyes. This was a door I just did not like opening. Thinking about how James risks his life every month just to keep his friend company…It's so noble and sweet but it kills me when I see him the next day looking like he just got hit by a truck.

"I can't help it! You look so tired and beat up and…" I put my hand on his cheek and got lost staring at his color-drained face, still beautiful but troubled. His glasses were all askew so I straightened them out and James grabbed my hand and pulled it slowly off his face but kept hold of it. I took a breath. "Look, I…I think it's brilliant, what you do for Remus. Really. Disregarding the fact that it's illegal and all that you're an unregistered animagus…but still, it's really quite admirable and Remus is so lucky to have a friend like you. You're so wonderful, James. I…I just get worried that you're putting too many burdens on your shoulders and…that one day you'll just completely wear yourself out or get hurt or…"

"Lily," he said, squeezing my hand. "I know my limits. I'm okay. You just got to…you got to trust me with this, okay?"

"I…does it hurt?" I asked suddenly.

"No," he said. "Well, my knee hurts a little, but I took something in my pumpkin juice during breakfast that'll make it better in a few minutes."

"Nothing else?" I inquired.

"Nope," he reassured me. "I'm used to the scratches and bruises. They'll clear up by tomorrow."

I frowned and he pulled me against his chest and put his arms around me. "I'm okay. I'm always going to be." He let go and lifted my chin up and brought his lips to mine, and I eagerly responded and separated his lips with my tongue, kissing him fiercely and wrapping my arms around his neck securely. He responded enthusiastically, and, er, his body reacted quite quickly, if you know what I mean. We stood there in the still abandoned corridor kissing for quite a few minutes.

Before we got carried away, which we almost always did, he parted his mouth from mine, and we both were breathing heavily. I kept my eyes closed. He put his forehead against mine, and then in a very low whisper, he breathed out, "I love you."

I froze. My heart stopped. My body stiffened. I didn't dare to open my eyes.

_I love you._

He LOVED me? How is that even…how could…I mean, love? Love, like, real love?

Surely, he was wrong. How could he _love _ME? Silly old, uptight, no fun, boring, average, me?

I mean, sure he fancied me for all those years but, love? Love?!

_I love you._

So that's why he's been acting so strange. That's what he's been almost telling me this whole time, these past few weeks…but we've only been together for two months!

This was crazy. Mental. Not normal.

The scariest part was thinking about whether I loved him back or not.

Did I? Love? I mean…I cared for him a lot. Much more than I ever thought I could. Much more than anyone… Was it love? I really don't know. I mean, there were definitely times where it felt like it _could_ be love… But how was I to know for sure?

_I love you._

I didn't want to say it back. I couldn't, because I didn't know if I really did love him or not. It's very possible I do. It's also possible that I'm just highly infatuated. I think I definitely am capable of loving him. I really, really, care for him. I think there's supposed to be a moment when you just know. Where I feel like I have to say it or the world will explode. So when that moment comes, I'll say it back. But for now…

I just can't.

I don't know how long neither of us spoke for, but I just kept hearing _I love you_ over and over in my head. Eventually, James spoke again in a weary voice. "Lily?"

I had forgotten how to speak almost. I didn't know how to respond. What was I supposed to say?

Luckily, James spoke again. "You…" He sighed, taking his head off mine. "You don't have to say it back."

I finally opened my eyes reluctantly, afraid of looking James in the eye, but I did anyway.

He was smiling very weakly at me. His hazel eyes seemed glossier than usual behind his glasses and he had taken his hands off me and put one in a pocket and the other in his hair.

"J-James…" I stuttered. "I…it's not that I don't…I just…I…"

"It's okay," he said softly. "Look, we should get to class. The bell's bound to ring any moment."

I knew James wasn't really okay at all, because when did he EVER suggest going to class? But I didn't protest. I really didn't have much to say, mostly because I couldn't formulate my thoughts into coherent sentences, anyway. We walked in silence, a couple of feet apart, to Potions. We almost never walked together without holding hands or arms around each other, and part of me really wanted to grab his hand or wrap my arm around his waist, but James seemed lost in thought, and after what just happened, I don't know how much he wanted me to touch him anyway without it seeming like pity, so I didn't.

James sat next to Sirius in potions instead of me. I sat with Delia, who questioned James's absence from my side but I ignored the question, pretending I didn't hear it. I watched him carefully all lesson. He didn't look at me once, not once. I couldn't tell if he seemed upset or was just pondering really hard, but he was actually working on his potion rather than doing something like throwing paper airplanes at Severus's head. I heard Sirius ask him what was wrong a few times and James kept saying "nothing" but I'm sure Sirius knew it wasn't "nothing."

After class, James left with Peter, and Sirius lagged behind to ask me if I knew what was wrong. I carefully avoided eye contact with him and said I had no idea, and I'd make sure to talk to him after classes about it. Sirius seemed a little suspicious, but didn't vocalize it and caught up with his mates on their way to Herbology.

During double Herbology, James only looked at me once or twice, each time giving me a small smile before quickly averting his attention to something or someone else. He wasn't cross with me, I don't think, but he certainly was upset. My stomach dropped every time I looked at him and I just wanted to make it all better, but I couldn't.

The bell rang, and I decided to leave the Greenhouse first, not to get away, but so that I could catch James when he left, and he couldn't leave before me.

I waited outside the greenhouse and sure enough James came out with Sirius and Peter. I pulled James aside from them and took his hand in mine. He didn't look me in the eyes and seemed a little taken aback by my actions. "Have lunch with me?" I asked hopefully.

"I'm going to the Hospital Wing with Sirius and Peter to check up on Remus," he said in a low voice. "Sorry," he added quickly.

"Oh…all right, I suppose," I said slowly. I breathed, trying to keep myself composed. "Well, I'll see you, erm, later." And then I reached up and gave him a short peck on the lips, and without getting a good look at his face, I stalked off and caught up to June and Delia.

Lunch was uneventful, but there was a bit of a silver lining when James sat down next to me during Transfiguration. He smiled slightly at me when he sat down and even gave me a shy "hey" and kissed my cheek. Unfortunately, though, he then fell silent again and became quite interested in his rucksack.

I was about to try and strike up a conversation when McGonagall came in and immediately started the lesson.

The bell rang and I took James's hand before he could leave and he didn't do anything to get out of my grasp so I assumed it was a good sign, and we walked out of class together in silence, which I didn't like, so I tried to talk.

"How's Remus feeling?" I asked.

"He's hanging in," he said. "Could be better."

"Well, at least he's all right," I said.

End of conversation.

Literally.

This was a terrible "two month anniversary" if you ask me.

I mean, it probably would have been better if I said I loved him back.

Wow, I'm the WORST.

I've ruined everything! James probably hates me now! He probably thinks I'm a horrible, heartless, bitchy, terrible, cruel, old hag who he should never have bothered with!

I wanted to say something but I just didn't know what! So as we continued walking in silence to Charms, I started rubbing his hand with my thumb and he tried smiling but I could see right through it. During charms he sat next to me, but he was passing notes with Sirius, and I could have sworn I saw my name in there at least once.

Way to go for subtlety, boys.

Classes ended and we only had homework in Transfiguration.

"Well," I said to him on our way out, as I noticed Sirius eyeing me suspiciously. "I'm going to eat and then go to the library to do McGonagall's essay and get it over with. You want to join me?"

"Well, er, I was going to go visit Remus again. We promised we'd bring him some actual food and eat with him."

"Well," I said, suddenly bothered at how many times we were both starting off our sentences with 'well.' "Er, when we're both done, then, can we at least spend some time together? I thought that was the plan for tonight. I was looking forward to it."

It was quite strange having to keep asking and suggesting and taking action myself to actually be with James because usually he was the one initiating everything, so I was quite proud of myself for doing so. He seemed a bit taken back as well, I think.

"Yeah, yeah, of course. I just…sorry. We'll be quick with Remus. How about I meet you in the library when you're finished with your essay?" he said.

"Okay," I agreed, feeling a bit more optimistic. That feeling slipped away quite suddenly when he let go of my hand.

"Okay," he said. "I'll see you."

He smiled wearily and turned around and started walking. I called after him before he could get away. "James!"

He turned back around and I marched right over to him, pulled on his collar and brought his mouth right to mine fiercely, kissing him with everything I had in me. I couldn't let him think I didn't care for him at all. Because I _did_. Just because I didn't say those three damn words doesn't mean he's not one of if not _the _most important person in my life! I'm just…I'm just _scared_. That's all. And kissing James didn't make me feel scared. It made everything feel right. And he was kissing me back and that meant something.

I broke it apart quicker than I would have liked to, because we were in a corridor and people were passing by, but I think I left a good impression on James of how I felt about him because his ears were all pink and he had that not-so-innocent crooked grin on his face when I said goodbye and made my way to the Great Hall to find June and Delia.

I neglected telling June and Delia of today's events thus far, because it seemed like more of a private thing between James and I, and I wanted to keep it that way, even if his mates got it out of him, I didn't want mine to find out, at least not yet.

June told us about her and Noel's romantic make up and how he's the most amazing boyfriend in the entire world and how perfect he is and Delia and I tried to hold in our laughs because in truth we were very happy for June, she was just very over-the-top about it all, if you know what I mean. But that's just the way she was with everything: very dramatic.

We ate dinner and then went our separate ways. I headed to the library and did my essay for McGonagall. I was writing my last few sentences when James found me at my usual private table, looking a lot lighter than before.

He sat down right next to me without saying a word as I finished it up. I rolled up my parchment and put it in my rucksack. I turned to him and was about to say hello when he put his arm around me and started snogging me right there in the library.

Boy, were we doing a lot of snogging today.

Not that I minded at all.

I mean, we were in a library though. And though I'll admit we were in a pretty private and deserted area, that didn't mean we could just have a snog session in the middle of it!

But it was an improvement of how James was acting towards me since the whole 'I love you' thing this morning.

I reluctantly broke away, but chose my words carefully so that James would know I wasn't denying any of his affection at all. "Er, hi," I said, flustered, straightening out my shirt. "How about we, um, go up to the dormitories?"

Oh, Merlin. That sounded so wrong. I mentally cringed.

He took my rucksack for me (what a gentleman), and we walked together to Gryffindor tower in silence. We made our way into the Common Room and went up to his dormitory together. He closed the door and though I expected us to go back to our heated snog that started in the library, instead, James let out a long sigh and spoke before sitting on his bed.

"Lily…I need to get something off my chest."

Oh boy. Here we go.

I nodded, sitting beside him. He turned to me. "I want you to know that…that I meant what I said this morning, and still mean it," he said softly, taking a breath. "I love you. I really do. And I shouldn't have been so thick to think you would say something like that back after only two months…Or that you would even _know_ if you felt that way as well-"

"You aren't thick, James," I tried to say in my strongest voice.

He smiled. "I am. I don't regret saying it, though. And, er, well, you don't have to say it back until you're ready, or at all, but I don't want that to stop me from saying it to you. If I feel the need to say it to you, I'm going to say it. It's one of those things I just can't hold in anymore. I love you, Lily. I always have."

It literally took every fiber of my being to stop myself from bawling my eyes out.

He _loved_ me. Truly and honestly and sincerely loved me. I could hear it in his voice. He actually did. It scared me. It confused me. It made me feel so much at once I felt like I was going to collapse.

I think James noticed my emotional state because after looking at me for a few moments he cradled me against his chest and we lied down on his bed. It only took a minute or two until I decided to speak again.

"Thank you," I muttered against him.

And, in a matter of speaking (pun intended,) that was really the only speaking either of us did for quite some time after that.

We were a bit preoccupied for an hour or so, thankfully with no interruptions like normally. I may have let us do a bit more than I usually permit (Not that we shagged or anything. Sheesh. But he told me he _loved_ me. Now wasn't the time to be a prig) and he seemed both appreciative and taken aback by my kindness.

You're welcome, James.

Not that I didn't enjoy our time together myself. I very much did.

When James and I finally came to a halt in our, er, activities, I rested my head against his chest and traced my finger along it while he ran his fingers through my hair repeatedly.

"I'm hungry," James said suddenly, totally ruining the mood.

I laughed. "Didn't you eat with Remus?"

"Yeah, but a bloke's always hungry, Lil."

"Don't you have some sweets up here?"

"Yeah, but I want real food. Some chicken or brisket or something."

"Well, you can go and get, but I'm comfortable right here."

"Lily."

"James."

"I want food!"

"I want to stay in this comfortable bed."

"You're impossible."

"Ditto."

"Fine so stay."

"I will."

"And I'll just go get some food."

"You go do that."

"Okay."

"You aren't getting up."

"I'm taking my time."

"Sure."

"I'm getting up, sheesh."

"James?"

"Yes?"

"I don't think you should go to the Great Hall in just boxers."

"Where are my trousers?"

"Missing."

"Thanks. Now give them here."

"Nah, I don't feel like it."

"Lily, I need my pants."

"Never thought I'd hear James Potter begging a girl to give him back his pants."

"You're the worst."

"You love me."

"I do."

"I don't know why you do. I mean, I am the worst."

"Shut it."

"Weren't you going to get your chicken or something?"

"Eh, it can wait."

"Oh, _now_ it can wait."

"Want some sweets?"

"I'm in a chocolate mood."

"I've got some chocolate frogs."

"Get 'em out, my boy."

"I'm not a boy, I'm a man."

"You keep telling yourself that."

We spent the rest of the night eating sweets, bantering, actually talking and having conversations with topics varying from school to his mates to my mates to his family to the future, and some more snogging here and there.

Eventually, Sirius, Peter, and a much better Remus came up, requesting that I leave ("we really like you, obviously, we just want you out of our room, thanks" as Sirius so nicely put it) (and thankfully I was fully dressed when they barged in) and James walked me back to the Common Room to the stairs to my dorm and gave me a nice goodnight kiss and told me he loved me one more time before we finally went to our respective dorms.

_I love you._

James loved me. It was a scary, scary thought. It was just as scary, if not scarier, to think that one day maybe I would know for certain that I felt the same way back.

It was also quite a wonderful thought.


	11. Inevitable

**_A/N: Hi! I'm sorry its been a while since my last update. School started and I am PACKED with work like you wouldn't believe. I'm trying my best to write as much as I can. Anyway, I hope you like this chapter. It's the longest James chapter yet, since he usually has pretty short ones. I'd say this one is a decent size :) Anyway, I hope you like it and PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE (!) REVIEW! It would mean a lot to me! :)_**

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><p><strong>(James's P.O.V.)<strong>

I am so in love with Lily Evans, that blurting it out to her was sort of inevitable at this point. I love everything about her. I love her red hair, I love her green eyes, the way they get really wide when she's thinking, how she taps her fingers when she's nervous, how she drinks cocoa and eats chocolate chip waffles every morning, the way she drags me out of the castle when it's raining to run out in it and dance, the way she cares for other people, the way she reads a book the way I watch a game of Quidditch, the way she laughs, and the way she smiles…I love her body, and the way she intertwines her hands in mine, the way she holds me, how perfectly her head seems to fit into the crook of my neck, and the way she kisses….

Needless to say, it was a bit of a let down when she didn't say she loved me back.

I may or may not have sulked about it the entire day.

Though Lily, being the caring girl that she is, tried very hard to make me feel not entirely worthless, I still felt ridiculously rubbish.

I felt a bit better after my talk with Remus in the hospital wing about it, and I felt a hell of a lot better after spending the rest of the night snogging Lily (and just being with her). Remus told me that a girl like Lily is just very cautious with these things, and she isn't as impulsive and sure of everything as I am, and that eventually she'll come around and say it back. But just because she didn't say it now doesn't mean she doesn't love me or doesn't at least care about me deeply. He said I can keep saying it as long as I mean it, and that is what I intend to do.

Oh, Moony. What would I do without him.

I didn't tell Sirius what happened until the other day, though he tried getting it out of me when I was sitting next to Lily in Transfiguration. Like I was going to write it while she was sitting right beside me. When I did tell him though, he kind of just slapped me on the back and said, "Give it time, mate."

I don't say it too often either. I don't want to overdo it. But when I do say it, Lily has two different reactions. Sometimes, she'll smile really wide and get kind of glossy eyed and kiss me really deeply and all that. And then other times, she kind of just looks at me with a much more pensive expression, like she's contemplating the fact or something.

However, I may have overdone the whole "I love you" thing the other night. It was after the Quidditch match, which we pretty much slayed Hufflepuff in, and I was sloshed, to say the least. I only vaguely remember the details. But I may or may have not stood up on a table in the common room, proclaimed, "I AM IN LOVE WITH THE BEAUTIFUL, BRILLIANT, SEXY LILY EVANS!" and then stumbled off the table, started slobbering all over Lily's face until she pushed me off her and I fell down laughing.

I know. Sounds pretty bad. It was.

She stayed away from me most of the rest of the night, until I sobered up enough to apologize, which she reluctantly accepted, but refused to snog me. You win some, you lose some, I guess.

We went to Hogsmeade last weekend though, which was pretty brilliant. The teachers have been giving us a shit load of homework lately since it's almost Christmas Holiday now and everything. Lily insisted that the first half of the trip to the village would be spent separately- her with her mates, me with mine. Then some time all of us meet up at the Three Broomsticks, and then head off with whomever we desired. We followed Lily's plan, and at about 1:30pm or so I went off with Lily, Sirius went to find Carly, June went to find Noel, and Remus, Peter, and Delia all spent the rest of the day together, Delia and Remus putting all awkwardness from past occurrences aside.

I was lucky enough to get Lily a Christmas gift when I was with the lads, so that worked out pretty well.

And the rest of my day with Lily was pretty spectacular too.

This morning, thankfully, is our last day of classes until we leave for holidays. I sat down next to Lily at the table and greeted her with a kiss. "'Morning," I said.

"We need to figure out a plan."

"A plan?" I asked.

"Yes, a plan! We've only been talking about it vaguely."

"What are we talking about again?"

"Keep up, James!" Lily shouted, taking a bite of her waffle. "Tuney's engagement party."

"How was I supposed to know what you were talking about?" I asked.

"Never mind, that. How are we going about all of this?"

"Er, well-"

"Okay, this is what we're going to do," she said quickly. "Hogwarts Express. You spend Christmas with your family. You'll apparate to the ballroom where the engagement party is at PRECISELY five o'clock on December 28th. Then you'll go back home whenever. Sound good?"

"Sounds good to me," I said, eating my food happily.

I looked over at Lily, who looked a bit tense. "Why are you so nervous?"

"Because…I don't know…" she said in a low voice, staring into her cocoa. "Whatever, it'll be fine. Okay. Great. Brilliant."

I was tempted to question Lily's strangeness, but decided against it. I didn't want to cause anything right now. Then quite suddenly, she groaned, "Ugh, it's going to be a _disaster_."

"No it won't be," I told her reassuringly. "You'll have me to keep you company."

"True…" she said. "But they're going to hate you."

"What?" I asked nervously.

"Not my parents, dolt," she said, noticing my tone and picking up on why I must have been nervous by her saying that. "My sister and her _fiancé_."

"Oh," I said with a wave of relief. "Who cares about them anyway?"

"No one," she sighed, drinking some of her cocoa. "Well, I guess we'll just make the best of it," she said.

"That's the spirit!"

"Yeah, yeah," she mumbled, as I pulled her closer to me and kissed her head.

The rest of the gang joined us and I noticed for the rest of breakfast Lily seemed to be very lost in thought. I nudged her at one point and gave her a questioning look, but she just shook her head and continued staring into her cocoa, thinking. I didn't want to press her about it so I let it slide for the rest of breakfast.

I did, however, ask her about it while we stepped into History of Magic. "What's up?" I asked.

"Hm?" she asked absentmindedly.

"Lily."

"Yeah…sorry?"

"What are you thinking about?"

"Oh…" she hesitated. "Nothing, nothing."

The rest of the day, Lily was oddly silent, and when it was time for our free and now had absolutely nothing to do but relax, Lily insisted on going to her dormitory and resting because she had a "head ache" (though I know she didn't) and how she had to do something anyway. I tried talking her out of it because tomorrow we were going to be going to our families and would be apart for a few days, and she just told me after she rests we'll spend time together, yadda yadda.

I waited for her to come down for dinner, but she didn't come down. Kim and Wendy did, though.

"Isn't it my favorite marauder," said Wendy.

"Hey, Chase," I said, smiling a bit. "Kim."

"Potter," Kim said in a fairly flat voice. I mentally rolled my eyes. She was in love with Sirius. Forgot about that.

"Hey, do you know if-"

"Evans is coming down?" Wendy said, finishing my sentence. "She's still asleep."

"Oh."

"Is she cross with you?" Kim asked nosily.

"No," I said. "She wasn't feeling well though."

"She was crying when Kim and I came in after class," Wendy told me. "She stopped once we walked in though, and then she fell asleep."

She was crying? Why? What was wrong?

"So, Potter," Kim said. "How's Sirius?"

Was she seriously changing the subject to Sirius while my girlfriend was upstairs crying?

"He's fine with his girlfriend, thanks for asking," I snapped. I turned back to Wendy. "Do you know why-"

"Oh _please_," interrupted Kim. "Like he and my cousin are actually going to _last._ Ha!"

"Wait…Carly's your cousin?" I asked, baffled.

"Unfortunately," she snorted.

"Since when?"

"Since birth, genius," she scoffed.

"Ignore her," Wendy said, pushing Kim towards the portrait hole with her, rolling her eyes. "Lily will be fine. We'll see you later."

They left and I waited a little longer for Lily, and after a while I just sent up a note to her dorm that read, _Hope you're okay, love._

I went downstairs and sat down with Remus, Peter, Sirius, and Carly.

"'Ello," Sirius said with a stuffed face. Carly rolled her eyes.

"Kim's your cousin?" I asked Carly.

"Yep," she said coolly.

"Kim Farro?" Remus asked.

"Yep. Her mum and my mum are sisters."

"Do you get along?" asked Peter.

Carly shrugged. "Sometimes. I think she's a bit cross with me at the moment though, if you know what I mean."

"What do you mean?" Sirius asked innocently, swallowing his food.

Carly laughed and kissed his cheek. "You're clueless."

"Hey, that is only half true," he defended himself, biting into a chicken leg.

"She'll get over it," Carly told us. "She's a bit of a drama queen."

"Really? We never noticed," said Remus sarcastically.

When dinner was over, I went to the Common Room with the guys. We played a game of exploding snap (Sirius won by sheer luck, if you ask me) and then Remus and Sirius played a game of wizard's chess as Peter sat by the fire and wrote a letter to his family. I lied down on the couch and read the paper, spending extra time on the Quidditch section. About fifteen minutes into me reading, a pair of small hands was suddenly against my chest, and I turned to see Lily attempting to join me on the couch. I moved over a bit and folded the paper and tossed it on the coffee table as Lily snuggled up against me. "Hey," she whispered.

"Hey," I responded. "Don't you want dinner?"

She shook her head. "I'm not hungry."

"Everything all right?" I asked gently.

She nodded. "Yeah."

I was kind of getting sick of her hiding this thing, whatever it was, that was making her so upset, but I really didn't want to cause a fight right now, so I didn't say anything.

Lily suddenly turned her head up and started kissing me. Really kissing me. I pulled away and asked her, "You're sure you want to do this here? In the common room?"

"Yeah," she said, leaning in again.

This was not like her. "In front of all these people?"

"They can't see us anyway," she muttered, closing her eyes waiting for me to press my lips back to hers.

"We could just go back up to my-"

"Would you shut up?" she whispered, and pulled my head to hers and kissed me fiercely. Thinking it wasn't a good idea to protest (not that I wanted to anyway), I didn't stop her this time and continued snogging Lily away on the common room couch. No one really did see us, except Peter who scurried away, and Sirius and Remus when they came to see if I was asleep or something, (Sirius saying something along the lines of "Ms. Evans! Snogging in public? I'm going to have to take ten points off from you for disobeying school rules, and an extra ten for losing your class!") which only stopped us from snogging for a moment or two as we laughed at Sirius's joke, and then continued on.

When things started to get a bit more heated (which, by the way, started from Lily's initiation, unbuttoning my shirt while kissing the weak spot on my neck), we went upstairs to my dorm and kept ourselves preoccupied for, er, quite some time (no, we did not do anything more than we usually do), and Lily may or may not have fallen asleep with me in my bed without her shirt on (the answer is she did).

I woke up at around 3am, Lily in my arms nice and secure, and I felt my heart jump up into my throat. It was a wonderful feeling, waking up with Lily beside me. I wanted to wake up like that every day for the rest of my life. I instantly kissed her head. As much as I wanted her to stay, my brain told me to be responsible and wake her up so she can sleep comfortably in her own bed. I opened the curtain just a bit and took my wand from my bedside table right next to me and casted a muffliato spell so I could wake up and talk to Lily without waking the others.

"Lil," I whispered, moving some hair away from her face. I kissed her lips softly. "Lil, wake up."

She stirred a bit, but just sighed peacefully in her sleep. She was so beautiful.

Right. Focus. Waking her up.

"Lily," I said a bit louder. "Wake up, babe."

She groaned and just buried her face into my shoulder.

"Lily," I said. "You have to get up."

Then, Lily answered quietly, "No, I don't."

"You have to go back to your room."

"Why?" she asked, tiredly, eyes still closed. "You're very comfy."

"Because it's three in the morning," I told her. Her eyelids shot open.

"Three in the morning?! Oh, bloody hell…"

"I'm sorry. We fell asleep."

"Did we really? I thought we were dancing the salsa!" she said sarcastically.

"Wait, what? Salsa? How do you dance a salsa?"

Lily looked at me for a moment, and then burst out laughing, which made me smile, and when I asked, "What's so funny?" she just leaned in and started to kiss me, still laughing against my lips.

After a short but thorough snog, we parted and she said, "I really should go to my room."

"Mhm."

"You're the one who woke me up so I could."

"Well, I changed my mind. You should absolutely stay."

"I can't, James…" she said as I started kissing her neck. "James…"

But I continued.

"James, seriously, stop," she said sternly, pushing me off her. "I have to go back."

I sighed. She was right…

"Fine," I said, pulling away, putting my glasses on and looking around for something to put on so I could at least walk her to the stairs of the girls' dormitories.

She sighed too, getting up and putting her shirt back on. We were both dressed and she said, "James, look, I'm sorry for acting all moody today, I just have some stuff going on and…"

"And you're never going to tell me about it, are you?" I heard myself snap at her.

I'm an idiot.

She looked at me in the eyes and said, "No, I will tell you. I told you that I would. I just need time, I told you that too."

I shook my head. "Whatever. Let's just go."

"James…"

"Forget it," I said tensely.

We awkwardly left my room together and went down the stairs to the common room. I walked her to the beginning of her staircase.

"I'll see you tomorrow morning," I said quickly. "Goodnight."

I turned around and started walking away. "James," Lily said in almost a whisper once I had reached my staircase, but I chose to pretend I didn't hear her and went upstairs.

I lied in bed, angry with myself. We were having such a good night together until I went and blew it. I shouldn't have gotten so upset over something so stupid…I should have forgotten about it and just been happy to be with her. I should have kissed her again and told her I loved her and everything would have been fine. But I was a prat.

I eventually fell asleep, but it was a pretty restless sleep. I got up and Sirius kept making jokes and asking where Lily went and blah blah but I just gave him one-worded responses and he finally got it after Remus told him to shut up that I wasn't too happy.

Lily ate breakfast with her friends and I ate breakfast with mine, the both of us stealing glances at each other from time to time.

Right after breakfast, anyone going away headed out to the Hogwarts Express. The only people from my year in Gryffindor were Lily, Wendy, June, and me.

We got on the train and I caught Lily's hand in the midst of it all, and she gave me a frown and said, "I promised June I'd sit with her."

"Oh."

"I'm sorry."

"It's nothing."

"You can join us."

"It's fine, Lily, really, I'll see you around," I said, letting go of her, about to turn around.

"No, I want you to," she said in a quiet voice.

I sighed. "I'll come by later."

"Okay," she responded, still quietly.

I smiled at her weakly and walked the other way, got an empty compartment for myself, and fell asleep.

I had a strange dream. Voldemort was playing exploding snap with Regulus and Snape. Dumbledore was filing his toenails. Lily and Peter were cuddling with Remus in werewolf form and Sirius was wearing a pink tutu and singing the Beatles, while I was drawing a picture of a flower.

I literally have no idea what any of it meant. But the ending of the dream was Lily walking over to me and saying, "What the hell is that? A shoe?" And then she started laughing really hard and then everyone else started laughing and I started screaming for Dumbledore to help me but he just kept humming along to the song Sirius had been singing and continued on filing his toenails.

I woke up, confused and dazed, and saw Lily sitting on the seats opposite from me, the compartment door closed and covered with the curtain.

I sat up and scratched my head.

"How long have you been here?" I asked.

"Ten minutes," she answered. "We've got another two hours until we're back at King's Cross."

"Oh," I responded. "You didn't need to leave June."

She shrugged. "She's with Emily now. Wanted to get her away from Henry."

"Ah."

"Yep."

There was an awkward silence and then Lily got up and moved over to sit next to me.

"James, I…I'm sorry," she said, gulping. "I really am. I was being selfish yesterday. I was wallowing in my self-pity and then I just took advantage of you for comfort and refused to tell you what was even going on…I promise, James, I'm going to tell you. Soon. I really will. It's just something hard for me to talk about, but there's a time for everything, and it'll come, and I'll tell you. Okay?"

_There's a time for everything_. I guess I got what she meant. But why was I always so ahead of her? I always fancied her. She didn't fancy me until the end of sixth year. I wanted to be together, she didn't. I told her I loved her, she couldn't say it back. I tell her everything, and she leaves gaping holes for me to wait around to understand. Why am I so ahead of her? Why do I put all my trust and love and faith into her with no hesitation but she always needs time?

But there was nothing I could do. I guess that's just who we are. I jump in head first into the water from a cliff, and Lily dips her feet in first, slowly easing her way into it until she gets used to it. And it's always going to be like that. And I guess it's just something I'm going to have to accept.

"Okay," I told her.

She smiled at me. "Thank you," she whispered. "I really did enjoy spending the latter part of yesterday with you."

"Back at you."

"I didn't mean to be so eager to get out of there-"

"You weren't," I reassured her. "Not until you realized that you kind of had to get out. It wasn't your fault. You should have left before we fell asleep."

"But I like sleeping beside you," she said. "I always do."

"Well then," I said, raising an eyebrow. "You should have stayed."

She laughed lightly. "I couldn't. Imagine if we got caught."

"We wouldn't have."

"You never know," she said, moving closer to me. "If June and Delia were actually decent mates, they may have been worried about the fact that I wasn't back in our dorm and would have gotten McGonagall or someone to search for me."

I chuckled. "But they aren't decent mates," I teased. "They're horrid. I've got the good ones. They didn't even bother us at all. They came up once we fell asleep."

"Wow, the first time in history we were not interrupted," she said. "Put it in the record book."

"Well, he _did_ interrupt us in the common room…"

"See. Your mates are horrid too," she said as I moved some hair out of her face and put it behind her ear.

"Well, they aren't here now," I said, leaning in slowly. "So we're in the clear. Unless, you know, _your_ horrid mate comes and barges in."

"Not that we're going to be doing anything serious, idiot," she said, smiling. "We're on the bloody _train._ But, I did tell her she better not come looking for me or I'll hex her."

I laughed, and then finally pressed my lips to hers forcefully.

We made good use of the rest of the train ride. Mostly snogging, but also a lot of talking and laughing and joking and eating. When we arrived at King's Cross, we decided to say goodbye on the train rather than on the platform so it wouldn't have to be awkward in front of our families and everything.

"Write to me tonight, okay?" she asked.

"Sure thing," I promised.

"And I'll see you in five days. That's not in too long…"

"It'll feel like no time at all. Trust me."

"Okay."

"I love you," I told her.

She closed her eyes and smiled, and then opened them up to reveal tears forming in them. She sighed and leaned in and gave me one last, sweet, tender kiss. We parted and went out separate ways hesitantly.

Dad did not look good. He was walking with a cane, and he looked ten times more pale than usual. Mum stopped dying her hair and started letting the grays grow out, and her wrinkles were showing more too. I guess she stopped trying to cover everything up.

They both gave me a hug (Mum gave me a kiss too) and asked why Sirius didn't come, and I reminded them that not only did he get his own flat but he wanted to stay in school for the last Christmas holidays. They kept asking me questions they've asked millions of times before and were both just very out of it. We walked to Diagon Alley (very slowly) and flooed back home. The moment we got there Dad was already out of breath, heading to the kitchen for a drink.

I spent the entire day with them, which was in truth, sort of nice. I really did miss them. They were always so busy. Dad and I talked Quidditch and he updated me a lot on what's going on in the auror world and in the ministry and what's going on with Voldemort. I went shopping with Mum for groceries and Christmas presents (where I got an extra something for Lily) and helped her make dinner. She asked me a lot about Lily ("That ginger you've been in love with since first year? She finally fell for you, huh? Was it your natural charm or did you cook up a love potion? I almost did that for this boy in my 4th year…"). We talked and laughed a lot. I was still a bit worried with how fragile they both seemed, both coughing a lot and talking slower and walking slower and all that, but I tried to just enjoy myself.

I wrote to Lily before I went to bed. I pretty much told her how the day went in detail. I ended it like this:

_I miss you. I love you. I'll see you soon.  
>-James <em>

It took me a while to decide whether I should put the "I love you" in or not, but I decided it couldn't hurt. The truth was, I was anxiously awaiting for her to say it back. And there have been moments where I really thought she was going to…where I just kind of sensed that she _felt_ it that time…like I always feel it…but it hasn't happened yet, I guess, or she's just too afraid to admit that it has.

I got a response the next day during lunch time.

_James,_

_I told you everything would be a disaster. I. TOLD. YOU._

_Not only did Tuney pick a fight with me the SECOND I arrived back home, but my Mum wasn't doing anything to stop it! I tried ignoring her, really, I did. I didn't use magic, obviously, even though technically I could because I am of age…But anyway, I ended up getting into a physical fight with her and she started crying and it was this whole big ordeal. It wasn't like a serious fight. It was just petty and we just were hitting each other like all sisters do! I couldn't help but roll my eyes over and over at her obvious act all about how it's _her _engagement week. I TRIED telling her it wasn't just her week but it was the family's week because in case she hadn't noticed it was bloody Christmas and the last time I checked Christmas was about the whole family not just one member!_

_Anyway, my Mum decided to punish me and now I can't do anything I was planning on doing. I was supposed to go over to June's the day after Christmas but now she refuses to let me! I mean…the audacity of her, really._

_Thankfully, she's still letting you come to the engagement and all. I really hope you have something nice to wear. Not that I wouldn't mind if you just showed up in your boxers (really, I wouldn't mind) but these people judge you based on how you look and dress. I mean, I'm sure you don't care what they think, and you shouldn't, but, I mean, you know…MAYBE I want you to make a slightly good impression on them. Just maybe?_

_I'm glad you're able to spend some time with your parents. I know how much you've missed them. I can see it in your eyes when you talk about them._

_I hope all is well and continues to go well. Write me back when you can._

_I miss you so, so much._

_Much love,_

_Lily._

I read it over a bunch of times and sighed, missing her. It's only been a day. I needed to get a grip on myself. It was snowing very lightly but I spent most of the day on our little Quidditch Pitch flying around and practicing, trying to avert all my thoughts from Lily. We had a nice dinner and a pretty quiet night.

I wrapped Lily's presents in a parcel and wrote a short note before I sent it.

_Happy Christmas, love. Hope you like it. Missing you. –James_

I woke up from an owl hooting in my ear. There was a large parcel tied to her with a note attached. I put my glasses on and untied it to read it.

_You are the most wonderful bloke in the world. Thank you for the book and the necklace. I hope you like your present. Love, Lily._

I unwrapped it to find a wooden box. I opened it up and there were three gifts inside with a note for each. The first was a sneak-o-scope ("_it'll come in handy when you're an auror"), _the second was a really nice watch (_"so that when you're late for class and rounds and say 'I didn't have the time so how was I supposed to know I was late?' I'll know you were lying")_, and the third was a golden snitch, _Potter_ engraved in script on it (_"I know you aren't a seeker, but you love that snitch you nicked so much I decided to get you your own")._

I am in love with the most amazing woman in the universe.

I'm such a lucky bastard.

I put on the watch and closed the box and went downstairs. My parents gave me a new leather jacket (they know me so well). We had a wonderful Christmas together, but the next day they both went back to work. The next two days were quite boring. I practiced scoring the quaffle in the hoops and played around with the new snitch Lily got me. I wrote her every day. Sirius and I spoke a couple of times a day through the mirror, Remus and Peter popping in it sometimes. Sirius pled for me to come back because the castle's a bore without me (oh, how I know), especially since Carly's at her house for Christmas, and that Peter and Remus are a bunch of sods and he's bored out of his mind. I defended Remus on that one, but I couldn't come up with too much to defend Peter. He is sort of a sod. Maybe it's a requirement to be a sod to be a Marauder.

Pft. Who am I kidding? I'm no sod.

Okay, maybe I am. Just a bit.

December 28th, 4:50. I put on a sky blue shirt (Lily's favorite) (and may have left a few buttons opened…), my new leather jacket, black trousers, relatively nice shoes (as in not sneakers which is the best I can do really), tried and failed to make my hair look all right (I like it messy anyway so maybe I didn't try _that_ hard, but A for effort?), and put on some cologne in an attempt to smell irresistible (but let's face it, I'm irresistible anyway).

I apparated to the address Lily had given me at 5 precisely (I was wearing the watch so there really were no excuses to be late), and ended up only about fifty feet away (not too shabby). I walked inside and I saw Lily standing in a corner. She was the only person I saw, really. She was wearing a cream kind of colored dress with matching shoes, her hair down and in curls. As I walked closer I could see she was anxious. She was biting her lip and tapping her foot. I saw she was wearing the necklace I got her, which made me smile.

When I got to her, I said, "If I'm not mistaken, I think the bride's sister should be socializing instead of standing all alone in a corner, don't you, Evans?"

She looked up and smiled. "James!" she exclaimed, and then jumped and wrapped her arms around my neck securely, and I wrapped mine around her waist, lifting her a little bit off the ground, and then put her back down. We rested our heads on each other's shoulders and stood like that for a bit. I breathed in her scent, which I missed terribly. I kissed her shoulder. "Hey," I said stupidly.

She laughed and we let go of each other. "Hey," she answered back. She took my hand in hers and said, "Come with me for a minute?"

I nodded and we left the main social hall where everyone was and she dragged me down an empty corridor. There was a door slightly ajar that we approached. Lily opened it and we entered the room. It was a small room with a couch and a couple of chairs and a bathroom. She closed and locked the door. Then she dragged me to the couch, pulled me down with her, and snogged me rather thoroughly.

It was a very wonderful snog. I missed kissing her, touching her. It was only five days but it felt like a lot longer. It was very intense and passionate and mesmerizing. We must have been going at it for about seven or eight minutes until we finally parted.

"I've missed you," Lily said in a low, sweet voice, leaning in and pecking my lips again. "So much."

"I missed you too," I told her. "You had this spot picked out to attack me in, then?"

"You could say that…better here than in front of everyone back there. As if my sister's knickers aren't already in a twist."

I laughed. "Well, it's a pretty nice spot."

She smiled. "I know."

"You look beautiful."

"No, I don't," she said, looking at me. "You look nice though. You're wearing my favorite color."

"You're wearing the necklace."

"You're wearing the watch."

I smiled at her and took her hand in mine, kissing it gently. "You really do look beautiful."

"Oh, hush."

"Just accept the compliment."

"Nah," she said, leaning in and snogging me again for a little while more.

"Maybe we should go back in," I said when we parted again. "I want to meet your family, anyway. Though snogging you really is lovely…"

She looked at me nervously. "Um…well…"

She stopped speaking. "What's wrong?" I asked.

She closed her eyes and took a breath. "All right, but I, er, I have to tell you something."

"Okay."

She gulped. "Okay, so, erm…my….my father….he's, um…he's sick. He has something called cancer…it's a, um, muggle disease…pretty much incurable…he has it in his stomach… He lives in the hospital but he's here today. He lost his hair and he, er, is in a wheelchair and he can't really eat much… So, don't be surprised or anything when you see him, or if, um, if something happens and he, um, needs to leave. His nurse is here but….yeah…"

She looked down, wiping her eyes quickly. "I'm fine," she muttered.

So that's what's been making Lily cry all the time. That's why she got upset when we talked about me coming to the party… That's what all those letters were about. That's what she was talking about to June and Delia with the whole "four months" thing. All of it…all of it was about her dad.

"Lil, I…I'm so-"

"Don't say you're sorry," she said strongly. "Don't."

"Okay," I said. After a moment or two I kissed her forehead. "Okay," I repeated.

She smiled at me weakly and then laughed slightly as she wiped the lipstick she got on me off of my lips and neck before kissing me one more time anyway. Then we got up and walked back down the corridor to the main hall.

We walked over to her parents. "Mum, Dad," Lily said. "This is James. James, Mum and Dad."

Lily's mum walked over to me and embraced me. "Hello, dear. I'm Caroline. We've heard so much about you. Oh, you're even more handsome than Lily described you!"

I smiled. "Thank you, Mrs. Evans."

"And this is my husband, Scott," she said. "And his nurse, Beth."

Scott Evans looked perfectly normal to me. He may have no hair and was sitting in a wheelchair, but he looked like any other man. He was pale, but he was smiling at me. He had Lily's eyes: big, bright, and green. They were sparkling. He reached out his hand. "It's a real pleasure, James."

I took his hand and shook it. "You too, sir."

I shook Beth's hand as well. "Hello, Beth."

"Dear, why don't you introduce James to your sister?" asked Mrs. Evans.

"She isn't speaking to me," Lily replied.

"Just try," her dad said gently.

She sighed. "Fine," she said, and took my hand.

We walked to the center of the room, where I saw the backs of one tall, scrawny blonde woman and a rather enormous man with brown hair. They were talking to someone.

I felt Lily tense up. We reached them and Lily tapped the woman on the shoulder.

"Petunia," she said.

Petunia and her fiancé turned around, looking quite agitated already.

"Sorry to bother you, but I just wanted to introduce James to you. He's my boyfriend."

Petunia's face was hard and still. "Hello," she said, crossing her arms.

"Hey," I responded. "Congratulations-"

"-Thank you," Petunia sneered, and then they both turned back around to whomever they were talking to.

Then Lily pulled me towards the buffet. "Come on. Let's eat."

"Well, your sister seems, er…lovely."

"Isn't she just the peachiest?" she said sarcastically, rolling her eyes.

"Don't get upset, Lil. It's fine, really."

"I'm not upset…"

"Don't bother wasting your energy on being upset over her. She's not worth it."

"She's my sister, James."

"I know," I said. "So she shouldn't be bringing you down so much. Siblings are supposed to get into rows and be competitive and all that rubbish. Just try to have fun, all right?"

She sighed. "I know, I know, I'm sorry."

"It's fine."

"No, it isn't. I didn't invite you here so you could hear me complain the whole time. I'll try to brighten up, all right?"

"It's okay," I told her, squeezing her hand.

"I'm really happy you came. Thank you."

"Of course," I said.

We got our food and sat down at a table. I got to talk to both her parents. Her Mum seemed very interested in the Wizarding world, so she asked me a lot of questions about that and we had a nice conversation about it. I also spoke to her father for a while. He told me some stories about Lily and asked me a bit about my life. He's a good man, truly.

Eventually, Lily and I got to talk for a while too, which was really nice, except for the every now and then we were interrupted when she had to go do something for pictures or help her mother with something or to talk to her father, but other than that we had a lot of time just us. We caught each other up on the past week, telling each other in more detail than our letters what's been going on. Then Lily finally told me everything about her Dad. She stayed as calm as she could while talking about it all and I held her hand through most of the conversation, which seemed to help. When I asked her why she hadn't told me about any of it before, she told me she just hates talking about it in general, and the only people that know besides me are June and Delia, who she doesn't really give that much detail too either. When the topic was over, we hugged for a little and then changed the subject to other things. When the night was almost over, we snuck back into that room down the corridor and snogged for a while.

After quite some time, Lily pulled away. I tried leaning back in but she put a hand on me to stop me. "It's late. You probably have to go back now, and we're probably going home now anyway."

I sighed. "I know…I just…we can't see each other until school starts still?"

"Yeah, I'm still grounded. How rubbish is that. Me! Lily Evans. Grounded? It's absurd. Unheard of!"

"I always knew you had a wild side to you," I snickered, raising my eyebrows suggestively, leaning closer in again.

"Oh, shut up, you," Lily said, rolling her eyes, but let me kiss her briefly anyway. "C'mon. I'll walk you down the road a little before you apparate back."

"All right," I said. We got up and left the room and went back into the main hall, where, as Lily predicted, the only people left were Petunia, Vernon, Vernon's parents, and Lily's parents.

We were all standing generally in the same area, when Lily's mother said. "Darling, did Petunia and Vernon get a chance to talk to James?"

"Well, a bit, but-"

"Oh, but he's such a wonderful boy! Tuney, dear, I think you four should go out tomorrow evening and learn things about each other."

Petunia gave a horrifying look of absolute disgust. "Mother, I can't, I-"

"Oh, don't be silly-"

"I can't either, Mum, I'm grounded, remember?" piped in Lily, who was looking rather unhappy about her mother's suggestion.

"Yes, I remember," she said. "But you're grounded under my rules, so my rules allow you to go out with your sister and Vernon and James."

Lily rolled her eyes and crossed her arms. Petunia did the same. Vernon was looking rather agitated himself (though he always looks that way).

"Great, then it's settled. I'll make the reservations and everything for tomorrow. Eight o'clock good? Perfect," Mrs. Evans said. "Lily, why don't you walk James out?"

Lily nodded and then Mrs. Evans hugged me. "It was so nice meeting you, James!"

"You too, Mrs. Evans. It was a smashing party, really," I said.

I walked over to Mr. Evans. "It was a real pleasure, Mr. Evans,"' I said, reaching out my hand. He looked very tired and a lot paler than he did before.

He shook my hand. "You too, son."

Lily linked her arm in mine and we walked out together. "I'm sorry about that ambush," she said.

I chuckled. "It wasn't an ambush. It's fine. I get to spend another night with you."

She smiled. "Yeah, well, it's not like we're going to be alone. We're going to have the blob and the stick tagging along."

I burst out laughing. "The blob and the stick?"

"Yes!" she said, laughing too. "My sister is the size of my pinky, and then Vernon is just this big ugly gray…blob. Is there any other way to describe him, really?"

I unlinked arms with her and stopped walking and pulled her face to mine and kissed her as we both still laughed. "I love you," I told her, and then kissed her again, and the both of us seemed to stop laughing, and just got lost in the kiss.

When we parted, she smiled at me. "I'll see you tomorrow, then? Just apparate to my house and we'll probably all go in Tuney's car."

"Sounds good," I told her.

"Goodnight," she said, as I stepped back a bit.

"G'night," I said quietly, and then apparated back to my house n my bedroom. I threw off my clothes and jumped into bed, not really able to sleep, my mind racing, thinking about how much I really did love Lily.

And wondered if she'd ever feel the same.

* * *

><p><strong><em>AN: Quick reminder- the more reviews, the faster I try to update! I hope you liked it!_**


	12. Borderline

**_A/N: Hello! So, here's chapter 12! I really hope you like it. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE WITH SPRINKLES FUDGE AND CHERRIES ON TOP REVIEW! It'd mean so much to me :) Enjoy!_**

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><p><strong>(LILY'S P.O.V.)<strong>

I elbowed James in the ribs, hoping he'd get the message that though his jokes were funny they were pretty much borderline ridiculously rude.

"Ouch!" he exclaimed. I gave him a look and he finally understood.

"Sorry," he whispered, and smiled at me. I sighed heavily.

We were on our "double dinner date" with Petunia and Vernon, and safe to say, it was not going well. Petunia had just broken the whole "my sister's a witch and there's a whole magical world out there filled with other _freaks like her_ and her boyfriend's a wizard so that's that" news to Vernon last night after the engagement party and least to say he did not take it well, though he was attempting to be sort of civil with us.

"So, er, James…" Vernon grumbled. "What kind of car do you drive then, hm?"

"Car?" James asked, scratching his head. "Cars are only for muggles, my good man."

"For what?"

"Muggles. You know, ordinary people like yourself."

"Ordinary?" Vernon said defensively. James ignored it.

"Anyway, I've got a racing broom. I'm not old enough to apparate yet-"

"Appa-?"

"-But I will be in March. And Lily will be next month! Anyway, I've got a Comet 101- the newest! I got it for my birthday last year. Quidditch captain, you know. Got to have the best," James said proudly.

I could tell James was having too much fun talking to Vernon without him understanding a single word he said. I kept giving him looks, like signals to stop, but he wasn't getting it. It was one thing to make fun of Vernon when they weren't around, but right in front of his face?

James was smirking as he dug deeper into his pasta.

Petunia looked absolutely livid. She couldn't stand magic talk.

Vernon had a twisted smile on his face. "Well, you don't have a car, you must not have a job either...probably not a dime to your name then. Ruddy wizards, you probably live on unemployment benefit. Ha!"

"Well, not exactly," said James. "You see, we have our own kind of jobs and money as well. And excuse you, but I have more than a dime to my name…whatever that means. Wizards got a bank, you know. Gringotts. Run by goblins."

"Don't be absurd. There's no such thing as goblins," said Vernon spitefully, rolling his eyes.

"Of course there is. And they run the bank. Anyway, my parents happen to be very wealthy and I've got my own vault in Gringotts from the fortune my parents left me…in solid gold," James said.

Vernon's face started turning red. "Who do you think you are, boy? Racing brooms? And goblins? Solid gold, you say? Your family probably stole it all, you filthy wizards and your stupid magic sticks being able to take whatever you desire!"

"All right, calm down no-"

Vernon shut up. "Don't tell me to calm down, you arrogant scum!"

"Excuse you, but please don't talk to him that way," I said loudly. "He was only trying to explain-"

"It's all a bunch of poppy-cock, if you ask me! Don't you agree, Petunia?"

"Of course," she sneered.

"I'm not making it up!" James defended himself. "You just don't understand!"

"I won't stand here and be talked to like this by such filth!"

"Look who's talking," James whispered under his breath.

"I'm leaving!" Vernon announced. "Come on, Petunia!"

Petunia got up too. "Wait, Tuney, he didn't mean-"

"Don't speak to me, Lily," she said in the most loathsome voice. "I knew this was a bad idea from the start. Your boyfriend is just like you, a complete freak. Just leave me alone."

"Don't talk to her like that!" James shouted as she stormed off with her fiancé. The restaurant door slammed.

I couldn't help it. I couldn't stop the tears from forming in my eyes and then rapidly falling down my face. As much as we fought, I really wanted things to be good with Tuney again. And this was just a reminder that it never would be.

"Oh, Lil, I…I'm sorry, I…I didn't mean to…oh, bullocks," he said and then just wrapped his arms around me and let me cry against his chest.

After a few minutes I started to calm down. James was stroking my back and kissing my head every now and then. He said, "I'll make it up to you. I promise, okay? At…at the wedding. I'll apologize to the both of them. All right? I'm sorry, Lily."

I nodded against him and then let go of him, wiping my eyes.

"Are you cross with me?" he asked in the most innocent voice.

I looked at him, and you know, I really want to be cross with him, but I just couldn't. It wasn't worth it. But I couldn't help but be upset about what happened. "Only a little," I told him.

"Just a little?"

"Not enough," I said, with a hint of a smile. James smiled back and then kissed me for a short moment.

He wiped away a tear from my cheek with his thumb. "Come on. Let's get out of here."

I paid the check and James took my hand and we walked outside for a bit, and then we apparated to his house. It was only nine o'clock anyway. I was still technically grounded though, which was so bloody stupid, so I had to be back by ten or I would be killed by my mother.

His parents were both still at work, so he gave me a tour of his house. It was ridiculously huge. Like…wow. My house was the size of his closet! We walked and talked for a while and then sat down and ate some ice cream while we back and forth made jokes bashing on Petunia and Vernon, or as I call them, the blob and the stick, which James has started calling them as well, but I claimed my copyright to it, so ha! As I was saying, they had an entire container of chocolate ice cream, my name practically written on it.

GOD BLESS THE POTTERS.

Anyway, we spent the short remaining amount of time in his room (which is HUGE, by the way. And fairly messy.) We had a very nice snog, if I do say so myself, and it tasted a lot like chocolate, which, I think, made it one of our best snogging sessions yet.

I think James agreed, because neither of us wanted to pull away. Of course, the chocolate taste was a factor, but it was also the fact that James was such a good kisser and he was doing things with his hands that he should not be allowed to do because they make my mind go blank and we can't have me blanking out too often or the world would implode. I mean, I'm the logical one in this relationship, you know? I've got to keep it that way, damn it!

So, after a reasonable amount of time, I pulled away and looked at the clock. I had to be home in three minutes. Shit.

James groaned. "No," he said, pulling me back against him.

"James, it's 9:57!"

"One more minute," he whispered, pressing his lips to mine again.

I let him kiss me, because, really, who could resist, but only for a few short moments and then I pulled away again and got up, straightening myself out. "I have to go, James. I'm sorry. Everything after Tuney and Vernon left was lovely. I'll see you in a few days."

I took out my wand to apparate back home. "Lily, wait," he said and got up. He took my face in his hands and gave me one last long, sweet, chocolaty kiss.

"Bye," he said quietly as he let go, smirking his classic James smirk whenever he does dumb cutesy sort of romantic things like that to me.

Psh. Blokes.

"I'll write you," I told him, smiling, and then I apparated back home.

I walked in through the door.

"You're late," my Mum said.

I checked my watch.

"It's 9:59!"

"Well…fine then. Where's Petunia?"

"I don't know," I said, walking to the kitchen and picking up an apple from the counter, biting into it.

"You don't _know_?"

"Nope," I said, chewing.

"Why not?"

"Her and Vernon stormed out of the restaurant."

"Why did they do that?"

"Because James and I are freaks."

"Of course you're not, dear," said Mum. "Petunia is just jealous of your gift."

"I know, I know…"

* * *

><p>The rest of the holiday off was quite uneventful. I stayed in the house mostly except to help Mum with grocery shopping and to visit Dad in the hospital, who seemed to be doing not too bad. James and I wrote to each other a couple of times. I really missed him. My mum asked a lot of questions about him, which was very awkward, to say the least.<p>

Petunia and I barely spoke to one another, or even acknowledged each other for that matter. Not until January 2nd, when I was leaving the house. I called out a goodbye to her and she answered one back, but that was it.

Mum dropped me off at King's Cross and gave me a lengthy, loving goodbye. I was really going to miss her despite the fact that I still can't believe she grounded me.

Mum drove away and I walked on the platform, searching for any familiar faces. The train was due to leave in five minutes, so most people were boarding the train.

"Lily!" I heard someone call out. I turned my head.

"June!" I shouted. She was running towards me. We hugged tightly. "I missed you!"

"I missed you too! I'm sorry your Mum grounded you."

"Yeah, me too," I laughed. "We'll have plenty of time to catch up though. Did Noel right you?"

"No," she sighed. "Not once. I wrote him three times, and not a single response!"

"Maybe he didn't get them? Or he was just busy and never got the chance to respond?"

"Oh, c'mon, Lil," she said. "Christmas in Hogwarts is anything but busy. Something's up."

"I'm sure he has a good explanation," I assured her.

"He better, that prat," she said, as we went on the train.

"Is this compartment good?" June asked, opening a door to an empty one.

I nodded. "Yeah, why not? Hey, I'm going to go find James and then I'll come back here with him and we can analyze you and Noel's problems. Sound good?"

"Please," she said, smiling. "I could really use your expertise."

I laughed. "Okay. I'll be right back."

June went into the compartment and I kept walking, looking through them to see if I could find James. Suddenly, someone was pulling on my arm, and I turned my head to see James dragging me into an empty compartment, sliding the door and closing the curtain.

I wrapped my arms around him tightly and he embraced me back, swaying with me on the spot. I let go to say hello and then he started smothering me with kisses, pulling me down with him on the seat, snogging me senseless. Once I got my head out of the clouds, I pulled away. "James, I promised we'd sit with June."

He frowned at me. "But-"

"No buts, mister. I saw you twice this Holiday and I didn't get to see June at all. I miss her! And she's your friend too!"

"Yeah, but you'll have all night to catch up on your girl stuff…" He leaned in again but I stood up.

"James, come on, she's my best friend. We won't be with her the entire ride! Just for a few hours. Then we'll get the rest to ourselves. All right? I really missed her. Don't you miss your mates?"

"Of course I do," said James, standing up and sounding irritated by the question. "That's why I want to spend time with you now, because I'm going to be with them later. Especially since it's the full moon tonight."

Oh, right. I forgot about that. But still. I sighed. "You're going to get a fair share of your time with me. And them. Okay?"

He sighed also, taking my hand. "Yeah, okay. You're right. Sorry," he said softly, kissing me shortly. "I just missed you. I kind of did miss Carter too, though. She's a bit mental, but at least she talks Quidditch."

I rolled my eyes and opened the door. "C'mon," I said, and led him out of the compartment to the one June had picked.

We went inside and sat down across from June.

"Hey, Potter," she greeted him. "Ready to hear about my relationship problems?"

He gave me a look. "_This_ is why you made me come here with you?"

"Hey, if I have to suffer through this, so do you. You know, that's what committed relationships are all about," I told him, smirking.

"You're such a-"

"Oh, not now, James!" June shouted, slapping his knee. "When you two start insulting each other you both just get turned on and then start snogging and you can save that for later! I need help here!"

James and I both looked at each other and laughed. "All right, Carter," James said. "Let's do this proper. Lay down."

June obliged and lied down on her side of the compartment.

"Tell Dr. Potter what's wrong, miss," he said in an attempt of what I assume was supposed to be a sophisticated voice.

"It's Noel, Doctor. He hasn't responded to a single one of my letters! And things have been a bit rocky lately between us anyway."

"Could you elaborate on that, Ms. Carter?"

I couldn't help but laugh at the way they were talking.

"Well, we keep fighting over the most trivial things! Like the other week, we had a row about me borrowing his quill. Like, how fucking dumb is that?"

"Uh, language?" I interceded.

They both looked at me and then rolled their eyes.

"Is bloody dumb better for you?" she asked.

"I guess."

"Well, it was really bloody dumb! And one time we fought over the fact that he wanted to hold my hand and I wasn't in the mood. Like, cut me some slack? I was on my-"

"You don't need to say it!" James shouted, cringing.

"_PERIOD,"_ June said, loud and clear and pro-longed. I laughed.

"Thanks for the info," James snorted.

"Well, it's relevant!" she said. "When it's that time of the month you don't always want to be all lovey dovey like that."

"Lily isn't like that," he argued.

"Well, excuse _me_, we can't all be perfect like Lily Evans!"

"Hey," I interrupted. "I'm not perfect."

"Oh, don't give me that," June scoffed. "You are and you know it. And James will back me up on this one."

"She's right," he said, smirking.

I rolled my eyes. "And that's not true. I snap easily at you when I'm on mine."

"You always snap at me!" he said.

"It's irrelevant," I told him.

"ANYWAY," June said. "We just haven't been seeing eye to eye on everything…I don't know."

"Well," James said. "He is a Hufflepuff."

"James," I sighed.

"I'm just saying," he continued. "That being in different houses means that there are clear characteristic traits that differ from one house to the next so obviously there are going to be things you don't agree on and you'll both have different attitudes, so on and so forth."

"But Hufflepuffs and Gryffindors get on good together," I reminded him.

"Yeah, Lily went out with Dave Beckon from Hufflepuff and they never had any fights like this," June said.

I was going to slaughter her.

James's ears turned red and he looked annoyed now. "Yeah, and she dumped him for me, so that _really_ worked out."

I gave June a scathing look and took James's hand. "Anyway, back to _your_ problems, June. It has nothing to do with him being a Hufflepuff."

"Yeah, I know, but still…maybe I _would_ be better off with a Gryffindor…"

I rolled my eyes. James said, "Yeah, ditch Johnson and go for Remus! He needs to get over Delia anyway."

"I can't do that! That's totally breaking girl code," June told him.

"Yeah, not a good idea. Plus, I think you two are better off as just mates," I said.

"Agreed," she said.

"Him and Delia would have been good together," I thought out loud.

"Well," James chimed in again. "Tell her to get Moony back!"

"She's too in love with Michael," June scoffed.

"Still?"

"Still," I told him.

"I mean, she's _slowly_ getting over him," June said.

"But _slowly_ to its true definition," I said.

"Ah," James sighed.

"Yeah."

"Well, anyway," said James. "Just confront him when we get to Hogwarts. But don't come off as a bitch. Kill the kid with kindness, yeah?"

"He isn't wrong, you know," I said.

"I guess you're right," June breathed. "I'll do it ASAP."

"Sounds good," I told her.

We spent the next couple of hours talking about our Holidays and just fooling around and ate some candy from the trolly.

Then June decided she needed some "beauty sleep" before she confronted Noel, and kicked us out of the compartment. We went back to the one James had been in before. We talked for a bit, but we were both pretty tired as well, so we cuddled up together and fell asleep.

I woke up to a knocking on the compartment door. June was standing in the entrance.

"Aw, you two are precious," she said.

I rolled my eyes. James was still asleep so I whispered. "What do you want?"

"We'll be at school in fifteen minutes. Just thought you should know."

"Thanks," I said softly, and then she waved and closed the door again.

I could feel James breathing against me. His mouth was very slightly ajar and his glasses were crooked. I decided it'd be best if I woke him up.

"James," I said lightly, letting my hand move softly along his cheek. He didn't respond. So I kissed his mouth lightly for a few moments, and when I pulled away he groaned very softly. I leaned in and started to kiss him again, and this time I felt him react and kiss me back. I pulled my lips away from his and said, "Morning, sleeping beauty."

"Sh," he said, pulling my face back against his, kissing me again.

I laughed against him and then pulled away, and got off him and sat up straight. "June said we'll be there in fifteen minutes or so."

"And you couldn't let me sleep for another fourteen minutes?" he asked.

"No," I admitted. "I wanted you awake so we had a few more minutes together before you go with your mates and I go with mine."

He smiled. "Oh," he said, and put a hand in his hair. "Well, within good reason, then, yeah?"

"I guess," I shrugged, smirking.

He chuckled and took my hand, moving ridiculously close to me, putting his head against mine. I felt my breathing stifle. It was amazing how he could still do that to me after three months. He leaned in and kissed me slow and soft but so intensely, it was intoxicating. His tongue entered my mouth and my arms made their way around his neck, pulling his face closer to mine, as if it were possible. We remained entangled in each other for a while, and finally we both pulled apart for air. I kept my eyes closed and couldn't help myself but smile, and then James leaned in again and kissed me for one more moment, and then kissed my head.

"I love you," he said.

I felt a lump in my throat. Every time he said that, it came back. I still couldn't bring myself to say it back, and I didn't know why.

So I just kissed him again.

He pulled away, which made me nervous, because when does THAT happen?

"Lil," he said softly.

"Mmm?"

"Don't worry tonight, okay?"

Right. The full moon.

Nothing about love.

Nope. He wasn't pushing me to say it.

I knew he wasn't.

I'm just freaking out.

"I'll try not to," I told him.

"Good," he said, putting his arm around me. "How's your dad?"

"He was okay when I visited him last night," I told him. "Not any worse since you saw him."

"Well, that's good then, right?" he asked, giving me a hopeful smile.

"I guess," I shrugged. Then I smiled. "He likes you."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," I said back. "Thinks you're good for me."

"Wise man, Mr. Evans," James said, squeezing me closer against him.

I laughed lightly. "I don't know how right he is, though."

"Excuse you?"

"I think you're terrible for me."

"O-oh?"

"Yeah," I said, trying to sound serious. "Shall I make a list?"

I guess he caught on when I said that. "Ah, a list? Haven't done one of those in a while."

"Well, I'm doing one now. Reason number one why you're oh so bad for me. You distract me from work."

He rolled his eyes.

"Reason two: I hum a lot more now."

"What a travesty," he said, chuckling.

"Reason _three_: I…you…erm…"

"Out of reasons there, I see?"

"Psh, no… I just…I need more time to form an accurate, complete, articulate list. I'll have one for you by tomorrow."

James rolled his eyes again, grinned, and then kissed me chastely for a moment.

The train slowed and stopped. We got up and found June and left the train and took a thestral to Hogwarts. Emily sat with us and, to June's intense dislike, so did Henry, but she sat in between them.

We got off the carriage and James said to June, "Don't be that older sister."

"What do you mean?"

"Don't be overprotective and cock block them like that! How would you feel if Emily sat in between you and Noel all the time?"

"He has a good point," I said.

"Well, I gave them plenty of time on the train while I was with you two and while I slept," she defended herself.

"Still. She's fifteen. Let her make her own mistakes. It's the age, mate," James reminded her.

"But…It's Thorne! We hate Thorne!"

"We do," James agreed. "But your sister doesn't."

June sighed in exasperation. "Well…she should!"

James chuckled. We got to the Great Hall.

"Well," said June. "I see Noel. I'm going to go over there and kick his arse. I'll see you later, Lil. Wish me luck!"

"Don't forget, Quidditch practice tomorrow night!" James reminded her as she strutted away.

"Yeah, yeah," I heard her say.

James turned to me. "So do you think-"

"PRONGS!" someone shouted. We both turned our heads. Sirius was sprinting towards us. He lunged for James and embraced him tightly.

"Hey, Sirius," James greeted him, laughing.

They let go of each other. "Thank MERLIN you are back. This place has been more dull than Pete's sex life."

He turned to me. "Evans!" he said, hugging me too, and then kissed my cheek. "I missed my favorite little ginger."

"I missed you too, Sirius," I told him, smiling.

"Had a nice shag on the train, then?" he asked, wiggling his eyebrows.

"You're sick," I said, rolling my eyes. I looked at James, who was smirking. The git.

"That's why you love me so much," Sirius said, patting my head.

"Whatever you say," I laughed.

"SIRIUS!"

James and I both turned our heads, and there was Carly, running full speed between us to Sirius, who picked her up and kissed her right on the mouth.

They stood like that snogging, so James and I walked away towards the table.

James nudged me. "He's going to have to make up an excuse to get out of shagging her tonight without it resulting in a row. With the full moon and everything."

I laughed. "I'm sure he'll come up with something. He's the king of getting around things. 'Oh, Professor McGonagall, I'm so sorry I was late, I was helping a crying first year find her class. But thank Merlin, I'm not too late, right? Transfiguring objects into animals is my favorite! So excited for the lesson, professor! Continue, please!' I can't believe McGonagall actually went with it."

James sniggered. "That was pretty good. But not as smooth as the time I convinced Slughorn last year that I was late because I was single handedly healing a third year's broken hand that got hit by a Bludger."

"Oh God, I _remember_ that!" I laughed. "You are such a prat."

"Don't you mean I _was_ one?"

"No. You _are_ one."

"That's a little unfair, don't you think?"

"Nah," I said as we reached the spot where Remus, Peter, and Delia resided.

Delia shot up when she saw me and we hugged and chatted for a bit before I greeted Peter and Remus as well. We all sat down and spoke and ate. Ten minutes later, June came over, looking rather down. She greeted everyone in her normal peppy attitude, but when she sat down both James and I looked at her questioningly, and then we were both able to see the sadness in her eyes. I guess it didn't go so well with Noel.

Sirius returned twenty-five minutes later and sat with us, and Carly went to sit with her friends.

"Had a good quicky, Sirius?" Delia asked.

"Yes, actually," he confirmed, smiling broadly. "Told her I couldn't tonight, so we just did it now."

"How sweet," Remus said sarcastically.

This is why I love Remus.

"Your sarcasm isn't appreciated, Moony," Sirius said.

"Yes it is," I chimed in, slapping Remus a high-five.

"Who do you think you are, Evans?"

"I think I'm Head Girl and could give both you and Carly detention for your lack of self-control," I responded.

"Then we'll just shag in detention," Sirius said, winking at me.

"That is so-"

"Oh, don't even go there, red," he said, rolling his eyes. "Like you and James wouldn't do the same."

"Keep me out of this, mate," James muttered.

"Not in detention!" I shouted. "We're Head Boy and Girl. Not some barbarians who can't keep it in for three seconds."

"Now, now, my dearest, we don't only do it in detention," Sirius said.

"Right, you do it in closets and bathrooms and-"

"We have other places too."

"Like where?"

"My flat, of course."

"Your…what?" I asked, confused.

He just laughed. "Oh, Evans."

"When Sirius moved out of James's he got his own flat," Peter explained.

"But you can't apparate in and out of Hogwarts-" I tried.

"It's right outside of Hogsmeade," Remus chimed in. "They just sneak out through secret passages and go there."

"And you go there all the time?"

"Nah," Sirius answered. "Every once in a while, but when we do…Merlin, does it get wild."

"Okay, a bit too much info there, mate," I said, trying not to vomit.

"What can I say? I'm an open book," Sirius smirked.

"Why don't we close it for a bit, yeah?" said James.

Everyone laughed, and eventually we decided it was time to split. James sweetly kissed me goodbye and I promised I wouldn't worry about him, though of course I would.

When June, Delia and I went to the Common Room, Delia filled us in on what we missed.

"Remus and I snogged again," she confessed. "But only once."

"Delia, enough is enough," I told her. "Remus is too good of a guy for you to keep toying with him like this."

"I know, I'm a horrible person," she sighed. "We had a long conversation the next day and decided we can't keeping do this. He deserves someone better than me."

"You're not a horrible person," I said.

"Yeah, only a little," June said. "Is he a good kisser?"

"June!" I shouted.

"What? I'm just curious! I mean Sirius sure was back in fourth year. And I'm sure James is because his and Lily's lips are practically glued together all the time."

"He is a pretty damn good kisser," I admitted, sighing.

"So how's Remus?" asked June.

"Yeah, he's…he's a really good kisser," Delia said.

"Maybe it's a Marauder thing," June said.

"They probably used to practice on each other," I laughed.

"I don't know if they were doing it for the sake of practicing, or just for genuine enjoyment," Delia said.

"What about Peter?" June asked. "None of us have kissed him."

"I think we should keep it that way," Delia cringed.

"Poor Pete," I said.

"Anyway," Delia said. "It's over, though. And I'm over Michael too. I just need to figure it all out, though."

"You will," June said.

"Speaking of figuring things out," I said. "What happened with you and Noel?"

"We, er, well…he broke up with me."

"What?" Delia shouted. "Why? Things were going so great with you guys!"

"He said he's been doing a lot of thinking over the holiday and he wants to focus on school if he wants to get a job at the Ministry after school, and that he really likes me, blah, blah, blah. Asked if we could still be friends. I poured pumpkin juice on his head."

"Aww, June, I'm so sorry," I said, giving her a hug.

She shrugged. "I went to the loo after and cried it out for a bit, so I'm all right at the moment."

"You'll be okay," Delia said. "He was a loser anyway. You could do way better."

"Thanks," June chuckled. "He was a bit of a tosser."

"And blokes think you're fit! I mean, blonde hair, pretty eyes, solid C cup," said Delia. "Now that you're back on the market, all them will be chasing after you."

"Well," June said, flipping her hair. "I am irresistible."

* * *

><p>Delia was right, because sure enough, boys were all over June yet again for the next few weeks. Noel noticed as well, and looked rather bothered by it, which just made June embrace it all even more.<p>

Delia seemed to be in a lighter mood lately, which was good. Her and Michael even seemed cordial with each other now. There was still some awkward tension between her and Remus, but most of the time they made it work.

Things with James have been really great. Ever since I finally told him about Dad I've been able to open up a lot more to him, and he's such a great person to talk to. He always puts me in a better mood and knows just how to make me laugh. We've been getting a lot more intimate, too. Which is, er, well, nice, actually. And he never pressures me, which is good.

Mid to late January rolled around, and James and I were alone in the Common Room, drinking cocoa and playing chess. He won, unfortunately (I'm still convinced he cheated). I was going off on him about he must have switched our pieces while I went to the loo, though he swore he didn't.

I crossed my arms. "You're the worst."

"Aw, come here," he said, getting up from the floor and sitting on the couch, patting the spot next to him.

"No," I refused.

"Please?"

"I don't sit with cheaters. Go join the Slytherins if you're going to be this way."

"Low blow, Lil," he said, rolling his eyes.

"Well, you deserve it."

"I didn't cheat! C'mon, I just got lucky. Want to do a rematch?"

"No, because then you'll just _let_ me win!"

"Don't girls like when blokes do that?"

"Do you know me at all? What's the point of being competitive if you're going to win without a fair fight? That's no fun."

He chuckled. "I swear to Merlin I didn't cheat. Now come over here. Please?"

I sighed, getting up and plopping down on the couch next to him.

"Viola. I'm here. May I go to my room now to sleep?"

"No," James said, wrapping an arm around me. "I'm not letting you go that easy."

"What must I do to escape your villainous clutches, then?"

"Kiss me?"

"Um, no."

"Fine, I guess I'll just kiss you," he sighed, leaning in.

"James-"

But it was too late. He was snogging me. And I was snogging him back.

I am a weak, weak, weak girl.

We were kissing for a while, but once his hands started wondering up my jumper, I pulled away.

"How about no," I said, removing his hands from there.

"Why not, beautiful?"

"The beautiful card? Really?"

"It's not a _card_," he said. "It's the truth!"

"I'm just not in the mood. I let you _fondle_ me all the time. Can't we just have a snuggle night or something?"

"Always on your terms, isn't it?" he chuckled. "What about the times that I'm not in the mood for your hands to be going wherever they please, violating me like that?"

"Violating?" I laughed. "You're _always_ in the mood! I don't think you've ever protested to anything."

"Fine, fine. So if you don't want me to touch you, why don't you just touch me? It's only fair."

I rolled my eyes, laughing. "You're crazy."

"Crazy for you."

"Oh, real original."

"Copyright?"

"Try plagiarism of every film out there."

"You know, I've seen a film once!" James said, rather excitedly.

I laughed. And then I said, "I love you."

Yes. That's legitimately what I said.

WHY DID I JUST DO THAT?

James's eyes widened behind his glasses, and he grinned rather broadly. "Did you just say-"

"No I didn't," I said quickly.

"You just told me you loved me."

"No I did not."

"Yes you did!"

"Didn't."

"You love me!"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Lily, you just said-"

"I didn't mean to!" I blurted out.

James's face dropped, and the tone in his voice changed dramatically. "What do you mean, you 'didn't mean to?'"

"I…I just-"

"Maybe you should think before you speak, then," he said coldly, removing his arm from my shoulders, standing up.

"Damn it, James, wait, I didn't mean to-"

"I don't want to hear it."

"James, I'm sorry, I…I don't know why I said it."

Okay, so that was a lie. I do know why I said it.

It was because I was 99% sure I did love him.

It's been something I've been thinking about a lot lately. I've been feeling it every time he said it to me…and looked at me, and held me, and kissed me, and said my name, and every time I thought about him…

I just… How could I be sure? Isn't there supposed to be a moment where you realize you for sure do? I haven't really had that moment yet, so I didn't want to say it yet. There was something about saying it that made me feel like some unbreakable vow. I felt like branding him as a person I loved was like putting him in danger somehow. It scared the crap out of me. And I wanted to be so sure.

"Yeah, well, neither do I," he said angrily.

"Please don't be upset with me," I said softly, taking his hand. "You're…you're so important to me, James. I don't know why I said it now. It slipped out, I guess. But I don't…I don't want to say it until I'm absolutely sure. It's important to me, you know? I don't take these things for granted."

"What makes you so unsure? You _know_ how much I love you. I don't get why you just can't admit to yourself that you feel the exact same way."

"Maybe I do! I don't know, James! I'm trying to figure it out, okay? I really am."

"So it just slipped out, was that it?"

"Yes," I told him.

"Well, that has to mean something, Lil. Things like that don't just 'slip out.' You either do or you don't."

I sighed. "It does mean something," I said. "It means that I'm close to saying it and really meaning it. Okay? I just… Remember when you told me for the first time? Before class? It was after the whole discussion about how I shouldn't worry about you so much. What was going through your mind?"

"Well," he said. "I… Just, the way you were looking at me, and kissing me like you were so afraid something was going to happen to me…. You made me feel like I was the most important person in the world. And no one's ever cared about me like that. And I just couldn't help but thinking about… about how lucky I was, you know? I've been waiting for you for all these years, and now I finally have you… and I could never, ever live without you… and, I don't know, I just had this moment when I realized how much I loved you, and I just…I had to tell you. It felt like if I didn't I would explode."

I sighed heavily. He was so wonderful. "You see? I just…I need a moment like that. I'm waiting for the moment where if I don't tell you, I'll explode. That's when I'll know for sure. But I'm sure it's coming soon, since, you know, I accidently said it tonight… Don't give up on me, James, all right? I'll come around. Don't I always?"

He squeezed my hand. "Yeah… yeah, you do."

"Good. Now, shut up and kiss me."

"You know, I don't think I'm really in the mood…"

"You're such a prat," I told him, and reach up on my toes and kissed him passionately.

We parted, and I smiled at him. "I'll see you tomorrow morning."

"Yeah, see you," he said.

I went up the stairs, telling myself over and over what a dumbo I was. Because I seriously am.

I opened the door. Kim looked up from the letter she was writing, giving me a dirty look. Wendy and June were polishing their nails on their respective beds, and Delia was reading a book.

I lied down on my bed for maybe five minutes, replaying what happened with James, when there was a knock on the door.

"Lily, you get it," June said.

"Your bed is closest to the door," I said, rolling my eyes and getting up.

"My nails are wet!"

I laughed, walking towards the door. I opened it, and there stood Professor McGonagall. She looked troubled, and gave me a melancholy look.

"Um, good evening, Professor?"

"Ms. Evans," she said softly. "I think you ought to come with me."

* * *

><p><strong><em>AN: Whoa, cliffhanger! Next chapter's going to be filled with a lot of stuff…I'm so excited for it. I hope you are too! Please review :) xox_**


	13. Easy

**_A/N: Whoa, quick update, right? It's because of this dumb hurricane Sandy- I've had nothing to do but write :) This chapter is probably the shortest one, but it's a reallllly important one and thought ending it where I ended it was the right thing to do. The next chapter will be longer. I REALLY hope you like it- and PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW AND I'LL LOVE YOU FOREVER AND EVER. Yaaay. :) Enjoy!_**

* * *

><p><strong>(JAMES'S P.O.V.)<strong>

I thought all of this was supposed to be easy. And Lily just makes everything so bloody difficult.

I pretended I wasn't, but I was pissed off last night after Lily took back her "I love you." You can't just take something like that back!

I could barely sleep last night because it bothered me so much. So I was all agitated this morning and I got dressed and went down to breakfast myself. I started to finish up some Arithmancy homework I never got to while I ate some cereal, though it was hard to focus when I just kept replaying what happened with Lily last night in my head.

Eventually, Sirius, Remus and Peter all came down. I told them last night what happened and they knew I was ticked off so they didn't really say much to me, excluding when Peter asked, "Are you going to talk to Lily about it today?"

To which I replied, "Yeah, I think I will, but not right away. I'm too angry to."

I thought that maybe seeing her though would make me less angry, except she never came down to breakfast. She didn't come to Potions, either. Or Defense. Or lunch. Or Herbology. And she wasn't in my Arithmany class, so I had no way of knowing whether she went to Runes or not.

Then classes were over, and I started to worry. Was she hiding from me? Was she even in school? Was she sick?

I pulled out the map and unrevealed it, and searched for Lily's name. It wasn't there.

I went to the Great Hall for dinner and sat next to Peter.

"Lily's gone."

"What?" they all asked in unison.

"Lily," I said. "Her name…it's not on the map."

Sirius took it out of my hands and he and Remus searched it.

"You're right," Sirius said.

"Maybe she's in the Room of Requirement?" Peter suggested.

"All day?" I asked.

"He could be right," Remus said, scratching his head. "This is so strange…"

"She hasn't been here all day…" I said slowly. I started to get really worried.

"Why don't you ask June and Delia where she is?" Remus said, jerking his head to the entrance, where they were both walking in through.

"Yeah…yeah, all right," I said, getting up and walking towards them.

"Hey," I said.

"Hi," they both responded.

"Do you have any idea where Lily is?"

"No clue, we thought this morning she might have ran off somewhere with you," said Delia. "She disappeared last night."

"What do you mean last night?" I asked. "I was with her last night."

"Right after she came back to the room," June answered. "She was back for maybe five minutes and then there was a knock on the door and she just said she had to go and left."

"But the only person it could have been is Professor McGonagall anyway, right?" said Delia. "Only the Head of House can get in…"

"But it wouldn't be Head Duties, right? Or she would have gotten James as well," June said.

We all looked at each other, and I think we all thought the same thing, because then suddenly, we were all running towards the staff table.

"Professor McGonagall!" I called out, breathing heavily once we got there.

I expected her to yell at us for acting so absurd, but she didn't. "Potter, Greyson, Carter…A word, please?"

We followed Professor McGonagall out of the Great Hall into the corridor.

"I am afraid that Mr. Evans passed away last night in his hospital bed. Ms. Evans went home for the funeral and to be with her family. She should be back by late Thursday night, I presume. I'm sorry she couldn't tell you herself."

I felt a great big lump in my throat and a pit in my stomach. Mr. Evans. Dead. He was such a kind man.

Lily must be heartbroken.

And here I am, being a total wanker over the dumbest thing in the world, that does not even matter remotely to what Lily must be going through right now.

I would I could be there for her. I wish I could be by her side, to hold her, kiss her, tell her I love her, let her cry, help her fall asleep…

But I couldn't. Besides, she probably wanted to be with her family right now. They need her. She needs them.

She'll be fine without me.

She's strong. She'll get through this, I hope.

I felt grief for her and her family. It was such a shame. He seemed fine when I met him just a few weeks ago…and Lily said he'd been doing all right…

I walked back to the table in a daze. Sirius noticed right away something was up and I told them. They all felt really bad about it, as did I. We ate the rest of our dinner in silence.

* * *

><p>The next couple of days were pretty sullen. We had Quidditch Practice Tuesday and Wednesday night so that helped me get my mind off things a bit. I actually paid attention in class so I could take notes for both me and Lily so that she wouldn't have to make them all up herself. I spent more time with the guys than I have in a while, so that was good, though Sirius wasn't always around since he was usually off doing whatever with Carly somewhere. They caught me up on Peter's recent snog buddy from Hufflepuff, Helen Finlay, who is actually not too bad looking. Remus and I had a good conversation about the whole Delia thing, and I think he's finally moving on, thank Merlin. I mean, Delia is a great girl, but they just wouldn't work out. The three of them promised me Lily would come around eventually with this whole "I love you" thing, though I found it hard to believe. Besides, it wasn't so important right now anyway. I was just hoping Lily was doing okay.<p>

On Thursday night, I decided I'd wait up for Lily. She was supposed to come back tonight anyway. I stayed on the Common Room couch. The marauders hung out with me most of the night, but by midnight they went upstairs to sleep. I did an essay for McGonagall, a paragraph for Jenkins, and then, with nothing left to do, read the Prophet for the billionth time today, to see if I missed any deaths I might know.

It was three in the morning when Lily walked in through the portrait hole.

I sat up and looked at her carefully. Her hair was down and in her face. She was wearing a gray jumper and some old black worn-out trousers. Her face was pale, and she looked tired beyond belief.

"James?" she said quietly.

"Lily," I said back.

She looked at me curiously, and then walked over to me. "You…why are you down here?"

I put a hand in my hair. "I wanted to, er, wait for you. To see if you were okay."

"You…" she whispered, trembling almost. "You waited up for me?"

"Of course," I replied.

She looked at me for a moment and then sat down next to me, and quickly wrapped her arms around me with all her strength. I hugged her back, breathing her in. God, I missed her. I kissed the side of her face and continued hugging her, rubbing one of my hands up and down her back, trying to soothe her. She was shaking a bit.

She started to loosen her grip so I let go too and we pulled apart from each other. We looked into each other's eyes. Hers were filled with tears. She put a hand on my cheek, and then she said, "I love you."

"Lily…" I whispered. She couldn't be saying this now. She didn't mean it. She was upset.

"James," she said in a firmer voice. "I love you. And I mean it. Don't tell me I don't. I do."

She took my hand and squeezed it tight. "Lily, you-"

"It's not because I'm upset," she said, responding to what I was going to say before I said it. "I was an idiot the other night. Of course I meant it. Of course I love you. I'm so sorry, I'm sorry."

"Sh," I stopped her, wiping away a tear trickling down her face. "Don't cry. It's okay."

"It's not okay," she said, shaking again. "I…I realized something this week. I was at home, and the only person I wanted beside me was you. When Professor McGonagall came to my door, I wanted you to leave with me. I wanted you there to be with, to talk to, to cry to, to try to make me feel like the world wasn't over. And that's what it felt like- like the world was over. And I knew if you were there, it would feel a little better. And you weren't. And it was killing me, James. I needed you."

"I-I'm so sorry, Lily," was all I said.

"And it hit me like a ton of bricks. I was such an idiot, James. I've loved you for ages. And I was too scared to admit it to myself. And you…you're the best thing that has ever happened to me. I just…I couldn't say it. Everyone I love seems to leave me somehow. Petunia and I don't talk, and she hates me. My best friend is working for the side trying to kill people like me. My father just died. And now my Mum won't even talk to me, this is killing her so much. And all these people, out there dying… All of those names we see in the paper… What if one day it's you? And then I lose someone else I love so much? The person I…I love the most? That's what scares the hell out of me. It's like, once I accepted it and said it…you were more likely to lose. And I can't lose you, James. Not you."

She was sobbing now, and I kept wiping away her tears. Merlin, I loved her so much. I couldn't stand seeing her like this. I wanted to make it all better, but I couldn't. I felt my own eyes start to water.

I put my hands on both her cheeks. "Lily, you listen to me. You're not losing me. I'm not going anywhere. I swear, I promise."

"You can't just promise things like that."

"I can promise whatever the hell I want to promise. I'm not going anywhere. And neither are you. We're together, always. You and me. Wherever you go…don't go without me. And I won't go without you. I'm never going to leave you. You got that?"

She nodded, tears pouring down her face.

"I love you, Lily," I told her.

"I love you too, James. So much," she whispered back, and I could feel her mean it, and then we both leaned in at the same time and kissed passionately, like we never kissed before. So much urgency and passion and need, yet somehow tender.

I pulled away, thinking she would probably want to sleep now, seeing as how late it was. But she pulled my face back to hers immediately, and without questioning her, I kissed her back wholeheartedly. We just snogged for quite some time, but eventually Lily's hands started undoing the buttons of my shirt. I did not protest as she took it off me. Her hands wandered around my body and mine around hers, and I could not help my body's reaction to it. I was cautious though, but Lily took my hands and pulled on the hem of her jumper, gesturing me to take it off of her. I obliged, and Lily seemed to have no problem with my hands (and lips) wandering over her bare skin and over (and under) her bra.

At some point, Lily started to undo my belt buckle. That's when I pulled away.

"Lil, we…"

"Don't…don't you want to?" she asked me nervously. And just by the way she asked the question, I knew she meant more than what we usually did, er, below the waist. I knew she meant the real thing.

"I mean…Lily, of course, I do, you know that. I just…I don't know if you want to."

"What…what do you mean?"

"Love, you're upset, and tired, and you…you aren't thinking straight. I don't want you to regret it."

She leaned in and kissed me for a moment. "I'm not going to regret it, James. I love you. And I wouldn't suggest it if I didn't want to, you know that."

"O-Okay," I said.

She pecked my lips. "One second," she said. She got up and took her wand out, and started muttering spells. Muffliato, to block out any noise, and then a spell on herself, which I could only assume was a contraceptive charm.

She placed herself back on my lap facing me and murmured, "Okay," and then continued to kiss me, and we picked up from where we left off.

We were both nervous. But we took it slow. I think we relaxed each other.

We made love twice that night. The second time was better, obviously, because we were more comfortable, and though I had already done this before, Lily hadn't so it was easier for her the second time. Also, I think it hurt her a bit the first time, but the second time she said was a lot better, and I could tell, too. And, well…it was brilliant. Really. Maybe it was just because it was Lily, and she makes everything brilliant, but really…it was. We lied down entangled in each other for a while until Lily decided she wanted to talk about her Dad, and we put our clothes back on and sat there on the couch. Lily told me everything since she left, about how her Dad's heart just failed while he was sleeping, so at least he passed away without any pain. She told me about the funeral, and how Petunia still pretty much ignored her, and how her Mum refused to speak to anyone, and how she hasn't slept at all. When she was done, she started crying really hard again, and I wrapped her up in my arms and let her cry against my chest, while I tried to soothe her. She eventually fell asleep, and I summoned my Gryffindor blanket from the room and wrapped her in it, keeping her against me. I took off the muffliato spell, since people were probably getting up soon.

I eventually fell asleep too, but it wasn't for long. I woke up to Sirius's voice saying, "Mate, it's time for breakfast."

I opened my eyes and saw that Lily was still cradled against me. Remus and Peter were heading out of the common room.

"She all right?" Sirius asked.

"Yeah, just…worn out. I'll be down in a few minutes."

"Okay," he said, and left. Once most people went down for breakfast, I picked up Lily and brought her upstairs to my room. I kicked open my door and brought her to my bed, covering her with the quilts. I took a quick shower and threw on my uniform. Before I left the room I gave her a peck on the lips. She didn't stir. She looked somewhat peaceful, so I took that as a good sign. God, she was beautiful, even asleep.

I got to breakfast for the last ten minutes and sat with the guys.

"Is Lily all right?" Peter asked.

"When did she get in?" Remus asked.

"She's fine. And late," I responded, taking a bite of a muffin. "'Round three."

Sirius said nothing, just stared at me from across the table suspiciously. All right, then

"She's tired though," I told them. "She said she got no sleep at home. I brought her up to our room and put her in my bed, if you don't mind. I didn't want to wake her up."

"It's fine," both Remus and Peter said.

"I feel so bad," said Remus.

"Me too," said Peter.

"Yeah," I sighed, taking a sip of my pumpkin juice

Sirius continued to look at me, and then he leaned over the table and whispered, "So, how was the shag?"

I almost choked on my pumpkin juice.

"Excuse me?" I coughed.

"It's written all over your face!" Sirius said, laughing. "So, how was it? Was she good? How many times did you do it?"

"Sirius!" Remus said, grimacing.

Peter chuckled.

"Sirius, I don't know-"

"Oh, cut the bullshit, James. Just tell us!"

"Why would I tell you anyway?"

"Cause we're your best mates?"

"So?"

"So?" Sirius said. "So? Is it not best mate code to tell your best mates about milestones in your life like this? You finally shagged the girl of your dreams! Now tell us about it, will you? Answer my questions!"

"All right, fine!" I shouted. Then I lowered my voice. "Fine, we had sex. It was bloody fantastic, and so was she, and we did it twice! Happy?"

Sirius wiggled his eyebrows. "Ecstatic. She was actually good? Even for a first timer?"

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah."

"Hmm…" he said. "I always knew she would be good in the sack."

"How about you don't think about my girlfriend in the sack, or in anywhere else for that matter, thanks. You've got your own."

"Hey, just because I got my own doesn't mean I can't think about others every now and then. I'm still a man- lots of testosterone. Can't help the fantasies," Sirius smirked. "Anyway, you two won't be able to stop now once you've started."

"I'm feeling a bit uncomfortable," said Remus.

"I second that," said Peter.

"That's not true," I answered to Sirius's remark. "Besides, even if it is, that's not what's important. She…she told me she loved me. That's kind of how we, er, well, ended up doing it. But she really meant it this time. We had this whole conversation and everything."

"That's great James!" Remus said, slapping my back. "I told you she'd come around."

"Knew it all along, mate," said Peter.

"Eh, she only said it because she wanted to shag you," said Sirius.

"Not funny, Padfoot," I said.

"I'm kidding," he said, smiling. "Partially."

"You're a prat."

"You love me."

"I can't stand you, actually."

"Oh, bite me," Sirius said.

"I think Sirius is jealous that James is shagging Lily instead of him," Peter said.

"You're hilarious, Wormtail," said Sirius sarcastically, hitting him in the back of the head.

"So I've been told," Peter responded, rubbing his head as we got up to go to class.

I told June and Delia that Lily got back really late last night and fell asleep on the couch so I brought her to my room and that she's all right. They were relieved that she was back and asleep. They told me whenever she's nervous or upset she never sleeps, which made sense since she hadn't slept at all these past few days. They told me to let her sleep, which was what I was planning on doing.

After classes, I went up to my room to check on her. I didn't want to disturb her, but I was thinking about her all day. How could I not, especially after last night. I walked in and threw off my tie, and saw her still in bed, sound asleep. I closed the door and though I thought I did it quietly, I guess I didn't, because it woke Lily up.

"James?" I heard her ask quietly.

Blimey. Can't believe I did that.

I walked to the bed and sat down next to her. "Hey, love."

"What…what time is it?"

I looked at my watch. "3:30pm."

"3:30?" she asked, eyes widening. "I…I missed all my classes? Oh my God, why did-"

"Relax," I said softly, moving some hair out of her face. "I talked to McGonagall. You didn't have to go to class today anyway. Any essay we had you don't have to do. And I've been taking notes for you- and actually paying attention! Well…mostly. Besides, you're ahead of everything we've been learning anyway."

"You…you didn't have to," she responded.

"Sh," I said. "Go back to sleep, love. You're tired."

"How did I get up here?" she asked. "We were on the couch…"

"I carried you, genius. It's all part of the Prince Charming deal, you know."

She sighed and gave me a loving look. "Oh, James...you're too sweet.

"I know. I'm a softy. It's destroying my manliness."

She rolled her eyes and stretched up a bit and kissed me. "I love you," she said softly. My heart stopped.

"You're all right too, I guess," I smiled, and leaned in and kissed her again. After a few moments, I pulled away. "Go back to sleep."

"I don't want to sleep."

"Fine, then. What do you want to do?"

"Eat," she answered. "Food sounds good right about now."

I chuckled. "Why don't you go change and then we'll go to the kitchens. Dinner still isn't for a few hours."

"Sounds good," she said, kissing me again, and then getting up.

We got off the bed, and I took her hand. "Lily, listen," I started, taking a breath. "About last night…"

Lily rolled her eyes and reached up and started kissing me again. When she let go, she said, "I told you I wouldn't regret it, and I don't."

"R-Really?" I asked nervously.

"Unless you regret it?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Of course I don't," I responded immediately. "You were perfect."

She laughed. "Okay, sure."

"Really!"

"I had no bloody idea what I was doing!"

"So?"

"So! You've done it before, I haven't. I was probably a mess."

"No you were not," I said, rolling my eyes. "If you were maybe I wouldn't have been thinking about it every bloody second of today since I woke up."

She raised her eyebrows, biting her lip. "Really, now."

"Really," I said, feeling a bit embarrassed that I said that aloud now.

"Good to know," she said, grinning.

"I'm glad that you're smiling," I said.

"Me too," she said. "Thank you. It's only because I'm with you."

"I'd do anything to see that smile of yours."

"How cliché."

"It's true!"

"Oh, come on. How many times have you used that one before?"

"Probably only around three times. I don't think that's too bad."

"Okay, James," she said, laughing.

I pulled her close to me. "I love you, Lily," I said seriously. "I'm sorry about your Dad. Really, I'm so, so sorry. He was a great man. And he loved you. And he's watching over you. And I'm always here if you want to talk about it. Or cry. Or anything. I know how hard it is. I just want you to be happy, because you deserve to be."

She smiled wearily, her eyes a bit wet. "Stop that," she whispered.

"What?"

"Don't say things like that to me. Stop being so perfect," she said, still smiling.

"Well, I can't help that one," I said jokingly.

She sniggered, quickly wiping a tear from the corner of her eye. "I love you too, by the way."

"And you're sure?"

"Yes," she said, drawing her face nearer to mine. "Positive." And then we were kissing again, and I held her tight, tasting her lips and her tongue, letting myself take her in, Lily Evans.

We parted eventually, both breathing heavily.

"Food," she reminded me, smiling a bit.

"Right," I said, laughing. "Food. Let's get some."

"Yay," she said, taking my hand, and off we went.

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><p><strong><em>AN: ;) REVIEW PLEASE! The more reviews the quicker I update! :)_**


	14. Unlucky

**_A/N: Whoa, super quick update- I know. It's because i've had nothing to do but write all week since I haven't had school because of Hurricane Sandy. Updates in the future won't be this quick :( BUT this was definitely one of my favorite chapters- I had SO much fun writing it- and I REALLY hope you like it! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE review ?! :)_**

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><p><strong>(LILY'S P.O.V.)<strong>

I am the unluckiest person on the planet.

Not only have I been excruciatingly sad for the past week and a half, but now, on my eighteenth birthday, I have woken up with my period a week earlier than expected.

Yes, what a present indeed.

Now, since I got back from Dad's funeral, as unhappy and as unpleasant as I've been, James has really been the best. I actually smile and even laugh when I'm with him. Without him though, I just feel numb.

Now I know that's not healthy, but during times like this, I can't control it.

I just really, really love him.

Since the, er, night, we've only, um, _done it _one other time, and it was a few days after, which was last weekend in his room. Even the first time it was, well, really great, actually, and each time it gets better. The only reason we haven't done it since is because of busy schedules and tiredness and all that rubbish.

But James had a whole romantic evening planned out for us tonight, and I know that was part of his plans.

How was I going to break this to him?

Besides that, I have the biggest headache Mother Nature could muster up for me, I'm starving my head off, and I miss my Dad.

I remember on my ninth birthday my Dad and I went ice skating on one of the lakes near the pond, and then we got hot chocolates and he gave me my present, which was a journal because he knew I loved to write. I wrote him a story and gave it to him before the night was over, and I called it "The Girl With Red Hair and Some Clues," about a girl with red hair who was an investigator and got a key to the city for capturing Britain's most wanted. He told me it was the best story he ever read.

I really miss him. He was the best.

Anyway, I woke up to Delia and June jumping on my bed, but I ignored them and ran straight to the bathroom.

I may or may not have cried on the toilet.

I came out and went right back into bed, screaming into my pillow.

Delia tried comforting me, and June told me to "suck it up," in to which I gave her a not so friendly hand gesture back.

She threw a pillow at me. "It's your birthday! It's a Saturday! Take a potion and get on with your life!"

"No," I mumbled into my pillow.

Delia gave me a potion though, which I took, but it usually doesn't kick in until about a half hour later.

"You'll survive," June said. "Now open our present!"

"Okay, okay, just stop shouting, would you? My head's going to explode."

"Sorry," she said, though I knew she wasn't. "Now open it! Open it!"

"What are you, twelve?" asked Delia.

"Yes," she said, handing the present over to me. "It's from the both of us."

I unwrapped it slowly just to bug her. It was a scrapbook of the three of us, from first year until now. The front cover had a picture of us from first year, laughing on June's bed, eating chocolate frogs.

It was the hormones that made me cry, I swear.

"Aww, Lil!" said June, wrapping her arms around me. "Come on, Dee, join in!"

Delia rolled her eyes but then smiled and joined in the hug.

"I didn't cry. That never gets mentioned. Got it?"

"Got it," they said.

We got dressed and went down to breakfast.

"LILY CRIED WHEN WE GAVE HER OUR PRESENT. HA! TOP THAT, POTTER," shouted June the second we got to our spot.

I actually hate her so much.

James looked up and smiled at me. He stood up and physically pushed June out of the way, ignoring her "WELL EXCUSE ME," and kissed me full on the mouth.

DOES HE NOT REMEMBER THAT I DO NOT LIKE PDA?

Stay calm, Evans. Stay. Calm.

When he let go, he said, "Happy birthday, beautiful."

"Beautiful? I don't even look nice yet," I said flatly.

"You always look nice."

I rolled my eyes and sat down. Man, I was starving. I needed food inside of me, pronto.

James was probably confused by my non-gushy response to his gushiness, but he would have to be a man and not take it personally because I was just not in the mood at the moment, if you know what I mean.

He sat down next to me. Remus, Sirius, and Peter all said happy birthday to me too, in which I gave a weak smile and a "thanks" to before stuffing my face. June started yelling at James about how he has no manners whatsoever and she can't believe I'm dating a guy as rude as him and I deserve better, yadda yadda, but I didn't really care because all I could think about was the sharp pains I were receiving in my lower stomach.

"You okay?" James asked.

I spoke through the pain. "Yeah, fine, great," I said quickly.

"Okay then…"

While I waited for the pain to surpass, I got a good look at James, who was looking as dashing as ever. His hair was just the right kind of messy, and his face was clean-shaven, and he was wearing a sky blue shirt, sleeves rolled up and everything (he knows me so well, ugh) and a pair of jeans.

And my craziness kicked in and I whispered in his ear, "You look sexy."

WHICH WAS PROBABLY THE WORST THING I COULD HAVE SAID.

Not because he didn't look sexy. He totally did.

But because he gave me his most sexy smirk and eyebrow wiggle and put his hand on my thigh and I GAVE HIM THE WRONG IDEA.

Well not really the wrong idea in general, just the wrong idea for right now.

THANKS A LOT MOTHER-NATURE. I HATE YOU.

Then, I started to sulk in my misery, because I wanted James and could not have him at the present time. Or for the next week.

Life sucks.

I cleared my throat and continued to dig into my waffles, and eventually and thankfully, James removed his hand from my thigh. I sighed in relief.

"What's up with you?" he asked me quietly.

Whoops- maybe I sighed a bit too loud.

"Nothing, nothing," I said, trying to smile. And despite my hatred for PDA, I leaned over and kissed James on the lips. "Everything's good."

"Good," he grinned, and leaned in to try to kiss me again, but I pushed him away.

"Whoa there, cowboy. Can I at least eat first?"

"Seriously, Prongs," chimed in Sirius. "Let the lady eat!"

"Thanks, Sirius," I said.

"My pleasure," he said, winking.

"Please don't wink at me. It makes me uncomfortable."

"What?" asked Sirius in dismay. "The ladies love it when I wink."

"You're a creepy winker," I told him.

"Ha, winker," said Sirius, chuckling. "Sounds a lot like wanker."

"You have the maturity of a five year old," said Remus, rolling his eyes.

"Hey, that is an insult to five year olds," said June.

After I ate, I felt significantly better, partially because I wasn't starving anymore and partially because the potion finally kicked in a bit. When the owl post came, I got a letter from Marlene and a letter from my Mum and a small parcel from her too. I wasn't planning on reading/opening them now so Delia offered to take them upstairs for me. What an angel.

"Well, folks," James said, getting up and pulling me up with him. "Would love to stay, but, you know- places to go, people to see. Ready, Lily?"

I got up. "Ready. Farewell, friends. I am being kidnapped now. Delia, you can have all my clothes. June, I leave you nothing. I TOLD YOU NOT TO MENTION THE CRYING THING. Which never really happened, by the way. She's a pathological liar. Goodbye, I love you all, except June."

"Way for a dramatic exit," June said.

"You're just upset because you don't get my clothes. Now, good day," I said, and took James's hand and off we went.

"Kidnapping, eh?" he asked.

"Well, obviously. I'm assuming you're never returning me, and you're taking me against my will. Hence, you're kidnapping me."

He rolled his eyes. "You like being kidnapped."

I shrugged. "Some days yes, some days no. So, what's first on the agenda?"

"Well," he said, squeezing my hand. "I thought since you've been down lately we wouldn't do anything too crazy."

"We're skydiving, aren't we? Oh Merlin, I'm too young to die."

He laughed. "Nah, we'll save that for my birthday. Come on."

We got to a wall, and James started to pace back and forth.

A door appeared.

"Ah, the Room of Requirement," I said. "Clever."

He smiled and opened the door, and we walked in.

James closed the door behind us. Inside, was a nice cozy little room, a bit similar to the Gryffindor Common Room. The walls were a deep scarlet color, and there was a fireplace, with a nice big couch and a coffee table right in front of it. There was a record player, and everything smelled like cinnamon apple- like James.

"Thought we could just hang out alone," he said softly, scratching his head. "You know. Talk, laugh, relax. You need to relax, especially on your birthday. Sound all right?"

He was so sweet I could feel my heart melting.

"Perfect. You're perfect," I told him, grinning up at him. "Thank you."

He kissed my cheek. "You're welcome." He led me to the couch, where there was tea already there on the table for us, all sweet and ready.

We stayed there until lunch. We didn't do much of anything, really. We drank our tea and ate some biscuits that James brought. James and I had a really great, lengthy conversation, snuggled up together on the couch. We talked for hours about a bunch of things. He made me laugh a lot, bless his heart. We also talked about Dad for a little, and then I asked him about his family. He told me his Dad wasn't doing so well right now, and neither was his Mum, but he's trying not to worry about it. He told me a lot of stories he never told me before, about growing up in the Wizarding World. He told me about his first Quidditch game, and how he couldn't control his powers at his young age and made a fan of the other team's hat go on fire. He told me about how his parents made him go to Muggle school when he was a kid since they both worked, and that he hated it and got in trouble weekly (no surprise there). I told him about my school, and he made fun of me when I told him how I had the most gold stars in my class every year, and how I cried when I got a B on my geography test. He told me how one time he accidently made his paper airplane zoom around the room, the teacher running around, trying to catch it. I asked him if he went to school with muggles why he was still so ignorant about most Muggle things, and he told me it was because he didn't have too many friends there so he never bothered to find out.

"I was different. They didn't like it. I didn't really care," he said.

"I know the feeling."

"I knew I was going to go to a Wizarding school soon enough anyway, hopefully Hogwarts. I was so happy when I got my letter," he sighed. "I knew things would turn around."

"And then you met Sirius," I said.

"Yeah. Finally had a real friend," he said, smiling.

"And Remus and Peter."

"And Remus and Peter," he repeated, playing with one of my hands. I loved his hands. They were big and warm and rough.

"You have great friends," I told him.

"Yeah, I do," he said. "And I have you."

"Well," I said. "I'm not that much to be proud to have."

He rolled his eyes but chuckled a bit. "You're an idiot."

"Exactly!"

"I love you," he said, and then kissed me.

And then we spent a very, very long time kissing each other. Just snogging though, thank Merlin. Obviously there was hand wandering, but not in any place where there really should not be at the present time, so that was good. I'm extremely surprised James didn't try to take it any further. Maybe he was just saving it for tonight…even though, little did he know, that wasn't going to happen. Kissing was good enough anyway, at least under these conditions. James Potter was an amazing kisser, and his lips and tongue both tasted nice.

I really don't know how long it went on for, but it only ended because my stomach growled, really loudly.

He stopped kissing me, laughing. He looked at his watch. "Want lunch?"

"No, no, it's okay, keep kissing me," I said, and leaned in and kissed him more.

He chuckled, pulling away after a few moments. "You're hungry."

"No, I'm not," I said, leaning in again.

"Lily, your stomach just-"

But I cut him off with a kiss. He kissed me back for a moment, and then I felt him smile. "I see we've switched roles today," he murmured against my mouth.

"What does that mean?"

"I'm usually the one begging for more."

"I am not begging!" I said. "It's my birthday, and if I want my boyfriend to snog me, he should be more than happy to do so!"

"Lily-"

"I'll eat when I'm good and ready," I told him, and then before he could protest any longer, I leaned in and shoved my tongue in his mouth.

That shut him up.

A few minutes later though, my stomach growled again, and I really was hungry…and I kinda sorta was desperately dying to go to the bathroom.

"Okay, we'll pause this for now," I said when we parted, both laughing.

"I love you," he said.

"I love you too," I said, caressing his face. And then I couldn't help myself but lean in and kiss him just one more time. "Okay, now pause."

He grinned broadly. "Paused."

We walked out and started walking down the corridor. "Hey, um, James, I really need to use the loo."

"Do you want me to wait for you?"

"No, no," I told him. "Go to lunch. I'll be there in a few minutes."

"Okay," he said, kissing my cheek. He let go of my hand and went off to the Great Hall.

Once he was out of sight, I SPRINTED towards the Prefect's bathroom and did my business. What a relief.

When I got to lunch, Delia told me that she left extra potion on my bedside table if I start to feel like dung again to take. I hugged her.

"No love for me?" asked June.

"Nope," I said.

"I worked hard on that scrapbook!"

"And then you blabbed about my emotional reaction. Totally negated your 'hard work'."

"I don't appreciate the air-quotes, missy!"

"It's her birthday, leave her alone," said James, defending my honor, like the perfect boyfriend he is.

"Yeah, leave me alone," I told her. "I can air-quote all I want!"

She rolled her eyes. "Lily, I'm sorry for telling everyone you cried. Please don't be cross with me."

"I'm not cross with you," I told her. "Just temporarily annoyed. You know I love you."

"Can I have that statement written and signed, please?"

"Shut up and let me eat," I said, smiling at her. I really did love her, and the scrapbook.

We had a nice lunch, though Sirius kept making inappropriate remarks that were only partially true and only sometimes funny. Somewhere along the line, though, my mind got off-track and I started thinking about my dad and got all upset. Could partially be the hormones, but this happens pretty much everyday. After a few minutes, James noticed and held my hand. He didn't even have to ask, he just knew. That's why I love him.

When we finished eating, I asked, "Okay, what's next," hoping he'd tell me we were going back to the Room of Requirement to do nothing again.

"Well, unfortunately, this is the part of the day where I give you up," he said.

Um, excuse me?

No.

Today is my day and I want it to just be a snuggle-and-snog-with-James day.

Is that too much to ask?

"Why?"

"June and Delia are taking over from here," he said.

"Oh yeah?" I said. "And what are we doing?"

"Hogsmeade," he told me. "Shopping, dinner, all that fun stuff."

"In the freezing cold. Fun," I said unenthusiastically. I just wasn't in the mood.

"But you have to come back looking extra pretty because then I get you back and I have more things planned," he said.

"Okay," I sighed. He leaned in and kissed me briefly. There has been too much PDA going on today. I guess since it's my birthday I'll make an exception. "I'll see you later," he said, getting up.

"Love you," I said softly.

"You too, Lil," he responded, smiling, and then left with his mates.

Sigh. I hated when he left.

"Ready, Lillian?" asked June, pulling me up and putting an arm around me.

"You know my name isn't short for Lillian. It's just Lily."

"Okay, Lillian," she said anyway, ignoring me. "Delia has a punch of stuff packed in her rucksack for us. James showed us one of the secret passages. Ready?"

"I need a coat," I said, realizing they were both wearing coats.

Delia pulled one of my coats out of her rucksack and handed it to me.

"Wha-"

"It's charmed to hold as much as we so desire in it," Delia answered.

"Without weighing a thing," said June.

"Ah," I said, putting my coat on. "All right, let's go, I guess."

"Yay!" said June excitedly, linking her arm with mine. "C'mon Delia, let's hit the road!"

"You're a little too excited about this, June," said Delia, laughing.

"She's getting to shop," I replied. "Of course she's excited."

So we snuck off to Hogsmeade, and June, Delia, and I all went shopping. They picked out a dress for me to wear tonight with matching shoes, and bought it for me with James's money, to which I violently protested, though Delia held me back while June paid, telling me "James said he'd kill us if you paid for anything. Besides, he's filthy rich, he doesn't need all this money."

WHATEVER.

We went out for dinner too, which was nice. All though I was still not my happy self, I had fun. They really were great mates. We talked about everything, from June and all the boys hitting on her lately, from Delia's new found happiness of the single life, to James and me, which I felt a little uncomfortable about because they were grilling me about our, er, newfound sex life, but I talked about it with them anyway, because that's just what we do.

I told them about how I hadn't told James about my, well, current situation, and they both just laughed and didn't give me advice on the situation, telling me I'm "on my own on this one."

They suck.

"All right, let's go into the prefect's bathroom now," said Delia.

"Uh, besides the fact that I need to pee, why are we going in there?"

"To do your hair and makeup, silly," said June. "And so you can change into your dress. And pee."

"Can't we just go up to the room?" I asked.

"No, James is in the Common Room waiting for you, and he can't see you yet."

"Okay, then," I said, rolling my eyes and entering the bathroom with them.

Delia did my hair and June did my makeup. I don't know why they were doing all this for me. Whatever, I like being pampered.

When they were done, I peed and changed my you-know-what, and then put on the dress they got me. It was royal blue and long sleeved and had a bit of a revealing neckline but I didn't fight them on it, and went down to right above my knee, and it was kind of sparkly. I put on the blue heels and got out of the bathroom, and then put on the necklace James had gotten me for Christmas.

"Aw, Lil," said Delia after she zipped what I couldn't get of my dress for me. "You look beautiful."

"Thanks," I said. "It's your doing."

"And mine. Ah, what a masterpiece," said June. "All right, let's go."

"Okay," I said, and we left the bathroom and went up to Gryffindor tower.

"Look alive, would you, Lil?" asked June.

"I'm in pain!" I exclaimed. "Stupid womanly bodily parts."

"Don't worry, I told you I left the potion on your bedside table. Just go up real quick before you and James do whatever and you'll be fine," Delia advised me.

"Right, okay. Looking alive."

June said the password and the Fat Lady let us in, in to which this happened:

"SURPRISE!"

From every 4th, 5th, 6th, and 7th year Gryffindor.

It was a surprise party. No one's ever thrown me one of those. How nice.

BUT THIS IS WHAT I GOT ALL DRESSED UP FOR? Everyone was dressed so casually, and here I am, looking like I'm going to a bloody ball!

And there was James, walking towards me, arms out, and then embracing me tightly, kissing my head. "You look beautiful," he whispered to me. "Happy birthday."

"You did this?" I asked, as he let go.

"With help," he said, smiling, jerking his head towards Delia and June.

"We're the best, we know," said June, high fiving James.

I started to tear up. Dumb hormones. And happiness.

"Lily, don't cry!" said Delia, hugging me.

"But why am I so dressed up for this?" I asked.

"Because, genius," said June. "It's your birthday so you have to look hotter than everyone else, duh. And with me by your side that's usually a difficult task, but I think you pull it off tonight."

"Har, har," I said, sticking my tongue out at her.

"I'm only half kidding," she said, smiling.

"Also, James is already drooling," said Delia, laughing.

James rolled his eyes, and then put an arm around me. "Come on, it's party time!"

Sirius ran over to me and hugged me. "Looking hot, Evans," he said, saying it purposely loud for James to hear, to which James hit the back of his head.

I got all the "happy birthdays" from everyone, by which time I was trying not to show that I was dying of pain and needed that potion, pronto. But I was surprised when even Kim gave me a nice "happy birthday," including a hug. That was weird, though. Wendy gave me a hug too, but I actually got along with her, so, that wasn't as big of a shock.

I quickly ran upstairs and gulped down the potion, and then came back down and rejoined James and my mates. He was happy I was wearing the necklace, and he kept telling me how "beautiful" I looked, though I kept telling him I was going to kill him for having June and Delia pay with HIS money, but he just kept telling me not to worry about it. OF COURSE I WAS GOING TO WORRY ABOUT IT. God, he's so daft.

Of course, though, there was alcohol, and though technically I was legally allowed to have now, though I've had before, I just wasn't in the mood, and I didn't want all my friends acting like a bunch of idiots, either. James swore he wouldn't get drunk, which I thanked him for. June and Delia, on the other hand, didn't give a rat's arse about me not wanting them to drink too much and got drunk anyway. We got Peter to keep Remus away from Delia so that they wouldn't snog again.

Sirius was, well, pissed as hell, but that's just a regular thing for him. Carly wasn't, though, and seemed a bit annoyed with Sirius being so drunk. Interesting.

After a while, though, James asked if we could go up to his room. I nervously agreed, still not knowing what I was going to do about this. I knew it wasn't a big deal, and James wouldn't really care, but still!

When he opened the door, I really was just speechless. There were rose petals, _rose petals_, on his bed, and candles- CANDLES- all around it.

I couldn't believe this. Why did he have to be such a romantic?

I just HAD to get my period on my birthday, didn't I?

Merlin, this was just not fair.

"James…" was all I was able to say.

"Wait," he said, going to his bedside table, and taking something out. I walked towards him and he turned back to me, holding something in his fist.

"I know I already got you a necklace," he said in a soft voice. "But I thought this one would be more special."

He took my palm and put it out, and then dropped what was in his fist in my hand.

It was a golden locket, real gold, engraved "L.E." upon it. "Open it," he said. And I did. And inside was a picture…a picture of my dad and me from when I was little.

I sat down on the bed. "James, how did you-"

"I wrote your Mum," he confessed, sitting down next to me. "I told her what I wanted to do with it. She sent it right over."

I started crying…really, really hard. "Oh, James. Thank you…I can't believe…you did this…"

He hugged me, shushing me, rubbing my back. "You're welcome. Please don't cry."

I tried to stop crying. After a couple of minutes, I calmed down and we parted. "I love you so much," I said. "So, so, much, James. God, I…"

"I love you too," he said, smiling at me. "Please stop crying, Lily."

"I'm sorry," I said, wiping my eyes. My makeup was all messed up now but I didn't care. "You're just…I don't get why you did all of this for me."

He put the necklace on for me. "You deserve it," he said simply.

And then I kissed him with everything I had. We lied down on the bed and I kicked off my shoes and I just kissed him with everything in me, not caring about anything else in the world but him, but James. Because he was the best thing that has ever happened to me.

We lied there kissing for a long while, and then eventually, I started to take off his shirt, which was a dumb thing for me to do. And I let his hands wander me all they wanted, and then he started to unzip my dress, and that's when I had to stop him.

"James, wait," I said, and got off him.

"What's wrong?" he asked, lying on his side to face me.

And then I started to cry again.

I was doing too much crying today.

"Lily, what is it?"

"I…We…we can't have sex."

"Um, okay…is that why you're crying? And, er, why can't we?"

"James, I'm such an idiot! Ugh, I should have told you the moment I saw you this morning. It's not that I don't want to, because, I really do, and I love you so much, and, I…I got my period this morning. So, so we can't. Shit, I'm sorry, James."

And then…he started laughing.

LAUGHING.

"And you're crying over this?" he asked, chuckling.

"Why the hell are you laughing?" I asked, very, very confused.

"Because, I love you," he said, still laughing. "I can't believe you're crying over this. Don't feel bad! It's not like it's your fault. Even if you didn't have it and you didn't want to I wouldn't care, and you know that! I mean, I'm disappointed, because, well…you know. But it doesn't really matter, because I just wanted to spend time with you anyway."

That's when I started smacking him.

"What are you- ow, Lily!"

"Stop-" smack, "being-" smack, "so-" smack, "damn-" smack, "perfect!" smack.

"Stop hitting me!"

"God, it's like you can do no wrong! You make me feel like the world's crappiest girlfriend! I could never live up to all the things you do for me, and how you never ever get cross with me, and how you're just so bloody perfect and it drives me insane!"

"So you'd rather I be angry?"

"No! But… I was expecting you to be!"

"I could act angry?" he suggested, laughing.

"Could you?"

"Goddamn it, Lily! You have your _period_? Blimey, this is so like you. You know that? To get my hopes up and then crush my dreams last minute? God you are such a prig! Get out of my room, get out!" he shouted, and then smiled. "Convincing enough?"

"It'll do," I sighed. He grabbed my face and started kissing me again.

I pulled away after a few moments. "I love you, James. Thank you for everything. For the morning, and for the money in Hogsmeade- though I'm still not happy about that-, and for the party, and for the locket…and just for being there for me. I love you so much."

"I love you too, Lily," he said and grinned. "I always have." And then he kissed me again, and this time I didn't pull away.

We snogged for a while again. Eventually, we got tired and stopped. When I asked where Sirius, Remus, and Peter were he said they were spending the night in Sirius's flat so they wouldn't interrupt us. Too bad we weren't actually doing it. Bummer. But it was still nice not having any interruptions. I didn't want to wear my dress anymore so James gave me one of his over-sized t-shirts that I liked, and old pajama pants that he still had though he outgrew them between fourth and fifth year, so they fit me okay.

The rest of the night we laid in his bed, holding each other, talking, and kissing every so often. I fell asleep with him, and woke up in his arms.

"Good morning," he whispered, kissing me.

"Morning," I answered, smiling at him. "What time is it?"

"Ten thirty," he answered. "But it's Sunday, so we don't have to go anywhere."

"Good," I said, and snuggled closer against him. "Except I have to go to the loo."

He chuckled. "So go."

"But I'm lazy," I sighed. "And you're very hard to let go of."

"I have faith in you," he responded.

"I don't _want_ to."

"So don't."

"Good."

So I didn't…for about fifteen seconds.

"Okay, I'll be right back," I said, getting up quickly and running to the bathroom. I could hear him laugh as I shut the door.

When I got back, James was laying there, glasses on, looking at me. I crawled into his bed and cuddled up next to him and kissed his neck, and then he said, "Did I tell you I like how you look in my clothes?"

"You've said it before. Not too recently, though."

"Well, I like it," he said, kissing me. "It's sexy."

I rolled my eyes. "Don't get yourself all worked up for nothing now."

"It's hard not to when you're laying here next to me."

"Think of your Aunt Gertrude or something."

"I'd rather not," he said, and started nibbling my ear.

"Stop it!" I squealed. It really tickled.

He kissed my cheek, and then my nose, and then my lips. "Did you have a good birthday?"

"Excluding the pain, yeah, I did," I told him. "Thanks."

"No problem," he said, flashing me a smile.

So my birthday was over. The hormones were still flying but you know, nothing you could do about it.

* * *

><p>The unlucky streak had not ended on my birthday though. See, on the last day of my period, James ended up in the hospital wing with stomach flu. The only lucky thing here was I somehow didn't catch it. But he was in the hospital wing for a whole 24 hours, and even when he got out he was still sick, and could only go to class and then back to his bed. He didn't even go against Pomfrey's orders- that's how crappy he felt. At meals he barely ate, and if he did eat it was just bread or pasta or something. That lasted for about five or six days, which was really sad, because I hated seeing James so not himself. I would come up to his room when I was done with my homework and lay down with him until he fell asleep, which was pretty quickly. He wasn't contagious so I was in the clear to be close to him and all that.<p>

As the week ended, though, he was pretty much back to himself. He started eating more and he rejoined the Quidditch practices, which he had given Sirius the job of handling while he was sick.

And just in time for Valentine's Day.

Now, I'm not the biggest fan of Valentine's Day. Never have been, even when I've had a boyfriend or a date on the day. It was just never appealing to me. I didn't get why people made such a big fuss about it, and still don't. Like, why do we need a day to be extra lovey dovey with our significant other? Just randomly out of the blue? I'm pretty sure this day was made for two reasons: The first being for card stores, flower stores, etc., to make loads of money, and the second being to make people who don't have a boyfriend or girlfriend feel like complete rubbish.

But since Dumbledore is so hung up on love and it being the most powerful force in the world, yadda yadda, he always allows Hogsmeade trips on Valentine's Day.

I told James very strictly that I did not want him to make Valentine's Day a big deal, and the only thing I was going to accept from him were chocolates, because I love chocolate. He laughed and agreed.

We went into Hogsmeade anyway together for a little Valentine's Day date, where he got me chocolates from Honeydukes, which I was rather ecstatic about, and ate about half of them while we were just walking around.

Sirius and Carly went together, though they seemed to be fighting more often than usual, so they didn't look too happy.

Peter went with his snogging mate from Hufflepuff.

June went with some Ravenclaw sixth year, who was actually very, very fit, so good on her.

And, against all of our protests, Delia and Remus went together.

We actually held an intervention against them yesterday. See, because June had found out that they were secretly snogging behind our backs. The most confusing part about all of this to me is that Remus is _so_ not that type of guy. Delia got up and left the intervention, yelling at us to stay out of her love life. Remus guiltily stayed though, and confessed how strongly he felt about her, which was kind of surprising, actually.

We decided we should just let them give it a go and that there was nothing we could do about it.

So James and I went to lunch together, but practically everyone in the world was there too.

"You know," James said after he paid for our meal. "Sirius called dibs on his flat, and it's still early so I doubt anyone's going back to the castle soon…so my room is available, if you want to get out of here."

"LET'S GO," I said, grabbed James by the hand as he smiled maliciously, and we ran.

Not only has it been weeks since we made love, but we haven't even had a proper snog since James got sick.

Do you know what James withdrawal is like?

It is not fun, my friends. Not fun at all.

When we got to his room, we closed the door and then all bets were off from there. We raced to the bed and snogged the living daylights out of each other. Oh how I missed James's sweet, sweet lips…and a few other things of James as well.

About an hour and a half later, James and I were all cuddled up under his blankets, entangled with each other, and both very, very happy, to say the least.

"I hope that was a good enough Valentine's Day gift," he said.

"It's in second place behind the chocolates," I said, smiling and kissing him.

"Are you joking or…"

"You'll never know."

"Because I could make this a very cliché Valentine's Day if I wanted to."

"Please don't," I begged him.

"I could transfigure my socks or something into flowers."

"No."

"I could write you a cheesy love poem. Or a song!"

"James, don't even dare."

"I'll even sing it for you!" he said excitedly.

"James-"

"Lily, my flower, our love will never go sour-"

"James, stop," I ordered him, holding back laughter.

"You get more beautiful by the hour-"

"James," I said, laughing out loud now.

"Together I think we should take a shower," he sang enthusiastically.

The lyrics and his attempt to sing made me burst out in hysterical laughter, and he started laughing too, and then the door slammed open.

Of course, it was Sirius.

The problem was I was naked.

Thank Merlin we were under the covers.

I pulled them up all the way to my neck.

"Sirius, what the hell, I thought you'd be at your flat," James shouted. "Get out!"

"I'm sorry," he said, closing the door. "But I need to talk to you."

"What's so important that you left Carly and had to interrupt us?"

"You're done though."

"Not the point!" James said annoyed, and I couldn't help but giggle.

"Carly and I broke up."

"What?" James and I both asked.

Sirius sat on the bed. "It's all my fault."

"Okay, okay, one second…" said James. He picked up his boxers, put them on and got up. "Er, Sirius, how about we either stand or sit down on a different bed so Lily could put some clothes on."

"Or," started Sirius, though he still sounded sad. "You could let me borrow her without her clothes on to cheer me up?"

James frowned at him.

"All right, not funny, I know, I know," he said and got up. James picked up our clothes and put them on the bed. He whispered, "sorry," and kissed me quickly and then closed the curtains so I could change.

I put on my bra, knickers, and jeans, but I put on his shirt, because a) I love wearing his shirts because they're comfy and smell like him and b) now he has no shirt. Ha.

While I was changing, James said, "Okay, what happened?"

Sirius sighed. "I don't know. We've been fighting often lately…mostly about how Carly 'doesn't like my behavior.' What the fuck? She acts exactly like me! Like, we had a fight after Lily's party because she didn't like how drunk I got. Um, excuse me? She gets drunk at parties too. I don't get what her deal has been lately."

"So what happened today?"

I opened the curtains and got out of the bed and walked over to them and sat on the foot of Sirius's bed with James. When he looked at me he said, "My shirt? Really?"

Psh, like he doesn't like it.

"Continue, Sirius," I said, ignoring James even though I saw him looking at me and smirking because obviously he loved it.

"Anyway, I tried today, really. I gave her flowers, I acted on my best behavior, we went to lunch, and everything was going fine. We went to my flat and all we did was snog and out of nowhere she pulls away and starts yelling at me! Telling me how I treat her like she doesn't matter and all I care about is sex and partying and doing whatever I want and never thinking about her. I mean, this was my first serious relationship and I told her I've been doing my best and then I went and fucking told her I loved her-"

"You WHAT?" James said in disbelief.

"I told her I bloody loved her and then she said 'Oh no you don't' and then said we should take 'a break' and then I said no let's just end this for good and then she cried and ran out and…fuck, I screwed up big time."

"No you didn't, mate," said James. "You didn't. You've really been a different bloke these past few months that you've been with her, I'm not just saying that."

"It's true," I said.

"And I guess you're just not what she's looking for."

"I can't believe this…" said Sirius, running his fingers through his hair.

"Sirius," I said softly. "Do you really love her?"

He sighed. "I don't fucking know…I mean, it's possible. But I think I just said it so she wouldn't walk out on me."

"Did you really want to break up?" I asked.

"Of course not," he said. "But, you know…I think it was the right thing to do. We just…I don't know. She deserves someone better."

"Not someone better, mate," said James. "Just someone else. You two were just…"

"Not meant to be," I finished for him.

"I guess you're right," he said, and then got up. "Sorry for interrupting. I'll talk to you later."

"You don't have to go," I told him, getting up too. "We feel bad."

"It's all right," he said. "James is only wearing boxers and he keeps looking at you and I can see something rising in them, so I think I'll go."

I looked over at James who immediately crossed his legs and his face turned pink and I started cracking up, and then I gave Sirius a hug. "I'm sorry it didn't work out for you two."

He shrugged. "Thanks. I'll get over it. I'll see you guys."

"See you, mate," James said, standing up too and walking over to me.

Sirius waved, left and closed the door.

I turned to James and continued to laugh, and then he picked me up and brought me to his bed, and when I didn't stop laughing he said, "Fine," and started tickling me.

I was going to kill him.

HE KNEW I HATED BEING TICKLED.

He finally stopped, and I smacked his chest. "I hate you."

"Sure."

"I feel really bad about Sirius."

"Me too. He'll be fine though."

"Yeah…" Then I looked at James, who was staring at me lovingly. "What?"

"I love you," he said.

"I love you too," I said, and then I kissed him, and he kissed me back, and things got heated. I pulled away and said, "Again?"

"Again," he nodded in agreement.

And so we made love again.

Whatever, that's what Valentine's Day is _really_ for anyway.

And for the other two reasons I stated earlier.

I guess it wasn't too bad of a holiday. Especially since he bought me chocolates.

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><p><strong><em>AN: Hope you liked it! PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW PRETTY PRETTY PLEASE WITH A CHERRY ON TOP!? :) xox_**


	15. Broken

**_A/N: Hello! Here's chapter 15! Sorry it took so long…but it's a long chapter. The longest James chapter so far :) I loved writing this chapter. I hope you like it, and PLEASEEEEEE review? :)_**

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><p><strong>(JAMES'S P.O.V)<strong>

"Is your watch broken?"

"No…"

"James."

"_Reparo_. See, it's fine now!"

"Ugh-"

"No, Lil, don't feel bad, okay?"

"Of course I feel bad! It's your birthday-"

"It only started five minutes ago-"

"And your gift to me on mine…" she said, grabbing the locket lying on her chest. "I could never repay you for-"

"Lily, you got me three Christmas gifts. I think that's enough."

"James-"

I kissed her, hoping she'd drop it. But she pulled away.

"Would you quit doing that?" she asked, but I saw a hint of a smile on her face. "It can't always work."

I shrugged. "I gotta try."

She rolled her eyes. "James-"

"Lily," I said firmly. "It's my birthday, and as the birthday boy- wait, _man_- I am asking you to stop feeling guilty about not getting me a present."

"But-"

"_And_ accept the fact that I don't care that you didn't get me anything."

She looked at me, and I stared at her back, and then she sighed. "Fine, you win."

"Don't I always?"

"You lost to me in chess an hour ago. And every other time we play-"

"You cheat!"

"I do not!"

"Well, there's no other explanation."

She rolled her eyes. "What about that you're rubbish at chess and I'm amazing?"

"Nah, that doesn't really work for me."

"Oh, shut up," she said.

"Will do," I said, leaning in and kissing her again.

She pulled away and then looked at me strangely and said, "I know you're upset."

"I told you, I don't care that you didn't get me a gift."

"Not about that," she said. "About Sirius."

Sirius and I got into a row a few days ago and we haven't spoken since. It was because of Carly, and Quidditch. Ever since they broke up they were doing all right working together on the Quidditch pitch, but the other week Carly started dating a boy in her own year from Gryffindor, and it kind of pissed Sirius off. So at practice the other day, he was being very uncooperative and started a row with her in front of the entire team. I told him how ridiculous he was being and then he started bickering with me and shouting at me, and he cursed me out and stormed off and has been avoiding me since.

"So what if I am."

"You'll make up soon. You always do."

I sighed and lied back down, closing my eyes. "How do you know?"

"Because," she said, lying back down too, laying her head against my shoulder. "I know everything."

"Do you really?"

"Mhm."

"What's Dumbledore's middle name?"

"He has three, actually. Percival Wulfric Brian."

"You're just a stalker."

"I read."

"Same difference."

"Not really."

I sighed.

"James, he'll come around. You know he will."

"I hope you're right," I said.

She pulled my face down to hers and kissed me hard, and I kissed her back, and it was like a blissful oblivion, and nothing else mattered.

And then, eventually, kissing led to…well, other things…

Basically, happy birthday to me.

Afterward, we just sort of lied there together, not talking much, but it was a sweet kind of silence. Though it's not an every day thing, we've been shagging for two months now, so any awkwardness of the afterward had kind of dissipated. I played with her hair and kept kissing her bare skin as she traced shapes on my chest with her fingers.

"Are you sure it's okay that we're sleeping in here?" she asked some time later.

"I'm sure," I told her, nibbling on her ear. "And it's not like anyone can come in. It's the Room of Requirement. This room _requires_ our usage."

She laughed lightly and gave me a quick peck before we wrapped ourselves together and closed our eyes and fell asleep.

I woke up to her kissing my neck. "Mm, good morning."

"Morning, handsome," she said, and then kissed my lips. "Happy birthday."

I pulled her face back down to mine for a good birthday morning snog. Oh, how lucky I was for a girl who was so delicate yet so fiery and full of passion.

After who knows how long, she pulled away. "I think we should go to breakfast. It's sort of late, and our mates are probably questioning our absence."

"Five more minutes?" I almost begged, not wanting to let go of her. I kissed her neck, knowing that she would have to give in.

But she didn't, and instead she pulled away. "Come on, get dressed. Big day!"

She went into the bathroom the room had provided us. When she came out a few minutes later, I hadn't moved and I asked, "Since when did you have self restraint?"

"Since birth," she said, walking over to the rucksack in which she packed clothes for the both of us. I couldn't help but look at her.

"That's a lie."

"Fine, I've been practicing," she said, putting on a yellow shirt over her head, and then throwing one of my blue shirts to me.

"Must you always make me wear blue?" I asked her.

She glared at me. "Get over it."

"What's your deal with that anyway?" I said, putting the t-shirt on.

"I just really like blue!" she said, throwing me trousers. "And I like the way you look in it."

"But you always take my shirts and wear them yourself anyway!"

"Oh, don't complain. You _loooove_ the way I look in your clothes and you know it."

"Maybe, I do, but that's not the point."

"The point is you like them off me more, I know."

I laughed, pulling my trousers on. "And you like them off me more, too."

"So, there should be no problem with me making you wear blue, because then it gets torn off by one of us anyway," she said, putting on a pair of jeans, then throwing socks and my sneakers on the bed.

"I love you," I told her, sniggering.

"I love you too," she replied with a radiant smile. "Now, hurry up, would you?" she said, slipping on yellow shoes, moving to the mirror and putting something on her lips.

I put on my socks and sneakers, put on my glasses, and walked over to where she was, after she fixed her hair. I wrapped my arms around her waist from the back of her and kissed her neck. "You smell nice," I told her. "And look nice, too."

"Thanks," she answered, and I felt the goose bumps on her skin as I kissed her neck again. She turned around to face me and said, "I told you I'm trying to practice my self restraint. It's the morning. Don't make it so difficult for me, please?"

"I can't help it that I'm so irresistible," I joked, smiling. "Come on, it's my birthday."

"I know, but…" she sighed, putting a hand on my face, and then she leaned up and kissed me softly anyway.

"Fine," I said, holding her tighter. "But tonight after my party, you're all mine. No self-control. Deal?"

"Deal," she said, smiling up at me, and every time she smiled I fell in love with her again.

I smiled back, and then without thinking, leaned in and kissed her again, and instead of pushing me away, she wrapped her arms around my neck and kissed me back fiercely, her tongue making its way into my mouth. After about a minute of melting in her glorious kisses, she pulled away sharply. "Okay, no more. Go to the loo and wash up. Then breakfast."

"Okay, _Mum_," I said, rolling my eyes with a cheeky grin, walking to the bathroom.

"I hope you don't kiss your Mum like that," I heard her call out as I closed the door.

Oh, Lily. You are gross.

When I got out Lily was waiting for me with her rucksack, standing by the door, and I noticed she must have put on some makeup while I was in the loo.

"Ready?" she asked, stick out her hand.

I took it. "Yep."

She handed me the map and we checked to see that the coast was clear, and then we snuck out of the room. We walked to the Great Hall and saw our friends all sitting there, chatting.

"Hey, look who finally showed up," said Peter.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" shouted June, jumping out of her seat and hugging me. "Has Lily been taking good care of you?"

"Horrible care, actually," I said, and then Delia hugged me and wished me a happy birthday too, to which I saw Remus looking at her carefully.

Ever since Valentine's Day, Remus and Delia have been on and off as an official couple, right now they were on, but on the rocks. None of us were too happy about it, but we just went with the flow because we knew there was nothing we could do about it.

Lily and I sat next to them, and June sat next to Sirius, who still had not acknowledged me. Remus slapped me on the back and he and Peter wished me a happy birthday. Sirius still hadn't said anything, and he started to get up but I saw June pull him back down and slapped his arm, to which he glared at her.

Sirius didn't look at me once, and I started getting irritated. Lily noticed I was agitated, and she put her hand on my leg, rubbing it lightly, which did relax me (and excite me just a bit).

When we finished breakfast, Lily said, "Okay, so we're switching up the order of things of what we did on my birthday."

"Oh?"

"So, before your party, we're going to get quality time," she said, holding my hand, rubbing her thumb back and forth against it. "But now you're going to spend time with your mates."

"Lily-"

She stood up, and so did I, and then June pulled Sirius up by the ear, ignoring his "ow, ow, ow," shouts.

"Listen you two nitwits," said June loudly. "Make up. You're ignoring each other for no bloody reason. You're acting like five year olds. James, Sirius is going through a rough time, and you just have to be there for him and not get so angry at his behavior. And Sirius, you can't get irrationally angry with James when he's your best mate! And it's his birthday! Now snog and make up and call it a day, capiche?"

Sirius and I looked at each other, and though I expected to him just walk out, instead, he came around the table and gave me a bear hug.

"I'm sorry," he said.

"I'm sorry, too," I said, hugging him back.

We let go and he grinned. "Happy birthday, mate."

"Thanks."

"All right, you blokes could finish up your love fest somewhere else," said June. "Us ladies have business to take care of, sort of. As do you four. So, run along, children."

"What business do you have to take care of?" asked Peter.

"Oh, you know. Girl stuff. Nails, hair, makeup, the fun stuff! We're also going to Hogsmeade to get decorations for tonight since a certain _someone_, ehem, Remus, ehem, was too busy snogging his girlfriend endlessly, ehem, and er, never got them when he was supposed to!"

Remus's face turned pink. "Sorry," he mumbled, Delia laughing and kissing his cheek.

"Ah, it's Remus, he never screws up. Doesn't he get a get-out-of-jail-free card?" said Sirius.

"I suppose," said June. "But still. Anyway, We have no money, so we're using Remus's."

"You guys could just use-" I tried.

"NO!" shouted both Lily and June at me. I supposed Delia would have joined in that also if she weren't too busy talking to Remus in whispers.

"James, under no circumstances are we using any of your money," said Lily. "And it's your birthday!"

"I'm just a giving soul, what could I say?" I said, smirking.

June rolled her eyes. "All right, enough with the ego boosting. Let us part our ways."

Lily wrapped her arms around my waist and looked up at me. "Told you," she said.

"Shut up," I said, giving her a look.

She smiled, and then she reached up and kissed me quickly. "Love you. Meet me here at noon? For lunch?"

I nodded, trying to lean in for one more kiss, but she just rolled her eyes and tried to let go, though I didn't want her to at all. But she did, and it was always the worst feeling when she did.

"S'Later," I murmured to her.

She smiled and walked off with her mates, leaving me with mine.

"So, me lads, what are we doing on this fine birthday of mine?"

"Why, pranking some Slytherins of course!" said Sirius. "Fellas, the cloak?"

"We got it," answered Remus.

"Great, me maties, let's get ready to rumble!" said Sirius, high-fiving me.

"Why are you two talking like that?" asked Peter.

"Well, why not, young Peter?" I said.

"Why you two always think you are pirates, I'll never know," said Remus.

"Pirates?" I said. "I'm not sure if we were really going for just pirates."

"More like 18th century pirate rockstar philosophers," said Sirius.

Peter and I laughed, and Remus just shook his head. "Why am I friends with you guys again?"

"Because, we're awesome, duh," answered Sirius. "Now, away we go!"

"Okay, Captain Hook," Remus said, chuckling.

And so, we pranked. We pranked a bunch of Slytherins, some Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws too. It was loads of fun, and we got away with it all, thanks to the cloak. The only prank we played on a Gryffindor was by Sirius, on the fifth year Gryffindor Carly's dating.

I totally made Snivellus's hair pink, and had the honor of transfiguring Mulciber into a chicken.

It was loads of fun, really.

After a while we went to the Common Room and played exploding Snap for a while, to which I won three out of the five games. Remus won the other two, to Sirius's dismay. Peter never wins exploding Snap, so he was used to it.

Remus told us about his latest fight with Delia, which was over him thinking that she's still not over Michael, which could very possibly be true, and though they made up (by snogging, which is why he forgot to get the decorations), he's still worried. Sirius told us about this sixth year that he snogged (and a bit more) with the other day, but he still fancies Carly. Peter and that Hufflepuff bird have stopped snogging, though it was the longest run for Pete, ever. He seems to be good with Hufflepuffs, though, so we're going to find some more for him.

We went to the Great Hall for lunch and sat down and started to eat. About three minutes later, someone slapped the back of my head. "Oi, Potter, stop eating!"

I turned my head with my mouthful of mashed potatoes, and there stood Lily, one hand returning to her hip, the other holding a basket and a jumper, and she was wearing a jumper herself. And she was smiling. "We've got a date, remember?"

"How could I ever forget?" I said after I swallowed the food in my mouth, smiling back. "But I thought it was after lunch?"

"Yeah, no. Drop the fork and get your cute arse up. We're eating lunch somewhere else."

"My arse is pretty cute, isn't it?" I said, getting up and kissing her cheek.

"We don't need to hear about it," said June, sitting down in my seat.

"Sorry," said Lily, holding back a laugh. "All right, we'll see you guys tonight!"

"Bye," they all chorused.

She gave me the jumper she was carrying. "Put it on. It's a bit chilly."

"You went through my stuff? Without my permission? Man, Lil, I know you're obsessed with me, but I think you're taking this a bit too far," I joked.

She rolled her eyes. "Just put it on, will you?"

I laughed and obliged, and then she took my hand and we left the Great Hall, heading towards a door that lead outside.

"So, where are we off to?" I asked, squeezing her hand.

"So impatient," she said, rolling her eyes. "Just wait a few minutes, would you?"

"All right, all right," I sighed. We went outside. It was the end of March, so the weather was really nice now. "Thanks for last night."

"My pleasure," she said. "I knew you needed a break from everything. It was nice."

"Do you think we could go there tonight?" I asked hopefully.

She giggled, squeezing my hand. "The boys said we can keep your dorm room to ourselves tonight, so I think we'll just go up there."

"Can't wait."

"Well, you'll have to," she said, giving me a look.

"I know, I know…"

She smiled and then kissed my hand. "Don't worry. I'm keeping my end of the bargain. S'why I reserved your room to ourselves."

"Good, 'cause I can't get last night out of my head."

She smirked, and then bumped her side against mine. "Come on."

We kept walking and finally, we reached our destination. "The quidditch pitch?"

"Yeah," she said, as we kept walking to the center. "We haven't gone out here in a while. I mean, you're here all the time, 'cause you're a practice junkie, but I mean, us two. This used to be our spot. A few nights ago, you were asleep in your room and I was in mine so I didn't want to bother you and wake you up, but I had a lot on my mind…mostly my dad. So I came out here and looked up at the stars and thought a lot…and then I remembered when we used to come here a lot and spend time together. I miss that. So, I thought today would be a good day to revisit it. I checked the quidditch practice schedule and saw the pitch was free, so, viola, here we are."

"You…you could always come and wake me up if you need me, you know," I told her, putting a hand on her face.

"I…I know," she answered. "But I don't want to be a bother, you know…"

"Lil," I said softly. "I'm serious. You're never a bother. Anytime, honestly, I'd be more than happy to talk to you about anything."

She smiled shyly. "Thanks…I know, I just…"

"You haven't really spoken so much about your dad lately. Do you want to talk about him now? What else is on your mind?"

"No, James, James…I, I'm fine, honest. I was just having a bad night, that's all. I got too lost in thought."

"Lily, come on."

"No, really. I'm okay. I want today to be about you, only. I'm really okay, I promise. Besides, the reason I brought us here wasn't for that, I just miss us spending time together here. So," she said, letting go of me and putting the basket on the floor. She opened it and took out a blanket.

I knew she wasn't "really okay," but I wasn't going to push her to talk about it if she didn't want to. She had seemed a bit happier lately, so I'm just happy she's all right. I helped her put the blanket down and then she opened the basket and put out all the food: chicken, mashed potatoes, bread, broccoli, rice, etc. After we finished putting everything out, she stood up straight and smiled at me. I walked over to her, put both my hands on her face, and kissed her hard. She reciprocated, and I could feel my stomach doing flips. I ran my hands throw her hair, and then down her arms, and then around her waist, and then eventually on her bum, and though she let my hands stay there for quite a bit, she eventually pulled away and moved my hands. "Later, remember?"

"Sorry," I said honestly. "Got carried away. You can't blame me."

"I can blame you plenty," she said, grinning, and then she leaned in and kissed me one more time before we sat down and ate.

It was a really nice lunch. And she was right, it was really nice to be back here on the pitch, like we used to. We both made each other laugh and she told me about her morning. When she asked me about mine I was reluctant to tell her, but when I did, she kind of just gave me an- I'll-let-it-slide-'cause-it's-your-birthday look and rolled her eyes.

We also snogged for quite a while, which was nice because Lily didn't really reprimand me for putting my hands in certain places, or kissing her with such an intensity like there was no way I could stop, and she seemed to have the same attitude back, so I took that as a good sign.

I got lost in her, and never wanted to find my way back out.

Unfortunately though, after what must have been twenty to thirty minutes, Lily pulled away, but with a smile on her face. "I almost forgot," she said, untangling herself from me. "I'll be right back."

"Where are you-"

She kissed me one more time and then ran off towards the locker rooms.

What was she doing?

While she was gone I tried to relax myself and think of other things, since my body was, er, all worked up from snogging Lily senseless.

I was calmed down when she came back out, and I noticed she was holding my broom.

"I thought you'd like to just fly around for a bit, and I'd have the pleasure of watching you."

She held out the broom and I took hold of it, leaning in and kissing her again. "You're the best, you know."

"I do know," she smiled.

I mounted my broom and flew up, speeding around, enjoying the new spring breeze. I looked down at Lily, who was watching me intently, and after a while, I came down, and said, "I know what I want for my birthday."

"Oh?"

I grabbed her hand. "You're getting on the broom with me."

She pulled away sharply. "Um, WHAT?"

"Come on," I said, taking her hand again. "You owe me. This is my birthday present. You get on the broom with me."

"James, I can't!"

"What, you've never ridden before?"

"In first year flying lessons! But that's it!"

"Lil, you'll be safe, I swear it," I said, trying not to laugh at how red her cheeks were turning. "You'll hold on to me. I won't go too fast. You'll love it."

"I don't know…"

"Please?" I asked in the most innocent voice I could muster.

She scoffed. "Fine, fine! But any funny business and I push you off."

"So violent," I laughed.

I mounted my broom and Lily got on behind me slowly, and then squeezed my waist as tight as she probably could.

"We're not even in the air yet!" I said, laughing.

"Shut up and just fly before I make a run for it."

Slowly, I lifted us off the ground, and then I started lifting us faster, and Lily squealed against my back, squeezing even tighter.

I started the regular flying off slow, and I could feel Lily trembling a bit.

"Lily," I said, as I raised us higher.

"Yeah?"

"Open your eyes."

She sighed, and then she said, "OH MY GOD HOW HIGH UP ARE WE!?"

I laughed and I flew us towards the castle, flying around and above it. With time, Lily's grip around me loosened, and she stopped shaking. We flew around everything, and then after about fifteen minutes I landed us back in the pitch.

We both got off. "Well?" I asked.

"THAT WAS THE MOST INCREDIBLE THING I'VE EVER DONE!" Lily shouted, throwing her arms around me and kissing my mouth.

"Told you you'd love it."

"Oh, James, could you teach me? Please?"

"Right now?"

"Yes! How much time do we have? About an hour? Please?"

I laughed. "Sure. There are extra brooms in the locker room. They're not great but I'll use one of them and you could use mine."

"Ah!" she screamed, and then kissed me again. "Come on, let's go!" She grabbed my hand and started running towards the locker room. I went to the broom shed in there and took out the best one and tossed her my own broom. We went back out and I retaught her how to mount the broom and then take off. She got it on the first try. I got up in the air with her and we slowly flew around the pitch a few times, until she got the hang of it and then she started to accelerate. And then, she started to race me. To say the least, I was kind of turned on. But that's beside the point. Anyway, I obviously beat her, but she actually put up a pretty good fight. She didn't even want to get off the brooms, so we just flew around a lot. And then, she started asking me about Quidditch! All in all, it was probably one of the best dates I've ever had with Lily.

When we finally got off the brooms, Lily was all hyped up with adrenaline. She was smiling like crazy and laughing and bouncing around.

"How much time do we have until we have to get ready for tonight?" she asked when we put the broom back in the shed of the locker room.

I looked at my watch. "Five minutes."

She smiled mischievously, and then pressed me against one of the lockers and pushed her tongue into my mouth, her hands roaming under my jumper and shirt on my chest. I groaned in her mouth and pulled her closer to me, and my body reacted almost immediately. Lily obviously noticed, put she just pushed herself closer against me, which was, er, not helping the situation. But we kept snogging, and it was heated and passionate and wonderful.

Sometime later, Lily pulled away and said against my mouth, "It's been more than five minutes," and then kissed me again.

"Too bad," I whispered back, and kissed her more.

She groaned but then pulled back. "We have to go up."

"No," I whined, kissing her neck.

She let out a soft moan. "No, no, no. I can't believe I let you do this," she said. "You promised we'd wait until later to do anything to get us too, er, excited."

"Hey, you're the one that initiated this, not me," I said, and pressed my lips to hers again. "Your fault."

"You were supposed to stop me."

"I'm not that strong," I smiled, and then kissed her again.

"Mmm, me neither, so we have to stop," she said, giving me one last kiss.

I sighed heavily. "Fine…"

She grinned. "We'll pick up where we left off later. Sound good?"

"Brilliant," I said, wiggling my eyebrows.

She rolled her eyes and pushed me. "Come on, let's go."

I grabbed her hand and off we went, back to the castle. When we got into the Common Room, we saw our mates setting up for my party. June yelled at me to get upstairs, insisting that Lily cannot follow me because she has to help set up and get ready too. I gave her one last kiss and went upstairs to my room, took a long hot shower, got dressed, and then just lied down on my bed, reading the letter I got from my parents. They sent me some money and wrote a short note. Well, Mum wrote it, but spoke on Dad's behalf as well. He's not doing too well, and neither is she, and work on both their ends is crazy busy and they barely have time to breathe. They told me not to worry and have fun in school and that they loved me, all that. It wasn't much different then most of their letters except for the "happy birthday," but it was the first letter I got back from them since Christmas, so I'd take what I could get.

Remus came in the room a little while later. "Ready, mate?"

"Hell yeah," I said, getting up.

"Just, a warning," he said as I put an arm around him. "Sirius is not in the, well, best of moods."

"Why so?"

"Carly," he answered. "They had a huge row before. Sirius has been ticked ever since, so if he's an idiot, don't take it personally."

"Got it," I answered. "What was it about?" I asked as we descended the stairs.

"Marc Green," he answered.

"Oh, that bloke in her year she's dating?"

"Well, was dating. Past tense."

"What?!"

"I'll tell you later," Remus whispered as we got to the Common Room.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY POTTER!" everyone shouted when I got down, holding up assorted drinks in their hands.

I thanked them, and then Peter handed me a shot of firewhiskey, and the party officially begun.

The lads had the elves bring up all kinds of food, so I ate pizza and it was heavenly.

Sirius looked positively dreadful. He was glaring at Carly, who was with her friends, from across the room with a strange intensity. I went over to him and tried to cheer him up without asking what was even going on, but it didn't seem to work. He just gulped down his butterbeer and told me not to worry about him, and then offered to play a drinking game.

I said I would do it, but I wanted to find Lily first, since she was nowhere to be found. I awkwardly interrupted June flirting with some sixth year to ask her where Lily was, and she said she just came down. I walked around a bit more but couldn't find her.

"Looking for me?"

I turned around and there she stood, wearing a gold sparkle top and a short black skirt, her hair down and in loose curls. "Happy birthday," she said, smiling brightly. I smirked and pulled her close to me and kissed her right on the mouth, and apparently everyone somehow tuned into it and started wolf whistling and clapping. Lily kissed me back, but when I pulled away her face was almost as red as her hair. I felt bad for her being embarrassed, but she just took my hand and told me how handsome I looked.

"You look fit," I told her back.

"Such a sweet way to compliment," she said sarcastically but with a smile.

"I've always had a way with words."

She rolled her eyes and squeezed my hand. "Come on, I'm hungry."

So Lily got her food and then we went over to Sirius, who was setting up a game of Exploding Snap, but we were going to play the drinking version of it.

"Ready, my boy?" said Sirius, slapping my back.

"Let's do this."

"You in, Lils?" asked Sirius.

"No thank you."

"Come on, don't be such a woos."

"I'm Head Girl! I shouldn't even be letting this go on, so just do your game and keep me out of it. I'm a good audience."

"Just do it."

"Sirius-"

"Have you ever even gotten drunk in your life?"

"Yes, actually!"

"When was the last time?"

"When I realized I fancied James," she said, looking at me.

"So you resorted to alcohol to get me off your mind because you couldn't do it otherwise, eh?" I said.

"Shut up," she replied.

"That was ages ago," Sirius continued. "Come on, let loose! You're too uptight."

"I am not!"

"Uptight."

"Not."

"Okay, sure."

She gave him a rather scathing look, and then picked up one of the shots of firewhisky laid out in front of her and gulped one down. "I'm in."

"Lil, you don't have to do this," I told her. "Just because-"

"No, no, I'm doing it. Don't worry about it, I'm a big girl, I can handle it," she said. "Let's start, yeah?"

I looked at Sirius. "What are you playing at?"

"Oh, you'll enjoy it," he said, winking. "Lily's right. We should start."

Remus, Delia, June, and Peter all joined in.

It was a long game, so when it ended we were all pretty sloshed. It ended up coming down between Sirius and Lily.

Lily won.

The rest of the night was ridiculously fun. Music was blasting, we were dancing, people were snogging left and right, you know, a real party. Lily and I were both pretty drunk, and I had never been drunk with her before, so it was quite the experience.

During the middle of the party though, Sirius and Carly had a screaming match that we were all so lucky to hear. At the end of it, however, they started snogging on the couch. Lily and I took the time to go upstairs to my room. I carried her clumsily up the steps laughing and dropped her on my bed.

We shagged, and it was, well, fun and hilarious, from what I remember. It was sloppy and we were laughing most of the time, but Lily did not hold back at all, so, a very lucky birthday boy I was. Afterward, we kind of passed out in my bed.

I woke up with a bit of a headache, Lily still beside me, sound asleep, and noticed Sirius's bed was still made, which meant he didn't come back last night. Hmm. Interesting.

Remus and Peter were both dressed, about to head out the door.

"Hey," I whispered. "Thanks for the party last night."

"No problem, mate," said Peter.

"It was fun," said Remus. "Glad you had a good birthday."

"Thanks," I said.

They waved and left, closing the door behind them. I looked at Lily, who was still not awake, and kissed her cheek. I got up myself and went to the loo to wash up. When I came out, I put on my glasses and went back into the bed to read a book Lily had lent me that I was actually enjoying. About thirty pages in, Lily woke up.

"Morning there, love," I said, closing the book and putting it on my bedside table.

She squinted her eyes, looking at me curiously. "You're actually reading that?"

I nodded. "It's good."

She raised her eyebrows, and then said, "My head hurts."

"You're hung-over."

"Why did I drink again?"

"Sirius convinced you to."

She looked confused, and then she closed her eyes and groaned. "Remind me to never listen to Sirius again for as long as I live. Ever."

I chuckled. "Whatever you say."

"Why aren't you in agony?"

"I don't usually get that bad of hangovers."

She groaned again. "I hate you."

"I have a potion, if you want. It'll help."

"Please."

I opened up a drawer on my bedside table and took it out. "Here, just take a gulp," I said, handing it over to her. "It doesn't taste too good though."

She sat up and took a gulp and cringed, swallowing it down. "In how long will I feel like I'm not dying?"

"About twenty minutes."

"Fine," she sighed, handing it to me and then lying back down. "At least last night was fun."

"It was," I said, putting away the potion. "Thanks."

"Of course," she said, mid-yawn. "But we can't keep making a habit of this. You know, me waking up in your bed. Not that I don't like it, but, you know. It's school. We're Head Boy and Head Girl. This happens too frequently."

And then the words flew out of my mouth without me even thinking. "Well, when school's over you could live with me and always wake up next to me, and you'll never have to worry about getting in trouble."

Her eyes widened. "You mean, move in with you?"

Oh shit. I couldn't believe I just asked her that. I mean, I've thought about it before, of course, but I wasn't thinking of asking her right now. But I did. And it was what I did want, so hey, what the hell. "Er, yeah. If, you know, you want to."

She smiled. "I'd like that."

"R-Really?"

"Yeah, you big dunce," she said. "Of course I would."

I smiled and kissed her, and she kissed me back, and my heart danced inside my chest. We parted and I said, "I love you."

"I love you too," she responded, and then kissed me again. "I think I'm going to go to my room now, though."

"What? Why?" I asked. "It's Saturday, we have nothing to do but lounge about anyway. Just stay here, please?"

"Calm down, I'll come right back. I just want to shower and change."

"Why change when I'm just going to rid you of your clothes the moment you come back?"

She rolled her eyes but smiled. "Who says I'll let you?"

"Oh, come on, Lil. You're almost always the instigator."

"Shut your mouth," she said, getting up and collecting her clothes. "Only half the time. You start it plenty too."

"Yeah, but I have no shame admitting it."

She shook her head and put on her clothes from last night. Just when she was about to head out, Sirius came in, looking stressed out.

"What's up, mate?" I asked.

And then Lily sat back down on the bed as Sirius caught us up on the Carly drama. Carly and her boyfriend broke up because she didn't really fancy him at all. Sirius told her he still had feelings for her but she said she didn't have any for him anymore, to which a fight began. At the party they had fought because under the influence of alcohol, Carly confessed that she still loved him, despite what she had said before, and then Sirius shouted that she can't keep doing this to him, yadda yadda, and then they started snogging and ended up going to his flat and shagged. They had a long talk all night and decided to stay apart, since the year was almost over anyway and neither of them could see it lasting once Sirius was done with school.

We all agreed that it was the right choice, but both Lily and I couldn't help but feel bad for the guy. I had never seen him this torn up over someone.

Lily suggested that I should spend the day with Sirius to try to cheer him up a bit, and I agreed. Sirius insisted he didn't need it, but I told him it was too bad. Lily gave me one last kiss and then left, and I spent most of the rest of the day with Sirius, to which Remus and Peter eventually joined us, and by the end of the day he seemed better.

I spent an hour with Lily later that night in the Common Room. We were sitting on the couch by the fire, telling each other about the other's day. "I missed you today," she said after we finished updating each other on the day's events.

"Missed you too," I mumbled against her hair.

"So, I was thinking."

"About what?"

"Well," she said, breathing heavily. "This whole moving in together thing…"

"You aren't retracting your answer, are you?" I asked nervously but playfully.

"No," she said. "But I think you should be the one to tell my Mum. This way she could yell at you…or she won't yell at all."

I laughed. "Oh, she won't yell at me. She _adores_ me. I'm the son she never had!"

She rolled her eyes. "Yeah, well, you'll have to be a real charmer, 'cause she's practically dead herself these days."

I put an arm around Lily. "Come on, Lil, don't you know me? I'm a natural charmer. Don't even have to try. It'll be a piece of cake."

"You don't know my mother when she's like this."

"I'm not worried."

"That makes one of us."

I laughed, kissing her head. "So, when am I doing this?"

"At Tuney's wedding."

Oh right. The wedding. That was soon. In a couple of weeks, soon.

"Ah, the wedding. Got it."

"I see you're as thrilled about it as I am," she laughed.

"No, no, it's just, it kind of slipped my mind. I wasn't thinking about it. I don't mind it, really. I want to go, actually. A muggle wedding. It'll be my first!"

She smiled, and then she leaned in and kissed my lips, and I took her face in my hands and kissed her back hard, and somewhere along the line we lost track of time but eventually we finally stopped snogging. Even nights when we didn't shag, just snogging still was able to make the insides in my stomach flip and twist in ways it never did with anyone else. Lily was it. That was certain.

When we finally did stop, it took us both a while to actually untangle ourselves from each other, because neither of us really wanted to go. But we had to, and I gave her another goodnight kiss, and off our separate ways we went.

* * *

><p>"I'd like to apologize…for the way I acted when the four of us went out to dinner. I shouldn't have acted, er, that way? I didn't mean to upset you or your wife. Could we start over?"<p>

I stuck out my hand, trying to smile. Vernon Dursley looked at me for a single moment, grunted in disapproval, and then stalked off.

Well, that didn't go over well.

I sighed, putting my hands in my pockets, looking around the room. Petunia was with her bridesmaids, who were all decked out in pink, chatting and laughing. Her mother was with them too. I decided to go over to her next.

I tapped her on the shoulder. "Er, Mrs. Evans?"

She turned around, a glass of champagne in one hand, with a big smile on her face. "James, darling!" She gave me a one-armed hug and a kiss on the cheek. She hadn't been this smiley at the beginning of the event. She must have been drinking a lot.

"I'd like to talk to you about something, if that's all right?"

"Oh, why of course, dear," she said. "What would you like to talk about?"

"Well, er, Lily and I…we're, um, well, pretty serious, you see. I love her very much and she has agreed to move in with me after the school year, with, of course, your consent."

Her face became very gentle and she smiled. "Well, how could I say no to you, James?"

"Thank you, Mrs. Evans."

"You should be warned though," she said. "She is not a morning person. And she is very particular with how she likes her food. And she takes forty minute long showers. And she can't live without-"

"Chocolate in the house," I finished for her with a smile.

She patted my shoulder. "That's my boy," she said, and then kissed my cheek once more. "Just don't come asking me for money to pay the bills, because I have none."

"That won't be an issue," I assured her. "And if you ever need any-"

"Oh, pish posh, James. Don't worry about me," she said, and took a huge sip of her champagne. "Run along now, boy."

I looked back over at Petunia and her bridesmaids, contemplating whether I should confront her also or not. But she was giving me an evil stare, and I decided not to. I also noticed though, one of her bridesmaids was checking me out, and then Petunia must have noticed me looking back at her uncomfortably and she turned to her friend, saw her expression, and smacked her shoulder. I laughed and turned around, and went to find Lily again.

I saw her across the way, sitting down at the bar in her strapless red dress, her hair up in a high, curled pony tail, red lipstick and red high heels. Though I personally was wild about her red dress, Lily wasn't as ecstatic about it as I was, since she thought she would be wearing a pink one. See, Petunia decided to leave Lily out of her bridal shower. They had a huge argument about it, Petunia shouting loads of rubbish about how she's tired of Lily overshadowing her and all that. So Lily's been kind of bitter the entire time.

I sat down next to her. She was swirling what was left in her glass around. "Well?"

"Vernon shut me down," I said. "Your mother, on the other hand, gave us her blessing on making a home together."

"Lovely," she said dully, with one of the fakest smiles I've ever seen, and then took another swig of her drink, finishing it. "Another, please," she said to the bar tender, who took her glass.

"Lily," I said, taking her hand. "Lighten up, yeah? It's a wedding! Your sister's wedding, at that. I know she might be a bit of a-"

"Hag? Bitch? Selfish prig?"

"I was going for witch," I said, smirking.

She didn't laugh, and she took her hand out of mine. "In her dreams."

I sighed. The bar tender handed her another glass. She thanked him and took a big sip. "What is that?" I asked.

"Whiskey and soda," she answered.

I gave her a look.

"It's only my second glass. And don't give me that look. I'm always the one who has to stop you from drinking too much. And I'm not stupid, I can take care of myself."

"Never said you couldn't."

"It was implied."

"It really wasn't."

She scoffed. "Yeah, okay," she replied drinking some more.

I breathed heavily. Usually when we banter, I can at least tell she's being somewhat playful. But right now she was just being completely stubborn and bitter. "Look, I'm just trying to help."

She didn't respond, but just swirled her drink again.

"Fine," I said, getting up. "I'm going to eat. You can join me when you want."

I walked away and she didn't follow me. I sat down at our table and started chatting with the people there. I got the feeling all the people at our table were the people that the bride and groom felt obligated to invite but wanted nothing to do with, because everyone at our table was really fantastic. Everyone was laughing and telling jokes and drinking and having a good time, while the rest of the room seemed rather dull. The waiter offered me a beer, and I never really had regular beer before so I took it. It wasn't as good as butter beer, but it was all right.

About fifteen minutes later, Lily finally joined us, her hair down, sitting down next to me. She was smiling brightly, and she gave me a kiss when she sat down. "'Ello, 'andsome," she giggled.

"Better?"

"Mhm," she nodded, laughing, and then whispered, "buzzed," emphasizing the "z" sound. Then she took a sip of the champagne in front of her.

"Don't over do it, love," I told her.

"Hush," she said, putting a finger to my lips. "I like you better when you don't order me around. I'm the one who's s'posed to reprimand, right?"

I chuckled. "If you say so."

"I do say so," she said, and then kissed me again right there at the table in front of everyone, putting her tongue in my mouth. When she pulled away she said, "You taste…funny."

"It's beer," I told her. "Regular beer, you know. Not butterbeer. It's not half bad. You could try it, if you'd like."

She shrugged, picked it up and took a sip. She had a pensive face on for a moment before she said, "Not bad. Funny taste, but in a good way."

I took it back from her and took a sip myself and then put it down. I was about to dig into my food, when she put her hand on my thigh.

"Er, Lil?"

"Mmm," was all she said before she put her other hand through my hair and then started kissing me again.

I pulled away. "What happened to your strict rules against PDA? Hmm?"

"You're right, you're right…" She pulled on my tie then. "Why don't we, um, move this somewhere else, then?"

I mean, I obviously wanted to, really, but, well…we were at her sister's wedding. And we would have time to be together like that later. "Um, Lily, I think we should eat first, don't you?"

"No, I don't."

"Er, well…can't we just wait until later?" I choked out as her hand crawled further up my thigh. "When we're alone?"

"Come on, James," she whispered. "I can't keep my hands off you for another second."

I mean, I should have seen this coming. Lily was very, well, erm, randy last time she got drunk too, at my party. And she looked sexy as hell. How could I resist?

So I gave in. I'm a man. I have needs!

"Fine," I whispered back. "Just…just a quick snog _outside_ the ballroom somewhere, and that's it. All right?"

She grabbed my hand. "C'mon, then," and she pulled me along hastily, and we exited the ballroom into the hallway which was pretty deserted but there still were some people roaming about as well, and we walked down a bit further and she pushed me up against the wall and started snogging me forcefully.

I sighed in her mouth, wrapping my hands around her waist. She wasn't holding back, and her hands were in my hair, and around my neck, and then down my arms, and then suddenly, she, er, well, stuck her hand in my pants, grabbing me.

I pulled away. "Lily, what the hell are you doing? We're at your sister's wedding!"

"So?"

"So? Lily, for Merlin's sake, how much did you have to drink?"

"Lost count," she murmured.

I sighed, putting a hand in my hair. "The sober you would never in a million years act this way at your sister's wedding."

"I don't understand you," she spat, suddenly furious where she had just been overly cheerful. "_You're _always the one kissing me in front of other people, what's wrong with me finally letting you, even if I am a bit intoxicated?"

"Nothing is wrong with that, but you're taking it too far."

"So you don't want me anymore, then? That's it, isn't it?"

"Lily, you're being bloody ridiculous!" I shouted. "You know that's not true. But sticking your hand in my pants at your sister's wedding isn't exactly appropriate, you know."

"Well, I don't know what you want from me," she said, and then sat at the couch there in the hall.

I sat down with her. "All right, love, what's this really about?"

"It's not about anything," she mumbled, looking down at her lap.

I took her hand. "Tell me."

She closed her eyes and took a breath. "I said it's not about anything, all right?"

I squeezed her hand. "Please just tell me. You'll feel better."

She ripped her hand away from mine and then looked up at me with tear filled eyes. "He was supposed to _be_ here," she choked out. "And he's not."

I sighed. I knew it must be this. "I know."

"No, you don't. I mean, my cousin Rob had to walk Petunia down the aisle! That should've been my dad!"

"Lily-"

"It isn't fair," she whispered, tears leaking down her face rapidly. "None of this is fair. He's supposed to be here."

"You're right," I told her, putting my hands on her face, wiping away tears with my thumb. "It isn't fair. But you've still got him, Lily," I told her, taking one hand and lifting the locket I gave her from her chest into the palm of my hand. "That was the point of my getting this for you. So you'd remember, that he's still here. Maybe not physically. Maybe you can't see him, but…he's here," I said, letting the locket go gently. "Remember that."

She nodded, crying, and then I wrapped my arms around her and we embraced and I soothed her as she cried. I hated seeing her like this, so broken. She was so strong, and it hurt me to see her fall apart at her weaker moments. I don't know for how long we were hugging but eventually Lily let go, wiping her face with her hand. "I'm sorry," she whispered.

"Don't say that," I told her, moving some hair out of her face. "You have to remember that I'm always here for you, through good and bad. I hate seeing you cry, because I wish you'd smile more, but if you ever just need to talk about anything and cry it out…I mean, that's what I'm here for, you know? I want you to come to me when you're upset, rather than drinking yourself into an oblivion."

"I know, I'm so-"

"Don't apologize, I just told you," I said, taking her hand. "Besides, I don't mind tipsy Lily, really, but, you know…time and place, yeah?"

She laughed lightly, nodding. "Yeah."

"Just maybe you should lay off of the alcohol for the rest of the night."

"I don't know what I was thinking."

"You were thinking what most people think when they're upset about something- 'hey, alcohol will fix it!' Good tip- it doesn't. You got to do it in moderation."

"I'm not used to it, you know, this is only like, my third time really drinking."

"I know," I said, smiling. I kissed her hand. "Why don't we get some food in you, okay?"

She nodded, and I wiped a lingering tear on her face away, and said, "I love you," and she said "I love you too, James," and then I leaned in and kissed her gently, and she kissed me back, and though we both wanted to continue, we parted and got up and went back inside.

We both ate and the effects of the alcohol on Lily started to wear off a bit, but I kept her somewhat cheerful. I made her dance with me and kept her laughing most of the time, showing her all of my super awesome dance moves (she told me I was rubbish but I know she's just jealous). She was actually impressed by my slow dancing with her, though, and even let me dip her (for the record: I did not drop her). We really made the best of the night, and all that mattered was that she was smiling. I'd give anything for her to smile.

We even got a proper snog in, away from everyone, though when I squeezed her bum she shouted at me about how "that's no better than what she did to me" but her and I both know that it is completely and one hundred percent more acceptable, and she didn't even stop me, so, I win.

Towards the end of the night, Lily's mum forced Lily and Petunia to "talk things out." Lily came back, rolling her eyes. She said they "made up," but it wasn't like anything was going to change, and they just did it for their mum's sake.

I went home with Lily and her Mum, and I was to sleep in Petunia's room. Lily and I were leaving tomorrow to go back to school by floo, even though vacation had only just started, but most 7th years stay at Hogwarts for Easter to study for N.E.W.T.s, and Lily was freaking out about them so we were going to go back and study (not like Lily hasn't been studying nonstop, because she has, and I kind of need to study as well).

I was lying in Petunia's bed in just some shorts, unable to fall asleep. There was a knock on my door. "Yeah?" I called out as quiet as I could.

The door creaked open, and Lily stepped in and closed the door quietly behind her.

"Hey," I said.

"Hello," she responded as she approached me.

I moved over to make room for her on the bed.

She sat on the bed. "I can't sleep."

I sat up. "Me either."

"Why can't you?" she asked.

"I've just got things on my mind," I answered. "You?"

She sighed. "I keep thinking about my Dad."

I reached for her hand. "Want to talk?"

"No, not really," she said. "I just want to lay with you, if that's all right."

"Of course," I said, caressing her face for a moment. I gave her a quick kiss and then we both got under the blanket and lied down, her head against my chest, my arms wrapped around her tight.

"Thanks for being there with me today," she said. "It meant a lot."

"Anytime," I said sincerely.

"What's on your mind, then?" she asked.

"You," I told her. "The war, my parents, and school…There's just too much going on, you know? I wish it could all just stop."

"I know," she said quietly. "We're going to make it through it, though."

"Yeah," I said, kissing her head. "Yeah, we will."

She looked up at me and kissed my lips for a few moments. "I love you," she whispered.

"I love you too, Lily," I whispered back, kissing her again.

And then she laid her head back on my chest, closing her eyes. I was able to fall asleep better with her beside me. Everything was better with her beside me. We were both broken somehow, but together, we were whole.

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><p><strong><em>AN: Hope you liked it! There's going to be more plot pick up soon…Remember, the more reviews the quicker I'll try to update! :)_**


	16. This Is A War

**_A/N: PLEASE DONT HATE ME FOR TAKING 8765 YEARS TO UPDATE. IM SO SORRY. FOR A WHILE I HAD WRITERS BLOCK AND THEN I JUST HAD SO MUCH GOING ON WITH SCHOOL I COULDNT BRING MYSELF TO FINISH THE CHAPTER. BUT I FINALLY DID. I KNOW IT'S BEEN FOREVER AND I'M REALLY SORRY. Also, I'm sorry that this chapter isn't massive or anything- it's the shortest Lily chapter. It's also her last chapter. Next is James- and the next chapter will be the last, so I hope you enjoy this one. Please review! Sorry for the wait! :)_**

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><p>(LILY'S P.O.V)<p>

This is a war. Not just the actual war going on, but between James and I. See, James and I haven't really had time together in a long time because of exams and me studying all hours into the night, and he's been a very good boy, he has! He's studied as well, and he he's been patient. And all we've even done over the past month is a about two or three actual snogs here and there, none of them lasting for too long. And when I had promised James we would find time to, well, have some intimate time together after the Quidditch Cup (which we won), I ended up getting my period the day before, so needless to say, that didn't happen. James was not a very happy camper, and neither was I, but we would survive, yes. Then finally, yesterday was the last day of exams. James had set up this entire romantic day to spend with me after our last exam. I was excited obviously, but when I went to my room to change, I ended up passing out on my bed, dead asleep. And since the boys can't come up to the girls dormitory, there was no way James could come up there to see what was going on. In the mean time, Delia was with Remus, June was with some Ravenclaw kid, and apparently three hours later he found out from Wendy that I fell asleep. So when I woke up this morning and realized what happened, I felt like crap. I took a shower and went downstairs for breakfast, and there sat James with June and Sirius, looking aggravated.

I tapped him on the shoulder, "Hey," I tried in my most innocent of voices.

He turned around with a blank expression on his face. "Hi."

I squeezed in between him and Sirius. "James, I'm _so_, so, so, a million times so sorry for yesterday. I was just exhausted and I just fell asleep on my bed, I don't even know how it happened. I'm so sorry. Can I make it up to you?"

"It's a full moon tonight," he growled under his breath so June wouldn't hear.

"Shit," I said. "Well, we still have the whole day, don't we?"

"Just go back to sleep," he said bitterly, taking a spoonful of his cereal.

Oh, Merlin. I really upset him this time. "James, can we, er, talk in private please? We'll go to your room?"

"I want to eat, thanks," he said, not looking at me.

I sighed. He was so stubborn. "Fine, after breakfast?"

"I guess," he shrugged.

I looked over at Sirius, who gave me a sympathetic smile. "You dug your own grave this time, Lils."

I groaned, took a scone and ate as well, talking to June. I finished it quickly and once James finished eating, I grabbed him by the hand and we went up to his room. I closed the door and tried to start.

"James, I know-"

"No, you don't know," he interrupted rather loudly.

"Er…"

"Lily, goddamn it," he said angrily. "I can't deal with this bullshit right now, all right?"

"It's not-"

"You can't just expect you to say you're sorry and make everything better. It doesn't work that way, not always. I'm tired of being treated like I'm not worth your time."

"James, what the hell are you talking about?" I asked, taken aback.

He groaned. "What am I talking about? Hm, I don't know, Lil. Maybe it's the fact that you stood me up yesterday? Or maybe it's that I haven't had more than five minutes with you this past month? Everything else is more important! Did it ever occur to you that I have feelings too?"

"You...you don't have to…I didn't mean to-"

"You never mean to," he snapped. "Whenever I do something wrong, I'm the biggest sodding prat you've ever known, but you do something wrong and everything's fine, right? Merlin, Lily, I…I _needed_ you these past few weeks, _especially_ yesterday. And I know it's not your fault that you fell asleep but…Bloody hell, I'm allowed to be angry!"

"You…you're right. You should be angry. But please stop yelling, I'm sorry."

"Do I ever yell? Do I ever get cross? Do I ever get worked up? No! So just…just let me get it all out, all right?"

"Okay," I said softly, not sure whether to take a step back or to go over to him and try to calm him down. I just stood in place.

He started pacing. "You could have told me you were tired and wanted to sleep instead of blowing me off."

"But I wanted to spend the day with you," I said gently. "I did. I just…I don't know I lied down on my bed for just a few moments to take a breather and I fell asleep. I'm sorry, I am. I…I know I haven't been fair to you lately."

"No, you haven't!" he shouted.

I took a breath. "Please, just…we have time now. Instead of fighting, can't we just spend it together peacefully?"

He looked at me with a pensive face, and then said, "I think I'm going to find Sirius." He then started heading towards the door.

I stopped him. "James, don't be ridiculous."

"I'm not being ridiculous!" he shouted. "Sirius has been there a hell a lot more than you have recently, so I guess I know who I can count on."

"James," I said, now getting upset. "If things have been going on, why haven't you just _told_ me? You know I'd put down the books and listen to you in a heartbeat!"

"Because I didn't want to bother you! You were so bloody stressed out about all of this, it's not my job to put more of a load on you!"

"We're _supposed_ to tell each other when we're angry or upset or something's bothering us," I told him. "That's the whole point! Not act like everything's okay and then explode."

"Oh, but it was perfectly _fine_ when you hid the whole thing about your dad from me for _months_ and expected me to be _okay_ with you crying on my goddamn shoulder without me knowing how to fix it and making me feel completely useless!" he shot back.

Ouch. "That…that was different," I tried.

"No!" James shouted. "No, it really wasn't, Lily!"

"Just tell me, James, please," I said, trying to fight tears. I don't even know why I was getting so upset. I guess it was because he was making me feel like I'm never there for him. "James, I'm sorry. Please, just tell me now. I want to be there for you, always."

He sighed, running his hands through his hair. "Just…it doesn't matter."

"It does matter!" I shouted, letting a tear stream down my face.

He looked at me and I saw his expression change slightly. "Please don't cry," he said, still sounding angry but cooling down a bit.

"You make it seem like I don't care about you at all! And you know that's not true! I don't get why you didn't just _say_ anything! If you're upset that is way more important than dumb exams, and you know that! God, James, I know we've barely had any time together at all lately, but we have now, and instead of being angry can't we just…just…"

I had to stop talking because I was getting too upset.

James was suddenly wrapping his arms around me tightly. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "We're both getting a little too worked up."

I buried my face into his chest, breathing heavily. "You're right," I said. "This is ridiculous."

He kissed my head. "I'm sorry, Lil," he said. "I shouldn't be cross with you. I was just being stupid. You're right, I should have said something."

"I should have realized."

"No, it's not your job to decode my emotions," he said. "That's what blokes are supposed to do with girls."

I laughed shortly, hugging him tighter. "You know I love you, don't you?"

He sighed. "Yeah…yeah, I know. I love you, too."

I let go of him and we sat down on his bed. "Okay," I breathed. "Tell me what's going on."

He took a deep breath and started talking. He told me that a few weeks ago he got a letter from one of his mum's coworkers in St. Mungo's telling him his parents caught some sort of disease and were both staying there for a while. His dad hadn't been taking it as well as his mum. Then the night before last, he got a message that his dad had a heart attack, and though he survived, he is now exceptionally weak, and it's uncertain how long he has left.

"Oh, James," I said, holding his hand. "You should have told me."

"I'm sorry," he whispered.

"Don't be sorry," I said. "You have nothing to be sorry for."

He looked at me, offering a weak smile, and I could see his eyes becoming glossier behind his glasses. I pulled him in for a hug and we sat there for a long while, wrapped in each other's embrace. I don't know how long it was for, but eventually he let go of me and put his hands on my face, gazing into my eyes seriously. "I love you, Lily."

I smiled at him. "I love you too, James."

He pulled my face to his and started kissing me, and I kissed him back, and it was the first time we could kiss without having to rush or worry about time. I missed the taste of him, missed it so much, and my whole body ached, needing him more. We sat there on his bed just kissing passionately for ages, and eventually we lied down on the bed, and his hands started to wander me, and mine started to wander him, and things started to get a bit more heated. James started to nibble at my neck, and I couldn't help but let a moan escape.

Then James said, "I've missed this," and started to slip his fingers under my shirt, pulling on the hem. "I've missed you. All of you."

"Me too," I said, and then with my cooperation, he pulled my shirt off of my person, throwing it to the floor. And then he started to kiss my neck again, and then my arms, and my stomach, making my whole body tingle. I sat up a bit and said, "Now your turn," and I took his shirt off of him, smirking, and then kissed him again.

We took it all slow, taking our time; since it was the first time we've actually _had_ time in ages. It was brilliant, really, really brilliant. When I made a suggestion of going that long without any physical activity again just so when we do it again it'll be that fantastic, I got a "hell fucking no" and then a pillow to my head. Even after we shagged, we seemed to not be able to stop snogging every few minutes, which was fine by me. We lied there in his bed, talking and snogging for what must have been an hour or two. It was really nice to finally have time together. James was able to get everything off his chest that's been on his mind, and so was I, and it was really great to have each other for that.

After one of our really long conversations about post-graduation and moving in together and all that, we took a break from talking and just snogged for a while, and we got so wrapped up in it that it seemed as if we were making our way to a start of Round 2, if you know what I mean. However, sadly, and rather inevitably, Sirius finally interrupted us.

"Not the time, mate," James said, and then brought his lips back to mine.

"James, Lily," he said. "It's, er, urgent."

James and I both pulled away. James sighed. "All right, but if it's-"

"-Something's happened," Sirius said. "It's serious. We need you. Right now." And the tone in his voice left no sign of any joking, and I knew he was telling the truth.

He quickly walked out and James and I both looked at each other nervously. We got up and got dressed as quickly as we could. James put on his glasses and walked over to me and said softly, "Just in case," and then kissed me hard for a few moments. When we parted, he took my hand and we walked out the door.

"What's going on?" James asked as we met Sirius and started descending the stairs.

"Delia. She…her and Remus got into a fight. Delia stormed off and Remus didn't go after her…for a while. Then he used the map to try to find her and found her dot in place in the dungeons with the whole lot of those Slytherin fuckers- Avery, Rosier, Mulciber, Snape…Pacing about…I don't know-"

"We have to get to her," I said. "Where are they? I swear to Merlin, I'll kill them all-"

"They're in the dungeons, I told you," Sirius repeated calmly. "Remus is having a bloody heart attack. Carter and Peter are calming him down. We have to go get her. Now."

"Have they gone and tried yet?" I asked, nervously. "I'm sure-"

"Remus can't, Lily," James said softly, squeezing my hand. "It's the full moon tonight. He's not in the right state…his temper could get out of control and he can do things he'll regret."

"Which they deserve," Sirius said.

"But we can't get him in trouble," James added.

"Right."

I tried to remember to breathe as Sirius led the way, holding the map. James kept whispering things to me. You know, "it'll be fine," "she's going to be okay," "don't worry, love." But how could I not worry? I'm a worrier. It's what I do.

And besides, James was rubbish at hiding the anger he had towards those arseholes. I could tell he couldn't wait to give them what they deserved.

So as we got closer, I said, "Look, both of you. I know you have a tremendous amount of anger and hatred towards these guys…so, just…just keep yourselves careful, please? Don't do anything too harsh that'll get yourselves killed."

James gave me a swift kiss on the lips. "We'll be careful."

Though I knew he was lying through his teeth.

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><p>It's safe to say, if he were not in the situation he was in at the present time, <em>I <em>would be the one to put him in it.

Seriously.

Maybe I would go so far as murdering the bloody prat.

"Stop looking like at him like that," I heard a voice say, making me take my eyes off James's face for a second. "It won't work." Sirius handed me a mug of coffee.

"Thanks," I barely got out, as Sirius took the seat opposite me.

"Lily," he said. But I didn't bother to answer. I returned my gaze to James after taking a sip of the coffee.

I heard Sirius sigh. "Maybe you should sleep."

I shook my head, taking another sip.

"Stop. You need some rest."

"So do you," I replied simply, looking back at him. "We've both been here all night. And I can make decisions for myself, thanks. I'm staying until I decide I'm okay with leaving."

Sirius scoffed. "You're barmy."

"I know."

"He didn't mean for this to happen."

"I don't care."

"He…" Sirius took a breath. "James always tries to do more than what should be done. You know? He was doing what he thought was right."

"Almost got him killed."

"He didn't almost get killed! He's going to be fine!"

I didn't have it in me to yell, but I raised my voice from the whisper I'd been speaking it. "This time," I said. "But what about all the next times, where he's just trying to do what's right and doesn't get lucky? And being bloody unconscious isn't really lucky either, if you ask me."

I looked back at James, lying there in the Hospital Wing bed, his face slightly tilted towards where I was sitting, almost all the color drained from it. Wake up, I wanted to scream. Wake up wake up wake up.

"It was Avery," said Sirius after a few moments. "After you woke up Delia and left…He provoked James, yelling things about not being able to wait to kill…well…you. 'Can't wait til I get a chance to rip the life from that worthless mudblood you-' And I didn't hear the rest, 'cause James started hexing. Rosier got him when he wasn't looking- strong spell, gave him and Avery enough time to get out of there alive before I killed them both myself. Don't blame him. He…he had to. Or at least he think he did."

"No, he did not," was all I could say, because I was crying again, but I didn't want Sirius to notice, so I just kept gazing at James's face, hoping my mental "WAKE UP" chants would somehow make him open his eyes.

Sirius got up and walked and sat down in the chair right beside me. He touched my shoulder. "Lily…just…just don't be angry with him."

"I can be upset-"

"You can be upset!" Sirius reassured me. "Of course you can. But don't be cross with him. He doesn't need to wake up from a sodding knock out and find out you're cross with him when he was just trying to do what-"

"-He thought was right, I _know_," I said, wiping a tear before facing Sirius. "But…All right, all right. I…I won't be cross with him. I'm not. But…"

Sirius rubbed my arm, which just made me want to cry more. "He's going to be okay. I swear it. He did something stupid. He'll know for next time not to keep going once it's over. We got Delia, that's what's important, and she's okay. She's probably pissed at Remus but, you know…that's not really our problem…"

"I just don't understand," I said, scratching my head. "What were they even doing anyway? Delia said they were just making some kind of potion, and when she heard them say something about poison that's when they found her and-"

"Knocked her out," Sirius finished.

"Yeah," I whispered.

"She's okay though," Sirius reassured me. "We all are. We got Delia and we put those bloody pricks in their place. Nice hexing, by the way. I think we did a pretty good job, don't you?"

I nodded shortly, but it still felt to me like we lost.

Sirius knew that I felt that way, so of course he goes and says, "Nothing a good shag once he wakes up won't fix, eh?"

"If I had the energy," I murmured. "I would be hitting you right now. But nothing is working properly. My mind, my heart, none of my body parts, really. And I think when James wakes up he'll feel similarly. So I don't think shagging is really an option as of right now. I would say thanks for the advice, but I didn't ask for it, and you would have said that sometime regardless anyway."

Sirius chuckled lightly, leaning back in his chair, sipping his own coffee. "You know how much he loves you, right?"

"I-"

"Wait," Sirius said. "Just…Honestly. I've had to deal with this bloke for seven years going on and on about you. Even before you decided you'd give him a shot. Imagine how much I've had to hear the git go on and on about you for the past eight months. So if anyone knows how he feels about you, it's me, Evans. And I know he's a downright git and does things he shouldn't, like last night. But… don't ever let him go, all right? That would kill him more than any encounter with a Death Eater."

Tears were slipping down my cheeks. "I'm not," I said sternly through my lost voice. "Never."

Sirius grinned at me shortly, wiped away a tear for me, and then we sat in silence for the next forty minutes and drank our coffee. Sirius then read The Prophet to himself. Suddenly, I heard something.

I looked at James, who was groaning quietly.

I pulled my chair right beside him and grabbed his hand. I felt his hand slowly curl around mine. He opened his eyes slowly, and looked at me. "Li…Lily?…I-"

"Sh," I said, rubbing his hand. "It's me."

"Hey, mate," said Sirius, standing up. "I'll get Pomfrey. She just went to grab some breakfast."

Sirius walked away, leaving me alone with James.

And though I promised Sirius I wouldn't be cross with James, doesn't mean I wasn't feeling that way. But I tried best to hide it.

"You're…you're okay," said James hoarsely, searching my face.

"I'm fine," I told him.

"I'm…I'm so sorry, Lily. I shouldn't…I… I don't-"

"It's okay," I said reluctantly. I rubbed his hand. "You're okay. We're all fine. Don't talk. Just rest. Madame Pomfrey will be here in a minute."

He nodded, closing his eyes for a few moments and squeezing my hand gently. He reopened them and suddenly looked worried. "What about Delia? Is she-"

"She's safe. She's sleeping in our room. She's not feeling too well but she'll be fine."

He nodded again. "Good."

We sat in silence for a few more moments as I continued to hold his hand. He was looking at me strangely, so I looked away.

"Lily-" he started, but Sirius and Pomfrey arrived at that moment. I let go of his hand and got up.

"Ms. Evans," Pomfrey said as she strolled over to James and felt his head. "I think you should go now. He is awake and in my care, no need to worry. All right?"

"She's right, Lily," said Sirius. "I'll-"

"You too, Black," said Pomfrey. "You need some rest. I don't need the both of you coming back here sick because you haven't gotten any sleep."

"When will James be, er, released?" I asked Pomfrey.

"Within the hour," she replied. "Don't worry, dear. He'll be fine. Go get some rest."

I nodded reluctantly at Pomfrey, looked at James, whispered, "See you," waved to Sirius, and then walked out without looking back.

I got to the common room and there was Remus, looking worse than I've ever seen him, probably a combination from the morning after the full moon and being worried over his friends. "Lily," he said, walking over to me. "Are you all right?"

"I'm fine," I told him.

"James? Sirius? Peter was with me last night so-"

"Sirius is fine. James is in the Hospital Wing, but he should be fine as well. He just woke up if you want to go there."

He nodded. "And… Delia?"

"She's okay, too, Remus," I said. "We got her into bed last night and she was just tired. She's probably still asleep-"

Right as I said it, Delia and June came down the stairs together. We both turned our attention to them.

"Delia," Remus whispered, running towards her, embracing her. Delia looked tired as ever, but she smiled against his shoulder and wrapped her arms around his neck.

June walked over to me. "How's James?"

"Awake," I responded. "I, er, think I'm going to take a nap."

"You all right?" she asked.

"Sure," I said. "I'll see you later."

I went upstairs, changed into one of James's old shirts he gave me, plopped into bed and cried myself to sleep.

I woke up around five hours later, light headed and dazed. No one was in the room but me. I was about to get out when I noticed a bunch of pieces of parchment and a rose on my bed. I read them.

**I'm sorry. Please come downstairs when you're ready. -James**

**I don't know if you're asleep or just ignoring me, so if you are awake at least just write something nasty back about what an idiot I am- and you don't even have to include the "but I love you anyway" part. –J**

**I'm assuming you're asleep. Sirius just told me that you stayed up all night by my bedside. I don't deserve you. –J**

**Come find me when you wake up. I love you.**

The last one was attached to the rose. I sighed heavily and put the notes in a drawer in my nightstand and left the rose on top. I kept James's shirt on and put on some shorts and went downstairs to the Common Room.

Delia and Remus were lying on the couch together while June and Sirius played a game of gobstones on the floor near the fire while Peter watched intently.

"Hey, sleepy girl," said June as I approached them. "Get any rest?"

I nodded slowly. "A bit."

"A bit? You've been out cold for five hours," Delia said.

I shrugged. "Don't really feel refreshed or anything though." I turned to Sirius. "Did you get any sleep?"

"Just woke up from a power nap about an hour ago," he answered. "Sh, I have to concentrate on kicking Carter's arse."

"In your dreams, Black," June retorted.

"A lot more than that happens in my dreams with you," Sirius said, winking.

June rolled her eyes. "Just make a move already!"

"Pretty sure I just did, love."

"I meant in the game, you prat!"

"Oi, do I really have to sit through this?" Peter chimed in.

I chuckled lightly. "Anyone know where James is?"

"In our room," Remus answered.

I saluted him. "Thanks captain. See you guys later."

I went up the boys' staircase and knocked on James's door. "Come in," I heard him answer lowly.

I opened the door and closed it behind me. James was lying on his bed without a shirt, redoing one of his bandages on his arm. I walked slowly towards him and saw all his cuts and bruises. He looked up from his arm after he finished and saw me. "Lily," he said softly.

And as bad as I wanted to scream at him and hit him and tell him what an idiot he was, all I could do was lie down on his bed, cuddle up right next to him, put my head in the crook of his neck and let myself cry (yes, again).

James kissed my head, understanding that I didn't really want to talk, and wrapped his uninjured arm around me, putting his hand in my hair and running his fingers through it.

I fell asleep to his "It's okay, I'm all right" whispers for a little and woke up still in James's arm. He was rubbing my back and looking at me softly. I fluttered my eyes open and asked "How long was I asleep for? Here, I mean."

"About an hour or so," he answered.

"Sorry," I said meekly.

He half smiled. "S'All right. Glad you got some rest."

I didn't respond but just laid my head back against James. I felt him breathing heavily and his heart pounding fast against his chest.

I felt him sigh. "I'm sorry."

I didn't respond again.

"I'm a git, I know. I am. I'm a prat, git, tosser, prick, pansy, arsehole, toerag… every name in the book- I'm it. I just…They- they provoked me. They were saying things about you to get me cross. And I know that doesn't justify me going out of line and getting myself hurt, but I can't stand to listen to them talk about you like that."

"I know," I whispered.

"Pomfrey said my arm should be better by next week, and everything else is okay. Head, heart….all bodily functions in check. I'm all right, I promise."

I didn't respond.

After a few moments, James said, "But you're not."

"No," I said softly. "I'm not."

"I'm so, so sorry, Lil."

"I know you are," I said, sitting up now, trying to keep myself composed. "And…I'm not cross or anything. But… but imagine if it were me, James. Do you have any idea what it's been like for me all night? Sitting there waiting for you to wake up? It was killing me..."

A tear slipped down my cheek. James sat up and wiped it off. "Lily-"

"I…I can't do that again, James. I can't sit by your bedside praying that you're alive every time someone calls me a mudblood or something. I don't care what they say! I care about you being safe and… and… and you promised me you wouldn't leave me and when you go and d-do things like that how am I supposed to…"

I stopped talking to let out a sob and wipe my eyes.

"This is a war, James. It's not some game, it's not about pride or house competition… This is real now. And I can't lose you."

He cupped my face and stared right into my eyes, and his eyes were filled with tears too, and then he said, "You won't," and then he kissed me, and I let him. He pulled back for just a moment and said, "I swear it. Okay?"

I nodded, and then he leaned in and kissed me again, with the kind of passion to make my heart burst. I kissed him back, pouring out all my emotions, tears still slipping down my cheeks. James must have felt them because he pulled away for a moment to wipe my face, and then he leaned in again, and I opened my mouth and let his tongue meet mine, and I put my hands around his neck and let myself melt into him.

After a little while, we pulled away to breathe and James kissed my cheeks and my neck, and then my lips one more time sweetly. He moved some hair out of my face and gave me a crooked smile. "If only you knew how much I loved you," he whispered.

I sighed, and I kissed him one more time before I wrapped my arms around his torso and we lied back down on the bed. We had an unspoken moment, where I put my head against his chest, and he wrapped his good arm around me tightly, and we both breathed together, and everything was okay just for a little.

And as long as he was here beside me, it would always be okay.

* * *

><p><strong><em>AN: Well, there you go. Only one more chapter and then the story is over. I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. Reviews would be awesome._**


	17. Don't Go Without Me

**_A/N: Well, here it is. I'll have another A/N at the end of the chapter to say more, but here is what I have to say now. This chapter is basically an epilogue to close the story. It's in James's point of view and it is small snippets from graduation until a few months after Harry is born. I've always wanted to end the story this way, so here it is. I really hope you enjoy it._**

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><p><em>"Heaven or hell or somewhere in between, cross your heart to take me when you leave. Don't go, please don't go… Don't go without me." -<em>The Civil Wars_ ~ "_C'est La Mort_"_

* * *

><p><strong>(JAMES'S P.O.V)<strong>

_[May 1978]_

"Don't go without me," she whispered as she pulled her lips away from mine, smiling softly. I reluctantly let her go as they called her name.

The speeches, the awards, the house points… They were all over. All that was left now was a piece of parchment with our names on it.

Delia was next, then Lupin, then Peter, then me. And then what was left?

I watched her walk up, smile as McGonagall handed her a diploma, and stand on the stage next to June.

Name after name was called, and when it was finally my turn, I got up, kissed McGonagall on the cheek, shook Dumbledore's hand and stood next to my brothers.

And we threw our hats in the air, and it was over.

And what was of it? What did it mean? We finished school…and now what?

The answer, I realized, was not too far across the stage, smiling right at me.

* * *

><p><em>[May 1978]<em>

"And, this is the bedroom," I said, opening the door slowly. "But keep your eyes closed. And we can add a TV, if you want one, I mean. And there's a wardrobe over there, and it looks small, but it's enchanted so that when you open it it's big enough for the both of us, and-"

"Why are my eyes closed? Can I open them? This is ridiculous, James-"

"Do you have any patience at all?" I asked, kissing her cheek. "Not yet," I said, bringing her with me to the bed. "Sit down."

She sighed but listened.

"Good," I said softly. "Now you can open them."

"Finally," she said. "What-"

She closed her mouth and her eyes grew wide. There were candles floating around the room, and rose petals all over the floor and on the bed.

And I was down on one knee, right in front of her, and she looked down, and her eyes started to water.

"James-"

"Lily," I said softly. "I loved you from the moment I saw you. I loved you when you insulted me, and when you hexed me. I loved you when you would stick your nose up in the air and walk away from my pleas for you to date me. I loved you when your face would be buried in a book in the Common Room while everyone else was having a party. I loved you when you never even looked at me. And I loved you when you did. I loved you when you started to see me. And I loved you when I kissed you for the first time, and I loved you even more when you kissed me back. And I loved you when you were broken. And I loved you when you were whole. And I have loved you every second of every day since I stepped on that train. And I love you here. And I loved you then. And I will love you always. And I want to love you until we're laying in this bed when we're ninety years old, and I will love you more than I do now, if that's even possible."

I wiped my eyes, laughing softly, and reached into my pocket to pull out the ring. And I looked up at her again and tears were streaming down her face, but she was smiling. Smiling my favorite smile in this life.

"Lily," I said again. "Will you marry me?"

Her smile grew as she let out a small sob. "Of course I will, you big toerag."

I smiled right back at her, and put the ring on her finger, and she glowed. I sat down next to her and she grabbed my face and kissed me hard, and I wrapped my arms around her and kissed her back.

The room started to spin, but I was already dizzy.

* * *

><p><em>[August 1978]<em>

"Ready?" my best friend asked me, patting my back.

I nodded slowly. "Nervous, is all."

"Nervous? About what?"

"Tornado. Earthquake. Death Eater raid. Heart attack. Runaway bride. Nothing too serious."

"Don't be a ponce, Prongs," Sirius laughed. "Lily isn't running away. And none of those other things are happening either. Got it?"

"You can never be sure."

He rolled his eyes. "Come on, mate. You're up."

I walked myself down the aisle. My dad passed away a few days after the engagement, and my Mum was too sick to be here today. I visited her before I got here. She told me I'm going to be the best husband a woman could ask for, and that she was proud of me and that she loves me. She only has a few days left, but I'm trying not to think about it.

Lily's Mum was sitting in the front row, crying.

Petunia was nowhere to be found.

Sirius was the one to walk Lily down the aisle. The doors opened, and there she stood, shining brighter than ever.

I had never seen a sight so beautiful in my life.

And she walked towards me, smiling, and she was the only thing that mattered. We were the only two people in the world. She was all I'd ever need

And so the preacher man did his job, and I barely heard a word he said as I gazed at Lily the entire time.

I woke from my trance when I was told to say my vows.

I went first. "Lily, I… I never thought I could be so happy. That I could find someone that makes me feel the way I feel when I'm with you… I've loved you for so long. And I always will. You are by far the best thing that has ever happened to me. And I cannot wait another moment to spend the rest of my life by your side."

She smiled up at me. "James, you were like a storm upon me. I never knew that the annoying boy with messy hair and a slight ego problem would fall upon me without even a warning. I never thought I could love someone the way I love you. You are my best friend, and I can't imagine a world without you in it. I love you, now and forevermore."

We smiled at each other, and I have never been so in love.

We put on the rings and said our "I do's," and when the preacher man said "You may kiss the bride," I gently put my hands on both sides of Lily's face and kissed her, and the world fell apart, and I was lost in her, yet I had never been more found.

We broke apart, and everyone was cheering, and we turned around and smiled at them, and walked back down the aisle until we were lead to a room upstairs to have ten minutes of privacy.

I kissed her with everything I had in me. She kissed me back, and I picked her up and brought us over to the couch and set us down. I pulled apart for a second, and looked at her gently and asked, "Are you all right?"

"Of course I am," she replied, smiling and running one of her hands through my hair. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"Just…you know, Petunia, and your dad…I just was making sure that-"

"I'm fine," she said, caressing my face. "Better than fine. The best I've ever been. I promise you. Nothing and no one can take today away from me." She leaned in and kissed me quickly. "Are you okay?"

"Yes," I answered honestly. "Brilliant, actually."

"Glad to hear," she grinned, and she brought her lips back to mine and I melted in her touch.

After a bit, I pulled away and murmured, "I love you, Mrs. Potter."

She giggled and responded, "I love you too, Mr. Evans."

I rolled my eyes and nudged her. "It doesn't work that way."

"It should," she said before I started kissing her again.

Not too long afterward, a knock was on the door and I heard Sirius's voice, "Time's up, love birds. Time to show your faces to the crowd!"

I groaned and Lily laughed as she kissed me one more time and removed herself from me.

Sirius then walked in and said. "Hurry it up, would you! People are waiting!"

"Would you calm down, Sirius?"

"No," he said. "I'm really just trying to get you out of here so _I _could get my alone time with your wife."

_Your wife. _My wife. She was my wife.

"After all," Sirius continued. "Marrying you was also a promise to marrying me. Isn't that right?"

"No," I said, scoffing at him.

He put his arm around Lily's shoulders. "Come on now, love. You may kiss the groom!"

Lily laughed and kissed his cheek, to which I pulled her away and to me.

"All right, mate, enough. We're coming."

"Oh, someone's jealous," Sirius said, leading us out the door.

As we walked down the stairs, Lily said, "But the question is, is he jealous of you, or me?"

"Ah, yes, a very good question indeed, red."

"I think he's jealous of me," Lily said, grinning at me. "He wants some alone time with you, _Padfoot."_

"You caught me," I laughed.

"Don't worry, Prongs," Sirius said, slapping my arse. "I'll steal you away later."

I rolled my eyes as Lily laughed and gripped on my arm as we continued to walk back to the party.

"You look beautiful, by the way," I whispered against her.

"Thank you, love," she grinned. "You could use a little work, though," she said, chuckling.

_[1 hour later]_

"Best Man speech!" Sirius shouted, clinking his glass.

"So, how badly do you think he's going to embarrass us right now?" Lily whispered to me.

"With the amount of blackmail he has…I'd say we better change our names and move to America, right about now."

"Do we have time to pack?"

"No, let's just run while we can."

"Hey," Sirius's voice boomed. "No escaping this, mates. I've got some things I want you to hear."

"How did he know?" she whispered to me.

I just laughed and held her hand. "It's Sirius."

"Now, as the Best Man," he said, fixing his tie. "I think there are a few things I'm obligated to say here. I'm going to start off with Lily."

"Wonderful," she sighed, smiling.

"My brilliant, sweet Lily. Always a pleasure, even when hitting me on the back of my head with a textbook for losing Gryffindor house 50 points in one class."

Everyone laughed.

"But I always liked something about her. She had that gleam in her eye, like she was ready to take on the world all by herself. Came into the school not knowing a thing about magic and was top of the class by the first week. Incredible, that Evans girl, all the professors would say. And of course I would get all jealous because, hey, _I _was supposed to be the star of every class. I mean, I'm Sirius Black, aren't I? Who was this bird? Of course, I thought James would be with me on this one, beating him too. But I saw the way he looked at her."

He paused for a moment and scratched his said, looking at me for a moment.

"Anyway," he continued. "James being my very best friend and all, I was able to catch up on some habits of his. One of those habits throughout the first three years of school was casually mentioning Lily's name here and there, or being where she was, or somehow bumping into her. What a crush that kid had. It became more obvious once we hit fourth year, and James finally started to hit on poor ole Lily. She was smart, turning him down. Served him right."

Everyone laughed again.

"But James never gave up on her. And he was right not to. Because, well, look at her," he said, pointing to Lily. "She's beautiful. More than beautiful, really. And she's the most brilliant bird I've ever met. And she's got a heart bigger than anyone I've ever known. She actually truly and genuinely cares about other people; she doesn't just fake it like the rest of us do. She loves with every atom in her, and she is like family to me. Like a sister. And I love her. And hell, if James hadn't gotten there first, I sure would have tried myself."

People were chuckling again, but when I turned to look at Lily she was smiling with tears streaming down her face, gripping my hand tightly.

"And then, finally, Lily fell for James like she inevitably would have, even if it would've taken 100 years instead of 7, because James would never stop trying to win her over. Not even that, but, really, how could she resist? I mean, he is very handsome, not to mention he was the top of almost all his classes, Quidditch captain and star…just an all around got-to-have lad. He is also, without a doubt, the best person I've ever met in my life. He always puts others before himself. He is always, always there for his friends. He's got love bursting out of his seams. He's as good as they come. I have never put so much faith in someone as I do with James. He is my brother, in every sense. And I cannot think of a single person on this planet who would be better fit for Lily. I cannot think of two better people. And they will conquer the world together, I'm sure of it."

He smiled his brilliant wide smile at me, and I felt speechless.

"So, to Mr. and Mrs. Potter. I love you both with all my heart. And thanks for the spare bedroom in your place. Cheers!"

"Cheers!" everyone chorused and drank, and then clapped as Sirius, in a very Sirius-like manner, took a bow and blew some kissed and then waltzed back over to our table.

Lily was up in seconds, and she wrapped her arms tightly around Sirius's neck and kissed his cheek, and he picked her up off the ground and held her tightly back. And he looked at me over her shoulder and his eyes were red and glossy.

They let go of each other and exchanged some words I did not hear, nor was I meant to. Sirius kissed her cheek and she smiled at him, and then he walked over to me.

"Sirius," I started. "That was…I mean, you didn't have to… I just…"

"Nothing to it," he shrugged, half grinning. He looked like he was about to cry, but in a good way. "All from the heart. Didn't even write anything down."

"A born natural, obviously," I said.

"They don't make 'em like me, anymore," he said.

I grabbed him in for a hug and said, "I love you, Sirius."

"Love you too, mate," he said, patting my back.

After a few more short moments we let go of each other.

"Now," Sirius said, waving to Lily for her to come over here. "I think it's time for the newly weds' first official dance as husband and wife, yeah?"

Lily and I went on the dance floor and I held her in my arms as we swayed to a slow, soft song.

"So," Lily said softly. "How long do you think he's going to hold that beautiful speech over us for?"

I chuckled lightly, kissing her head. "Til the end of time."

She laughed against me and then said, "He does know he is not getting that spare bedroom, right?"

* * *

><p><em>[November 1978]<em>

Her arms wrapped around me the moment I got into the bed.

"Did I wake you?" I asked, kissing her head.

She shook her head. "No," she answered quietly. "I can't sleep without you."

I sighed, putting a hand in her hair. "I know. I'm sorry."

"Not your fault Crouch and Moody have got you working until midnight."

"It's just for a few months," I reminded her. "Until they get more Aurors, after…well, you know."

"After the attack, I know," she said. "I remember almost being killed by Voldemort last week."

"I know you remember," I said, feeling a little bitter, pulling away a bit. It was a shocking experience for all of us, but in the end, it was Lily and I who threw him off and helped us all escape. We have only been out of school for half a year, and we escaped Voldemort. To me, it made me feel like we could do anything, really. Lily didn't see it that way though.

She must have noticed, because she said, "Sorry. I didn't mean to…" She breathed heavily. "It's just been hard. Nightmares, and all."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be," she said softly. "You make them go away."

"Good," I sighed against her hair. "That's what I'm here for."

"Got any energy to be here for me for other things?" She asked suggestively.

I laughed and looked at her curiously. "Not too tired?"

"No," she said, and in that moment stifled a yawn. We both laughed.

"We can make it quick?"

* * *

><p><em>[December 1978]<em>

"It's _Christmas._"

"Lily-"

"No, you're staying here. Your friends are here. I'm here. They have enough people at work today. I know they're not back on track yet but Moody said you take today off. You. Are. Staying. Got it?"

I sighed. "Yeah."

"Good."

"Well, you don't look too happy about it."

"Because, James, Merlin!" she screamed, slamming a pot down. "It's been so bloody hard the past few weeks, and I don't understand why you're running away!"

"I'm not running away, Lily! I just saw the memo and thought they could use a little extra help-"

"And leave your friends on Christmas? Leave me? Our first Christmas together and…"

"Lily…it's…it's not because I don't want…Oh, God, do you actually _think_ that?"

"Well, you aren't giving me any reasons not to!"

"You're fucking ridiculous," I sighed, frustrated. "Of course I want to spend Christmas with you. I want to spend every day with you. If it were up to me I wouldn't go to work at all and-"

"I'm not asking you not to go to work at all, I have work too-"

"I know you're not asking me that," I told her. "I just hate seeing you upset because I'm trying to do my job."

She breathed heavily, walking closer to me. "I just feel like you're over working yourself, that's all."

"Maybe I am. What happened the other week… I just want to make sure in case something like that happens again we're better prepared. We got lucky. I just want to keep us safe. Everyone safe. You understand that, don't you?"

"I don't feel safe when you're not here," she whispered.

I sighed, reaching out for her hand. "Lily-"

"I'm sorry," she said quickly. "That's selfish of me."

"Of course it isn't," I answered, taking her other hand as well. "You're my wife. You are always my number one priority."

She half smiled at me and sighed. "I just don't like coming home from work four hours before you, eating alone, waiting for you to come back, hoping you're okay. They have plenty of older and longer experienced people who did not just get married who can work until midnight. I'm not saying you're incapable, I just… I just want you home."

"I'll try to work something out," I told her. "Something better for the both of us. Sound good?"

She nodded, and then pulled me in for a hug. "I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry too," I said, kissing her shoulder. We let go. "Now," I started as we walked towards the door back to the dining room. "Let's get back to the lads. Although I'm sure they've been eavesdropping this whole time, am I right?" I said, smirking, as I pushed open the door, revealing a very guilty looking Sirius, Remus and Peter.

* * *

><p><em>[August 1979]<em>

"Feels longer than a year," she said, playing with my hair.

"Only cause we've been together for two."

"Still," she said. "All we've been through…just makes it feel different, you know?"

"Kind of," I replied, kissing her fingers.

She sighed, humming against me. "Guess we just became adults faster."

I hummed in agreement, moving my lips up her arm slowly.

"Well," she said. "At least one of us."

I rolled my eyes and said, "So conceited."

"Yeah, coming from the winner of 'most inflated head,' nineteen years running."

I laughed loudly, removing my mouth from her skin for a few moments. "Let's be clear, I only won that _sixteen_ years in a row. The past three years I haven't even made it into the final five, so."

She laughed her most beautiful laugh, grabbing my face and kissing it. "It's all right, I still love you."

I smiled at her and kissed her lips quickly again, before moving my mouth to her neck and making her release a mixture of giggles and moans.

"Don't you think we should eat breakfast?" she asked.

"It's noon, love," I told her.

"But we got up at nine!" she said, laughing.

"Well, we got busy," I reminded her, kissing her collarbone.

She laughed. "Right. Maybe we should get up now."

"Maybe," I repeated. "Maybe as in no."

She pushed me. "I'm hungry!"

I ignored her and let my lips play with her ear.

"Er, well, " she said after a few moments, sounding breathy. "My stomach can wait a little while more, I suppose."

"You suppose, yeah?" I asked, chuckling.

"Would you stop teasing me and just kiss me already?"

* * *

><p><em>[December 1979]<em>

"I'm home," I announced as I walked into our living room, where Lily was lying down on the couch, wrapped up in blankets, wearing one of my jumpers, watching something on the telly. She looked like she was crying.

"Hi," she answered quietly from the couch.

I put my stuff down, took off my work robes so I was just wearing trousers and a t-shirt, threw the robes on one of the chairs and walked over to her. "What's the matter?" I asked, putting my hand on her wet cheek. "Are you hurt? Is someone we know hurt? Is-"

"I'm fine, everyone's fine," she answered quickly. "Nothing like that."

"Then what is it?"

"S'nothing," she sniffled.

"It's obviously something," I said, worried, wiping away the tears sitting on her face. "Do you want to talk about it?"

She nodded slowly and said, "Yes, but…but not right now. Soon, though. Can you just…can you just lie here with me for a little while?"

"Of course, Lil," I said, giving her a kiss on the cheek as she sat up and made room for me to cuddle up with her under the blankets.

"Thank you," she mumbled into my chest, snuggling closer against me as I wrapped my arms around her tightly.

"No problem, love. Just let me know when you're ready to talk."

Lily closed her eyes and kept her face against my chest while I let one hand run through her hair and the other down her back while I watched some movie on the telly. After around twenty minutes, Lily opened her eyes and looked up at me, kissed me softly on the lips and said, "I'm ready to talk now."

She lowered the volume on the telly and sat up, and I sat up too, holding one of her hands. She sighed heavily, her eyes wandering around the room and then looking down at our hands. She squeezed my hand for a moment before she spoke.

"I…erm, well I… I have something I need to tell you…"

"All right," I responded cautiously.

"B-but, you can't get cross…or storm off, or…or-"

"Lily, calm down," I told her, seeing the tears forming in her eyes again. "You can tell me anything, you know that. All right?"

She nodded. "I know. I'm sorry."

"It's okay."

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath before she revealed, "I'm pregnant."

_I'm pregnant._

Lily was pregnant. We were going to have a baby. Together.

I couldn't smile wider.

And then I started laughing.

"Wh…Why are you laughing?" she asked. "It isn't funny!"

I continued to laugh, and then I grabbed her face and kissed her. "And you tell me that I'm daft."

"I don't get why you're still laughing!" she shouted.

"Because," I said, still smiling as wide as I could, "how could you ever in a million years think I'd ever be angry about something as wonderful as that?"

"You…you're not upset?"

"No! I mean, I'm a bit confused, since we always use contraceptive spells or-"

"Three weeks ago, after that Death Eater raid…"

"Oh," I said, smirking. "Right. Well, we slipped. But why would I be upset about it?"

"Just… I mean, there's a war going on, it's not exactly the best time to have a baby…and, we're both always working…and we're young and…"

"Lily," I said, cupping her face with my hands. "Forget about all that for a second. We're having a _baby_. You and I are going to be _parents. _Who cares about the bloody war when we're going to have a miracle."

She sighed, but then a smile spread across her face. "You're right."

"I know I'm right."

"We're having a baby."

"We're having a baby."

"We're having a baby!" she shouted this time, laughing, and then she kissed me, and I kissed her back, my heart leaping up into my throat, the world spinning. I pulled away to kiss her stomach and let my head rest there for a moment, where our baby was growing. I kissed her stomach one more time before wrapping my arms around her, telling her "I love you so much," and bringing my mouth back to hers, melting in her, sinking into the beauty, living in the moment of how wonderful everything was, and how wonderful everything will be.

* * *

><p><em>[March 1980]<em>

"Are you sure you want to know?" the healer asked.

Lily and I both looked at each other. "Yes," she answered. "We want to know."

"It's going to be a boy," the healer told us.

A boy.

I was going to have a _son._

Lily started crying tears of joy and I embraced her, feeling like crying a bit myself.

A boy. Wow.

* * *

><p><em>[June 1980]<em>

"Lily," I tried.

"Don't even bother," she said, shoving another spoon of ice cream into her mouth.

"Well, you could _save_ some for me too, you know."

She stuck her tongue out at me and proceeded to gather more ice cream into her spoon.

"Or not."

"I'm as fat as an elephant anyway, why stop now?"

I rolled my eyes, sitting next to her. "Lily, you do realize you have a _person_ growing inside of you. You are not actually fat."

"Person or no person inside of me, I'm hideous. Just leave me and my ice cream to our alone time."

I got up, sighing. "Fine. I'm going to-"

She grabbed my hand. "No, wait, stay."

She had such a pleading look on her face I just laughed and sat back down next to her. "Change of heart?"

"I missed you today," she said.

"I missed you too."

"It's weird being home all the time. It's only been a week and I feel like I'm going crazy."

"They thought it's what was best for you and the baby to be home for at least a month before he comes."

"I know but I had no one to eat lunch with," she pouted.

"Did you eat ice cream for lunch?" I asked amused, moving a piece of her hair behind her ear.

She shoved another spoonful into her mouth and said, "Maybe."

I laughed and kissed the hand I was holding. "I love you. And you are not hideous, by the way. You are the most beautiful thing I've ever seen, especially now."

She scoffed at me momentarily. "You're such a liar," she said, but a smile spread across her face. "And I love you too."

I smiled back at her. Then I took a book from the coffee table and transfigured it into a spoon.

"Hey!" she shouted as I dug into the tub of ice cream resting on Lily's belly.

"Don't be so selfish," I responded.

"No, not that," she said. "I needed that book!"

"Don't worry I'll turn it back afterward."

"You could've just gotten up off your lazy arse and gotten a spoon from the kitchen, you prat. Or even summoned it!"

"Oh well," I said, shoving some more ice cream in my mouth.

"You just love showing off your transfiguration skills."

"Maybe a bit," I smirked. And then she rolled her eyes and I put my hand on her chin and crushed my lips against hers, slipping my tongue into her mouth, reveling in her. She kissed me back for a few moments, until she pushed me away.

"Stop that," she said, hiding a smile. "I'm mad at you."

"No you aren't."

"Seriously, I needed that book!"

"What was it?"

"A baby-naming book."

"Lily, I thought we went over this. James Jr. is a perfectly-"

"Enough," she said, rolling her eyes but smiling.

I smiled. "Sorry, love. Fine, fine. What names do you have it narrowed down to again?"

"Thomas, Harry, Scott."

"Thomas? No… I just don't see it."

She shrugged. "Scott because of my dad but… I just don't know if I really want to. That's why I'm thinking Harry. It was Dad's middle name."

"Harry…" I said, thinking about it. "Not bad. Could work…"

I looked at her and I could tell it was the name she really wanted.

"Harry, yeah?"

She nodded, eyes wide.

"If it's what you really want… Yeah, Harry's a nice name."

"So, Harry? Is that it?"

"I guess so. See, you didn't even need the book," I said.

She laughed, put the ice cream tub down on the coffee table, and then she closed her eyes and put our linked hands on her belly. "Harry James," she whispered.

"Harry…what?" I asked, smiling.

"I want his middle name to be James. You know, if that's okay with you."

I grinned wide. "I love you so much," I told her, and then I kissed her, and I felt her smiling against my lips, and she kissed me back.

We snogged on the couch for quite a while, until I realized how hungry I was and pulled away. She groaned and pulled my face back to hers, and I laughed against her lips, kissing her one more time. "We'll continue later," I promised her. "Right now, the kitchen is calling. Why don't we lay off the ice cream for a bit and I'll make us some real dinner?"

"Oh, I love it when you cook. So manly."

* * *

><p><em>[November 1980]<em>

"Your turn," Lily mumbled against my chest as Harry started to cry again.

I sighed and kissed Lily's head, got out of bed, grabbed my glasses and put some boxers on. I left our room and walked down the hall to Harry's.

I picked him up out of his crib and sat down on the rocking chair and started to sooth him.

Truth was I didn't really mind tending to Harry in the middle of the night. He's actually not that big of a crier. Thank Merlin. But, I mean, he still cries. Sure, sleep isn't as plentiful, but that didn't really matter anymore.

Harry was only a couple months old and he already had enough hair on his head to know he was going to have the same problems as me. Poor kid. Glad he didn't turn out ginger, though. He actually looks quite a lot like me, really. Like father like son.

But the best part of them all is, he's got Lily's eyes; big and wide and green as can be. And when he cries they get even brighter. So I just put him on my lap and calm him down and try to make him smile or something. When desperate times call for desperate measures I take out the snitch Lily got me in seventh year for Christmas and let it fly around the room for a bit, distracting Harry. It usually makes him a bit happier.

Only a few months old and he's already crazy about Quidditch. This kid is going to be the best.

He was pretty easy to calm down tonight. I just had to hold him and rub his back while rocking on the chair. After a minute or so he stopped crying, to which I couldn't help but proceed to kissing his cheeks and tickling his belly, making him giggle lightly. I held his tiny body in my hands and rocked with him as his eyelids fluttered. He yawned and after a few minutes he was back to sleep. I kissed him one more time, not wanting to let go. But I got up from the rocking chair and put him back in his crib.

I stood there watching over him for a few more moments. I reluctantly left the room and walked back to mine, taking my glasses off and crawling back into bed, taking Lily back into my arms.

"Is he all right?" she asked me quietly.

"Yeah," I answered, kissing her shoulder.

"You know," she said. "You were in there for a while. And Harry stopped crying very shortly after you got in there."

"Yeah, well…Just wanted to make sure he-"

"You love him so much," she sighed against me. "It's amazing."

I mean, she wasn't wrong.

"You're a brilliant dad, James."

"You're a better mum, though."

She shook her head, chuckling. "He's going to be just like you. I can feel it."

"And you're happy about this?"

"Well," she said, smirking. "I'll have to watch out for him. He's going to look exactly like you, so I'm sure the girls will be all over him. And I don't want him to be an ego maniac like you are-"

"Excuse me. _Were_ is the correct word there."

"Fine, like you _were_. So I'll have to make sure I keep him grounded."

"Sure, go ahead and brainwash the kid to be a goody two-shoes."

"Well, I'm not letting you turn him into a trouble maker!"

"What trouble?" I asked. "Only good hearted fun."

"Ha! Right."

"He'll be a Gryffindor, of course. And he'll make captain of the Quidditch team in no time."

"He'll do great in school."

"And find a beautiful, red-headed, off her rocker, brilliant witch to eventually settle down with."

Lily laughed as I pulled her face up to mine to kiss her. We parted and she smiled at me sweetly. "I love you."

"I love you too," I told her, and I kissed her one more time, and she rested her head back on my chest.

And I thought about teaching Harry the rules of Quidditch, and having Sirius come over and play with us. And how he would grow up and look like a smaller version of me. And how Lily would try to keep his hair calm but it just wouldn't work. And putting him on the train for Hogwarts for the first time, Lily crying while she waves goodbye, maybe one, or two, or three other little Potter children on the platform with us, wishing they were going off to school like Harry. Reading the letter that he got sorted into Gryffindor. Finding out he made the Quidditch team. Hearing about his mates, all the girls chasing after him… Watching him get married, and have kids…

He had his whole life ahead of him.

And I couldn't wait to be there for him through it all.

_[The End]._

* * *

><p><strong><em>AN: Well, there you have it. 356 pages and it's finally over. I know it may have been a little cruel of me to end it with that sentence, since, well…you know why. But I wanted to end it with James and Lily being happy and being a family and looking forward to their lives despite the war. I hope you liked this chapter. Thank you to everyone who has stuck with me all the way, who has actually taken the time to read it. To anyone who has shared it, reviewed it, messaged me… Thank you. I really loved writing this story and I hope you loved reading it too. Reviews on this chapter would mean a lot to me also. Maybe I'll write something else eventually- not necessarily James/Lily but who knows [always HP though]. Thank you so, so, so much to you all. I love you._**


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